It was Bear getting sick, that forced me to evaluate my choices in life.

When his fever broke, I thought 'Oh, he's ok now.'

But he wasn't.

The next 18 months, Bear kept getting cold after cold and constant torturing headaches.

The triumvirate of his doctor, CD, and I suspected that he was showing some new and persistent allergies. We live in an old, crumbling house - so, mold, dust, dander, and sloth ("sloth's" a thing, right?) are our longtime companions.

But despite some relief from your usual allergy medications, Bear's quality of life (and our worry levels) was suffering. So guessing had to give way to knowing so we could treat him better.

Last March, we began making trips to Children's Memorial Hospital in downtown Chicago for tests.

Specialists, Neurologists, MRI, blood tests, name it. We held his hand and prayed in test after test, surrounded by other children and other parents all praying and holding too.

The initial results came back: mildly allergic to mold and dust and pollens. Doesn't have an alphabetic list of really scary things. Had a profound sinus infection of unknown cause, and probably what was triggering the sever pediatric headaches.

The family doctor and CD and I put a stop to the testing at that point. Hoping there wasn't something else hiding under the bed, we took on 7 medications for what we now knew to be real.

And Bear's quality of life has steadily improved.

Yesterday, we did a follow-up. He's covered in strange bugbites (which are probably the strange bugs that just invaded Chicago but in case not, meant a script to ward off Lyme Disease), he's got purple and orange bruises from sundry activities, and there was the 'opting out' comment from sports camp.

She talked to him about that and then told us that the fact that Bear had had a great time at camp and had asked to go back for all 3 sessions this summer was a very good sign.

That if he was overwhelmed during things like dodgeball ('Dodgeball's just nuts,' she laughed. 'I wouldn't play it either.') he was finding ways to cope with that and still enjoy the other things he enjoys - like obstacle course races and king of the hill.

She looked at the bruises, bites, up the nose, and between the toes.

Listen, Elizabeth, she said, suddenly serious.

I put my hand over my heart and waited to hear the worst.

I've never seen him so healthy. she said. He looks like a kid should at the end of a busy summer. Then she turned to him. Any complaints? She asked. How about the headaches? Fewer? More?

Bear shrugged. I don't get headaches anymore, he said.

Our eyes locked over his head. I hadn't even realized, but then I did.

She looked down at his chart: height and weight are normal, his sinuses are completely clear, headaches abated, even the rough toes that bled from an allergic reaction to his Crocs are healed up.

You've been taking great care of him, kiddo, she said to me with a smile after she'd congratulated him for being so healthy.

I nodded, slowly.

Bear took my hand and we scrambled down the hallway and out to the parking lot and into the van.

Mommy? he called from the backseat. I'm buckled in. Let's go.

I nodded, slowly.

Mommy? Are you crying?

I shook my head. No, I'm... fine. We're fine, sweetie.

I started the engine to prove the point.

But it was a lie.

I know that a single good exam doesn't mean it's all cupcakes and roses from now on. I do.

But..... uh, well, when it's the first good exam in almost 2 years. So damn it, yeah, maybe I did cry a little. And maybe I still am.

(If only all those other families at Children's could have this moment, too...)

Bear doing a crescent kick at June's Karate/TKD tournament.



Do you see a puppy in that bed? I don't see no puppy...

Waiting for his 'Ups' during a t-ball game.

About to win a really big honkin' monkey at HolidayWorld, Mo.

Posted by: Elizabeth at 04:22 AM | Comments (9) | Add Comment
Post contains 707 words, total size 5 kb.

Bear has been attending a Sports Camp this summer a few days a week. To afford it, we killed a fatted calf and left burnt offerings before the Parks & Rec. department.

After a brief police investigation, we discovered that money was actually the preferred mode of payment.

Lessons learned.

Bear loved the camp so much that we signed him up for all 3 sessions.

I would stop in an watch him, on occasion. Racing around on the field or playing dodgeball in the rec center. Pick him up and he'd be dirty, sweaty, and smiling. He seems to be well liked by the campers and the counselors.

