That sound you just heard was me falling off my high horse.

Ouch.

I think what I need for those special occasions of moral indignation is a much lower high horse. Sort of a medium-sized one.

Good thing I only climb up on it a few times a year.

*cough*

So! Back in the land of normal (or whatever it is we live), I am no more sure today than I was a year ago that I am doing what is right for Bear - especially educationally.

I look back on my decision to quit (which was also a decision to pull Bear from the posh Happy Private Montessori school - being that money is finite), and I wonder what the ramifications will be in 10, 20 years.

He still mentions Happy a few times a week.

Although he loves being homeschooled, I do take him over to the Bad/Public Kindergarten on Tuesdays and Wednesdays for gym, music, and art classes.

At home, I have no lesson plans, no over-arching vision. I just sit down with him a for a couple of hours (or more, or less) each day and we work through things - lots of maze books (for fine-motor, which is his personal challenge) and writing books. Sight word flash cards, brain puzzles (matching sight words, 'what's wrong with this picture'?).

Some days we work with math problems, or money, or the clock. Some days I remember that science is good and we cook something or make something explode.

Some days the house is messy and we listen to music and clean the worst of it. Some days there's TV for him as I write.

Some days we study a time or a person in history. Or we talk about God.

The public school evaluated him a few weeks ago, and showed him testing higher than he did before I pulled him out of that school.

But if you think their evaluations give me any kind of warm fuzzy, you're off your rocker.

Some days, I frantically decide that we must be more organized. Lesson plans! Themes! Educational experts showing me how to teach for dummies! More Jesus! More Budda! More Yoga and Carrots!!!

Other days, I realize we're eating waffles at noon and talking about whether the Power Rangers could kick Batman's butt.

I am, slowly, finding good homeschool stuff we can do with other kids. We go to a pool to swim with a homeschool group. We joined a homeschool nature group that does cleanups and tours of forest preserves.

Last Friday night, we went to the Shedd Aquarium to join about 150 families in a lock-in; letting our kids loose in the place after hours. There was a buffet dinner, a dolphin show, games, glow-in-the-dark necklaces, music, and all the exhibits were open - with no lines or waiting.

Bear loved it.

There's this part of me that says - despite the chronic allergies/illness, he's having a good childhood. He's learning, he's (otherwise) healthy, he's happy.

But that part of me can't outweigh the doubts.

The dolphin pool at night.

I get face-painted.

Fish that look like rocks.

Bear's blue-light necklace reflected in the store fronts on our way home. It was so misty out, we drove with our window-wipers on.

Posted by: Elizabeth at 03:01 AM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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1 Sounds like "unschooling" to me - this is the road my sister took when she took her kids out in the early primary years, as a sort of counterbalance to Bad Public School experiences. Gradually, structure/curriculum were added, but they still did a lot of freestylin' as you describe. Her kids left school 11 years ago, and are swimming happily through the high school years as homeschoolers now, doing some courses with other HSers, some at the Science Center, lots online. It worked well for them. Your mileage may vary of course. But don't doubt yourself, if your son is happy and you are happy and confident he is learning.

Posted by: Susie H at March 28, 2007 03:21 AM (EpJek)

2 I missed, somewhere along the line, that you were home schooling him. All I can say is that I applaude you for your courage. He is quite the lucky kid. Wow. And how come you fell off your horse? Sounds to me like you should be riding high and tall, my friend. A very lucky kid, indeed.

Posted by: R P at March 28, 2007 04:17 AM (LlPKh)

3 Sounds like you're doing great. And if it makes you feel any better, I have the big fancy schmancy homeschool curriculum, and we still end up doing what you're doing because it works better for Caleb. For us. It's all good.

