The strangest thing happened last night. I got an email for curriculum materials for Bear, that included this picture:

You tell me, doesn't it look like they made Mr. Obama a little...well...what's the appropriate word here? It doesn't look like him, right? Right? Am I imagining this??

It just seems beyond bizarre.

Posted by: Elizabeth at 03:44 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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Bear leaped into bed with me this morning and said "Happy Inauguration Day!!" As though it was a special holiday. And, I guess, it is.

I was talking to a friend this morning and neither of us could remember being this excited about an incoming president in our lives. Like her, I tell myself I'm being a sentimental fool - and then decide, there's nothing wrong with that. Especially not today.

"Much has been given us, and much will rightfully be expected from us. We have duties to others and duties to ourselves; and we can shirk neither."

- Theodore Roosevelt, Saturday, March 4, 1905, second Inaugural Address.

The Mall has been full since 9AM, with children holding their little plastic periscopes for a glimpse of the new president. Bear and I have the recorder whirring and we're watching every moment.

It feels like the world is changing, right beneath our feet.

It feels good.

"We face the arduous days that lie before us in the warm courage of the national unity; with the clear consciousness of seeking old and precious moral values; with the clean satisfaction that comes from the stern performance of duty by old and young alike. We aim at the assurance of a rounded and permanent national life.

We do not distrust the future of essential democracy. The people of the United States have not failed. In their need they have registered a mandate that they want direct, vigorous action. They have asked for discipline and direction under leadership. They have made me the present instrument of their wishes. In the spirit of the gift I take it.

- Franklin D. Roosevelt, March 4, 1933, first Inaugural Address.

"The American people stand firm in the faith which has inspired this Nation from the beginning. We believe that all men have a right to equal justice under law and equal opportunity to share in the common good. We believe that all men have a right to freedom of thought and expression. We believe that all men are created equal because they are created in the image of God.

From this faith we will not be moved."

- Harry Truman, January 20, 1949, Inaugural Address.

Posted by: Elizabeth at 03:02 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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In my bones, I don't believe that there is anything new wrong with me. I just think that the Lupus, like the Boston Red Sox, has changed gears.

Where I used to be able to slap it down without even trying hard, now it is roaring through. Stronger, focused, and determined to win.

It changes everything. Sure. But not unexpectedly.

Lupus is a known entity, a facet of my world for over a decade.

I can suit up for that fight and take it to the mattresses.

But until someone says that's actually what's going on, it's a waiting game.

Friday afternoon, they clamped a plastic mesh cage over my face and slid me into a torpedo tube. For an hour I was bombarded with thudding noises and claustrophobia. I tried not to be a wuss.

I failed.

I'm a big-assed wienie and let no one tell you different. I'm even getting a bumper sticker that says so.

I don't mind blood, but man - I hate being stuffed into an MRI.

Posted by: Elizabeth at 04:08 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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I wrote an article about SCHIP at Chicago Moms Blog.

Posted by: Elizabeth at 10:10 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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I'm sorry.

For a long time, I have been dry.

In my bones, my heart, my eyes.

My words have gone cliche, dipped in trite. Silly, predictable, sifting through my fingers.

This is what it is like, on the other side of the decision. The life. The shark.

It is not because of you. God, no. You? I love. Everything about the conversational give and take... I love that you have been editor, audience, critic, and friend.

It is me.

Dry.

In body, mind, and spirit.

I use up a gallon of moisturizer a day. It doesn't help. I drank enough water to blow up my kindneys. It doesn't help. I stood in the rain, looked up and felt it drench my eyelashes and lips.

And it passed through me.

Leaving me back here.

I don't want to leave you.

I don't want to leave me.

I have found myself here so many times....

Oh. This is stupid. Like anyone remembers, later...

Good night, for now.

And thank you.

Posted by: Elizabeth at 04:54 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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I am starting a scrub of my links. Those that are already in my blogroll and are still active will stay. Otherwise, if you have (or know of ) a blog or website you'd like me to link to - new blog, or new address, or one I've missed ... please comment or email.

In the spirit of all those that have gave me a hand up back in the day, I believe in linking it forward.

(It will take several days to see the changes, because it is my habit to verify, read and comment on each blog as I go along.)

Posted by: Elizabeth at 02:52 AM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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1 My level of activity hovers just above benign neglect on my blog but there is still a pulse. Sort of. It is just that there isn't enough time in the day, you know?

