November 30, 2004
I Don't Know
Wednesday night, around midnight, Bear and I were dozing in the van. In the parking garage. At O'Hare.
Just before midnight, CD called. His plane, which had been idling on the tarmac for 90 minutes, was finally finally pullling up to a gate. A half an hour later, he was swinging out of the elevator. Grim Tired. Anxious.
He looked at me.
"Are you OK?" he asked.
"I don't know," I said.
The next morning, he came into our room. I was sleeping, truly sick now. I could hear Bear watching in TV in the den. It was quiet a long time.
"What do you want to do about Thanksgiving?" he finally asked.
"I don't know," I said, and rolled away from him into the pillows.
Thursday night, curled up on the couch with Bear. The kitchen smelled of the "Thanksgiving in a box" he'd bought at the grocery store. CD poked his head into the living room.
"Could you handle some food?" he asked.
"I don't know," I said. And I got up to help make the gravy.
Friday morning, on the phone with my bookkeeper. My babysitter is a no-show, Bear is racing up and down the hallways. CD is at work. I've had to call him 3 times to get him to give me the numbers - he needs to rent a car for a week. This. That. It's playing havoc with the budget. My bookkeeper is gamely "making it fit". She's giving me choices.
But I am paralyzed. I can barely make sure my kid isn't licking electrical appliances.
"I don't know. I don't know what to do," I tell her quietly.
"No problems; let me put together a budget and just see if you agree with the choices I make."
Sunday afternoon, working on the holiday stuff in jammies in my office. The guys come in, CD trips over a pile of stuff on the floor. He tells me to put it away.
I remind him it is my office, the one place where I can keep rocks on the floor if I want to. I run a home from here. I run an international program from here. I have supported my family for 4 years from here. I blog from here. I organize the family finances from here. Here. My floor.
CD realizes that I am really not going to shrug it off. I rise up like a viper. He storms up the hall. He comes back. We patch together a peace.
Later a friend asks me. What am I going to do. I can feel the tides pulling me in different directions. I am conflicted. And hopeful. And sad.
I don't know.
Posted by: Elizabeth at
02:33 AM
| Comments (13)
| Add Comment
Post contains 455 words, total size 2 kb.
1
My heart is breaking for what you are going through. I am so sorry. I hope that you find guidance in the places you search for it. Don't forget to do something nice for yourself every once in awhile. You deserve some peace, even if it is a cup of coffee in a quiet coffee shop by yourself. I wish you peace and strength.
Posted by: Jazzy at November 30, 2004 03:01 AM (Zk9pu)
2
It's okay when you don't know. What you need to know.....you know.
No I'm not wearing a robe and I don't have a shaved head. Sometimes I just say what comes out.
Posted by: Genuine at November 30, 2004 03:03 AM (9u+/E)
3
I wish I had the right words, or better yet a magic wand to make it better. Thinking of you, lots.
Posted by: ben at November 30, 2004 04:10 AM (cMBPb)
4
I'm glad to see you back, I was getting worried. You don't need to know what to do. There are no rules that say you can't just hang on, wait and see, or even try option #1 before you decide that it's not right, and move onto option #2. Thinking of you lots!
Posted by: Tammy at November 30, 2004 06:28 AM (aFeo0)
5
Bless your heart!! Hang tough!! I am so proud of you for keeping true to your boundaries when feeling like s--- warmed over!! I love my office would resent like h--- if a s.o. would try to tell me what to do in my space. The nerve!!
More later. Just know that I am one of many who care about you and Bear. I will be keeping the two of you uppermost in my thoughts and prayers,
Hugs!!!!!
Posted by: Azalea at November 30, 2004 06:41 AM (hRxUm)
6
Umph, the "I don't knows" are the worst. Glad to have to you back after the holiday. Thinking of you still.
Posted by: Terri at November 30, 2004 08:54 AM (LRR15)
7
You'll know what to do when you know what to do. {hugs}
Posted by: Soccamom at November 30, 2004 03:13 PM (pVE96)
Posted by: kalisah at November 30, 2004 05:20 PM (rU32B)
9
I am so thinking of you. I want to write you, read your site, and let you know I love and care and will drink chardonnay on your behalf until you can drink it with me.
I have no internet and I want to stab bags on flour.
But I am so thinking of you.
Helen
VP of MAS
Posted by: Helen at November 30, 2004 11:39 PM (eyzrV)
10
I sense you are coming to a decision. Keep moving forward and stay true to yourself.
Eventually you will get resolve. It may not be easy at first, but if you stay true to yourself and what you need -- it will resolve better than ever before.
Posted by: Fredette at December 01, 2004 06:24 AM (QhI+Z)
11
You can do it, hon. Whatever your decision and actions may be, we're all behind you.
Posted by: Coleen at December 01, 2004 08:25 AM (vdU70)
12
You sound so adrift, Elizabeth. I wish I could do something! I mean something concrete besides eating M&Ms and wishing for you.
I've got this analogy bumping around in my head. A boat at idle. Can't stear it because it has no headway. Even if it seems like you're going in the wrong way you've got to get the sucker moving before you can turn it around.
Does that make any sense? Damn, I feel like a pedant.
Posted by: Jim at December 01, 2004 08:25 AM (tyQ8y)
13
This is just my two-cents worth: You can never change a person (CD) just like you can never change yourself. Your basic essence, and his, will always be the same. You can end this stalemate by trying to change the way you REACT to him, but that takes work. And commitment.
I guess the question here is if you are willing to do that.
Hope you're feeling better, at least physically.
Posted by: Renee at December 01, 2004 09:17 AM (TIaWc)
Hide Comments
| Add Comment
November 24, 2004
Let It Snow
Picture by Elizabeth: Bear and CD | The first big snow at Little House, 02/2002
We woke up late, both of us sick now. Outside it is cold and windy and dark. He burrowed in his covers and asked, just to be certain, "Today Daddy comes home on a plane?" And I answered, "Yes, Bear." Assured, he peeked out a little bit and looked out his window. After a while he asked "And then will it snow?"
Isn't it amazing, the magic of snow? It's drizzling here, but it's cold. We're ready for our magic. Bring it on, let it snow....
Posted by: Elizabeth at
05:52 AM
| Comments (14)
| Add Comment
Post contains 107 words, total size 1 kb.
1
Amen!
I'm sorry you're both sick. Thank goodness Daddy's coming home. I prescribe chicken noodle soup, cocoa, and lots of hugs!
Posted by: Venomous Kate at November 24, 2004 06:03 AM (/w4lS)
2
I saw some flakes early, early this morning already but they have since subsided! They're coming. I hope you have a nice and unexpected reunion with CD and a happy thanksgiving.
Posted by: Fredette at November 24, 2004 06:03 AM (QhI+Z)
3
Glad he's coming home; hope you have a great Thanksgiving . . .
Posted by: Philip at November 24, 2004 11:49 AM (zsoKg)
4
Good luck for the homecoming - hope it goes well, and that you two can talk it out.
Posted by: CK at November 24, 2004 04:06 PM (Nk8bQ)
5
Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours!
Posted by: ASB at November 24, 2004 04:44 PM (d2VDT)
6
Happy Thanksgiving!! May comfort and peace rule your home today!
Posted by: Azalea at November 25, 2004 06:34 AM (hRxUm)
7
I hope that the snow brings its magic, that CD's homecoming really is just that in all the ways you could hope, and that all of you have a wonderful Thanksgiving.
Posted by: Kimberly at November 25, 2004 10:26 AM (Ba9x7)
8
Refuah shelamah to you both, a complete recovery, glad dad's coming back home, and I hope it snowed a bunch! I love the snow. Especially drinking hot chooclate.
Posted by: Rachel Ann at November 27, 2004 07:17 AM (HgSi9)
9
Hi honey, thinking about you & worried about you. Please let me know if you got my email...
kh.
Posted by: kalisah at November 27, 2004 05:21 PM (rU32B)
10
I hope things are going better for you, both physically and emotionally.
Posted by: Busy Mom at November 27, 2004 05:49 PM (W+f28)
11
Hey -- are you okay? No posts...your not online...for days now. I'm worried...
Posted by: Fredette at November 29, 2004 07:36 AM (QhI+Z)
12
I echo Fredette's concerns. Please be safe and take care of you and Bear. Hugs!!!!
Posted by: Azalea at November 29, 2004 08:04 AM (hRxUm)
13
Hmmm... 5 days and no post. Hey, Corporate Mommy, I hope you are only getting busy with CD. Looking forward to hearing from you.
Posted by: Becky at November 29, 2004 03:58 PM (ChhZe)
14
You OK, Elizabeth? I'm thinking about you, hoping everyone's doing well... and starting to worry just a little.
Posted by: Kimberly at November 29, 2004 05:35 PM (Ba9x7)
Hide Comments
| Add Comment
November 22, 2004
While my Bear gently sleeps
In recent weeks, this site has turned into a vent for some of the hardest times my family has faced.
I want to thank you for responding in such a way that has powered me to get through the days. To do what must be done. To be sane where sanity is needed. To give love and comfort to Bear when I didn't even know I had any left. Your generousity has restored some of my faith. It is a wonderful surprise.
One of you had me in hysterics, comparing my life to a Country Song if only I had a truck (or a dog). Another made me tear up by offering to visit. Another reminded me not to make decisions in anger. The collective goodwill, hope, and honest comments have got me through yesterday and the day before and the...
But if there's an update wanted then I have nothing. Because nothing, esssentially, has changed.
I hang up the phone tonight, with the angry words still ringing in my ears. But of course we didn't mean them, we take them back. We'll sort it out, smooth it over. Of course we will. Of course.
And my bright spot, he's snoring in his bed. His forehead is only slightly warm. His hair sweaty, his nose finally a little less clogged. I slip into his room and tuck the blanket around him. Add water to the vaporizer. Look up at all the printouts taped to his wall - of all of us. How can we all look so young in pictures taken just a couple of years ago? Did we age so much overnight?
.....So John keeps daydreaming about this woman he has lost. Daydreams that they are still together and still in love.
One day, though, he goes into his daydream for the last time.
He imagines her and says: I'm not coming here anymore.
And not-real her asks: Why not?
And he answers: It doesn't change anything. And it makes me sad.
I know the feeling.
Posted by: Elizabeth at
07:36 PM
| Comments (6)
| Add Comment
Post contains 347 words, total size 2 kb.
1
I'm glad that Bear is getting better. One more thing to be grateful for, one less to worry about. Your strength is admirable, Elizabeth.
Posted by: Bond Girl at November 23, 2004 03:49 AM (8caiM)
2
I'm glad you are feeling the love from Internetland! That's wonderful. People do care -- and even if CD can't get over his problems -- there are good people out there
Don't ever give up on that!!
Hugs to you!
Posted by: Fredette at November 23, 2004 03:54 AM (QhI+Z)
3
I hope it works out for the best, whatever that turns out to be.
