Chipping away at the stylesheets and the templates has gotten me close to my current idea for the New Layout - but not quite. And now the code is so cluttered that each tweak sets off a Butterfly Effect.

Ick.

For the next 3 days I will be blowing it all away and starting with clean code. The problem? My Apple-Indigenous coding software previews nothing like what it ends up looking on my screen. So this may be one giant leap for Elizabeth - and one bad, long, strange trip for her blog.

Stay tuned. Prayer is appreciated. Also? Chocolate.

Posted by: Elizabeth at 12:48 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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While I was on hiatus (siesta, whatever), I realized that this site gets steady traffic from a couple of certain searches. I told myself if I found the time, I would do an overhaul at some point to make the archives easier to navigate and the layout clearer to understand.

And? I have begun.

Things may look wonky around here for a little bit - I still do all this myself, frightening enough.

(This is where I warn you to 'be afraid'.... in a spooky voice.)

Posted by: Elizabeth at 03:20 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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You know what you need when life's gone to pot? Music. And I've been finding the kind of joy that you have to hum out loud all over the place lately.

So, without further ado.... I would like to thank:

1. Albert Collins. For his uncredited brilliance in 'Adventures in Babysitting'. He manages to steal the show from Vincent D'Onofrio (as Thor!) and Bradley Whitford (and his actual Camaro) with an itchy, echoing blues riff and the refrain "And the girl's probably dead! Yes, it's so haaaard, babysitting these guys..."

2. Yo-Yo Ma. They say he did every take of the Bach Cello Suite No.1 live when he filmed the "Noël" episode on The West Wing. Holy crap. That's all I can say, dude.

3. Harry Belafonte. Sure, sure, his "The World Turns Around" at the end of his Muppets Show episode will make you get all misty. But for me, the brilliance is in the "Banana Boat" song as he gets constantly interrupted by incompetent Muppets and just keeps going with this caramel voice that forces your ass to dance even if the rest of you isn't in the mood. (His reaction to the delivery of eggplants instead of bananas is classic.)

4. Kristen Chenoweth. When she belted "Hopelessly Devoted to You" in Pushing Daisies? I Totally had to go load the entire "Grease" soundtrack into my iTunes. Damn you, Kristen, for making Olivia sound like a wannabe!

5. Hugh Laurie. Actually, it might not have actually been Hugh Laurie. I mean, the guy's a talented musician, I think, but I don't wanna give credit where credit ain't due. So, uh, Hugh Laurie The Commodores. For the opening licks of "Slippery When Wet", which were so brilliantly air-guitared on an episode of House, M.D.

Honorable Mention: The canceled Carpoolers, which I never saw - but has some of the funniest YouTube musical moments around (I DARE you not to laugh as they On*Star the lyrics to "Come on Eileen"!)

Honorable Mention: Matthew Broderick, for lip-synching his way through Ferris Bueller's "Danke Schoen" so beautifully that when Wayne Newton actually sings it, I wonder what he's doing with Bueller's song.

Posted by: Elizabeth at 01:38 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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I frigging hate National City Bank.

If it was just that their management was a bunch of rude, unhelpful, overcharging, bureaucratic asses - I think I would actually suck it up. You know, I was with that bank when it was MidTown, then MidAmerica. We got history. I know the way to all the branches.

But they have just consistently screwed with me and my money since they took over this spring. So I opened accounts over at Bank of America and planned to go in this morning and shut down National City once and for all.

As a final 'Fuck You' to me, this morning they hit me with a slew of fees including, and this is my favorite, a couple of BOUNCE ones (at $34/each) AHEAD of any charges actually hitting the account.

Now I gotta go in, and smack that shit off my record and get my virtual money back. Oh, yeah. WAY to make me feel warm and fuzzy about leaving you.

And if we lived together? I would SO throw your furniture and Zeppelin CD's onto the lawn.

Posted by: Elizabeth at 02:41 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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To folks who read the Corporate Mommy via RSS, could you let me know of the feed comes in properly?

I am messing with the CSS (yes, again! Deal!) and danged if I can't remember how to get this right so the feed looks nice in whatever bucket you use...

Thank, thanks, thanks. I got some leftover Peeps and a handful of black jellybeans for bribe money.

And a goofy dog who sleeps on feet. But I'm keeping her.