Posted by: rp at October 19, 2006 06:57 AM (LlPKh)

2 Ooooh...I'm loving the new look!

Posted by: Angela Giles Klocke at October 19, 2006 10:53 AM (TC0np)

3 I'm still alive, but my blog posting is broken at the moment... I expect it to get fixed soon and will post soon.

Posted by: lex at October 19, 2006 10:55 AM (zFDGN)

4 Um, link please? I'd be all delighted. And I do love the new look. Autumn is my favorite time of year!

Posted by: IHF at October 19, 2006 02:35 PM (Ut8jx)

5 I am still blogging ... but the link you have listed doesn't work (and hasn't for a while) ... just take off the /blog part or use the link I put in here and you'll be set! The new layout is boootiful! I skipped fall and went right to winter.

Posted by: Michele at October 19, 2006 04:19 PM (5VGFA)

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I am in the midst of a major site overhaul.

I admit, this is something previously I proved highly incompetent at.

But in the spirit of my 100 days - I decided to read a frigging manual and figure this out. I've got on my asbestos underoos and I've signed all the indemnity waivers....

Hope it turns out all right.

When I am done, I am going to mirror this to a Non-MuNu web home. I've had some email about how MuNu can have irritable bowel from time to time and be completely holed up, unreachable.

In the meantime, I beg patience. And feedback.

Please let me know what you think....

Thank you.

Posted by: Elizabeth at 03:28 PM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
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1 It's looking all very fall like & wonderful on my end. Good luck with the manuals - they all give me headaches.

Posted by: cursingmama at October 18, 2006 03:20 AM (PoQfr)

2 It's beautiful! My only suggestion is that I think this pop-up comments window needs a little space on the left side. At first I thought it was being cut off, but now I see that there's just no margin. If you did this whole thing yourself and that's the biggest problem on the entire site, you're doing pretty well! Also? I loved the post just below this one. I'd comment there, but it looks like comments are turned off.

Posted by: Sharkey at October 18, 2006 08:54 AM (Fss3Z)

3 I love the new Autumn look, Elizabeth. Best of luck with your 100 days of change. Your previous (commentless) post really resonated with me. Gosh, I miss those friends... and wonder sometimes whether I was the one who didn't make the phone call, or send the card.

Posted by: Kimberly at October 18, 2006 05:33 PM (CXd4V)

4 I love the new look. It's clean and fresh, just as all new starts should be.

Posted by: Jennifer at October 19, 2006 05:02 AM (jl9h0)

5 Love, love, love the new look! I especially like seeing your smiling face in the "About" section!

Posted by: Grace at October 19, 2006 05:59 AM (L058b)

6 It is all looking very beautiful! A clean uncluttered, streamlined look that is both stylish and very modern. I would add about 10 more pixels to the border of the comment box but that is all. I thought of you yesterday. On my subway ride home after having momentarily restled on the phone when my presentation before senior mgt was interupted. I am grateful that my CEO, who overheard the conversation with the school nurse, stepped in and said I should leave without delay. Even though I was grateful for that I had worked so hard for so long that I was dissappointed, frustrated, guilty and saddened. Dissappointed at not being able to show how good I was at my job. Frustrated that yet again I'm prevented from shining in the spotlight as me and not for the mommy me. I felt guilt for being torn and not immediately walking out on the presentation. And saddened that I can't fulfill everyone else's expections of me, especially my own. And more importantly, that I was forced to sacrifice one role for another. I think that's my greatest source of frustration; everytime I have an important meeting or presentation, something happens and I'm forced to rush home. SO I thought of you, and how lucky you are, not having to divide yourself and being able to pursue your creativity and motherhood in all it's forms. I wish you many blissful moments of awareness, joy and wonder during these days of change.

Posted by: Michele at October 19, 2006 10:02 AM (NnsUt)

7 I'm lovin' it so far! D

Posted by: Flikka at October 19, 2006 10:12 AM (puvdD)

8 I love it! Change is good, I say.

Posted by: tammy at October 20, 2006 02:38 PM (F3oq+)

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OK, now that we've turned a corner on my nervous breakdown - time to figure out what's next. So I am offering myself up to the world.

For the next 6 months, I am entitled to Unemployment Benefits. As long as I am able to work (check), willing to work (check) and looking for work (check - there's an executive search firm as part of my severance pounding the pavement on behalf of moi as we speak).

They say (you know, the unknown "them") that it takes someone at my level 6-8 months to get a new job. OK.

In the meantime.

I am solvent, and free. (or Cheap).

Looking for a volunteer or at least charitable gig.