Posted by: Beth at November 23, 2004 04:55 AM (whvdZ)
4
Keep hanging in there. Take deep breaths. Just keep telling yourself: All will be well, and all will be well. Because it will. It really will, even if "well" isn't what you plan for it to be. Sending you prayers and good vibes...
Posted by: Psycho Kitty at November 23, 2004 07:14 AM (lRZ1W)
5
Hugs to you and Bear!! And fiddle dee dee to CD!
Posted by: Azalea at November 23, 2004 08:12 AM (hRxUm)
6
*holds out tissue*
*lowers shoulder*
*opens ears*
*unwraps chocolate bar*
*sigh* *pat pat*
Posted by: Genuine at November 23, 2004 08:59 AM (8A35f)
Hide Comments
| Add Comment
Life is just a Monty Python Script. And then your house catches fire.
Bear began the night much better. A tepid bath, clean teeth, fresh sheets, fresh jammies, and hovering at a relatively cool 101.5F. I read him about 8 books, he drifted off to sleep (snoring, head high on pillows, humidifier going full blast) about 9:30PM.
I decided to stay awake until 11PM - the next dosage point - to see how his fever was.
Then CD and I got on the phone.
I think we both had the best of intentions. But ....
I was dizzy, and overtired, and on the phone with a guy who was telling me that I am to blame for everything that is wrong with him. Especially to blame for being angry. That he is justified in avoiding me, and by extension Bear, unless I get over everything and make him feel welcome.
And then the smoke alarm went off in the front of the house.
A candle on the fireplace mantle had gutted, leaving the label on the bottom burning like napalm. It caught the picture over the fireplace, and then dripped down to catch the wood and paper in the tin basket on the hearth. My living room was on fire.
I grabbed a wire mesh waste basket and dumped the eerily burning candlestick into it and ran it outside. Then I raced back in and dumped the entire contents of the firewood basket into the fireplace and open the flue. Then I put out the picture frame, soaking it in water to avoid it restarting.
Breathing hard and looking for something I missed - I realized that I hurt. Because I had burned my hand. Because I am JUST that dumb.
Windows and doors open to vent the place, Bear cocooned in his room, a bag of peas on my throbbing hand, and the phone - there where I'd dropped it - with my angry, angry husband on the other end.
And then it occured to me, with absolute horror chilling my bones, that I have become... a movie of the week.
Posted by: Elizabeth at
03:12 AM
| Comments (15)
| Add Comment
Post contains 365 words, total size 2 kb.
1
*sending loving thoughts your way*
hope Bear feels better soon. and I hope your hand is ok.
Jen
Posted by: Jen_Jake'smom at November 22, 2004 03:44 AM (2/T1v)
2
I had the same conversation with my husband this weekend. But my living room didn't burn down, so you've one-upped me. Still praying for you guys.
Posted by: Terri at November 22, 2004 04:37 AM (LRR15)
3
oh goodness. you are just dealing with so much stuff! i'm so glad you got the fire under control. that's so scary! you were blessed if you asked me that you could stop it (horrible memories). sounds like CD isn't being fair with you at all. perhaps leaving him on the phone was best. he needs to know you aren't going to beg him. you are worth so much more!!
((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Posted by: Fredette at November 22, 2004 05:58 AM (QhI+Z)
4
That was some quick thinking on your part! Fire is so scary. I burned the crap out of my hand once in the kitchen (yet another reason why I don't like to cook), and I had to keep a cold pack on it for two days, even when I was sleeping. But it healed fine and didn't scar. Make sure you see a doctor if it starts looking oozy.
I don't know what to say about CD. He should be home taking care of his family, even if he decides to sleep on the couch. We all feel like running away sometimes, but we don't because it's against the rules. For better or worse is what we all promised. I hope your near-miss gave him a much-needed wakeup call. He should ask himself what might have happened because he wasn't there to help you.
Posted by: notdonnareed at November 22, 2004 06:47 AM (bHNZD)
5
There are now words that could begin to comfort you right now I am sure. I hope that Bear gets better very quickly without a trip to the hospital. I am hoping that your house stays calm and that you and CD can work things out. It has to be a two way road and it sounds like you are stuck in traffic. I'm sorry.
Posted by: Jazzy at November 22, 2004 07:17 AM (Zk9pu)
6
That's it. I'm on a plane. I'm on my way.
In lieu of such heroics, I send my very best along with prayers, Elizabeth, big fat juicy prayers.
Posted by: GraceD at November 22, 2004 08:00 AM (P1gbr)
7
Bless your heart!! Ice on the burn and the innards of aloe plant on your burn to curtail any scarring.
Sounds to me like CD needs to take a "grow up and get a life" pill. That notwithstanding, since when are you responsible for his feelings. Ignore his son!!! Blank him and the horse he rode in on.
Hugs to you and know that many of us out here are pulling for you!!
Posted by: Azalea at November 22, 2004 08:08 AM (hRxUm)
8
Oh lordy. I'm sorry that Bear's sick, sorry that you're dealing with this crap on your own. Hope that you both feel better soon, and that CD decides to be a grownup.
you've got a lot of fans out here in cyberspace...
Posted by: Elizabeth at November 22, 2004 08:09 AM (ddJoe)
9
My heart was racing as I read... I'm glad you got the fire out! Movie of the Week? Hah!
We've just been through 6 weeks of illness - we had groceries delivered and hunkered down like it was the end of the world. Sick babies and stubborn husbands make it hard to keep an even keel.
You're in my thoughts.
Posted by: Jenny at November 22, 2004 08:47 AM (fcvxR)
10
I'm a fairly new reader, so I don't have the benefits of gobs of your history but this:
"I was dizzy, and overtired, and on the phone with a guy who was telling me that I am to blame for everything that is wrong with him. Especially to blame for being angry. That he is justified in avoiding me, and by extension Bear, unless I get over everything and make him feel welcome."
made me really, really angry for you. I don't know what he refers to, but I think it's unfair and irrational to say that his being away from Bear is all your fault. Being away from his *child* is a choice he made. Being a part of Bear's life should be separate from whether or not he's with you.
p.s. I'm glad you saved the day. :-)
Posted by: Bond Girl at November 22, 2004 09:32 AM (8caiM)
11
Oh no! I hope your hand is feeling better. As for the relationship stuff...I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this.
Posted by: Grace at November 22, 2004 10:00 AM (UdgWp)
12
Isn't life just like that sometimes? Trust that God has lots of good things for you once you get through this storm! Hope Bear is ALL BETTER today (I HATE having a sick baby! So scary!).
Posted by: Monica C. at November 22, 2004 10:30 AM (8Ff77)
13
I would say it's got to get better from here. Really, what else could go wrong? It's like a country song....(Don't read this if you aren't ready to smile at it all) "My baby's sick, my man is a prick, and now the house is burning like a candle wick." If only you had a broken down truck to throw in there.
Posted by: Tammy at November 22, 2004 10:47 AM (aFeo0)
14
If you want a bright spot, at least you had a bag of frozen peas to put on your hand.
I am soooo sorry that I can't be more helpful.
Posted by: ben at November 23, 2004 04:40 AM (cMBPb)
15
Tell him if he doesn't knock it off I'm going to take my happy birthday wishes back.
I've started the M&M mojo generator and it's directed straight at y'all. It's worked two out of two so far and a similar candy mojo generator was instrumental in ending my unemployment. This stuff works!
Posted by: Jim at November 23, 2004 08:48 AM (tyQ8y)
Hide Comments
| Add Comment
November 21, 2004
Sick Bear
To all the single parents out there, my esteem for you has risen 10-fold this weekend. Taking care of a sick child with no backup has been the most emotionally and physically draining work I think I have ever done.
My little Bear is still very sick. The doctors think it is some kind of flu, and 2 nights in a row his fever has hit 104F degrees. He's just miserable, hot, and all his sinuses draining.
He is trying to be a brave little bear, but he's only 4 - so sometimes he gets overwhelmed and starts to cry in frustration. It's breaking my heart.
I've run out of sherbert and tissues, so my friend Dee is coming over to watch him so I can go to the store. All I can do for him is make him as comfortable as possible, fight his fever, and pray this passes soon. If it goes on another night, the doctors want him in the hospital.
I feel so helpless for him.
Posted by: Elizabeth at
05:23 AM
| Comments (4)
| Add Comment
Post contains 174 words, total size 1 kb.
1
I feel for you and for Bear. My oldest - she's all of 2 - was really, really sick at the beginning of October. During out 3rd visit to the ped's office I finally broke and cried in front of doc and nurse. It seemed like she'd never be well again. The next day I cried on behalf of all those parents out there who a) have to go through that all alone and/or b) have a child with a sickness that doesn't go away.
Hang in best you can and I'll send better soon vibes!
Posted by: Laura at November 21, 2004 07:16 AM (zBv2m)
2
Thank goodness you have a friend who can watch your little guy for a bit. I know that I keep those Pedialyte freezer pops handy -- just in case. I hope you're able to get some rest once his fever completely breaks. {{{HUGS}}}
Posted by: Grace at November 21, 2004 08:33 AM (UdgWp)
3
Oh, poor little guy. Hang in there--hope he's better soon.
Posted by: Psycho Kitty at November 21, 2004 07:03 PM (lRZ1W)
4
Lots of movies to keep his mind distracted, lots of fluids to keep him hydrated, lots of children's motrin (you can alternate with children's tylenol every four hours) to keep the fever in check, and of course lots of love and attention. Hope his fever breaks today. It's rough with a sick little one.
Posted by: Philip at November 22, 2004 01:42 AM (zsoKg)
Hide Comments
| Add Comment
November 19, 2004
He's High on Baby Motrin
Sniffly, drooly, cuddled beside me in a nest of pillows and we're watching Clifford on the portable DVD I've brought into my bedroom. He's glazed over, a Motrin lull.
Bear: "I like your breasts."
Me (A little taken aback): "Uh, OK."
Bear: "Is there milk anymore?"
Me: "No, I told you. Not for a long long time."
Bear (as I wiped his nose, for the 7 millionth time): "*sigh* OK, OK, OK.... What about chocolate milk?"
Me (trying not to laugh): "No, honey. Not chocolate milk either.... You know, kiddo, sooner or later we're going to have to get some of that Kid's Claritin stuff in you the way the doctor said."
Bear: "No, thank you. You see that thing?" (Indicates the portable humidifier blowing at him from the bedside table.) "That's doing the trick."
Me: "That's doing the trick, huh?"
Bear: "Yeah."
Me: "Then how come your nose is still running with all those icky snots?"
Bear: "I don't know. How come your breasts don't have chocolate milk?"
So. There.
I tell you, don't go up against a 4-year-old on Motrin. He'll take you down. Yes, he'll take you down hard.
Posted by: Elizabeth at
01:07 PM
| Comments (9)
| Add Comment
Post contains 202 words, total size 1 kb.
1
Chocolate milk. Ha! Gotta love your kiddo...
