Last night, Bear woke up around midnight and decided to go out to the kitchen.

"Bear," I said, following him. "What you doing?"

"Um, sleeping, and then I got hungry," he told me.

He was wearing his footie pajamas, the ones with his name embroidered on them. Looking tousled and adorable and not quite....awake.

"Sweetie, are you awake or are you sleepwalking?" Hey, it seemed reasonable to ask.

"Mommy," he sighed, looking down at where his toes wriggled under the fleece. "Do sleeping people want cereal?"

"Depends, what kind of cereal?"

He thought a moment. "Hamburger?"

"Yes, sleeping people want Hamburger cereal. Awake people want Apple Jacks or Cheerios."

He nodded, sagely. "OK, I'm asleep. Will you carry me back to bed?" Reaching for me.

So I picked him up, his arms wrapped around my neck, the heavy warm weight of him in my hands. And put him back to bed. Pulled up his Knights and Armor comforter. Made sure his stuffed animals were all safely stacked in their places. And kissed him goodnight, again.

"Mommy," he murmured as I left the room.

"Yes, Bear?"

"If you were still a kid, then we could have a sleepover. And go to the park tomorrow."

When I was a kid, I had princess nightgowns the twirled around my knees when I danced. I had a curtains my mom made that matched my comforter. I had my special blankie that made me feel safe. And the boys I played with liked Cops and Robbers and always made me the Robber.

I turned to answer, not sure actually what to say, and saw that he'd already closed his eyes. His breathing steadier, and steadier.

And my heart broke with love.

Posted by: Elizabeth at 09:58 AM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
Post contains 290 words, total size 2 kb.

1 Lovely post. I know at any moment my daughter is going to turn into a tween and be embarrassed by me and need to figure out who she is by making sure she's not me. IN the meant time I find myself soaking up as many of those kinds on moments as I can.

Posted by: momtowahid at October 04, 2007 09:01 AM (msbri)

2 Gorgeous. Only one thing: nothing is stopping you from having a sleepover and going to the park. Make a fortress out of couch pillows in the living room, watch a cartoon together, eat poptarts, and have a slumber party by camping out in the living room. Bring your princess nightgown. Go on, you know you want to, my friend. Have fun at the park!

Posted by: rp at October 05, 2007 07:53 AM (op1yW)

3 Beautiful, baby. Just beautiful.

Posted by: Margi at October 06, 2007 03:55 PM (wpu3a)

4 What a great snippet of your life. I love the picture too! I've been looking through boxes and apparently my parents only have pictures of me after the unfortunate Dorothy Hamill haircut. My eldest child thinks I am ancient now and was never a child. The youngest is still thrilled when we do ring around the rosy until we can't stop the room from spinning. Hang on to the little bits ... they don't last forever.

Posted by: Michele at October 07, 2007 04:28 PM (h1vml)

5 When you have your sleepover, please invite me?

Posted by: Mamacita at October 07, 2007 05:29 PM (OiVHT)

6 I got tears on this one. I remember this days so well with my own children... I miss them.

Posted by: sue at October 10, 2007 10:38 AM (WbfZD)

Hide Comments | Add Comment

We have reached our limit - and it is 4 hours.

More than 4 hours and the world falls apart in screeches and stomped feet.

For more than a week now, we have been "With Kitchen". A world that is infinitely nicer than the alternative.

For more than a week now, I've kept up with the dishes and the laundry and managed to squeeze in at least 4 hours of homeschooling each day.

We rely mostly on Spectrum's "Little Critter" series for the basics of Reading, Writing, and Math.

And then I have an entire crate to fill in with each day: Pirate stories, tales from Scandinavia, puzzles, mazes, hidden pictures, logic problems, patterns (like tessellations or linear what's next ones), sign language, maps, dinosaurs, and astrology projects.

I have a couple of books that tell me what he should know at the end of the year, and my own education experience. And it comes together.

But spend more than 4 hours at that table, and he begins to boil over. So I break things up with Magnetix and walks and housework and errands and then, of course, he has Fridays at a school for homeschool kids where he does art and gym and science projects and he has the part of the talking tree in the drama club's upcoming original production.

And around here, there are no deliverables. The quotas need never be met. The return on investment is drawn with big markers and the project plan consists of the available groceries divided by possible dinner menus.

I read my last post, and it made it seem like life was gray, that the song was a dirge, and that I was wallowing in my own fear.

But that is only 15 minutes a day.

No, I won't lie and say the impression is wrong.

I'll just say, it isn't exactly... right.

The days are so much more that what I am afraid of, or angry about. They are also filled with my son's voice reading a story made up of words he learned from me. Of the puppy slinking off her rug closer and closer to us until she can lean herself against our legs.

And the blessed hum of the dishwasher.

Posted by: Elizabeth at 11:11 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
Post contains 383 words, total size 2 kb.

1 Beautiful.

Posted by: Janie at October 02, 2007 02:21 PM (UCqK5)

2 I get you completely. I start stressing out about money and getting a job or questioning if what we're doing is the right thing, and then Abby comes up and says "cuddle, Mommy?" and my heart melts. Things that could mean a sexual harassment lawsuit in the work place are what keep me home. You have to talk about the worries, though. There needs to be some sort of outlet, and sometimes your blog is the perfect place to do that. Yeah, I suck at responding to email too. I've been meaning to but never seem to have the time. Please forgive me!! LOL I'd do it now, but the husband should be (I hope) home soon and will want me to stop using his laptop. Greedy poop.

Posted by: Michele at October 03, 2007 12:26 PM (h1vml)

3 You did it again. Another beautiful post.

Posted by: sue at October 10, 2007 10:37 AM (WbfZD)

Hide Comments | Add Comment