My skills are a mixed bag. Hmm. I am a computer savvy, overeducated, professional project manager, former Episcopal layworker with multi-faith experience, fluent in English (most days) and American Sign Language and a smattering of French and Spanish and Pig Latin.

I have experience with grant writing, proposals, publishing, event organizing, and lug wrenches. Also? I answer phones and do windows.

My availability extends from morning dropoff until it is time to pick up my son from school at 3PM.

I'm looking for a few good ideas.

Anyone?

Anyone?

....Bueller?

Posted by: Elizabeth at 04:44 PM | Comments (15) | Add Comment
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1 Sounds like a plan. Just start calling places that seem interesting. Almost anyone will take a free pair of hands. Maybe it'll work into a part time $$ situation.....

Posted by: caltechgirl at April 03, 2006 06:19 PM (jOkK0)

2 Is there a religiously affiliated hospital near you? They love volunteers and could probably use your Episcopal laywork experience.

Posted by: Alexia at April 04, 2006 03:06 AM (tmjQK)

3 Check out craigslist. They have part-time and writing gigs posted all the time. Good luck!

Posted by: northridgemom at April 04, 2006 04:14 AM (llpjA)

4 I have some ideas but don't know if it will work out for you. 1. Part time teaching. 2. Editing from home. 3. Translating work if you are fluent enough? I know plenty of law firms who keep looking for good translators.

Posted by: plumpernickel at April 04, 2006 05:10 AM (WM0L0)

5 So, this is TOTALLY self-interested, but I'm in the midst of writing a business plan for the small IT consulting company that my husband and I own/run. (Funny how, once you get to a certain point of growth, you develop this pathological need to FORMALIZE things) I need someone with a good critical eye and some business accumen to bounce stuff off of. Or you could volunteer at a church or women's shelter or something. If you wanted to be all NOBLE.

Posted by: Veeg at April 04, 2006 05:53 AM (gR0r8)

6 Many schools would LOVE help with grant writing--not many people on staff are able to do that, but could use the grant money.

Posted by: Tina at April 04, 2006 07:34 AM (M5o/D)

7 The YMCA of Metropolitan Chicago is a great place that always needs help and could benefit from someone with grant experience.

Posted by: Miss Bunny at April 04, 2006 11:46 AM (sFQ1O)

8 You definitely sound over qualified to work at McDonalds Good luck with the search. It sounds like you could fit in anywhere.

Posted by: HElene at April 04, 2006 01:28 PM (C3gFB)

9 I work as a mentor for a social venture. Basically I work through an organisation (in my case Social Ventures Australia - so no good to you) that match social ventures up with corporate mentors. Some of these organisations really struggle with the stuff we are used to doing everyday. As part of this I've taught groups how to run meetings, deal with "the big boys", engage pro-bono staff for contracts etc, write minutes you name it. You wouldn't believe how much we have to offer people who've never worked (or dealt with) large corporate organisations. Upsides: looks great on your resume, get's you out of the house (ans is usually a pretty "dress down" affair so no stress), fantastic for self esteem (this is all stuff you can do backwards), you feel fantastic (and super cluey) and and best of all you meet some fantastic organisations doing some excellent stuff. Let me go google some ideas for you. I **really** recommend this!

Posted by: Flikka at April 04, 2006 02:52 PM (puvdD)

10 Hmmm let's see here - 1. Volunteer at Bear's school 2. Teach computer skills at the local community center or senior center 3. Become an interviewer at the local market research firm *email me I have several in your area 4. Get on the local non-profit listing website and look for companies that need part time admin/comp/contract work. I could think of more - give me time. Suz

Posted by: suz at April 05, 2006 02:54 PM (7J651)

11 Consult.

Posted by: Mia at April 06, 2006 08:25 AM (szdHQ)

12 It's too bad you are not Canadian. I know this great organizatoin that could use a 'you' for a few weeks. A non-profit family resource drop in centre that is always looking for someone with a head for networking and fundraising. Not only that, they are family friendly, meaning they understand if your little one is ill or just needs mommy at home that day. It's where I started my rebuild. And oddly, it taught me more about myself than five years working for a multinational. I am sure you will land on your feet. G.

Posted by: Blue at April 09, 2006 05:23 AM (ayxl3)

13 I am brainstorming this very thing, and I haven't even taken the plunge yet to leave work. A lot of the posters here have been there, done that. But I'm keeping up, looking to you for inspiration (no pressure!). That said, I'm sure you'll find your way.