Posted by: Grace at November 19, 2004 01:55 PM (UdgWp)
2
This put a smile on my face. How can you argue with a four-year-old's logic? Hope Bear's feeling better!
Posted by: Renee at November 19, 2004 02:43 PM (qc3U5)
Posted by: ben at November 19, 2004 03:49 PM (t9Wea)
4
How come he's on Motrin? Because he has a cold, a sniffly thing he picked up from school. And BubbleGum flavored children's Motrin is THE ONLY medicine my boy will take willingly. Not even the generic kind, no sirree.
Posted by: Elizabeth at November 19, 2004 04:50 PM (SdaoR)
5
How come he likes my breasts? Ben, I have no clue. Weaning regrets, 3 years later? I was wearing one of my husband's big t-shirts so it's not like I was taunting the boy with his former food sources!
Posted by: Elizabeth at November 19, 2004 04:52 PM (SdaoR)
6
My boy is obsessed with boobies. (He obviously inherited that from his father.) Sometimes he lifts up his own shirt and shouts, "I got boobies!" Happily, he's never done that in public.
Posted by: notdonnareed at November 20, 2004 05:19 AM (bHNZD)
7
My 3-yr-old nephew quit trying to get access to my sister's breasts when his younger brother arrived and laid claim to them. However, he still regularly wants "skin" from her or his grandmother (my mom). "Skin" means a bare stomach against which to rest his head. He has been known to lift my mother's blouse in public and rest his head against her stomach. Sadly, I've never been there to see it. You'd have to know my straight-laced southern mother to understand just how amazing it is that she allows this... though she has taken to wearing long, loose tops that she can just pull down over his head.
Posted by: Kimberly at November 20, 2004 07:34 AM (Ba9x7)
8
My friends used to ask if I put out chocolate milk because my babies were waaaay addicted to the stuff. By the third child, we were all convinced it was a derivative of crack. (See today's post for example.)
I once asked my four year old if he remembered, and he yes and got all dreamy. When I asked him if he remembered what it tasted like, he said, "Like candy. Like sweet, candy milk."
Although, when I asked my daughter to rank it along with other treats, it ranked above popsicles and candy, but not above fruit roll-ups.
And the skin thing? My six ear old still does that, He likes to lay the flat of his hand on my skin. I catch him doing it all the time--sticking his hand up the back of my shirt or inside my collar to touch my shoulder.
Posted by: Mindy at November 20, 2004 12:12 PM (rC+6B)
9
He's a boy. Boys love boobies. That's just a basic fact! Although, Girl Terror also loves boobies. She has poked my nipple and shouted "BOOBIES" in the grocery store more than once. And she has lifted her own shirt to show a perfect stranger her chest, and yelled "No BOOBIES!!" at him.
Posted by: Tammy at November 21, 2004 09:52 AM (aFeo0)
Hide Comments
| Add Comment
Take me home, country roads
I took this picture during our recent trip to Boston. There is nothing like New England in the fall.
I look at this picture and remember, Bear in the backseat and me driving the smooth roads. Pointing out maples and oaks and elms.
"It's pretty colors" Bear said.
"Yes, the leaves are gorgeous. I am so glad you and I are sharing this."
And he responded, in a little voice, "I miss Daddy." And my heart skipped a beat.
We've taught him this. That family is the three of us. And for as long as we live now, anything less will feel incomplete.
Last night, in the deep chasms of silence between CD and I on the phone, I felt like screaming. Screaming that we have to work this out. Have to. Because we are a family.
But I don't get to make decisions for CD. I don't get to direct his heart.
In the world where I grew up, my family was related or connected to everyone else. You know, my father and your father went to school together. My grandmother's sister was your aunt's best friend. My son, on visits out East, plays with a boy - and they represent the 4th generation of our families to befriend each other.
So you can imagine. In such a cloistered world. You keep what is private, private. Divorces would seemingly come out of nowhere, because "Gee? The Andersons? Really? Why, they were just at the Smith's Bridge party last weekend and weren't they laughing up a storm?"
Where I come from, you could accidentally amputate your leg at the knee and you'd STILL finish the round of cards before asking, ever so politely, for someone to please fetch an old dish towel before you bled out on the antique Persian rug? Stiff upper lip, old bean.
So I imagine the fact that I have brought the problems between CD and I into the open would unilaterally horrify everyone I know East of Niagra.
But it has helped, so much, not to try and play "happy shiny people" more than I have to. To be able to say that when Bear crawled into bed with me this morning and said, in his little voice, "I miss daddy" ... I cried. His sweaty hair and stuffy nose close to my chest. I held him tight and we burrowed under the down comforter.
And I told him (but meaning it in a different way....)"Me, too, honey. Me too."
Posted by: Elizabeth at
04:52 AM
| Comments (6)
| Add Comment
Post contains 425 words, total size 2 kb.
1
To read what you've written over the past few days has really let me know that I'm not the only one going through marital discord, and that has really done wonders for my soul. So, I hope it makes you feel better to know that by sharing that which so many others would keep private, you're doing someone out there a world of good.
May we both find our way - and soon!
Posted by: Monica C. at November 19, 2004 07:21 AM (8Ff77)
2
I found your site just recently, when someone linked your birthday post to their blog. Even then, I already wanted to post a comment. We are both thirty-something Christians who have had our share of pregnancy problems, so I felt that I could already relate to you, but I decided to just "lurk", for some reason.
Today, when I returned to find even more traces of synchronicity between us, I am finally emboldened to speak up. Is it a sign from the Lord that my latest blog was about my husband, who also happened to be around the New England area the last few days? I also have a four-year-old son, Lance (oops...I forgot he turned 5 last November 12), whom his two-year-old brother, Troy, calls "doody-head" when Mom isn't within earshot.
Anyway, I think it's high time I made my presence felt. My name is Renee, I'm a 36-year-old former news anchor who now spends her days at home with her three kids (my youngest, Reanna is six months old), while Dad brings home the bacon. I would like to invite you to my two websites, The Prada Mama Chronicles, which is the link I left in this comment, and 87 Gentle Street (http://87gentlestreet.pansitan.net).
I would like you to know that I am praying for you. Having gone through divorce once (It's a second marriage for both me and my husband, Lorenzo), I know what you're going through. Believe me when I tell you that this, too, shall pass. Hang in there.
And keep writing. It's good catharsis.
Posted by: Renee at November 19, 2004 10:52 AM (1z6ga)
3
Sooner or later, we all have to break down the restraints of "we don't talk about things like this where I'm from" and let the monsters out. It's cathartic. It's healing. And above all, it helps us determine what it is we actually need, what it is that actually is hurting us.
If I can give any advice-and I generally suck at advice-avoid alcohol. Watch chick flick movies like "Sweet Home Alabama" and comedies like "School of Rock". Nothing deep. Nothing penetrative.
Just hold your bear and know that you can fall and I will be one of those around to try to catch you. It may not be enough. But it is something.
-Helen
VP of MAS
Posted by: Helen at November 19, 2004 08:24 PM (AeGVs)
4
Marital strife is draining enough, without wasting all your remaining energy on pretenses. When you're that beat up and confused, it's hard to figure out what the truth really is, even without muddling things with shiny, happy falsehoods. In my opinion, it's also healthier for everyone (including the children) to admit that life is hard, people do have problems, and sometimes you don't know how to fix them. At least it's honest, and there is a lot of reassurance in that. I hope you can work things out. You are an amazing, strong, interesting, funny, passionate woman, and CD would be a fool to give you up.
Posted by: notdonnareed at November 20, 2004 05:31 AM (bHNZD)
5
I came here through your comment to Geeky Mom...
God, do I feel for you. Been there. It sucks crap, no two ways about it. Hang in there...I promise it does get better.
Posted by: Psycho Kitty at November 20, 2004 06:05 PM (lRZ1W)
6
Even though it might not feel like it all the time, learning to draw lines in the sand (and then actually sticking to them once they're drawn) is absolutely necessary for your own emotional health.
I remember sobbing my guts out in the shower so I wouldn't let the kids in on the tensions between their father and me (using up all the hot water in the process, heh.) Feeling like it was my fault because I couldn't endure what our marriage had devolved into. And when an emotional scene finally catapulted me into drawing that first line, I was convinced that I'd gone too far.
I was wrong. Not drawing the lines way back when - or knowing that we both ought to be fighting to get things back to where they were rather than accepting the current state as 'just the way things evolve over time' - THAT was the mistake.
And even though my line drawing pushed him further away and out the door, it was the right thing to do. The healthy thing for me, the right thing for him, and ultimately for my children as well (although they don't always feel that way, of course.)
Doesn't mean it doesn't hurt like a bitch, though. You have my empathy and my support...
Posted by: Betsy at November 21, 2004 05:00 AM (chwcp)
Hide Comments
| Add Comment
November 18, 2004
Tick Tock
As Mindy (of "
The Mommy Blog" fame) put it so well in a recent
DotMom post:
I find myself frantically groping for some solid and instructive point of reference. I need something that doesn't give when I ask it to support some of my weight.
I feel so fragile and alone. As I responded to an email (or two) today - I'm reacting by being curled up in a ball under my desk.
It's amazing and encouraging that so many people who have been through this too - and found ways to make it work. I can't begin to explain how much all the kindness you've shown me has helped.
Since a series of major events about four years ago, we have been stuggling between periods of improvement, even joy, and periods of pain. In the times of pain, such as now, CD pushes me away to this "parental pedestal".
And as so many of you suggested, yes - we are getting help. It's just not... well, helping.
He's still on his business trip. I'm still home with Bear. He and I need to make some major paradigm shifts and get back to being partners. Ultimately, the decision rests with CD. I am praying that his heart leads him to join me at the table - so we can stop fighting each other and start fighting for us.
This isn't about love. I have always loved him. This is about life.
So now I'm waiting. And, yes, spending a little too much time curled up in a ball under my desk. And praying. Praying a lot.
Tick. Tock.
Posted by: Elizabeth at
11:33 AM
| Comments (6)
| Add Comment
Post contains 272 words, total size 2 kb.
1
I've been there a few times in my 10 year marriage. We always get through somehow. There have been times when I've thought that we should get professional help and I have a feeling there will be a time when we follow that route. No marriage is perfect and life sometimes throws things at you that you did not expect when you were standing and taking your vows and feeling perfectly optimistic about everything. Good luck to you.
Posted by: Laura at November 18, 2004 03:04 PM (R+HFl)
2
Elizabeth, is there any way for you and CD to take a break, drop off Mr. Bear at one of his fans (and let them spoil the heck out of him), and enjoy a change of venue? This may help in expanding perspective, consciousness. Do you guys have a favorite (adult) getaway? I know it's not a quick fix, but it sounds like there's blockage requiring breakthrough, and freedom from the familiar may trigger a little of that. As always, many blessings to you...
Posted by: GraceD at November 19, 2004 01:44 AM (YBuTr)
3
Elizabeth, just remember...the sun needs the rain for a rainbow to be. May you find your rainbow soon.