Oh, and ...thanks. I mentioned that, right?

P.S. I have FINALLY created a feeder page of RSS feeds to follow y'all. Anyone got some recommendations for me of blogs I should be following? I'm giddy with RSS power. GIDDY, I say.

Posted by: Elizabeth at 03:23 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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1 I got a partial feed in Bloglines, so if that's what you're going for--success! You can keep the black jellybeans though. Plenty of those around here. I'd happily take the dog!

Posted by: Sharkey at March 30, 2008 06:35 PM (7z/Rv)

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Separately, I rarely have any use for them.

Together? They make me laugh my lips off. (Which I totally needed.)

First Sarah informs Jimmy (via music video) that she's um doing Matt Damon.

Then Jimmy (and Josh Groban and Huey and Cameron and Meatloaf and Pat and Brad and Don and freaking Han Solo) inform Sarah that he's um doing Ben Affleck.

Jimmy explains the origin of the whole gag at the beginning of his video.

Despite the beeps these STILL ain't cool for viewing at work!

Off I go to watch them again....

Posted by: Elizabeth at 11:12 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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Everyone who thinks I'm intelligent, savvy, and on the ball... raise your hand.

Not so fast.

Heh.

Off to laugh at myself. And paint the dining room.

Posted by: Elizabeth at 02:52 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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Over at A Mama's Rant: Chicken Soup for the Soul Needs SAHM Stories there's a bit about how the publishers are looking (and are willing to pay for) stories from stay at home mothers.

Posted by: Elizabeth at 07:05 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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In updating the blog, I broke my (2.6) MT Individual Archives. My Sidebar is floating somewhere in the Ukraine.

Clear here to see what I mean....

I will offer a reward to anyone who can help. I did save the working version, and I did restore it, and.... in a major WTF moment realized - even the original code template was having a hanging chad sidebar. I have added and subtracted div's, read over a dozen help files and message boards, and I am beyond stumped.

I have dropped about 40 hours, no not kidding, over the past week trying to fix this. I'm so frustrated that I actually started to cry last night.

Thanks.

Posted by: Elizabeth at 06:39 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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No one ever gets to see my favorite side of him....

CD: A Chinese Algae Eater?

Me: That's what the woman called it...

CD: How will all the other fish communicate with it?

Me: Wha...

CD: I mean, did you buy a translator fish to go with it?

Posted by: Elizabeth at 10:09 AM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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1 LMAO! That was funny!

Posted by: caltechgirl at July 17, 2007 12:22 PM (qPLLC)

2 Totally a conversation that would take place here.

Posted by: Angela Giles Klocke at July 18, 2007 01:25 AM (1pfPW)

3 That Bear is the funniest kid!

Posted by: Grace at July 18, 2007 05:05 AM (L058b)

4 That's hilarious! Thanks for sharing!

Posted by: Janie at July 18, 2007 02:10 PM (0Deyj)

5 Nice, isn't it, to have a "dissolve into giggles" moment to break up the tension?

Posted by: Stacy at July 19, 2007 03:44 AM (0ya0A)

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“I am not a Starfleet commander, or T.J. Hooker.

I don't live on Starship NCC-1701 or own a phaser. And I don't know anybody named Bones, Sulu, or Spock. And no, I've never had green alien sex, though I'm sure it would be quite an evening.

I speak English and French, not Klingon! I drink Labatt's, not Romulan ale! And when someone says to me 'Live long and prosper', I seriously mean it when I say, 'Get a life'. My doctor's name is not McCoy, it's Ginsberg. And tribbles were puppets, not real animals. PUPPETS! And when I speak, I never, ever talk like every. Word. Is. Its. Own. Sentence.

I live in California, but I was raised in Montreal. And yes, I've gone where no man has gone before, but I was in Mexico and her father gave me permission! My name is William Shatner, and I am Canadian!”

I've been wrestling demons, in hot gusts of wind. And thinking about personas and people and who I really am.

Then this quote came along and made me laugh iced tea out my nose.

Posted by: Elizabeth at 07:53 AM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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I have 17 posts, written and dying in limbo.

I hate them all.

There are a few twists of words. A couple of simple setences that maybe, I would keep.

The rest is crap. I couldn't post it.

I hovered over the button, but in the end... no.

This is the longest spell of writer's block I have ever suffered.

