Bear's school, the highly expensive Happy Montessori School in Poshville, is really pissing me off.

Actually, it's the "Hi I have 4 advanced degrees" in-house learning specialist, Mary, that is doing the pissing. And I am just about ready to start fighting back.

So, she called today to find out if we've enrolled Bear in Occupational Therapy yet. We'd agreed at the meeting at the school last week that we would follow up on her recommendation that Bear get an OT evaluation and she was looking for status.

Mary has been working with Bear for about an hour each week for the past 3 months. She has been providing him with tutoring in reading and writing during school hours.

I told her about Bear's doctor's appointment on Wednesday. How Bear's pediatrician gave him all these milestone tests in the exam room - and passed with flying colors. Bear wrote his name legibly (with his left hand - with his right, he piled the letters vertically), draw shapes, numbers, and point out words by first-letter keying (She told Bear her first name was "Jane" and Bear looked around and correctly pointed out her name on her prescription pad by looking for a word that started with the 'J' sound.)

She was very impressed that on Tuesday, Bear's school buddy had told Bear hisphonenumber and Bear had written it down correctly and then, after school, had solemnly stood in my office and dialled the number so he could invite his buddy over to play. (Hey, that impressed me too)

(Insert joke about buying a 5 year-old his first cell phone here.)

The learning specialist huffed at me that, in her educated opinion, Bear is still having fine motor difficuties and problems getting himself situated in his space to write. She said that he'd had a lot of trouble getting small flashcards in and out of a box in the correct order and direction.

I reminded her that, as we told her last week, we've switched over to an HMO (to control our out-of-pocket healthcare costs). The pediatrician has to make the refferal in order to get the OT evaluation paid for by insurance.

And hey, I dutifully took Bear to the pediatrician's office just for this purpose. And the pediatrician is a good doctor. And I think it is actually a good sign that she wants to do some research before she makes the referral.

She snapped at me that she had to go and hung up on me.

When I picked up Bear today from school, I asked about the flashcards as part of our usual "how was your day" conversation on the ride home. Bear said that the learning specialist had accidentally dropped the cards in the hallway as they'd walked to her office and he'd helped her pick them up. He told me that she liked them to go in the box in a special way, so he'd had to take some out and put them back in again. And that the big kids had been coming in from recess and had been careful not to step on the cards.

And I'm like.... what the fuck?

Bear can actually shuffle cards - rudimentally, sure, but let me tell you - he is pretty good at it. So I am just completely confused now. CD told me that a couple of the other parents he was talking to during some volunteer time they were doing both had their kids in OT on the school's recommendation as well.

So I am Really. Confused.

And a slow burn starting.

Posted by: Elizabeth at 02:01 PM | Comments (12) | Add Comment
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1 She's pissing me off too, and I'm not even there. And, um, I apparently broke your pop-up comments, but I promise to fix them tomorrow. :*

Posted by: Cheryl at January 27, 2006 03:40 PM (BFoQ1)

2 Your son is only 5. He sounds perfect to me. I'm glad you are having the pediatrician evaluate Bear. Doctors are best at this type of testing. Have you ever seen a doctor's handwriting? I'm sure most of them would have to go to OT because their fine motor skills needed work! MM

Posted by: montessorimom at January 28, 2006 07:22 AM (WqtUx)

3 Elizabeth, corporate mommy, blogs about her bright, coppery son Bear. posted by ViVi at 5:01 PM http://conservativesub.blogspot.com/2006/01/mom-o-sphere.html

Posted by: ViVi at January 28, 2006 11:27 AM (V0HAg)

4 Maybe the occupational therapist is a relative or the referrer is getting kickbacks. I know that sounds ridiculous but even professionals are desperate to make a buck. And who is easier to prey upon than a parent since we will do anything for our children? I'm dumbfounded that you're paying good money for this school to potentially mess up your kid.

Posted by: angela at January 30, 2006 05:24 AM (FlZPw)

5 Elizabeth I know I've spoken on this topic before but I cannot reiterate enough that you and CD know bear best - if your instincts are telling you something isn't right here listen to them! Especially now you have another professional in your corner. Flikka xx

Posted by: Flikka at January 30, 2006 10:50 AM (puvdD)

6 Ditto what Cheryl said. I know I don't have a son and I don't have a teacher that's winding me up, but your teacher needs to get a clue. A) Hanging up is unacceptable and I would demand an apology if I were you. You pay good money for that school, if you wanted to be hung up on you could call the electric company for grins. B) He's FIVE. FIVE. That goes in caps. He can write his name with both hands? That's bloody brilliant. I'm being honest. C) He has problems getting flash cards in and out of a box? Well, here's a tip for his teacher- so do some adults. Hand-eye coordination takes many, many years to perfect. Is he expected to be in the Master Class for Hand-Eye Coordination at age FIVE? I read this and think: this is crazy talk. I know that he's perhaps getting a better education at that school, but from where I site here in the chair, reading what you write, what I had to wonder is-he's a clever boy and potentially made more clever by being there, but how much is he losing by feeling bad about flashcards? He's a beautiful, healthy, clever FIVE year old. From where I sit? It seems great that you have the nice new doctor to help fight his side to get the teacher to understand that that fancy little bachelor's degree doesn't mean all kids come from a cookie cutter. I really apologize if any of this came across as assvice, Elizabeth.