Posted by: Fredette at November 19, 2004 03:49 AM (QhI+Z)
4
If I could I'd come. With Vodka! And curl under the desk with you until you felt like you could come out again.
Email me if you need anything at all. Really.
Thinking of you!!
Posted by: Michele at November 19, 2004 04:08 AM (PGRfL)
5
I'm so sorry to hear this. I don't have any brilliant advice to share, but wanted to let you know that I'm here reading and "listening" and thinking about you and your loved ones. I'm glad that you've got good girlfriends who salvaged your birthday.
I don't know how this bad spell ties in with your thoughts about having another child. Children conceived to "save their parents' marriage" rarely do.
Good luck.
Posted by: Elizabeth at November 19, 2004 07:35 AM (ddJoe)
6
I'm glad he is just on a business trip and not gone. I was concerned from the post above this one that he had moved out. I agree with you that you have to work it out and I'm sorry you feel so alone.
Posted by: RP at November 19, 2004 07:36 AM (LlPKh)
Hide Comments
| Add Comment
November 17, 2004
Couldn't get much worse
Bear is acting out.
He's doing it because life around him is frayed and he's only 4. His communication mechanism for announcing emotions is to act them. One day, he will be able to sublimate the feelings into healthy creative ways (like eating an entire Sara Lee Black Forest Cake in one sitting). For now he makes do with stomping his feet and telling his babysitter that she's a doody-head for not letting him have his way.
*sigh*
Since I'm not sure that Bear notices what is going on with my job or my diet, I think he's reacting strongly to the fact that CD and I are not doing well. Because, you know, it's important that everything in my life share a communal moment of suckage.
CD's been treating me, more and more especially in the last 6 months, like I am HIS mother as well as Bear's.
And not in a nice way. In the crappy way that a teenager treats their mom.
Like I am somehow responsible for making sure his team shirt is clean on game days and remembering to hit the ATM so he can have money for hanging at the mall and hey, while I'm at it, make him dinner and then wash the dishes.
It's ok to forget you mom's birthday and then do some idiotic last-minute thing and expect that to make it all better. It's ok to drown her in the details of your day and then hang up without asking how she is.
I mean, it's NOT ok - but in a sense it's ok in that it happens. In a short time period of years. For a child. And their PARENT.
But not for a wife. So finally today I took a deep breath and drew a line in the sand.
Either he starts up the time machine and starts turning his behavior back into adult, equal, romping partnership that we had or else he needs to take his adolescent self out of the nest.
I'll keep you posted.
Posted by: Elizabeth at
07:35 AM
| Comments (15)
| Add Comment
Post contains 348 words, total size 2 kb.
1
Hey - this entry struck me. For days (in my head) I've been calling my husband the teenager. He's moody. He doesn't tidy up after himself. He locks himself away in a "hovel" to play endless computer games. And? He's hardly doing his part in the budget/spending/bringing money in part of things. I'm at a loss.
Was there actual ultimatum? Or a more calm, collected line drawn?
Posted by: Laura at November 17, 2004 08:29 AM (zBv2m)
2
*deep breath* Good luck here. This is very hard. Unsolicited advice? Ask him what is wrong with him, why his behavior has changed. Don't just draw a line in the sand without trying to communicate. I'm sure you have tried, but I'd feel bad if I didn't mention it.
Posted by: RP at November 17, 2004 08:44 AM (LlPKh)
3
I hope that everything works out. I have days I feel this way, but I don't have an actual child so it isn't nearly as bad. Good luck.
Posted by: Jazzy at November 17, 2004 10:30 AM (Zk9pu)
4
I don't know if this will make you feel any better, but my husband and I had serious problems a few years ago, right after our son was born. There was just so much going on in our lives at that point, and we weren't handling it together. It kind of felt like every man for himself, and we both freaked out.
I mention that because you know how happy we are now. I guess my point is that even soulmates can feel like strangers sometimes. And even the most wonderful man in the world can be a real jerk on occasion.
When my husband and I sat down and talked it out, I was surprised by what was at the root of his insensitive behavior. Once we got it out in the open, things improved immediately.
I'm wishing you all the best. ((hugs))
Posted by: notdonnareed at November 17, 2004 01:23 PM (bHNZD)
5
I'm sorry you guys are struggling right now.
A friend recommended this book:
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0684835398/onehotmamanurscl/ref=nosim/102-6661825-8518504
I still have yet to pick it up (and she recommended it years ago) but it was a situation like you described that had her swearing this book saved her marriage.
Also, you really need to enlist one of your super great girlfriends as a 'dead mouse finder' - The Sweet Potato Queens suggest having a girlfriend act as the offical spouse suprise gift informer - you select several options, she tells the spouse your choices (Your wife would freak the heck out if you gave her this... it's all she's talked about blah blah blah) and then the hubs is supposed to be smart enough to follow along with the plan.
I'm thinking of you. This marriage stuff is hard work.
Posted by: Jenny at November 17, 2004 02:18 PM (fcvxR)
6
Sounds familiar - my husband has been away for about two months on a job assignment, got back and suddenly I have three kids in the house, and I can't threaten this one with "no swimming until you've tidied up". Hope you guys work it out, I am going to take your lead and go draw some lines in the sand.
Posted by: Colette at November 17, 2004 04:28 PM (Nk8bQ)
7
You are going through a tough time. My heart goes out to you. If you need a friend, I am here for you, okay?
I think all men are prone to take a foot when given and inch and the chance. I know every now and then I have to stop my husband. I often start by calling him a "bitchy woman". He bitches and bitches and bitches. I finally tell him I don't want to hear it, I live in the same world -- and well, grow up!
Perhaps he needs a little swift reminder when he has demands. "If that is how you are going to talk to me, I have NOTHING TO SAY."
I hope it works out for you. ((((((Hugs)))))
Posted by: Fredette at November 18, 2004 03:21 AM (QhI+Z)
8
I know this may not help, but, obviously (as seen below), so many of us have been there. As always, I'm thinking of you and Bear.
Posted by: Terri at November 18, 2004 04:34 AM (LRR15)
9
{{hugs}} Check out "When Bad Things Happen to Good Marriages." It helped us tremendously during a time when both of us almost walked out the door forever.
Posted by: Cheryl at November 18, 2004 04:38 AM (MeiYT)
10
I'm sorry things are shitty right now. I can identify with the "soulmates seem like strangers" line. I guess that's what's happening at my home.
I don't have any great advice since I'm going through the early stages of this myself, I suppose. But I'll try and be a good listener if you want one.
Posted by: ben at November 18, 2004 06:13 AM (cMBPb)
11
Thinking of you during this time~
Posted by: Angie at November 18, 2004 06:24 AM (R1zSx)
12
Bless your heart!! I have no advice, just a friendly ear if needed.
Consider yourself hugged.
Posted by: Azalea at November 18, 2004 09:28 AM (hRxUm)
13
I hope I don't get shot for saying this, but I've always thought that sometimes "working things out" and "fixing the situation" etc means learning to go separate ways. Still being parents to Bear, but not necessarily partners. You know what's best for you. Take care of yourself, and feel free to send an e-mail of nothing but crying. I can take it!
Posted by: Tammy at November 18, 2004 03:31 PM (aFeo0)
14
I get tired of being the only grown-up, too. I don't even have the liberty of being able to say "I ain't yo' mama," because his mom died when he was 9 and he uses that for the root of all his problems. I don't mind raising MY little boy, but raising his daddy isn't what I signed up for. I am SO feelin' you. I hope things get better soon.
Jen
Posted by: Jen_Jake'smom at November 19, 2004 01:44 AM (2/T1v)
15
*gulp* 5 years ago Mike could have written this about me. And I hope with all my heart that CD will look at you and decide all the same things I decided back then when I looked at Mike. That happily ever after wasn't real, and that happily ever sometimes, with warts and stuff was ok too.
Posted by: Michele at November 19, 2004 04:06 AM (PGRfL)
Hide Comments
| Add Comment
November 16, 2004
History cannot be unlived*
This is an anniversary of sorts for me.
Just after my birthday in November, 1994, I donned my cassock for the last time.
It was a sevice led by Boston's Bishop Thomas Shaw. He was newly elevated to being a Bishop and I was newly back from Europe. Somehow I had been asked to assist in a Unity service he was going to lead.
Before the service, the Bishop made a point of finding me to shake my hand. I quickly tucked the last of my hair up in a bun as he held out his hand to me. "You worked with Bishop Griswold?" he asked, all egalitarian and earnest.
I nodded. We shook.
The courtesy address for a Bishop is "Your Grace" - the same as for a Duke or Duchess. But Frank Griswold is the only person I have ever called that. So with other Bishops I do that thing you do with prospective in-laws - wait to make eye contact and avoid any kind of reference at all.
"We're glad to have you with us here," Bishop Shaw said, very kindly. "I think I was told that you'd resigned from the Chicago Diocese, but you should come by the diocesan offices..."
"I think that it's my last service 'in uniform'," I interrupted, with a smile and sad eyes. I pointed to the pews with a lift of my jaw. "My mother is in the congregation..."
"Oh," he said, understanding my motivation. We continued with making smiley faces but we each pulled back into ourselves even as he let go of my hand. "The offer's open if ..."
And it was done.
The service went well. They used me as a glorified sign language interpreter. My part in assisting was given to a bright-eyed sycophant.
As a civilian, I still tried to make it work in Boston for another 3 months. Riding the salty ferry into the city every morning for an assortment of temp jobs. Combing through thrift shops for an office-worthy wardrobe. Fingering momentoes of my previous life and then tucking them back into my suitcase at the back of my mother's closet.
My brother had already moved back home, so I slept on the couch. Carefully putting away all the bedding every morning.
As the crocuses pushed up in the first taste of spring, 1995, I called my girlfriend Dee back in Chicago. "Help," I cried. "I want to come home."
The next day, I got up and left a note for my mother, and took my suitcase to the airport. My mother caught up with me there a few hours later. I used that true and old tired line "It isn't YOU; it's ME."
Dee was there when my plane landed. A week later I had a temp job at the TeleCo. 2 weeks after that, we moved me into the apartment building that would be my home for the next 6 years. 2 years later, I met CD and soon he moved in there with me.
On the 5th anniversary of this time, CD and I went downtown to look at all the shop displays. It was cold and there was a little bit of snow. CD and I had just reconciled after a hard time. We'd began couple's counseling and just returned from a mini-break up in Door County.
He carried our bundles. I held a paper cup of coffee. We made our way, in the dusk, over to Huron Street.
"This was home," I said. Althought there have been many more people who have spent much more of their lives in the Cathedral and Diocesan Offices than me. Still, for a time, this had been the center of my purpose in my life.
CD stood, somewhat impatiently, as I pointed out where my office had been and all the little landmarks. That was the little chapel where I had led services. That was the hall where I presided over Bingo.