I'm starting to hate myself.

I remember once, my dad got real sick. He's a runner, marathons. And for a while he could barely get out of bed. He got better, and angrier. Finally, he dragged on his shorts. Pushed himself out the front door and began shuffling down the driveway. I thought, there goes my dad - he's fucking nuts.

An hour later, he returned. White, coughing, happier.

My days are growing heavier. I need to run. Or at least walk.

I don't miss my old job. God, I miss my old co-workers, but I don't miss the pressure, the thud-thump of the adreneline in my ears, the ever-so-polite arguments between colleagues. Vicious and bloody under calm respectful tones.

"You're going to cost us a million five with this frigging attitude, just get the machines out the door..." but you really say "I hear what you're saying, but I have to say from my side of the project it looks like an expensive delay."

Gritted teeth, gone.

Now we sit by the light of the dining room window and practice "C'c" until he can't, anymore. Opening on the right, swirl and stop. Cat. Car. Clementine. Caveat. Cliff. Cook.

He writes, and writes. Stops and starts. Maze books and practice pads.
He writes, why can't I?

We bounce on the new bed. Giggle and dance. We sing Frosty, and make up our lyrics.

I don't miss my old job. I miss the hours in front of the keyboard. The window open, behind all that work. The one I would slip back to, with my thoughts.

Now, when I ease behind my keyboard, he looks at me from the chair. He's watching Handy Manny or something else with animated figures who are not his mom. He looks at me, jealous. I nod back, push away from the desk.

[delete]

It doesn't matter.

Damn it.

Last night was the longest night of the year. The deepest dark. Just a couple of weeks ago, we celebrated the first Sunday in Yule with as many traditional Icelandic parts that I could muster.

Translated recipes from Metric. Reserved marzipan cake.

Why is it so much easier to do for someone else when you won't for yourself?

So I sat him on the couch.

"I need to go for a run..." I said. "I mean, I need to write. The housework and Bear's lessons and having my computer in the middle of the house where I feel like I am actually sitting on some kind of family landing strip... I can't write. It's never quiet. And if I make it quiet, that means putting Bear in front of a TV even more than we let him now, which I can't do..."

"But you wanted your computer in the den, you had me..."

"I know," I whispered, miserable, unable to explain.

"So what do we do?" he asks, looking at me.

And so we decided to move my computer back into the guest room. And to carve out some time every day. And I woke up this morning to the dishes humming, and the laundry spinning. Stood all weepy in my kitchen, thankful for his gift of trying to understand.

I never did, with my dad. Through the rain, the snow, the pain. He never stopped. Some days he had great time. Some days he wandered off his usual path for an extra hour.

I would watch him walk, huffing, back up the driveway. Stop before the door, soaked in sweat, bent over, stretching.

At peace.

I picked up my first journal when I was 13 years old.

And since, have never put it down for more than a few days.

Somehow, the words will come back.

Posted by: Elizabeth at 04:34 AM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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I never understood Lent.

Being brought up East-coast Episcopalian, complete with a clapboard church with a steeple, Lent wasn't something that ever sunk into my world.

The most I ever noticed it was when I would ask my pastor, a couple of weeks before Easter, why there were no flowers in the church. A couple of years later, I would wonder again and because I'm so thick around the head, I would ask again.

The answer never "took".

There I was, 17 and in my first year of college. And I had a professor teaching something about Lent. How it is considered '40 days" because we don't count the Sundays.

I burst out laughing. *ahem* Sorry.

This was the kind of skewed-up counting that made "On the 3rd Day He Rose Again" such a big pill to swallow.

Like I don't have a hard enough time with regular Math, I gotta learn Religious Math?

I've been Christian since I can remember. Don't get me wrong. I love Jesus.
But some doctrine just sends me right around the bend.

And giving up chocolate for any 40 days of my life ain't gonna happen.

I've reconciled myself to the possibility that I am taking a bag of Cadbury Bars with me to Hell.

Posted by: Elizabeth at 01:10 AM | Comments (10) | Add Comment
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1 I DID give up chocolate, and I am counting down the hours.

Posted by: abogada at April 14, 2006 03:19 AM (c+3Q4)

2 That's too funny. As someone who sees lies, all I can say about religion is people lie today, they lied yesterday -- and we'll never really know what the truth was "back then". I don't buy much of it, that's for sure -- and I've accepted if hell it is -- hell I go.

