December 31, 2005
Happy Something.
This is a note of warning - I have been ill for 6 days. 5 of which I vaguely remember in shadows and gulps and sweaty sheets. For all I know, I am currently inseminated with some evil alien's hybrid child that will split me open like an overripe melon. Look, it could be true. The past few days are lost to me like a bad NBC drama.
I have no freaking idea.
And into the dim, comes New Year's Eve.
I hate New Year's Eve.
The best New Year I ever spent, on a balcony overlooking Reykjavik. A thousand blooms of fireworks lighting up the sky. Iceland brings in a new year with bonfires and hearty meals and drunken song and dozens and dozens of blasts in the sky. And even that night, that happy night, was book-ended with tears and maudlin moaning and trepidation.
Why?
Because New Year's Eve sucks.
It sucks rocks and there's no convincing me otherwise. You just can't attempt to encompass a year's worth of possibilities and realities and have that live up to itself. I mean, you blend up bad champagne, overly veneered strangers, shiny shoes that hurt your feet, and some guy who's decided he's getting lucky for sure and you will NOT come out the other end with anything good. No, my friends, you will, in fact, come out with the sum total of the umpty-ump remembered New Year's Eves of my life. A veritible sausage of disaster.
I'm talking about starting off the new year with worse than just blurry eyes and ringing regrets and vomit on my shoes.
The best of intentions, each year. The worst of results. The kind of stuff that you can't plop plop fizz fizz back into anything good.
*sigh* Not the best of moods to be contemplating a year in. So, I won't.
Instead, I will stubbornly do as I usually do. With the added festive touch of mighty blue Nyquil. Which is to say - count this as a night when it is best to stay at home, eat snack food for dinner, and watch reruns until bedtime.
But before I begin hauling all the pillows and blankets into the living room, I wanted to stop as I did last year and say this...
Thank you for the dance so far. This blog and each soul who has stopped by for a piece of the journey has been an incredible blessing to me.
And, please - drive safe tonight (if you must insist on revelry and merriment and/or shiny high-heeled shoes), remember to kiss your designated driver all over, and see you in 2005 2006.
Peace on Earth, God's peace to us all. (Or, at the very least, a mutual non-combatant treaty).
Icelandic New Year's Eve Chant:
Let those who want to, arrive.
Let those who want to, leave.
Let those who want to, stay.
Without harm to me or mine.
Posted by: Elizabeth at
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1
I love the Icelandic wisdom you incorporate on your site...my family currently lives in Norway and I pass the chants, blessings etc on to them. I do hope that you are soon on the mend. Truly. Have a beautiful 2006.
Posted by: gigi at December 31, 2005 10:18 AM (p9EFC)
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Happy New Year!!! I hope that 2006 will be better for you than 2005. Just think of the new adventure you will be starting.
Posted by: crystal at December 31, 2005 10:27 AM (QR932)
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Amen. New Years' Eve is the biggest Amateur Night on the planet for drunken stupidity.
After ten years of tending bar, I think I can speak with some authority on the subject.
And, in case you're wondering the SECOND worst Amateur Night is St. Patrick's Day.
Hope you feel better really soon, babe.
xoxo
Posted by: Margi at December 31, 2005 10:47 AM (nwEQH)
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I agree with you about New Year's Eve. It sucks.
Posted by: Rhonda at December 31, 2005 11:15 AM (pWBE0)
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Word. I hate New Year's Eve, too. It's just too much pressure, too many expectations, to put on one night. Guess what? When we wake up tomorrow we're going to be the same people at the same weight with the same checkbook balance. Deal with it.
Posted by: Stacy at December 31, 2005 12:03 PM (Z3i/r)
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Sigh. I was all geared up to go to a party at a friend's house, babysitter in place, nails painted, and the party got cancelled. The death of the drippy nose sickness. So I will probably be asleep in bed long before 2006!
Posted by: Tammy at December 31, 2005 12:15 PM (M++hX)
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I know where you got the New Year's Eve Sucks gene from. Moi. Since the first time I became aware that New Year's was an "event" I've never understood it. What is so special about this one night that I have to dress up, pay way too much money to party, kiss a bunch of strange people I don't know to wish them a happy new year and go out and drive on streets and share the road with way more people driving under the influence that is even reasonably comfortable. Oh scandal of scandal I opted out when I was about 24, way too much performance pressure for this rebel. Give me a good glass of champagne, some good music and a great book to read, what more can I say.
dancing my way around your cold, hope you're feeling better soon - your loving curmungeony autie marfa
Posted by: Autie Marfa at December 31, 2005 04:19 PM (/qtT1)
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We are home tonight, planning to watch a movie soon, and we'll probably be asleep before midnight arrives in Pacific time.
Wishing you and your family a 2006 that is much better than 2005 was.
Posted by: Kimberly at December 31, 2005 04:44 PM (CXd4V)
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Happy New Year!
Am fixin' to go to bed and listen to the radio. Oh, yeah, I am really out there and hopping to have a big time. NOT!!
The best to you and yours!!