And now 5 more years have passed. A decade since I was in black. And it still seems like if I just reach behind me, it is still there. Just. The last "Amen" ringing in my ears.
* "History, despite its wrenching pain, cannot be unlived, but if faced with courage, need not be lived again." - Maya Angelou
Posted by: Elizabeth at
05:09 AM
| Comments (4)
| Add Comment
Post contains 726 words, total size 4 kb.
1
That was lovely. Is it ok for me to say that I was sad that CD was impatient while you were revisiting your past? I found that poingant.
Posted by: RP at November 16, 2004 06:42 AM (LlPKh)
2
Gosh, I haven't talked to a bishop in years, but I remember well the struggle to avoid addressing them directly. Nice post.
Posted by: Beth at November 16, 2004 08:10 AM (whvdZ)
3
This makes me sad.
I remember the first time I took Big Daddy and MY Kid back to my hometown. I no longer had any family there, but I felt the roots pulling my feet into the ground like so much gravity.
They were considerately appreciative. But they just didn't get it.
kh.
Posted by: kalisah at November 16, 2004 03:27 PM (rU32B)
4
Wonderfully thought provoking post. Home is in your heart.
Posted by: Jazzy at November 17, 2004 10:33 AM (Zk9pu)
Hide Comments
| Add Comment
November 15, 2004
Public Service Announcement
Pet-a-byte.
Say it with me.
Pet... Uh..... Bite.
This, grasshopper, is what comes next. The Kilobytes made Megabytes. The Megabytes made Gigabytes. The Gigabytes made Terabytes. And the Terabytes make....
Petabytes.
Very important word if you wanted to get a job in this area. Because the place in IT where there will be exponentially more openings over the next few years is in Data Management. Storage.
That's when you take all the company's stuff and bundle it onto things called "arrays" that sit on a fibre network called "SAN". And? It is measured in Petabytes.
To use it in a sentence:
"Hi, I heard that you are cross-training engineers into Storage and I want to make the jump from managing Terabytes to managing Petabytes."
Not "Peterbyte".
Not "Petrabyte".
Not "thousands of Gigabytes".
Not "thousands of Terabytes".
Not "big bits".
Not "PT's".
Petabyte.
Thank you.
Posted by: Elizabeth at
09:20 AM
| Comments (4)
| Add Comment
Post contains 150 words, total size 1 kb.
1
A yipping, nipping chihuahua in a tiny pink sweater comes to mind.
Posted by: GraceD at November 16, 2004 02:20 AM (YBuTr)
2
Who knew?! Interesting
Posted by: Fredette at November 16, 2004 03:37 AM (QhI+Z)
Posted by: Michele at November 16, 2004 04:22 AM (iO00U)
Posted by: kalisah at November 16, 2004 03:25 PM (rU32B)
Hide Comments
| Add Comment
November 14, 2004
Well, that sucked
My birthday? Well, that sucked.
Picture CD asking me for present suggestions at 11AM on my birthday morning. No, he wasn't looking for GOOD suggestions (like a chunky sapphire and platinum ring or a vintage Jag) but BAD suggestions (like things he can get for under $10. At the grocery store. While picking up a gallon of milk with Bear in tow).
And when Bear whispered to him later that it was time to light candles on a cake and sing, CD looked at him blankly and said "no cake".
Those two words? Are EVIL.
Luckily? My girlfriends are the kind of women who came galloping in, like shimmering Valkyries in Hondas.
Off first for an outstanding manicure. We were laughing so hard in the spa's front window that an old man walking up the street in an old-fashioned camel hair coat and plaid hat stopped and looked in at us.
He waved. We waved back. He grinned. We grinned back. Before it got creepy, he took off. A few minutes later, he came back down the sidewalk. And older lady on his arm, her shopping in his other hand. He mimed an introduction, we smiled at them happily.
Then it was off for some fabulous authentic Itlalian food. With lots of cocktails. We twizzled our fingertips under the candlelight and said - look, how pretty our red nails look in this light.
It was a rotten day that improved with age. My girlfriends let me know that I am loved. They are the kind of women that will drive round-trip 6 hours and never let me feel the obligation for it.
The night finished with the new inane Bridget Jones movie. Because, well, Colin. And Hugh.
I slept in a comfy guest bed and in the morning there was homemade cafe mocha, with cinnamon sprinkles.
The best gift I got for my birthday this year? The friendship of my amazing girlfriends. Who are, in real life and in the blogisphere, some of the most amazing kick-ass strong beautiful women you could find.
Posted by: Elizabeth at
01:45 PM
| Comments (18)
| Add Comment
Post contains 349 words, total size 2 kb.
1
Are they single? Oh wait....I'm married.
Happy Birthday youngster!
Posted by: Genuine at November 15, 2004 04:39 AM (qT8Wg)
2
Aww, sister I'm glad your day perked up! Happy birthday!
Posted by: Coleen at November 15, 2004 05:08 AM (vdU70)
3
I'd have made you a cake . . .
Happy Birthday. You're what, 28 now?
Posted by: Philip at November 15, 2004 05:50 AM (zsoKg)
4
I'm glad the day picked up for you. No cake? Really? That one is hard to understand. Not even a brownie?
Happy Birthday!
Posted by: RP at November 15, 2004 07:27 AM (LlPKh)
5
Kudos to your "kick-ass strong beautiful women" friends! Glad your birthday turned out nice!
Posted by: Grace at November 15, 2004 08:06 AM (UdgWp)
6
Happy birthday to a sister scorpio! I am glad the friends came through!!! I love your blog btw!!!
Posted by: Serenity at November 15, 2004 08:43 AM (n+VEj)
7
Happy birthday, Elizabeth! Here's to manicures, cocktails and Colin & Hugh... all of which are made so much better by the presence (presents?) of great girlfriends!
Posted by: Kimberly at November 15, 2004 08:53 AM (Vc80e)
8
I'm not sure if I've signed your guestbook before, but I've been reading your blog for a short time and really enjoy it (I'm a working mom of 2 - oh, ya, a *married* working mom of 2). I just wanted to send you a belated happy birthday wish - glad you had fun w/your girlfriends!
Posted by: Monica C. at November 15, 2004 08:55 AM (8Ff77)
9
"Shimmering valkyries in Hondas"
That one's going in the keeper file.
Happy Birthday, Elizabeth! :-)
Posted by: Jim at November 15, 2004 09:03 AM (tyQ8y)
10
All the best to you, Elizabeth.
Your loyal reader,
GraceD
P.S. - Will you have a follow-up on how you dealt with CD? Was he busy, crazed, depressed, out of it? Will he be scolded, punished, cold-shouldered, forgiven?
Posted by: GraceD at November 15, 2004 10:33 AM (P1gbr)
11
Thank goodness for girlfriends! Happy Belated!
Posted by: mare at November 15, 2004 10:47 AM (veLci)
12
Happy Birthday! If it's any consolation, my hubby screws up sometimes, too. One year, for Mother's Day, he got me a Steam Buggy. I had to explain to him that cleaning implements do not count as gifts for any occasion. Also, I have to remind him every day for the week leading up to my birthday that I must have a cake, and not one of those crappy ice cream cakes they sell in the grocery store, either. Men! Ya totally gotta think for them.
Posted by: notdonnareed at November 15, 2004 11:23 AM (bHNZD)
13
Happy belated birthday, Elizabeth. I'm glad your girlfriends came through for you. My hubby and I don't really do anything for each others' birthdays even though I secretly wish we did...ok, maybe I secretly wish he'd step up, but then he is really the worst gift giver ever. (Well meaning, but sucks at it.)
Ah well, happy happy 29th and a half. :-)
Posted by: Soccamom at November 15, 2004 11:49 AM (pVE96)
14
Happy Birthday! I am going to read your post to Hubby to try improve my chances for a good birthday of my own this week. What do you want to bet the hint will be too subtle?
Posted by: Tammy at November 15, 2004 12:32 PM (aFeo0)
15
happy day! Your girlfriends sound fab. You make me wish I was there.
Posted by: kalisah at November 15, 2004 01:50 PM (rU32B)
16
I'm glad your girlfriends saved the day. Men can be really goofs! I know (think back to my 10 year anniversary a few weeks ago!).
I wish I had some good friends nearby!!
Posted by: Fredette at November 16, 2004 03:40 AM (QhI+Z)
17
For my birthday (in Sept) I told Mike all I wanted in the whole wide world was a yellow cake with chocolate frosting homemade by HIM. (and I said it really cute-like too, you know with big doe eyes and a sweet little smile). The day of my birthday came, he came home went to bed as usual, slept way beyong his normal 8 hours and then rummaged through the pantry for cake mix. Like he thought I went out and bought my own birthday cake mix??
So when all he could find in the pantry was this gross orange dreamsicle cake mix my mom gave me, he baked that and called it good.
Feh.
That's what I say to lame husbands on our birthdays.
FEH.
Posted by: Michele at November 16, 2004 04:26 AM (iO00U)
18
Happy belated birthday. I approve of your girlfriends, and if I'd known you then, I'd have been right there with them. You deserve it.
On my bday in August, there was nothing (he dashed out for a Safeway cake at the last moment when he decided the kids would be upset if dinner passed without one), but that was it. Nothing, not even a card, from the kids. Logan felt so bad that he dug up my mother's day card and gave that to me again.
Posted by: Mindy at November 18, 2004 12:29 PM (rC+6B)
Hide Comments
| Add Comment
November 11, 2004
I am UberChick - the mighty new multi-handed rapping superhero who can leap bad vendors in a single bound!
For those of you keeping score at home, we are now at 48 hours until my birthday.
So what have I been up to in preparation of this important galactic holiday?
On the one hand, my crazy job is just busting out all with good news.
Yeah, I'm lying.
Actually, I am surrounded by bad crazy people. I'm stressing so bad that my mentor called me tonight and cautioned me that it's not a good idea to do my One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest impression while leaving status updates on his voice mail. He is after all, a vice president. Try and have some decorum, for heaven's sake.
But Muffins on a stick, how many ways exactly can a vendor's product break? I mean REALLY. I'm from the boonies of New England. So I get all wobbly thinking 9 or 10 zeroes look like real money. And I start expecting things like .. uhh... a working product for that kind of dough.
And definitely not excuses like "the dog ate my code". Or my personal favorite; "whoops?". Definitely. Not.
I do not WANT any more service restoration team meetings, root cause analysis reports, change requests, tiger teams, red teams, rapid response plans, or executive summits. No I do NOT, Sam-I-Am.
On the other hand, oh lookie there - CD is leaving on Sunday for 10 days on a sudden business trip to Texas. Which means that from here to Thanksgiving week I get to juggle the futtlemuch Vendors (see above) and the full-time responsibility of da'Bear. Which, you know, is cool. Because I'm a Superhero.
But wait.
All is not lost.
Because here in on this last hand, which is looking pretty puffy because I'm retaining enough water to source Niagra Falls... there is my husband - who just ran to a library 45 minutes away to check out their FarScape DVD collection so I'd have something to watch on those cold lonely nights without him.