Posted by: Eyes at April 14, 2006 03:23 AM (L67iN)

3 Being catholic schooled and raised , I feel a bit guilty today for not attending the 'Stations of The Cross'. I can just imagine Sister Edwards from grade school, giving the antsy, fidgety kids her 'evil eye'. Silly, because I havent been a practicing catholic in years..

Posted by: barngoddess at April 14, 2006 07:28 AM (y6n8O)

4 Our family, if we observe Lent (we don't, every year), we don't give anything up. Instead, we take something on. Like, deciding to say one nice thing to a sibling every single day. Or, doing a random act of kindness for someone every day. One year we all ate one more serving of fruits or vegetables than we would ordinarily. I grew up Episcopalian. My parents converted to Catholicism. My family and I now attend a non denominational church. My husband grew up Baptist and Presbytarian and he doesn't follow the church calendar or many church customs. Hence our approach to Lent. It works for us and the kids really get into it.

Posted by: paige at April 15, 2006 11:28 AM (LkJW2)

5 I gave up chocolate too, which was daft really, as my favourite cycle route takes me past the Cadbury's factory. I've been cycling that way a lot in the past few weeks, for the exquisite torture of dairy milk scented air. I can't wait for tomorrow...

Posted by: Anna at April 15, 2006 11:43 AM (6bI5A)

6 Why? Why am I being denied the ability to comment? I've been nice!

Posted by: Tammy at April 15, 2006 02:07 PM (M++hX)

7 I'm all about the chocolate. I don't celebrate Lent either. I'm Pentecostal and I don't celebrate Easter either. I just can't celebrate a pagan holiday in relation to Jesus. But I do enjoy Cadbury.

Posted by: Melissa at April 15, 2006 02:37 PM (RcXdn)

8 yeah. I read something about passover not necessarily being just before saturday which makes a difference about the 3 days. Lent. who cares. Presbyterians don't make a fuss except the hymns get depressing. I don't give up anything. I think they should make things a little better understood too cuz otherwise they're taking us for complete and utter fools. Which we are not.

Posted by: Jeannie at April 16, 2006 02:11 PM (vjpEO)

9 If it's hellbound you are (which I sincerely doubt) I'll meet you there. I'll bring the ice cream.

Posted by: Margi at April 16, 2006 04:13 PM (BRtaN)

10 On counting: the Sundays are feast days (when you can eat your chocolate!) so that is why they are not counted.

Posted by: Chris at April 18, 2006 04:21 AM (qwrzH)

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Dear Laura - DON'T READ THIS!!

Ok, seriously. Stop now.

Is she gone?

Good.

"Never let him watch you put on pantyhose" was one of my favorite pieces of advice from my Grandmother. I was young, and thinking about marrying my boyfriend at the time, and ripe for all kinds of marital advice.

I used to have all sorts of nuggets like that.

But I lost them. Maybe one day while I was sleeping. Stuff seems to fall out of my brain as I get older. Seriously.

Which is monumentally bad timing, because I am compiling a scrapbook for a friend of mine (cough *Laura* cough) (see my most favorrite of her recent posts here) that is getting married. You know, as a bridal shower gift.... pictures of her and her intended, and anecdotes, and especially advice (serious, old-fashioned, or just plain funny) on marriage.

The problem is that in my current space, which is vaguely hopeful and seriously guarded, what with the great brain drain going on ... all that springs to my mind is - "Got Prenup?"

Which, let's be honest, won't look good even if I put it in a nice font and maybe a picture of flowers next to it.

So I am soliciting, begging, pandering for the words here. Please. From those jaded or joyful, religious or not, older, younger, whatever orientation ... I am desperately seeking advice on what makes it work, when you vow it all for life.

And it occurs to me that advice may be helpful to one who already vowed it, long ago.

Yes, me.

Posted by: Elizabeth at 08:37 AM | Comments (26) | Add Comment
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My mom sent this to me today, and though I usually disregard these "sendalongs" this one had me chuckling out loud....

Sometimes nature is cruel but there is also a beauty in that cruelty.

The crocodile as one of the ultimate predators can fall victim to the
kind of implemented 'team work' strategy which is possible due to the
pack mentality and social structure of canines.

