I took 3 boys to lunch at the local diner today, and it freaked me out how much has changed.

Two years ago, a friend and I went to the same place with these boys and it was a riot: they needed to be entertained, refereed, cajoled. It was all: Power Rangers! Pokemon! Batman vs. Spiderman!!! Just ordering their food took top-tier negotiation skills: they all wanted to make sure that they all had the same foods but there was little they agreed on.

It was like herding cats.

That was then.

This time, they perused the menus casually. The waitress popped up with her pad.

"I'll have a half-slab of ribs," said the first.
"French toast, with bacon," said the second.
"Hamburger, medium-rare," said mine.

She came back with the drinks and each stopped to say thank you. we played a game of cards while we waited. It was clear as we went that they were each used to different "house rules", yet they shrugged it off and worked at staying in a good mood.

As we ate, they talked about the sports they were into.

"Basketball, we had a game this morning," said the first.
"I just started a new fencing class," said the second.
"I'm still doing karate," said mine.

Once we were done, they needled me for some of the penny candy by the register. I allowed each one two pieces, and no two got the same thing. The woman at the register asked them how they liked the meal.

"It was great," said the first. "Too much for me to eat!"
"It was fine," said the second. "I love the bacon."
"I liked it," said my son. "Hamburger was just right."

As we stepped out through the two sets of doors, pulling zippers up and jostling our way, the wind hit Bear's face in just a weird way, pushing his hair around and making him seem different for a second. In that flash, their three shadows seem to elongate onto the sidewalk.

Suddenly, it was three strong men looking back to make sure I was following. Their voice rough and deep as they called to me.

I blinked, the sun blinding me. My heart beating fast.

Their childhoods slipped by. It was the future. They chuckled as they hit the sidewalk, ribbing each other about how warm it seemed compared to recent subzero temperatures.

Strong, and confident, and good.

"Mommy!" Bear shouted, shrinking suddenly in a blur. His freckled cheeks turning pink in the air. "Come on, already!"

With a quick breath, they were kids again. Jogging to the car, shouting about the front seat. I reached out to hug my son, wanting to feel his body in my hands but he moved too quick.

And I realized: Already, gone. In so many ways.

Posted by: Elizabeth at 12:22 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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I did something this morning that I'm still conflicted about.

We're temporarily living with one car. By and large, this means no car for me and Bear because CD usually has to be at work on the south side of Chicago before 6AM. It's a 40-minute drive but because of the vagaries of the CTA, it's a 2.5+ hour commute on public transport.

However, this morning CD's destination turned out to be about a mile away. He needed a ride, though, because it's colder than a witch's uh whatever - in Idaho. And uphill both ways. more...

Posted by: Elizabeth at 07:27 AM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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1 I struggle with this too. Heard that in my state, 7 is the "legal" age kids can be left alone. I didn't let Caleb play outside by himself until he was 6, but let Eli at 4. It's hard to know.

Posted by: Cheryl at January 24, 2009 05:38 AM (UqkLF)

2 Huh - there's a legal age for being left alone? Not surprising when I think about it, I suppose, but not something that I'd ever have thought of on my own. I think I was probably in the range of 6-8 when I first spent time alone at home - I remember coming home on the bus and letting myself in if my mom was going to be out picking up my brother (he went to a different school, one which didn't have bus service.) It would be a hard thing to do the first time - I'm sure my first was something like this one, a time when the logistics pushed overwhelmingly in favor of staying home alone, and then subsequent times were a lot easier.

Posted by: Alice at January 25, 2009 04:15 AM (8Xs3q)

3 I was probably 8, I don't really remember the actual first time. When I was 10 I baby sat a 3 and 5 year old every afternoon from 3-6PM. In 1959 when I was 11 1/2 my parents left me home alone for the whole weekend when they went to Massachusetts for my brother's graduation. My mom told me that my aunt and grandmother didn't love me and found me a burden to be around. They didn't have any room for me to stay with them and if I went then she and my dad and two sisters - wouldn't be welcome. My younger brother was away at a residential school that family court had sent him to. They didn't want him there either. I later learned that my Aunt really didn't like me, a condition that existed from the time I was in Utero and that my grandmother did love me, very much, but that it was my Mom projecting her own feelings of not loving me. - MG

Posted by: Martha Giberson at January 26, 2009 03:25 AM (UR0q7)

4 My kids are now 12, almost 11 & 9, and I probably started letting them stay home for say, 45 min to an hour, about a year ago. I try not to do it often, but it's so nice to be able to run out without hauling all of them with me.

Posted by: Amanda at January 26, 2009 04:56 AM (tWSTF)

5 I cannot remember exactly the time but I was around 8. Take into account that I have an older sibling who was 10 at the time and for very short periods. I was way more mature than my brother, ha! I think I was the one babysitting him.

Posted by: Sol at January 27, 2009 10:54 AM (5lTHx)

6 When I was pregnant with my first son a good friend made it a point to tell me I was not allowed to leave my baby in the car while I went to the ATM or just ran into Starbucks. I'm glad she did... Some of these "common sense" parenting rules aren't obvious to some of us (me). That said, I definitely would have left an 8 year old alone asleep for 10 minutes, but I'm probably not the right one to consult on such matters.

Posted by: Shannon at January 31, 2009 04:58 PM (yFOwv)

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I have a bad case of ennui.

I'm fighting a cold, and have spent too many hours in front of the keyboard. The combination has made me sore, sneezy, and unwilling to battle the little crap life flings at me.

(Bear took full advantage of this and played Roller Coaster Tycoon for about 5 hours today - so much for practicing his handwriting every single school day of 2009, huh?)

Where's the path to getting out of this hole?

Posted by: Elizabeth at 02:26 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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