Posted by: claire at April 09, 2006 03:14 PM (jXCyJ)

14 Do you know/read Mindy at The Mommy Blog? Your skill set matches up well with hers - she would be a great contact for your search, considering she just did this search a year ago. Email me and I'll hook you two up.

Posted by: Philip at April 10, 2006 11:49 AM (vhWf1)

15 I have been blogging in the hope that I come up with some alternative career - writing, but t seems there are PLENTY of good writers out there . Now I am considering volunteering at the deaf and blind school

Posted by: ichatteralot at April 10, 2006 09:22 PM (Ue1r5)

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Well, the good news is that at least the site is readable.

The bad news is that it looks like something that was shat out of a goose. And, oh yeah, only the main page is working so don't like, click anything.

Anyone know a good blog designer that works fast?

Posted by: Elizabeth at 10:13 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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1 Hi. Me. Yes.

Posted by: Cheryl at January 26, 2006 11:45 AM (BFoQ1)

2 heh! Which one are you saying I'm not: good or fast? d:

Posted by: Anna at January 26, 2006 12:34 PM (LB2Dh)

3 It looks/works good for me!

Posted by: caltechgirl at January 26, 2006 01:07 PM (uI/79)

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OK. So we got a card in the mail from a family member on it the other day, and guess who was on the stamp? My beloved uncle, who passed away last May.

Now, Uncle Mike was WAY loved - but I had no idea he'd reached Elvis-like status. Turns out, that Zazzle, an online photo-stuff company, will allow you to make your own postage stamps - and they're legal!! (You probably know that I am recovering from a Shutterfly addiction - so this news ain't good for me!)

Also? Citgo Gas (which is run by the Venezualan Government) has made a deal to assist the people of New England with low-cost oil this winter and a lot of people are recommending that Americans support that decision with their wallets - by switching to Citgo. I know I will when possible.

A caveat - Venezuala President Chavez is doing this act of kindness partially to push a modern socialist agenda, as a counterpoint to President Bush and the American Government pushing a capitalist agenda around the world. If you're a staunch Republican, you may want to wear a disguise while pumping your gas. Me? I'm all about the warm being brought to folks who can't afford it.

Posted by: Elizabeth at 07:38 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Hey, this one's PG-13 for language. You've been warned.
**************************************

I'm a hybrid.

I was born to a McCain Republican and a Obama Democrat. Which is kind of like saying that my mom was an alligator but my dad was a crocodile. If that leaves you scratching your head and asking what the fuck's the difference? Yeah, I'm with you there.

I like McCain. I like Obama. I'm a pro-choice, pro-family independent Christian. I like you, even if you're the opposite of all those things. I like people trying to have smart ideas. I like people who take the high road. I like tolerance, respect, and good listening skills.

I like the conflict of arguments looking for the greater good. I'll go face to face with you screaming about the issues, and know all long that neither of us will budge. And it will be cool.

Conversely, I am a fierce clawed predator who puts the vego-matic to the crap spewed by the bastards who make it personal. Who take debate to its lowest common denominator.

So, Cathy Seipp.

One day she's at a grocery store, sees a stay at home dad's attention drift from his kid in the grocery cart, and turns it into a treatise on all stay at home dads.

She took her bully pulpit via the National Review Online, ranted at the use of the word "parent" versus the word "father", mixed in some examples from the TV show Everwood, and voila! came up with: stay at home dads are woosie suckwads who are incompetent at best.

Like women trying to parallel park. Her example, not mine.

Then she went on the radio to defend her position. Then she blogged about going on the radio. Then she quoted her friend blogging about her going on the radio. She called her article "making fun" and sheathed her claws while shouting "look at me!".

Wait.

Doesn't that sound like Nellie Olson on Little House?

Heh.

Seriously, as Rebel Dad said, you don't even want to sanctify this shit with a mention in your own world. On the other hand, well, the truth is that there aren't as many stay at home dads out there. I know and love some stay at home dads.

In fact, the ones I know are so cool. And when I paid attention, I realized with outrage that Cathy's argument has nothing to do with stay at home dads, really.

It has to do with propagating disgust with the non-traditional simply because it's non-traditional. So here's my say:

1. It takes two people to make a kid. 3, if you're counting the gestational surrogate. Maybe 5 if the child's going to be adopted. Do we count the doctors? Here's the point: NO ONE GETS TO BE THE ONLY "RIGHT" PARENT.

Right out of the chute, there are lots of people deeply invested in that child. Personally, I think introducing my 2 year old son to beef jerky was insane. But my husband thought it was fine. Welcome to reality. The differences from maybe the ideas we have in our head about stay at home parents? They're gender. They're cultural. They're personality. But they are just differences, not "wrongnesses".