Posted by: azalea at December 31, 2005 05:07 PM (hRxUm)
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A very happy new year to you! Best wishes for 2006 and get well soon.
I've never said this before, but you are so lucky to have Bear. He reminds me of my nephew, both are the same age and I love reading all the Bear stories.
Posted by: plumpernickel at January 01, 2006 03:53 AM (EmI3M)
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After the year we had filled with illness, broken dreams, financial ruin, "old" baggage returning...how does one celebrate New Years? To make matters even more complicated, we had an unexpected death of a cousin at age 42 that left everyone stunned. In between funeral plans and viewings, my husband and I had to sit down and decide how to handle the passing of this year, but more importantly, the welcoming of the new. We had talked to friends but all plans had been put on hold until after the funeral services were over. We began calling people on Friday AND Saturday and billed ourselves as the party between parties. Expecting few, I prepared what little I had in the best way I could and we welcomed whomever and what ever would come through our door. We were overwhelmed at the number of friends who came with their friends and families in tow from dinners, in between parties, from relatives' houses...each bearing food or drink or gifts. It was one of the best celebrations we had in years! Some came in jeans, some came in "recovery mode" (many had the same flu you had over Christmas and this was their first time out in days) and some came dressed to the nines. It just showed us that those clean white pages of the new calendar are for YOU to write your destiny and your plans on. The possibilities of new hope and new dreams are always there for those who keep believing!
Here's wishing you and yours (and all those bloggers who share their hopes and dreams with all) and healthy, happy, prosperous 2006 filled with dreams come true!
Posted by: janeye at January 01, 2006 04:46 AM (699j1)
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I'm with you, I don't really see the point in all the lavish partying. Just guarantees you'll start the new year broke, if not dead. Anyway, Happy New Year, darlin!
Posted by: Crystal at January 01, 2006 05:06 AM (OnqyD)
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Happy New Year all the same -- I hope you feel better really soon
Posted by: AGK at January 01, 2006 07:51 AM (L9hsg)
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Although I must admit I kind of like New Year's, it is a sort of disorienting holiday. Things are rarely all that different at the stroke of midnight, but we all think it ought to be. Possibly in the same way that birthdays can be disorienting.
I spent New Year's with Mtk and my Mom at an Italian restaurant in Oak Park, and was at my Mom's at midnight. Mtk and I were droopy and bleary eyed (in spite of not having had much to drink) and my Mom, belive it or not, was chipper and energetic up until midnight. I think she probably stayed up after we left.
We spent the last 40 minutes of the year making fun of the drunken revelers on tv and by the announcers, who seemed a bit intoxicated themselves. So glad I wasn't anywhere near that.
Anyway, I with you the best of everything for the coming year!
Posted by: Laura at January 01, 2006 04:53 PM (FzMzF)
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Happy New Year, E! I hope that one of these years will shake you up, rock you -- and give you restored hope because it was such an incredible year for you!
Posted by: Eyes for Lies at January 02, 2006 05:28 AM (L67iN)
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God, I wish I had read this on New Year's Eve... Because mine sucked rocks! And I wouldn't have felt quite so bad.
Hope 2006 is your best year yet!
Posted by: lucinda at January 02, 2006 08:22 AM (OPvIN)
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anything that has a BIG expectation LIKE New Yr's, the most hated valentine's day or mother's day....makes me nervous! While my husband was out catering a big party (probably not having a good time, yet with people having FUN), I hunkered down in bed with 4 (yes 4!) kids to watch the ball drop. At some pt we started to hear suspicious sounds and proceeded to call DARLING hubby at work every 15 minutes or so. yes call me pathetic. but i heard the sounds too!
btw...iceland is my choice place to live, but i live in upstate NY.
just started my own blog on 1/1!
nice reading about you
Posted by: tara at January 02, 2006 03:51 PM (zCPvx)
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Happy New Year*, Elizabeth!!
(* Not "Happy New Year celebration", but rather the heartfelt wish that you and yours have a wonderful and rewarding year to come.)
Posted by: Jim at January 03, 2006 04:30 AM (tyQ8y)
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December 28, 2005
Best Laid Plans
I had intended on hoarding my remaining sick and vacation leave to buy me an extra paycheck at the end of January...
Ah. Well.
By Christmas night, my fever was already topping 101. The last 3 days are a blur of Nyquil and my husband cajoling me into eating things like soup. I just woke up and had no good idea what day it was.
Bah. Humbug.
Posted by: Elizabeth at
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1
So sorry your sick. It seems to be going around. Hope you feel better soon.
Posted by: Cindy at December 29, 2005 02:44 AM (55vg2)
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Awww, sweetie. Get better, soon.
Look at it this way: you had the sick leave to use. . .right?
Okay, okay. Miz. Bright Side Pollyanna will shaddup already.
:: uploading chicken soup ::
Posted by: Margi at December 29, 2005 03:46 AM (nwEQH)
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Aw, man. Get well soon!