So I thought... 'This Is Good.'

Then, yesterday afternoon, I was picking him up when the head counselor walks up to us. The head counselor looks a little like a young Cal Ripken Jr., so I'll call him Cal.

"Uh, he sits out. A lot," Cal told me.

I looked over at Brandon, Bear's favorite counselor. Brandon wouldn't meet my eyes. Neither would Bear.

"What do you mean?" I asked, confused.

Turns out, all summer Bear has been going off by himself during certain activities and playing in the dirt or sand.

"This has been going on all summer?"

"I probably should have told you, before," Cal said. I nodded.

It is the Last Week of camp. This information would have been helpful, you know, ANY TIME earlier.

"But it was really bad today," Cal told me.

Brandon nodded.

Bear looked at his feet.

If you add the ages of Brandon and Cal and my cat and some random strangers together, you still won't get legal drinking age. OK, maybe you will, but only if my cat buys.

Cal was clearly struggling, because Bear's behavior didn't fall into a black or white category. It had just crossed some invisible line the counselors had for participation.

After he'd made his announcement, Cal was clearly waiting for something from me, but I didn't know what.

"Bear, what's going on?" I asked softly.

He shrugged.

"He's an only child..." I said, as sort of a half-explanation.

Cal shook his head. "So am I."

That dropping sensation was in my gut, but Cal had nothing more to tell me and Brandon and Bear were looking at their respective shoes. Still.

Fascinating shoes.

I smiled and said "Well, we have to get going to a dentist's appointment, so..."

Bear has always excused himself and gone off when he's been overwhelmed at things like loud birthday parties and chaotic school functions (he did it once when I was being room mother during a Halloween party - when I tried to get him back with the group, he told me he had a headache and went to a quiet corner and colored.)

I don't know if we say 'Hey, you have to stay with your group/team even when you feel overwhelmed' OR if we say 'Well, Cal, he does that when the chaos gets to him. No big deal.'

Bear is doing very well in Karate and in swimming lessons. He's enjoyed the crazy loud insanity of the tournaments (although we do keep our presence to a minimum).

Then again, this has been a hard summer for Bear at home - the kitchen ripped out, the boxes piling up with our stuff in it, and CD and I more often than ever before pulling into private huddles to discuss things away from him.

But he also has this new puppy, Sara, who loves him to distraction.

I just don't know if I should be worried.

Posted by: Elizabeth at 01:15 AM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
Post contains 602 words, total size 3 kb.

1 Worry? Because he needs some downtime? I think it shows a good deal of self-awareness and maturity for him to realize that he's getting overwhelmed, and that he needs to recharge his batteries. Other kids would just keep going and then have a meltdown. He enjoys the camp--he just needs more breaks than they allow for. I remember feeling the same way. I craved social contact as a kid, but it also would exhaust me. Actually, that's still how I feel. I love conferences, but I always need my own hotel room (sans roommates) so that I can escape and decompress.

Posted by: coquette at August 07, 2007 03:34 AM (9J4EK)

2 Let me preface this by saying that I don't have kids so I am coming at this from a person looking back at her own childhood perspective. I was like that. I still am. Quiet, a few good friends rather than a big group (though in High School we were a big group). My 2 cents would be to talk to him, find out if something is wrong or if he just needs smaller doses of loud. (You said he's well liked and he really enjoys it, right?) Maybe he's just more introverted. When I was a kid/teenager I used to say my parents didn't want me to go places just so I wouldn't have to explain why i didn't want to. I'd say talk to him and help him understand that it's ok to want some alone time. But again, I have no kids and this is just my take. I can tell you more about this introvert thing if you email me. I've read up on it

Posted by: serena at August 07, 2007 04:44 AM (z5KLn)

3 My 3yr old does this too. He's not an only child. At his last birthday party, he and I watched 25 friends and family riding horses, ATVs, and playing on the new swing set while safely hunkered down in a fort. He just needs time alone to decompress when he's overwhelmed. I don't worry about it. The same impulse drives me into the tub with a good book after a long day at work or chasing my kids.