Let's remember this students, there will be a quiz later in the form of a grown child. DIFFERENT does NOT equal WRONG.

2. Everyone gets to be an asshole, sometimes.

Cathy talks about a kid maybe almost falling out of a cart.

Hell, I was in a grocery store once and ran into a stay at home mom and we got to chatting. She cooed over mine, I wanted to coo over hers. Figured she'd been left at home.

Nope, she'd been left to chill, playing with her feet on top of a stack of frozen pizzas. She'd crawled out of her seat and fallen (not hurt) into one of those open-topped freezers and yes, her frazzled mother didn't notice until I asked about her a few moments later.

That's because ALL stay at home mothers are over-tired martyrs who can't parallel park. Right? RIGHT?

Here's something to have tattooed in backwards writing on your forehead. It will make the world a better place if you do: Never judge anyone by their worst day or moment.

Better yet, don't judge at all - unless you wear a swirly black overcoat and were elected to do so.

3. If we don't value men who nurture, we will continue to raise boys who value war.

'Nuf said.

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posted by Elizabeth at 10:42:00 AM
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10 Comments:

Jenny said...

Rave on, sister! (This is why I'm a huge fan of grocery delivery)
3:28 PM
Michele said...

Amen Sister!! You are my new best friend! And I also want to hang out with the mom who didn't notice her kid dumped it into the frozen pizza bin! We'll do lunch!
3:55 PM
Anonymous said...

Words to live by, Mom. This coming from a guy who's coming to realize he might rather be a stay at home dad than a trial attorney.

That was seriously well written.

RP
randompensees.mu.nu
3:39 AM
kalisah said...

I love when you rave. Especially when you're so RIGHT.
6:29 AM
Sexy Soccamom said...

Ah, I meant to comment yesterday. I loved your post! We must be kindred spirits.
3:59 PM
Philip said...

Thanks for bringing this article to my attenion. You've compelled me to write about this myself.
11:58 AM
Anonymous said...

Thank you! I'm a working mom married to a stay home dad and Seipp's column made my blood boil. Last time I checked, my daughter had two parents who participated equally in bringing her into the world (well, he didn't have the heartburn or the swollen ankles) and there's no reason in the world to think that he is not equally able and appropriate to take care of her. I'm not sure how one guy in a store and a fictional character are really a compelling indictment on stay home dads, but I can tell you that no one could take better care of my daughter than my husband. Oh, and for the record, I parallel park like a champ.
6:56 AM
Elizabeth Blair York said...

Dear Anon,

I identify with your story.

For 2.5 years, my husband was an At-Home Dad (thus his affiliation with the group a couple of posts upward) and it took a long time for him to figure out his own "style" - I was a SAHM when Bear was nursing and had set the schedule and the bar. Eventually, he established his own patterns and approach. We are different parents, imperfect - but equal in our investment in our child. Your husband is just as valid a parent as you.

It seems like Kramer Vs. Kramer was a very long time ago, and yet - we as a society is still struggling with that same issue.

In addition to Dave L.'s letter, - Philip at The Blue Sloth, Rebel Dad, and Jay at Zero Boss are 3 fathers who also took to their blogs against this article. All their links are in my blogroll.

Thanks for stopping by and commenting!
9:11 AM
Anonymous said...

"continue to raise boys who value war."

I think this kind of gender stereotyping is exactly what you are accusing Seipp of doing, isn't it? I mean if you really believe that men are intent on warring and violence, then you must believe that Seipp is correct that child rearing is best left to women, no?

"value men who nurture." I'm curious what does nurturing have to do with being a stay at home dad? Are you saying that all the mothers who are not stay at home moms are not nurturing?

Another question: do you think we value women who nurture? Since you seem to equate nurturing with staying at home, do you think we value stay at home moms? Clearly we do not. For the past 40 years we as a society have been ridiculing and belittling the idea that a stay at home mom has any importance or necessity, and instead we have extolled the idea of the career woman as the ideal. So if we believe in treating men and women equally, then since we don't value nurturing women, why should we value nurturing men? Again this is predicated on your apparent believe that nurturing equals staying at home. Or is that your belief only when it comes to men?

It seems to me that an article ridiculing and condemning men for staying at home with their children should not get any more criticism than all the gazillions of articles ridiculing and condeming women for staying at home, that we've seen since Betty Friedan's "The Feminine Mystique." But that's just how it seems to me.
7:02 AM

Posted by: Elizabeth at 04:42 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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