There are two women who keep the Good Ship Corporate Mommy afloat.

Elia, Bear's babysitter, who treasures my son as though he was her own flesh and blood. And Monica, my bookkeeper, who keeps my finances untangled, bills paid, and allots me a decent weekly allowance.

I love these women. I need these women. I am constantly amazed that they choose to work with me, because me? I am a pain in the ass to work for.

No. Really.

This is how I informed Monica that I was going to be about $1000 over budget this week, out of the blue -

Monica -

1) My computer is dying. It's is making a noise right now that is scaring the cat. I need a new computer ASAP - like, this week. My company-issued laptop will limp me through but the hard drives on this baby are what I need. The noise just got louder. A jet is landing in my office. Yikes!

2) Our lawnmower is dead. I can hire a service (which would be nice because we're both lazy when it comes to lawn maintenance) or we can spend $$ on a new mower - we have a couple of weeks to decide, after that we'll need to put a bright orange antennae on Bear's head when he goes out to play (so we'll know where to find him)

Are we having fun yet?

Posted by: Elizabeth at 05:23 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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The new project that I whittled down to a very manageable thing spawned a BIG thing.

You see, it would have been fine if we'd had a Data Center in (insert fictional town name), so I could transfer everything there. But we don't, so I went looking for a Data Center I could use. Things being what thet are, of course, life won't be that easy. Instead I am now tasked with building a Data Center in (insert fictional town name).

*grumble*

At least it won't mean a whole lot of travel.

*sigh*

Meanwhile, Bear is clinging to his daddy like a baby monkey. My heart melts with how happy he is to have CD home - as though they were apart for months, not days.

And Me?

I don't know how to describe it.

I feel like a wind-up toy that has been wound too hard. Ask Jim and Clancy. I met those two amazing guys on Monday night downtown (my first real-life blogger meetings!) and they were so nice, funny, good company. And me? I was running in place, brittle, caffeinated.

I'm hiding from the decisions in my life. But things CAN'T stay like this. I feel like Hamlet, dithering and wrenching like a drama queen. "Alas! Poor Corporate Mommy! I knew her, Horatio. And she was a pain in the ass!"

(Psst, Clancy - welcome! There are some links for you in the extended entry) more...

Posted by: Elizabeth at 03:48 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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1 Hi! I am new to your blog. I love it. I want to have lunch with you, but I'm not in Chicago. I'm BigLaw mom, married to SAH-student dad, and we are parents to Puppy, a 10-year old punk rock hockey player. Your "Flamewar for Stay-At-Home Dads" was wonderful. Made my whole day. I want my very own blog but am having difficulties cramming the creation of one in between billable hours. For now I'll just read yours. Thanks for being here!

Posted by: Kimberly at April 13, 2005 06:36 AM (5nTc4)

2 Sweet - I've been checking in but my trainer is a slave driver and I haven't had time to read them all yet - I will!!!! I really enjoyed our meeting too! I'll get up a post (replete w/pics) sometime this weekend.

Posted by: Clancy at April 13, 2005 07:41 AM (LQ62t)

3 Trust yourself. Just know that you will make decisions in your life as the pace that is best for you. I believe you couldn't be a pain in the ass if you tried. Unwind, breathe, and give yourself several big hugs!! Let CD and Bear look after themselves.

Posted by: Azalea at April 13, 2005 08:11 AM (hRxUm)

4 You were caffeinated? Hah! I'd been drinking coffee since 3:00 AM. That's why I had to pee every hour on the half hour. It was an awesome time though.

Posted by: Jim at April 14, 2005 08:42 AM (tyQ8y)

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CD's home, and Bear slept through the night last night in his OWN bed without waking up crying once. What a relief.

Me? I was up too late and now I'm tired for the same reason. CD's home, and I didn't have the bed to myself anymore. For some reason that meant I stayed up until almost 3AM, until I was too tired not to finally crawl into my side of the bed.

Posted by: Elizabeth at 05:09 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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Well, I'm officially a dumbass. Having shirts and hats made up to say so.

Talk about slipping my mind. It took ALL YOUR COMMENTS PLUS TWO people calling and suggesting to me that ya'know, maybe I was sick and, ya'know, maybe it was a a flare. Seriously. It's shocking that I am an official walking and talking adult, y'all. I'm even a licensed mom.

So I scraped my brains off the floor and realized, I'm going to have to crawl into bed with a bottle of Tylenol (preferrably tanned and singing like Il Divo). I'm going to have to stretch and rest and eat (yuck) kale and spinich. I'm going to have to suit up and beat this thing or else the nice men with steroids will have their way with me and then life will seriously suck for a while.

They think I'm going to be there tomorrow and I just realized that I am going to have to cancel out on this trip.

For the first time since I was diagnosed, some 9 years ago, I am going to have to take an actual Lupus-caused sick day.

On the one hand, don't think I am not bloodying my knees in thanksgiving above that I have been so immensely blessed to have such a disease and still go on to live this amazing life - including a miracle child.

On the other hand, this milestone sucks.

But I'll pony up. After all, the world has scattered shimmering rainbows over my life and I'd be a fool to complain that some of them faded too fast.

P.S. Yes. I did. It's Number 38.

Posted by: Elizabeth at 08:05 PM | Comments (11) | Add Comment
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There's something wrong with me.

I woke up Sunday with a high fever and sweaty. CD got concerned and drugged me up. Next thing I knew it was like 10 hours later.

Since then I have been suffering under a malaise that I can not explain. My throat is sore, I'm hot and... crunchy inside.

Perhaps more importantly, I am disaffected. I have been plowing through my work at this slow pace but it is the best I can do. I am easily distracted and tired.

CD is in Texas for work until Saturday night. The sun is out and a breeze is coming in the open windows. Bear has a tummy ache and is watching cartoons and sipping juice.

I should go and get his babysitter. I should pack and hem up my pants. I should finish doing my self-evaluation for my review. I should take a shower, and do all that grooming that needs doing before a big corporate meeting. I should synch all my files over to the laptop. I should... I should....

But all I want to do is sit down and stare at the wall, my son curled up by my side.

In 7 hours, we are supposed to be on the road. I have no idea how I am going to make that happen.

One of the team members just instant messaged me with a list of things he would like me to do before I arrive tomorrow morning. I mumbled to myself as I read it "what. ever." and responded to him that we could discuss it when I got there. Which is so unlike me (hey, I push back with the best of them but hey, I'm usually nice about it.) I stunned us both, I think.

Something is wrong. I hope it passes soon.

Posted by: Elizabeth at 06:21 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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