Posted by: Cheryl at March 28, 2007 05:43 AM (z0HS0)

4 I missed that you were homeschooling too, although I thought it was something you were thinking about. I think about doing a lot but haven't taken the plunge yet. We may never but is has helped remind me that ultimately I'm in charge of my child's education. I love reading about how things are going for y'all. I am hoping to give notice at my job very soon and commit myself to finding a better healthier equilibrium point for me and my family.

Posted by: Tracey S at March 28, 2007 08:51 AM (pQgL8)

5 I have lived all over the world and experienced many kinds of schools, teachers and cultures and the one thing that was common in all of it: it's what you put in and take out of the school that matters, not that the school has high marks or low marks. There are smart kids in "bad" schools and dumb kids is "the best" schools. Your method sounds wonderful just make sure that he has alot of interaction with other kids his age. How's the move to Canada coming along?

Posted by: LeeAnn at March 28, 2007 09:36 AM (JQe3J)

6 I was at the aquarium in Boston yesterday, so the "fish that looks like a rock" photo caught my eye. Nice shot.

Posted by: Rhea at March 30, 2007 10:40 AM (aBsb4)

7 My friends on the farm are also doing the "unschooling" thing and it works great for them. Mom is a teacher and so knows how to put together detailed lesson plans and such, but hasn't found it necessary. There are so many ways to teach/learn, the key to making education work is making it a priority and valuing learning as a family, whether you are in a great school, a not-so-great school, or in your own back yard. We think a lot about homeschooling, we will probably do some version of it at some point during our kid's lifetime.

Posted by: laura at March 31, 2007 06:53 AM (Tqoj6)

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I have been in a flare, caught up with my muse (tip-tapping the characters and stories out) and, just to avoid housecleaning, strutting up and down my yard (coincidentally gardening) to show off my pink hair. But I was IM'ing along today and found out about a blogger getting death threats and the absurdity of it stunned me in my tracks. So here are my thoughts on the matter - or, rather, my anti-thoughts.

Wherever there is good, there is also evil.

And evil will always grow, until it reaches the undefined threshold that stirs us up to take a stand.

Good will always be handicapped. Because good? Plays by the rules.

Duh.

This is the age-old axiom that no-one has been able to solve.

More restraints do not make a civil society. The evil just pours istelf into domination.

Less restraints do not make a civil society. Just look at the Internet - a more fertile ground for anarchy there never was, and it just gets crueler every day.

What started out as a grassroots forum of the brilliant and tedious has slowly evolved into a place that harbors malice and screams for controls. We walk here, brittle in the knowledge that to say our names is to paint a target on our backs.

For every happy wedding site, with giddy updates about lace and favors... there is someone lurking by the light of a monitor, tapping away a comment full of hate and vile. A little meaner, now: Next time I will say worse, and worse. And you will rage, and I will win.

It will not get better. High school kids find themselves destroyed in a single night's whim with a vindictive MySpace page. Pedophiles troll openly to rip apart the children barely old enough to launch the Disney site. Politically loud bloggers will find their names eviscerated on a web of sites aimed at making some folks feel big by ripping others down - and most of all, making a hit-count rise.

There are no arms to take up. No plug we can pull. This is the brotherhood we belong to by birth. The one that will define us after we die. It is why we slow down to look at car accidents. It is why we gather for the tragedies, but not the mundane.

It is the evil we do.

It is why we pray there really is a God.

Machiavelli once dared to respond to the question: Is it better to be feared or to be loved?

So many of us would prefer feared, if it came with the attention of kings.

But there find the seeds of evil.

Good is not weakness. It is not boring or pedantic. To seek its growth does not ring the death of ripping honesty, of lively debate, of genius, of wit.

Good is kindness without untruth. It is laughter without meaness. It is critical thought and creativity and yes, heaven help us, sometimes blogs about lace and favors.

Today I wanted to thank and celebrate those who will hold themselves open, knowing trolls live beneath the bridges and daring them up into the sun.

They who are smart, and sometimes spurt-out-your-nose funny, and generous with themselves. They who have stayed, when many have shuddered, sighed, and shuttered up.