AND in the yellow bedroom with a slide-a-bed and the Rescue Hero collection? There is my Bear sleeping with his face in the pillow and his rumpus up in the air. For you non-parents, this is also known in Yoga as child's pose. Oh. My. Stars. Scrumptious, this is. Adorable.
And absolutely guaranteed to get you humming "I like Big Butts and I cannot lie..." Even if, like me, that's the ONLY lyric you know to the song. Just wiggle a little and hum until it comes around again on the refrain...
You know what I want for my birthday? For real?
A nap.
Posted by: Elizabeth at
05:01 PM
| Comments (8)
| Add Comment
Post contains 469 words, total size 3 kb.
1
Oh honey, You SOOOOO need a break. (Chuckle Chuckle) Here's hoping you get what you want for you Birthday, and bunches more.
Posted by: Cat at November 11, 2004 05:34 PM (ZQtwP)
2
I love it when they sleep like that although I suspect it is how they recharge their evil cells. You know, letting gravity move all of the crap down into their brains. ;-)
Happy Birthday!
(I'm wishing you an early happy birthday since I tend to not hit the blogs on the weekends.)
Posted by: Jim at November 12, 2004 03:20 AM (tyQ8y)
3
First, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!!!
Second, is it wrong that I know the rest of the words to the Baby Got Back? ". . ., what other men try to deny, when I see a woman with an ittie bittie waist and a big thing in my face, I get sprung, and long, and I wannna get a friction on". That was from memory. A relic of a mis-spent youth.
Posted by: RP at November 12, 2004 03:31 AM (LlPKh)
4
Oh, if you lived in Dallas, we'd so be hanging out next week (and eating McDonald's Happy Meals to our hearts content). Happy [early] Birthday, just in case I'm not back over the weekend!
Posted by: Terri at November 12, 2004 03:39 AM (LRR15)
5
I remember those times in business when shit hit the fan and it didn't look good. When you had to debug the software. Oh what fun! I feel the pit coming back right now.
I can't imagine tacking to that being a single parent for ten days. Talk about draining? Whew!
May something break this spell for you --and wisk you into an unexpected bliss! I hope you have a better than expected b-day too!
Posted by: Fredette at November 12, 2004 05:16 AM (QhI+Z)
6
I used to sleep with my butt in the air, too! It was really comfy!
**hugs** Sounda like you need them.
Posted by: Funkalicious at November 12, 2004 01:42 PM (J1FFQ)
Posted by: Michele at November 14, 2004 03:08 AM (iO00U)
8
I'm late! I'm late! I'm sorry!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Posted by: Helen at November 14, 2004 04:15 AM (WEElQ)
Hide Comments
| Add Comment
Report Card
Just like so many before us, CD and I huddled before Bear was born and made him so many promises. Last night, I began to think about how we were doing....
(Hummed, where available in Blog-o-sonic, to the tune of 'Forever Young' by Bob Dylan.)
1. We promise that you will always be loved, that you will know love as an action we choose every day;
2. We promise that you will always know that you are part of the family (even if we embaress you into disavowing us from ages 11-1
3. We promise that in our family, we will give, teach, and demand: respect, kindness, cooperation and sharing
4. We promise to laugh. We promise that you will hear laughter in you home as long as we live. We promise to inspire your laughter, share your laughter, and laugh at you every time you let us dress you for Halloween
5. We promise that you will always have the necessities of life
6. We promise that you will know hardship; that we will do everything we can to prepare you for it; that we will model to you the power that comes from doing what is hard and what is right
7. We promise that we will always have your back, that you will always know that there are at least two people in this world who believe in you - even when you're wrong, even when you're afraid, even when you pretend not to care
8. We promise that we will do everything we can to teach you how and when to fight for yourself - physically, vocally, emotionally, intelligently
9. We promise that we will make a path in your life to God, and that you will know there is something greater than yourself to which you are responsible
10. We promise that our goal is to grow you right out of our house. That we will be preparing you for that every moment we are lucky enough to be parenting you:
That we will teach you how to take care of your body; how to wipe; how to groom; how to tweeze; the importance of protective equipment; the addictive rush of physical exertion; the thrill of competition; the bonding that comes from of team sports; how to be a friend; how to see past the differences to the samenesses;
the value of a dollar; how to balance a checkbook; how to cook for yourself and anyone else who may come along;
how to avoid making anyone else come along until you are ready; what "ready" means;
how to buy a condom; how to buy a car; how to buy a house; how to buy a melon; how to how to budget sensibly; how to save for long-away dreams;
how bear an injustice; how not to;
how to drive a car; how to take care of your things;
how to change a fuse; how to write a research paper in a single night; how to patch drywall; how to make a paper airplane;
how to travel; how to pack lightly;
how to make a good first impression; how to get back up when you fall down; how to dress for the occcasion; how to waltz; how to iron a dress shirt;
how to have a conversation; how to forgive; how to be grateful; how to be still.
11. We promise to honor your dreams more than the ones we will have for you
12. We promise you our honesty. We promise that we will squirm and blush, but we will not hide from answering the questions you may have
13. We promise you that there will be rules; and we won't back down from our expectations that you follow them
14. We promise to read you a story
15. We promise to proudly pull out those baby pictures of you - especially the ones in the bathtub - with the least amount of provocation and whenever possible
And because RP asked: We give ourselves a B-.
We both find it harder to stay "present" to Bear that we'd thought. Sometimes we find ourselves "unplugging" from him much more than we ever thought. Oh, the guilt, the GUILT! Using the TV or letting him slip into his own world in his room or at the playground.
And we TOTALLY dropped off the list all the things we thought we'd do SOOOO well - like NOT having TV, or making all his food (From scratch! Organic!) and never letting him see the inside of a McDonalds (Yeah, right - he can tell you what kind of toy he wants in his Happy Meal *groan*) or things like crafts (Tie-Dying his clothes! With vegetable dyes we make ourselves! From things gathered on our nature walks! That we take in protest of strip mining!).
This was inspired by someone, can't remember who.... Tell me and I will credit you
Posted by: Elizabeth at
03:40 AM
| Comments (7)
| Add Comment
Post contains 823 words, total size 4 kb.
1
That's really precious! You two must be awesome parents!!!!
Posted by: Fredette at November 11, 2004 03:58 AM (QhI+Z)
2
That's a lovely idea. How are you doing so far on the report card? I bet you're in the A range even if you'd give yourself a B+.
Posted by: RP at November 11, 2004 04:30 AM (LlPKh)
3
And teach him how to change fuses in a fuse box, how to talk nicely to a lady, how to get ready for his first heart break, how to cook spaghetti-the really good kind!
And above all-tell him how much he is loved. I'm sure you already do. I just know that's something that the other little bears in the world could do with more of.
Helen
VP of MAS
Posted by: Helen at November 11, 2004 08:10 AM (/SIeu)
4
It's best to keep the important stuff and drop the other stuff (like McDonald's). I thought Isabel would never know about Happy Meals, but now, atleast once a week... well, I'm not proud, but she's not crying. And that's all that matters in my book.
Posted by: Terri at November 11, 2004 08:12 AM (LRR15)
5
I KNEW you'd be too hard on yourself. B-, indeed. No way. I don't believe it for a second. I think he has unstinting love from both of you and that raises you right at the start to over a B.
Posted by: RP at November 12, 2004 03:33 AM (LlPKh)
Posted by: FrumDad at November 23, 2004 07:35 AM (KhhGE)
7
Sorry I messed up your formatting in comments. 'Twas an accident.
--FD
Posted by: FrumDad at November 23, 2004 07:36 AM (KhhGE)
Hide Comments
| Add Comment
November 09, 2004
Smarter than your average Bear
Picture by Elizabeth: Bear, in the rain. 2004.
Bear comes into my office this morning and announces that he doesn't want to go to preschool.
The same preschool morning program that he's been in since he was 2. The one that cost us an arm, a leg, and 3 eyeballs to pay for. The one he begged to go back to, when we didn't re-enroll him at the start of this school year.
I pulled him on my lap and asked why.
"Because XBoy doesn't want to be my friend anymore. He said so."
Note: XBoy is this amazingly charismatic and popular little boy in Bear's class who will, undoubtably, be President some day. Or a rock star. Everyone wants to be his friend, and he uses that power about as kindly as you would expect. His mother, FormerModel, doesn't do play dates and doesn't make eye contact with us lesser parents. It's all very "As the World Turns".
So I reminded Bear that he hadn't wanted to put on his rain boots last time it rained, but then he did and he had a blast playing in the puddles. And that sometimes doing things that we don't think will be good turns out to be great.
Bear looked at me a long while. And then sighed. Because I am, after all, the MOST exasperating parent on this or any planet.
"Um, no," Bear informed me in his best 'DUH!' voice. "Mommy, School isn't boots."
So. There.
Posted by: Elizabeth at
03:41 AM
| Comments (10)
| Add Comment
Post contains 257 words, total size 2 kb.
1
Very cute story! Thanks for sharing that
Posted by: Fredette at November 09, 2004 04:13 AM (QhI+Z)
Posted by: Jenny at November 09, 2004 04:40 AM (fcvxR)
3
dude, I want to hear more about FormerModel. Doesn't make eye contact? Wow.
I can't believe preschoolers are dealing with middle school clique dramas already. Poor kid! I have the same problem with some of my kids at church -- two 3 year old girls are CONSTANTLY at each other's throats, trying to prove how each is superior. I'm like "dude, you're 3, shouldn't you be playing with Play-Doh?" I don't remember drama like that happening until at LEAST 2nd grade.
Hope things work at out Preschool!
Jen
Posted by: Jen_Jake'smom at November 09, 2004 04:41 AM (2/T1v)
4
You are telling my Monday,Wednesday,Friday story!
Same here with Bacon,begged to go,so we went bankrupt (and still are) on tuition and now here every morning the same thing :
I don't like school.I don't want to go see my friends.
And then every day at pick-up this scenario:
I don't want to go home!
I want to stay here!
Kids........what can you do!
BTW;Our Bear is declaring now every morning that I (THE MOMA) can NOT homeschool him because Daddy is back at work.He says,I am not as good as Daddy and he just wants to do it tomorrow.
Yes...My kids are just a trip!
Posted by: LW at November 09, 2004 05:14 AM (GCA5m)
5
Just out of parental curiousity...how'd you convince him to go to school? If parables and metaphors don't work, what will? sugar-coated bribes?
Posted by: MetroDad at November 09, 2004 07:16 AM (1oxvI)
6
Well, I was all about promising him a donut afterwards but gee, CD pointed out that food bribes might not be the world's greatest habit to get into.
*sigh*
So we agreed that CD would wait downstairs for him for a few minutes so if he really REALLY didn't like it, he could go home. As long as he gave it a try.
So CD waited down in the lobby, and of course Bear was just fine once he was in his classroom.