Posted by: Patty at August 07, 2007 06:24 AM (DZSwh)

4 As one who enjoys sports, and some mandatory alone time every day, I'd say that's just the way he may be. He may just be the kind of kid who likes mano-a-mano types of sports, vs. a big team. I really only loved soccer because all the guys on my team as a kid where already my friends. There could also have been some kids there that he didn't interact well with. As someone who was an 'only' for the first 6 years, and the father of an only child, I can say that not having siblings does give you a bit less tolerance for the actions of others, so he might just have learned he *can* walk away from these kids, since they're not siblings he *has* to get along with. Anyway, just my 2 cents. I do have to agree though, that since the fatted calf wasn't working, knowing *before* spending the rest of the cash might have been nice.... Your old Friend in the Rocky Mountains majesty... P.S - Next time you need one of those calves, I can get you a deal below retail :-). RDC

Posted by: R Dev at August 07, 2007 08:02 AM (URmcZ)

5 If it's enough to cause concern among people who spend their days with kids, perhaps you need to look into it. I don't know, Elizabeth. But I'd keep an eye on him.

Posted by: Tammy at August 07, 2007 08:44 AM (M9ZVz)

6 Not to be an alarmist, but yes. With your concerns at his school, his debate about which hand, some of your comments about his participation, he may have a non-verbal learning disability. I am a TEACHER and I missed this with my son until he was 17 and almost kicked out of school twice now. He is extremely bright verbally (functioning at college level and in the school's gifted program to boot) but just seemed to be slower at math (no problem) and making stupid decisions about many social things that got him into hot water (passed off as growing pains or stupid teenager). Though he had friends, he preferred to stay cocooned in his room during stressful times which I thought was only a coping mechanism. It wasn't until I pulled him out of public school (when he was on the verge of being placed in their alternative ed program), got the assistance of an educational consultant, and had him in an outward bound theraputic educational program that his testing revealed his learning problem. His verbal skills enabled him to cover up his problems. He was the biggest split between verbal and non-verbal that the psychologist had seen in her 20 year career and she (as well as all of us) were appalled that the school missed it. This non-verbal learning disability manifests itself in social interactions and problems interpreting vocal and facial social cues. Now, as a senior, his self esteem is crushed, his foolish decisions will lead to major legal repurcussions now that he is almost 18, and he is refusing to deal with both his disability and his unwise decisions. I am on the verge of losing my son forever, the bright articulate, child I love is going down a very dark corridor. I am attempting to get him into a theraputic boarding school so he can learn the skills that he is so missing and his educators either ignored or were ignorant of. Get into the educational websites for non-verbal learning disabilities to watch for some of the warning signs. As I stated, I may be an alarmist, but had I known all the signs I could have intervened before it was too late. Good luck!

Posted by: janeyek at August 08, 2007 03:32 AM (JuEE8)

7 We're going to therapy right now to teach our 8-year old how to do just that--walk away when you feel overwhelmed. You know, rather than go balistic and punch people. I don't know--sometimes you just can't win, eh? But I think there's a middle ground. Sounds like he's just the type of kid who knows when he needs some time away, and there's nothing wrong with that. And frankly, the Future PE Teachers of America might not be the best people to judge whether what he's doing is healthy/normal behavior for *him*. But if you feel in your gut that maybe he's pulling away more than usual because he's stressed out or overwhelmed by life in general rather than by the particular rigors of sports camp, it's probably a good idea to get some help finding ways to help him cope.

Posted by: PK at August 09, 2007 04:11 AM (gU899)

8 Once upon a time my parents spent a bunch of money having extensive batteries of educational tests done on all three of their children. Mom says it was one of the best things they ever did because it allowed her to understand her introverted child (me!). Maybe some more information would be helpful to you too.

Posted by: Angie at August 10, 2007 07:55 AM (JRxQD)

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