And most of all, they who remain wicked but never evil - and would, frankly, smackdown evil with a spoon long before it would occur to them to join the fray.

There are so many, and here are just a few. Thank you:

Helen

Angela

Stacy

Chris & Beth

The Snooze Crew

Philip

Lindsay/Lucinda

Michele

Posted by: Elizabeth at 12:04 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
Post contains 614 words, total size 4 kb.

For a year and a half, I've wanted to dye my hair hot pink... my hairdresser, Vanessa (whom I adore), didn't carry the vibrant shade I was thinking off but said if I would buy it at a local supply place, she'd put it in for me.

My courage never managed to hold long enough for the mission.

Then, yesterday morning, in the family troops for our haircuts (yes, we use the same stylist) and guess what Vanessa had?!?!

I said 'be gentle' and we decided to just do some highlights.

I'll admit.... I like it. Can't believe I was so nervous!! The guys think it is wicked cool. In fact, Bear is the one who took these pictures.

Posted by: Elizabeth at 03:09 AM | Comments (9) | Add Comment
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1 We think it's wicked cool here too.

Posted by: cathy at March 18, 2007 02:20 PM (Bc4Lg)

2 Hehe! COOL! I would never have the nerve...but I also don't have the nice blond hair to play with, either!

Posted by: Jenn at March 18, 2007 03:36 PM (XRFpM)

3 It looks great! I've been wanting to dye my hair burgundy, but I'm interviewing right now....

Posted by: serena at March 19, 2007 12:40 AM (z5KLn)

4 That is so pretty! I'm wondering what my menfolk would think if I had that done.

Posted by: rootietoot at March 19, 2007 02:40 AM (aTnQ8)

5 Very cool! I get an itch to do something drastic with my hair once in a while ... but then it doesn't take or I chicken out. Yours is subtle but still rockin'! Sweet!

Posted by: Michele at March 19, 2007 04:18 PM (5VGFA)

6 Very interesting. I have to admit, I don't see the lure in it. I don't quite understand it -- but I am happy with what makes you happy

Posted by: Eyes at March 20, 2007 04:26 AM (L67iN)

7 It is too cool! I'm jealous...I have no balls to do that!

Posted by: FENICLE at March 20, 2007 12:39 PM (/ul+F)

8 Totally awesome. I love it. And am even slightly jealous, but not that brave!

Posted by: Cheryl at March 21, 2007 07:20 AM (z0HS0)

9 Great color, Elizabeth! Every few months, I get an urge to add some streaks of purple to my salt and pepper (increasingly heavy on the salt!) hair. I like the idea of highlights layered into the back of your hair; did you get any in front?

Posted by: Kimberly at March 25, 2007 06:17 AM (Jj626)

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When I was working at Mega, I had to socialize with a lot of other executive and glossy-shiny-corporate types. And it was never natural.

Everyone talking passionately about neutral things...

"I can NOT believe how badly Tiger played last week - did you see that round? It was like watching a preschooler on a putt-putt course. Especially the 16th hole. If you missed that one, all I can say is that you missed a lesson in when bad physics happens to good golfers , I tell you what."

And me, who would not WATCH GOLF ON TV even if you baked it in a cheese pie and told me it was calorie-free, would nod so enthusiastically that you would have to check my feet to be sure I wasn't a bobble-head doll.

Except, inside my head a strange crazy lady who looks exactly like me would be screaming "RUNNNNNNNNNN! THERE'S THE EXIT!!!! GO GO GO GO!!!!"

I had a kind of break from all that when I left Mega. For the last year, my professional and social calendar has been, well, yeah, empty. Things have dwindled to the point where there have been no more fund-raisers, no cocktails and crackers, no working dinners at Mortons, no conference ice-breakers, not even a block party.

Which has left me free to sort of rip up the cardboard-cut-out Elizabeth and let it all hang out.