I just love this age, when Bear is still young enough to trust us and try things. Figure this will fade soon enough!
Posted by: Elizabeth at November 09, 2004 07:38 AM (G2D7D)
7
Wait until I tell my kids that they've been wrong. That its actually Bear who has the most exasperating parent on this, or any other planet. Do you also hold the title of meaner than Darth Vader? I've been looking to ditch that one for years.
Posted by: Michele at November 09, 2004 08:05 AM (iO00U)
8
Well, whenever I tell him that he can't have candy any old time he wants to he tells me that I'm NOT HIS MOMMY ANY MORE!
Plus, he makes me be the BAD GUY in the Tie-Fighter whenevr we play Star Wars and I usually take quite the beating from his paper-towel-roll lightsaber. So yeah, I guess you can relinquish the Darth Vader title to me because CLEARLY I suck rocks and am a meanie too.
Posted by: Elizabeth at November 09, 2004 08:11 AM (G2D7D)
9
Oh we have one of those friends. It is exasperating. My son hasn't been rejected in a while, so maybe they've gotten past the power play, but who knows. I'm so looking forward to junior high.
Posted by: Laura at November 09, 2004 02:43 PM (R+HFl)
10
haha, he reminds me of christopher robbin in the winnie the pooh cartoon.
Posted by: ASB at November 10, 2004 01:54 PM (IPuVh)
Hide Comments
| Add Comment
On how I can make Farscape relevent to infertility
[
start: yes another "To Be or Not To Be" entry. Because even escapist science fiction can be twisted up in the cause of additional angst.]
Let me explain.
No, is too much.
Let me sum up.
I was rewatching the Farscape - PeaceKeeper MiniSeries last night (oh, TiVO, how I love thee) and I realized something.
The parts that I really like are very true. You know, the moment when the hero and heroine are reanimated and they pull their guns in unison? Instinctively covering each other's backs. A ballet of movement as they protect each other and themselves.
This picture, motion and still, belongs to the Henson Company. I am not using it for profit, I make no money from this site. So please don't sue me.
Not that I run around space with CD wearing size 2 leathers (JeevusMary as if).
But that orchestration, that practiced touch and motion, that's the part that I could watch over and over again because it rings so true.
It exists in life here on Earth. It exists as CD carries a sleeping Bear from the car as I move ahead opening doors and pulling down the blankets on his bed. As we pass the grocery cart back and forth as one of us goes on ahead with Bear to find the next thing. As we decide with a glance which one of us will be the designated driver home from a party. In the touch of our fingers as we pass each other - "I am here, we are a team".
How sappy am I? Those are the moments when my heart jiggles like Jell-O and my knees get weak. When I feel so amazingly good - like my blood is heated in my veins.
CD hears me tell this theory with a raised eyebrow. He looks at the John Crichton character - brunette, tall, smart-mouthed - and looks back at me. Yeah, OK, CD is also brunette, tall, and smart-mouthed (or smart-eyebrowed even). Guilty as charged, he's yummy, they're yummy, and I'm shallow.
But. Really.
And then I get sad. Thinking about how our indecision - MY indecision - is pulling us away from our rythym. Because usually, even in our arguments, ours is a practiced dance.
CD: What's your problem?
Me: OK, that's a question designed not to get you an answer, just an opponent.
CD: (long look)
Me: (long look)
CD: What's wrong?
Me: (in frustration) I wish I knew...
Even in disagreement we are usually coordinated. We snap and joust and then move to the heart of the matter. We ask forgiveness, grant it, reach out, hold.
But not this time. Not on this topic. And that's why it hurts so much. Because not only is my heart is ripped up over it. But also because it is coming between us.
It. Another baby.
This morning, CD calls me after dropping Bear off at preschool. He retells their conversation in the car:
Bear: Daddy? I want to grow a new baby.
CD: No, honey. Only grown-up girls can grow babies.
Bear: Oh. ...Then I want Nana to grow me a new baby.
CD: No honey, Nana is too old.
Bear: Oh. OK. Then I want Mommy to grow a new baby.
And normally, I would know - this is CD telling me a little Bear story. Only, I'm also wondering - is this his way of pressuring? But he wouldn't do that. Would he?
Crazy thoughts. Doubts. I want to get past this, but there is no script. Just love. And charity towards each other.
And faith, that we'll find our dance again.
And hope, that it's soon.
[end: angsty baby-making-or-not post with gratituitous eye-candy and sci-fi references.]
Posted by: Elizabeth at
03:26 AM
| Comments (5)
| Add Comment
Post contains 604 words, total size 4 kb.
1
I think I need to be watching Farscape...
It's tough to be out of synch. At least you're working to get it back!
Right now, I can't say that is happening in my world.
Posted by: ben at November 09, 2004 06:09 AM (cMBPb)
2
I too want another baby. In fact, it kind of hurts how much. I'm not saying I know how you feel or anything, but I may just be on a parallel track for pain/angst.
Posted by: RP at November 09, 2004 07:05 AM (LlPKh)
3
I almost went insane to have Bear. 7 months in bed. Seriously, afterwards... I mean, I am still recovering. To think about benching myself out of 7 months of Bear's life - it is almost impossible for me to fathom. My body doesn't like being pregnant, it is a side effect of Lupus. So about the 6 week mark, I start contracting - the slightest movements can set it off. I get nauseaus thinking about going through it again. But I, too, want another baby.
No one promised us easy.
You know?
Posted by: Elizabeth at November 09, 2004 07:42 AM (G2D7D)
4
I have a hope, a wish and a prayer for you. What they literally are, is up to you. Just know that my thoughts are with you.
Posted by: Soccamom at November 09, 2004 10:54 AM (U8f9h)
5
Good luck with whatever comes up!
Posted by: LW at November 09, 2004 12:10 PM (GCA5m)
Hide Comments
| Add Comment
November 08, 2004
SPAM that makes you want to hunt the bastards down
I get these almost weekly, and it always pisses me off when I think of what happens to the people who think they're legit.
If the spam comes into my work account, I can forward them to our counter-fraud unit. Otherwise, all I can do is delete them. All I want to do is hunt these spammers down like the stealing bastards they are and leave them naked, penniless, in Yukon Territory, in winter, wearing "Eau de New York Strip".
Dear Washington Mutual user,
We are performing system maintenance, wich may interfere with access to your Online Services. Due to these technical updates your online account has been deactivate. Washington Mutual recommend you to reactivate your online account. Go to Internet Banking by clicking this link, verify your identity as a customer of Washington Mutual and your online account access will be reactivate by our system.
1. Go to https://"This is a fake link!".asp
2. Enter your Username and Password.
3. You will be taken to the " Security Measures" page to confirm your identity
4. After your verification process is completed you will be able to access your account again.
Posted by: Elizabeth at
02:27 AM
| Comments (5)
| Add Comment
Post contains 211 words, total size 1 kb.
1
oh man, that totally sucks.
Posted by: kalisah at November 08, 2004 03:33 AM (et2Yx)
2
Actually, almost all banks and credit card companies have a forwarding address to send this type of spam, so that they can investigate.
When in doubt, call or check their REAL website for the forward to address. Usually something like "spoof@blahblah.com"
Posted by: Jenny at November 08, 2004 08:37 AM (fcvxR)
3
I love SPAM that wants you to believe it's valid and has spelling/grammar errors. Idiots.
Posted by: Lisa at November 08, 2004 04:09 PM (zqkA/)
4
I got that same one a few days ago. Phishers are the scum of the earth.
Posted by: Jim at November 09, 2004 01:03 AM (tyQ8y)
5
Teh heh heh!!! I see you got a good understanding of where I am!! (Is that even a sentence?!)
My "favorite" spam are the ones saying I can get millions of dollars from a bank in some African country, if I just help this guy by transferring the money into my account, etc.
Posted by: Tammy at November 09, 2004 10:45 AM (aFeo0)
Hide Comments
| Add Comment
November 04, 2004
Excuse me, Mr. President
Excuse me, Mr. President.
Just a few things, on behalf of those of us that didn't vote for you. And when I say "didn't vote for you" I don't mean, was torn and really agonized. I mean, walk a mile in hot coals to vote for anyone else. Kermit the flipping frog. Kukla . Ollie. Svengooli. The freaky looking chick that is famous for having too much plastic surgery.
We didn't even come close to voting for you. We're snarling with disappointment. SNARLING. When you look into the camera with that pseudo-earnest warm fuzzy look that you think telegraphs "olive branch" all we're think is "Hey! Is it possible he's stoned?"
You are scientifically incapable of warming our cockles or anything else with your speeches. You are having the opposite effect.
In fact, when you say things like "I've earned capital in this election and I'm going to spend it for what I've told the people I'd spend it on" almost half this country craps its collective Levi's in terror.
We're imagining being herded up in pens and strip-searched for contraband - you know, stuff like Michael Moore DVD's and bottles of Napa Zin - before being drop-shipped into a war zone with a neon uniform and a cardboard tank.
Dude, you want to earn real capital? I mean the hard stuff - the goodwill and faith of this polarized country?
C'mere.
Here's what you do. Pay attention now:
1) Recap interest rates on credit cards and the rules around raising them. Federally bitch slap the worst offenders.
2) Do something about Social Security.
3) Don't pull funding for PBS. Leave Big Bird alone.
4) Empower Colin. No shit. Let him go build a coalition after the fact.
5) Get the twins a Prius. Get each of them one. Extra credit if you can get Dick in one.
6) Quietly start pulling our troops out of the Middle East, especially the National Guardsmen who have been compelled there months beyond standard assignment.
7) And, finally, for the LOVE OF GOD, get Osama. Hand him over to the Hague. Bruised a little in transit? Hey that happens. Dead happens too. Whoops.
OK, I've got to get back to my French lessons. Freaking Canadian immigration requirements.
Good luck, Mr. President. We're going to need it.
Posted by: Elizabeth at
03:55 AM
| Comments (17)
| Add Comment
Post contains 391 words, total size 2 kb.
1
Amen, Elizabeth. Sadly, I am afraid that Powell may not stay around to be misused, abused and disregarded by Bush, Dick Cheney (the best anti-assassination security Bush could have) and Condi Rice.
Your English is certainly good enough to get you maximum points on the skilled worker status scale. ;-) Votre anglais? C'est certainement assez bon pour...pour... um, back to the books.
Posted by: Kimberly at November 04, 2004 06:40 AM (Vc80e)
2
Go get em!
Mandate, my ass. This is going to be a bumpy four years. Has he started fund raising yet? Seems that started about day two or three last time around. Gotta have enough money for the hateful TV spots.
Posted by: ben at November 04, 2004 07:31 AM (cMBPb)
3
*runs to hide Napa Zin*
Posted by: Genuine at November 04, 2004 07:40 AM (W9UXV)
4
***Applause*** You go Elizabeth!
Can I add #8 For God's sake, embrace Stem Cell Research! Even the Righties suffer from Diabetes, Alzheimer's, Parkinsons...