Posted by: Helen at January 30, 2006 10:55 AM (h4faM)

7 I agree with Angela. Someone is making a kick-back. Either that or the specialist needed OT therapy as a child, and didn't get the help she needed. Either way, it has nothing to do with Bear. He's a smart cookie.

Posted by: laura at January 30, 2006 01:25 PM (FzMzF)

8 Go with your instincts. If your instincts are telling you that the specialist is wrong, then she's wrong. No one knows your son better then you do. As a working professional, have you ever been wrong about something? Of course, we all have. She could be wrong too.

Posted by: tracey at January 31, 2006 02:16 AM (UdJCa)

9 hello it sounds like this Mary woman thinks she is God and knows more than the childs doctor. Her feelings got hurt when a phd second guessed her see she isnt concerned about the child but about her wanting to be right. She already has it in her head that your child needs what she suggested. I dont know if it were me I would maybe look into a diffrent school.

Posted by: angela at January 31, 2006 01:19 PM (9G7sp)

10 I have too much personal experience with overbearing school professionals. Repeating our story would hijack your comments, and I don't want to do that, so suffice it to say .... you and CD know your son best. Follow -- and believe -- your gut. Use your pediatrician, whose report backs you up -- have her write a letter to the school, if necessary. And if this woman can't accept an opinion that is contradictory to hers and stop with the attitude I'd seriously consider changing schools. Even if Bear DID have an issue (and I say IF), this is not someone I would want working with me to address it.

Posted by: Ruth at January 31, 2006 05:17 PM (ZkZtT)

11 I don't know much about developmental milestones, but this sounds fishy to me. My friend is a pediatrician, and she is pretty picky about development, so she'd be the first to recommend an occupational therapist. I would also call back and ask why she hung up on you, biznatch. Grrrr.

Posted by: halloweenlover at February 01, 2006 05:21 AM (cdEd4)

12 If your pediatrician says he's fine and if your gut instinct says he's fine, I say ignore the bitch and let her stew about the fact that you don't give a shit about her "professional recommendation." I think maybe she needs some occupational therapy, too- because it certainly sounds like she's chosen the wrong "occupation."

Posted by: Lucinda at February 01, 2006 11:16 AM (OPvIN)

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So I was explaining to Bear about Martin Luther King while we waited in line at the water park.

Wait, let me back up.

Once upon a time, in our pre-Bear days, CD and I had volunteered for a business trip to Memphis. We drove down from dreary Chicago, into the hot sun.

In between visiting the ducks that waddle to the elevator at the Peabody Hotel and checking out the glorious kitsch that is Graceland, we visited the Lorraine Hotel (now a museum) - where Martin Luther King was killed.

We entered happy tourists; we left thoughtful and sad. I don't think, until we stood on the spot where he was shot, that either of us had ever really let the enormity of the Civil Rights Movement and Dr. King's impact on the world really inhabit either of our consciousnesses. I mean, I know from my perspective I always just took him for granted as an American icon.

But he wasn't an icon, he was a man. Flawed and real and that much more amazing to think of it. Dr. King was only 39 years old when he died. He changed the world in such a short life. 35 when he won the Nobel Peace Prize. The night before he was shot, he'd given the "I've been to the mountain top" speech, that so resonated with mortality, with wisdom, with perseverance, with righteousness. And, as so many have noted, with a prescient text that still reverberts today:

Well, I don't know what will happen now. We've got some difficult days ahead. But it doesn't matter with me now. Because I've been to the mountaintop. And I don't mind. Like anybody, I would like to live a long life. Longevity has its place. But I'm not concerned about that now. I just want to do God's will. And He's allowed me to go up to the mountain. And I've looked over. And I've seen the promised land. I may not get there with you. But I want you to know tonight, that we, as a people, will get to the promised land. And I'm happy, tonight. I'm not worried about anything. I'm not fearing any man. Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord.

I told Bear that Dr. King had lived in a time when how you looked determined where you could live, and where you could go, even what jobs you could have. I told him that Dr. King had walked in the front row of a revolution, that he had said that all people are equal, are humans. That he'd said that all people are sisters and brothers and should share the planet in peace, with opportunity for all.

We were waiting in line at the indoor water park when we were finishing up our conversation. Bear looked around.

He asked: Like this water park?

I said: Yes, like they had rules who would be allowed here.

He looked at me, completely and utterly disbelieving.

It's true, I assured him. When Dr. King was born, they had rules and it was all about how you looked on the outside. And the police put Dr. King in jail 30 times for saying that people should stick together, and protect each other's rights, and never be judged for what they are on the outside.

Bear reached up an touched his bright copper hair tentatively. His expression thoughtful, he glanced at all the people standing in line - people of every kind of description.

And as Bear lost himself in thought, I realized that in the pantheon of my parenting decisions - introducing Bear to the concept of racism and the Civil Rights movement while in line at a water park may have not been the brightest parenting decision I had ever made.

But then Bear huffed out a breath and gave me that deeply wise 5-year-old nod and said: Mommy, that's the dumbest thing I ever heard.

And I knew he got it.

Happy 75th Birthday, Dr. King.

Posted by: Elizabeth at 12:49 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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