I even giggled to myself one afternoon, thinking of a t-shirt I could make....

Hi, I'm Elizabeth...

I didn't vote for President Bush, I don't agree with many of his decisions and I don't really want to discuss it. I believe good citizenship means shouting with my vote, not tearing others down, so please don't EVEN mention Dick Cheney to me because that man makes it hard to be polite.

And while we're on the subject of non-subjects, yes, I'm Christian and I think it absolutely stupid to parse what flavor. What some do in that man's name curls my hair and hurts my head so let's take that subject off the table too.

I think people should parent according to their own conscience and abiding by the laws. As a working mom I treasured the dedication of stay at home ones and as a stay at home mom, I deeply respect the sacrifice of working moms. I think that people who paint those choices as polar ends of social schism are either misogynist warmongers out to divide and conquer or magazine publishers out to sell an issue.

Oh...

and I HATE GOLF.

But I figure by the time anyone was done reading it their eyes would end up in a place where only my husband's eyes should ever be so...

The point. Was there a point? Probably not.

It was just something that got into my mind because I spent part of yesterday and this morning with our neighbors - she homeschools and the weather's turned nice so her brood has been out playing. Bear, of course, could not be contained against the prospect of going outside to romp in mud with kids his age.

As I talked to her, it was like trying to remember how to ride a bike. Once we got past the weather, I was sort of nervous trying to think of neutral things we could chat about so it wouldn't be awkward standing together for so long.

It didn't go so good. At one point I vaguely remember babbling something about children who die in accidental drive-by's. It's all sort of a horrible slow-motion agony for me.

As Jane Austen wrote, it is something that comes (and, apparently GOES) with practice. Luckily for me, today when we met again, the neighbor lady had apparently decided I wasn't taking my prozac as prescribed and jumped in to fill the white space with kind chit-chat about homeschool websites and such.

God help us if the weather is nice again tomorrow.

Posted by: Elizabeth at 07:17 AM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
Post contains 666 words, total size 4 kb.

1 The weather went downhill here today - so maybe it's heading your way for tomorrow. I used to be able to bullshit my way through just about anything but I've been off that bicycle for a long time. Now, whenever I am faced with making small talk I feel my way around and try to make it work. By the time the conversation is over I am always worried I said far more than I really should have. TMI royalty and all.

Posted by: Michele at March 15, 2007 01:32 PM (5VGFA)

2 Small talk, even the thought of it will make me sweat. Before parties I think of a few topics/current events that I can mention so my mind doesn't go completely blank, unfortunately, more often than not, I end up babbling like an idiot and then my mind goes blank...sigh Love that t-shirt, can I get one, I'm Canadian but I can just use our Prime Minister's name instead of Bush, though I would still wear the Bush shirt, got it in black? Golf, first my husband and now my daughter are slowly being sucked into the vortex. My son is 5 and hasn't been brainwashed, but I fear the forces are against me....help...

Posted by: Angela at March 16, 2007 12:50 AM (1uIvL)

3 Ugh, I feel your pain. I cannot talk to other moms on a casual basis, and I don't know why because at work I talk to anyone and everyone about anything. Really. But put me alone in a room with another mom and if we aren't talking about poop or Spongebob, I get all out of sorts. It's very bizarre, actually. Jenn

Posted by: Jenn at March 16, 2007 02:24 AM (pJKcZ)

4 I just came across your site from another tonight. It's really good!! I've enjoyed reading several posts. I used to be the "fake nice" person. Anymore I just don't have it in me to be that person. It's just too much hassle. So I usually just act quasi-fair about everything.

Posted by: FENICLE at March 20, 2007 12:42 PM (/ul+F)

5 ya know . . . the stuff to put on a shirt, that's all EXACTLY how I feel. weird. LOL. no wonder I like you so much!

Posted by: Jen_Jakesmom at March 22, 2007 04:03 AM (2/T1v)

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