See the attached and remarkable photograph courtesy of Nature Magazine -
but not if you're squeamish!

Posted by: Elizabeth at 06:45 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Well, if anyone ever asked my opinion of the Brad/Angelina/Jen situation (which no one did!) based on what little I know (as if I'd ever met this people... riiiight)....

I think that if you commit to someone that they are your only someone, then having a box full of possible replacements or cultivating anyone new to swap out your current partner on the blow of a whistle is wrong.

There, I've said it.

Before lightning strikes, I will admit to the world here and now - I know this tactic because I was once (back in the stone ages) guilty of a form of it. I thought I was happy in a long-distance relationship until I met someone new....

It goes like this: you're in a monogamous relationship, but you meet someone new that you want to be with. So you start a relationship that technically (yes, I mean S-E-X) isn't cheating - but what, as Jennifer Aniston once surmised of Brad, could be called an "emotional affiar".

Of course, your unaware spouse/partner starts to look worse and worse as the new person looks better and more desirable. So one day, out of what will feel like nowhere to the innocent party, you say "look, this isn't working for me anymore. I need my space..."

And just like that - Wham! - 2 hours later you're making hot monkey love over and over with object of your new affections at the Ritz Carlton while your spouse/partner calls up everyone they know in tears, crying "I don't understand....what went wrong?"

And maybe you say, technically - it's all right.

But having been on both sides of this, I say - it's cheating.

Posted by: Elizabeth at 03:18 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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So CD and I are watching the Ballroom Championships on Public Television (shut up, like you weren't) and we're watching the American Smooth Foxtrot and I look at CD and wrinkle my forehead.

That music, I say....

He cocks his head and listens. What?

Oh, God...

What?

It's....

What?!

BON JOVI!!! They turned BON JOVI into foxtrot music. 'It's my life'! Turned into, like... Bubble Music!!

NO!!

YES!!!

TURN THE CHANNEL! QUICK! MY EARS ARE BLEEDING!

*mute*

Posted by: Elizabeth at 02:47 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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Usually I watch the State of the Union address each year.

But tonight I can't bring myself to do it. Too tired. Too cynical. Too fed up. Too anxious about life as it is.

Posted by: Elizabeth at 02:01 PM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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Posted by: Elizabeth at 05:29 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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Dear Sun,

Whatever the fine people of Chicago did to piss you off, I think it is high time to forgive them. Not to get snippy on the matter, but I miss you and if I don't see you soon I am going to have a middling sized conniption.

The people of California can suck it up and share you. Frankly, their governor is just a bit to tanned around the brain as it is.

See you soon. Don't worry about calling first. I got some brand new margarita glasses we'll break out once you get here, so just come on over.

Thank you,
Elizabeth

Posted by: Elizabeth at 04:02 PM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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1 Yes, California is being selfish keeping the sun. Time for some light. Or hit a tanning bed and fake it!!1

Posted by: Melissa at January 19, 2006 04:58 PM (RcXdn)

2 That's the one thing I could NOT handle about living anywhere else. The COLD. The SNOW. The heavy RAIN. And not seeing the sun for days on end. I would HAVE to get me one of those daylight lamps. Brrr....Hope you get to see the sun soon!

Posted by: Grace at January 20, 2006 12:41 AM (L058b)

3 So you're saying that this lack of sun we're having here is not normal? I was wondering... Although I'm still not sorry to be here instead of Los Angeles: I heard it was 92 there earlier this month. I have no problem giving that up for some gray and cold!

Posted by: Anna at January 20, 2006 02:41 AM (LB2Dh)

4 I am currently in lovely Southern California on a business trip and while the sun is indeed out, I had to scrape the frost off of the rental car windows this morning. With a credit card. Ugh.

Posted by: jacque at January 20, 2006 03:55 AM (f6rEV)

5 The line about the governor's brain tan killed me. I'll have to remember that one to use!

Posted by: Tammy at January 20, 2006 05:23 AM (M++hX)

6 Having gone to college & grad school in Chicagoland, I have to say I don't miss that. Not one bit. Hope you get one of the rare sunny winter day soon! (Until then, I found full-spectrum lights to help me at least pretend it was sunny. )

Posted by: beth at January 20, 2006 08:13 AM (BuBkx)

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