Posted by: lex at November 04, 2004 08:29 AM (zFDGN)
5
And oh yes, please cut out all the bipartisan bullshit. You said that last time, it was a lie. You say it this time, it is a lie. At least stop insulting our collective intelligence.
Posted by: Beth at November 04, 2004 09:59 AM (whvdZ)
6
Lord. I was cringing, out and out cringing! when I clicked the comments link, prepared for the bashing I was about to read. I just knew some dillwad was going to smack you down for this post.
But hey, a surprise!
I agree I agree I agree and couldn't have said it better.
Posted by: Michele at November 04, 2004 10:37 AM (iO00U)
7
Thank you. You've made me laugh (and you know I really needed that) I couldn't have said it better.
Posted by: Cathy at November 04, 2004 11:38 AM (ZQtwP)
8
I think I just wet myself after reading number 5.
Seriously.
Posted by: Helen at November 04, 2004 09:22 PM (hT/v7)
9
*more applause*
I'm so glad people like you have the capability to put into words how I feel about Mr. Dumb-Ass. I've never hated anyone so much in my life. All I could write in my blog is how sad the whole thing makes me. Thank you.
Jen
Posted by: Jen_Jake'smom at November 05, 2004 01:48 AM (2/T1v)
10
"almost half this country craps it's collective Levi's in terror"
Or put another way, *more* than half of this country agrees with him. Like it or not, he wasn't just reelected, he was reelected with more than 50% of the votes. That makes your positions on the outside, not his.
I like the suggestions you made, mainly because there hasn't been enough logical constructive criticism of this administration. But you also have to remember that your general viewpoint was rejected by more than half of all American voters.
Two more little nits: *all* military sign a contract to serve "for as long as the government requires". It's not fine print, and everyone is told up front about it. A term of service in the military is the *minimum* time you'll be there, not the maximum, and not even the promised amount of time.
President Bush has done more for stem cell research than any previous president. If you're going to make an argument, at least understand the underlying facts. There are research grants waiting to be given out, but unwanted because fetal-cell research has proven to be less promising than adult-cell avenues. The only thing this administration did was deny *federal* funding for new fetal-cell lines (related to it's anti-abortion stand). The original fetal cell lines are still there, federal funding is still provided for them, and nobody has restricted private funding in any way. Senators Kerry and Edwards flat out lied about stem cell research during the campaign, and it pissed off a lot of researchers.
Posted by: Ted at November 05, 2004 04:03 AM (blNMI)
11
Ted, you brave commenter you (and honored fellow Munuvian);
Yes. Just over half the people who voted, voted for Bush. But remember, just under half of the people who voted, didn't.
That means that this country - this cowboy, proud, strong, loud-mouthed, faithful, opinionated country - is split roughly into half and at loggerheads.
This post represents my (maybe silly) idea of thoughts about reaching out to a fractured populace. I think the President - he who represents ALL of us, ALL of 'We, the People' - should find some way to demonstrate that he is listening to ALL of us.
Not just those who voted for him.
Besides being the precept this country is founded on - it just makes good sense. A leader is much more powerful with all his constituency's support - not just half.
Thank you for being brave enough to post. Isn't it nice to live in a country that (well, at least until Homeland Security shuts us up) we can have this dialogue?
/Elizabeth
P.S. I said nothing about stem cell research.
P.P.S. Let's agree to disagree on the National Guard service in Iraq and Afghanistan.
Posted by: Elizabeth at November 05, 2004 04:41 AM (ehQxN)
12
Elizabeth,
You manage to say exactly what I was thinking only so much more clearly... Excellent post.
PS- Those Canadians are looking better all the time, but we will stay and fight for now.
Posted by: Becky at November 05, 2004 07:59 AM (dk57S)
13
Here here! And while you are at it, close the borders. And legalize gay marriage...I deserve the same rights as anybody else.
Posted by: debby at November 06, 2004 07:42 AM (6krEN)
14
Very nicely said. In other news....you are moving to Canada?! Yippee!! When and why? Any chance you will make it all the way up here to the Yukon, so you can freeze your ass off next to me?
Posted by: Tammy at November 06, 2004 07:59 PM (aFeo0)
15
Uh, Ted? I have read the facts. I have done the research. And despite that he's done "more" than any other president, he's also limited it more than embraced it. What he's done is tiny little baby steps forward while binding the starting gate to limit real progress.
Posted by: lex at November 08, 2004 05:23 AM (P8k6q)
16
Oh, I'm sorry Elizabeth for cluttering your comments with my response to Ted. I believe his stem cell comment was in response to my earlier comment.
I don't like using bloggers comments to carry on with other commenters, so I shouldn't have really responded to Ted's comment in the first place as this were a forum and not your blog! Sorry!
Sometimes I get a little too post happy about things near and dear to my heart.
You always say things better than I do anyway!
Posted by: lex at November 08, 2004 05:34 AM (P8k6q)
17
No problem!
Stem cell research is a life or death issue, so what could be more important to debate?
My family is adamantly for allowing research - including on discarded fetal cells.
That is not to say that it doesn't make me feel queasy to think about. It is a morally hard issue to contemplate, and I know most people do their absolute best to think these things through with both their minds and their hearts.
And not everyone would come to the same conclusion as you and I, Lex.
The world is a better place when we can discuss these things openly.
Posted by: Elizabeth at November 08, 2004 10:26 AM (G2D7D)
Hide Comments
| Add Comment
November 03, 2004
There's No Place Like
Picture by Elizabeth: Bear walking along the shore, 11/2004
What a trip.
Bear, as usual, was an excellent companion.
I was emotionally overwhelmed, and that confused him. Otherwise, he was curious and affectionate and bright like a new penny. A freckled balm to a painful situation.
There were some good moments. Another trip for Bear to gather even more memories in the same earth that generations of family before him have walked, and explored, and laughed, and lived.
But it was a long, long 3 days.
Then yesterday morning we returned the rental car, raced Bear to the potty, and schlepped to our gate. To discover the flight was slightly delayed.
They boarded us 30 minutes later - front of the plane first and working their way back. Stunningly, this did not prove to be the quickest way to get everyone seated.
Meanwhile, the flight attendants announced no fewer than a dozen times - "We are trying for an on-time departure. Please get out of the aisles and find your seats." Because we were actually having a cocktail party in the aisle. Oh yeah, we were all about dawdling our asses and mingling over Bloody Marys.
Bear, bless him, sunnily said "Good morning" to every row we passed.
Last year, Bear and I were trapped in a 737 on a taxiway for 6 hours. When we finally landed (some 9 hours after boarding) and made our way off the plane, the flight crew and some of the passengers turned and broke out in applause for Bear as we were exiting. I get misty remembering it.
The captain kneeled down and pinned wings on Bear. He said "You are, in the 20 years I have been flying, the best behaved kid I have ever had the pleasure to have on my plane."
Bear had turned 3 years old a few weeks before.
In the 25 or so flights he's been on since he was born, Bear has always made us proud with his calm attitude. So I wasn't worried this time when were stuck awhile waiting our turn for the runway that he would get flustered or whiny.
But then Bear's laptop battery died in the middle of his Scooby Doo movie. And there was not so much a package of peanuts served in Coach despite our 3 hours on the plane and we exhausted the bags of snacks we'd brought. The flight attendants read the paper and chatted, ignoring my ring to please bring some napkins when his juice spilled. And with me trapped in a middle seat (children's safety seats must be placed in a window seat), I was stuck letting the juice soak into my clothes.
We're used to the extra legroom in American, and when the seat in front of Bear reclined - it actually crushed Bear's legs bewteen the laptop on his tray and his hard plastic safety seat. He cried out and I physically pushed the lady's head back up. She turned and gave me a uncomprehending nasty look and tried to recline again.
Yeah, I fixed that.
(Just as an aside, I may need a lawyer.)
We both hung on by a thread. A really really thin thread. When we finally landed and exited, Bear thanked the crew nicely and asked if there was a badge for this flight (on American, they always give him a sticker shaped like pilot's wings). They said no and asked us to move along.
By that point, I'd sworn off United Airlines for life. The $40 we saved? So not worth it.
From our arrival gate in O'Hare's hinterlands, it was a mile-long walk to where CD was waiting.
We held hands and resolutely navigated 3 escalators, 4 people movers, a freaky neon light show, and construction detours. Both of us in our backpacks (Bear's is a preschooler-sized Spiderman one, mine is a behemoth but it's our only luggage). Bear's safety seat tucked under my free arm.
Finally we spotted CD on the other side of security and started running.
The security lady snapped over and over again "He can't come in here! He can't come in here!" referring to CD - who is, I admit, kind of scary looking when he's anxious. But it was crazy, because he was standing carefully on his side of the line in the empty exit area and making NO move to come to us.
(The better not to be shot by rabid undertrained security personnel.)
"DADDY!" Bear screamed, and shook free of me to leap into CD's arms.
I crashed into the hug a millisecond later.
"Home," CD murmured into my lips.
"Home!" Bear exclaimed, clinging to CD.
"Home," I agreed.
We're Home.
Posted by: Elizabeth at
08:02 AM
| Comments (6)
| Add Comment
Post contains 790 words, total size 5 kb.
1
Glad your back in the bliss and peace of your home.
Can I relate to your flying tale.
My son too is a seasoned traveller, especially while we lived in Asia. From those trips I learned to book far in advance, to ask for specific seats, to travel only on certain airlines and to use my premiere membership status to get free seat upgrades.
still, those attendants sounded awful. I hope you dash a letter off to someone and copy the FAA, bear didn't deserve being treated that way either!
Posted by: michele at November 03, 2004 01:02 PM (ht2RK)
2
Just last month for our holiday we took United, too.
And I can say this-we will never, ever take United again. It's like the Graveyard where all the Grouchy People go. They find the bitter and nasty people from other airlines and hide them in United.
Poor Bear.
Posted by: Helen at November 03, 2004 11:52 PM (hT/v7)
Posted by: Michele at November 04, 2004 03:59 AM (iO00U)
4
Maybe having their pension taken away makes em cranky.
Welcome Home!
Posted by: Genuine at November 04, 2004 05:36 AM (+OpeM)
5
Welcome home! And great letter to our, humph, president.
Posted by: Jazzy at November 04, 2004 06:28 AM (2vifq)
6
Welcome home!
I remember the first, and last, time my daughter went with me on a plane. It was just before her first birthday and the only thing that would keep her entertained was standing on my lap and staring at everyone behind us with her drool covered face. So many people came up to me after we left the plane to tell me how well behaved she beautiful she was.
Bear sounds like he has a very old soul .. he's a keeper
Posted by: moxygen at November 05, 2004 04:18 PM (ss6F/)
Hide Comments
| Add Comment
155kb generated in CPU 0.0363, elapsed 0.082 seconds.
83 queries taking 0.0549 seconds, 393 records returned.
Powered by Minx 1.1.6c-pink.