Posted by: Lucinda at December 29, 2005 04:03 AM (OPvIN)
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So sick, I'm sorry but hoping I didn't catch it nor does bear or CD. christmas was fantastic and I have already framed my latest set of Bear photos. Thanks for a lovely Christmas day and big squishy hugs to you and hoping you're feeling better soon. oxoxo - Auntie Marfa
Posted by: Autie Marfa at December 29, 2005 12:42 PM (/qtT1)
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Hope you had a lovely Christmas up until the fever struck, and hope you're all better soon. Sending chicken soup thoughts your way.
Posted by: Kimberly at December 29, 2005 12:44 PM (Vc80e)
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I hope you're able to pull yourself out of that sick haze long enough to celebrate the new year with the Bear and CD! I so...hate being sick during the holidays. Feel better! {{{HUGS}}}
Posted by: Grace at December 29, 2005 04:40 PM (L058b)
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What a bummer. Hope you feel better soon!
Posted by: Rhonda at December 30, 2005 07:02 PM (pWBE0)
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I'm so sorry you are sick! I hope you feel better soon.
Hugs.
Posted by: laura at December 31, 2005 01:44 AM (FzMzF)
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December 24, 2005
A Merry Christmas to all, and to all a Good Night
As we exited church this evening, the light drizzling rain had begun to fall in earnest.
"Oh," I sighed. "I wonder if Santa can deliver in the rain..."
"Hmmm," CD agreed. "Do you think he can switch the sleigh skids into wheels? How can the reindeer pull without snow?"
"No," Bear corrected us with a long-suffering expression. "Rein-deer. Get it? REIN-deer! The first part of their name is 'REIN' so I think they can handle it. OK?"
Well, he had us there.
Then, to prove that homonyms notwithstanding he really does know his letters, Bear proceeded to spell out the next sign he saw.... "N-E-X-T-E-L" So it is with a glow in our hearts that we will always remember this as the year Bear learned to read cell-phone advertising.
*smirk*
Although I have had to temporarily hide away all my corporate posts, I have added the Holiday email I sent out to my teams in the extended portion of this email. And I mean it all very sincerely - may your and yours be blessed this sacred season.
And to all, a good night.
more...
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The same to you, Elizabeth. A very merry to you and yours.
Posted by: Jennifer at December 24, 2005 03:00 PM (y4DOI)
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Merry Christmas Elizabeth!!!
Posted by: crystal at December 26, 2005 12:42 PM (QR932)
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Merry Christmas Elizabeth! I hope you and Bear and CD have a wonderful holiday.
Posted by: halloweenlover at December 27, 2005 10:46 AM (cdEd4)
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I hope you had a wonderful Holiday. I am enjoying reading your blog and look forward to hearing more about Mega and your impending departure! Are you not allowed to post about Mega for legal reasons?
Posted by: JM at December 27, 2005 12:45 PM (Vb/y3)
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I hope you had a very Merry Christmas, Elizabeth. God bless you and your family.
Posted by: ieatcrayonz at December 28, 2005 08:17 AM (T/CTF)
Posted by: Philip at December 28, 2005 02:11 PM (R3FWx)
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December 22, 2005
Confidential to the cute guy in the steel blue Honda on Oak Park Ave. this morning
Dude, it was "Bohemian Rhapsody", by Queen - the whomping deep bass bridge that starts about 4 minutes in. Yes, I had it on repeat. Yes, I know my head thumping is much more Butabi wannabe from
Night at the Roxbury than Wayne from
Wayne's World.
No, I have no shame.
Glad I could give you a laugh so early in the morning.
Carry on.
Posted by: Elizabeth at
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HA!! That's fantastic..Happens to me all the time.. Usually for me it's "The Night Chicago Died" or something similarly old and dusty......and my 8 year old daughter just hides on the floor (MOM, that song about 1985 is about YOU, isn't it??!!!!)
Posted by: JM at December 22, 2005 03:35 AM (Ianl7)
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"Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me, for meee, for MEEEEEE..."
Waaah, wah-wah-wuh, wah-wah-wuh, wah-wah-wuh, wah-wah-wuh!!!
"Do you think you can stone me and spit in my eye! Do you think you can love me and leave me to die?! Ohhh, baby...Can't do this to me baby! Just gotta get out, just gotta get right out of heee-re!"
Beautiful. Simply beautiful.
Posted by: bev at December 22, 2005 04:59 AM (Tk9Rx)
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I dance in the car to torture the children (they fear a friend will see). Sounds like you'll be really good at it when Bear gets older
Posted by: cursingmama at December 22, 2005 05:30 AM (PoQfr)
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Oh, man. I'm glad it's not just me that car dances. I have been a source of amusement for onlookers and for my children. My children will car dance with me, even the 14 year old boy.
We had a great time with my Talking Heads compilation CD...wow. One time we were stopped at a stop light and the van moved, like two feet because we were bouncing around so much. I looked in the rear view mirror and there was a police man, staring at us in disbelief. We cooled it for a few minutes.
Now my five year old has a new dance move. He sits very still and just moves his head to the beat. Too cool for school.
Posted by: paige at December 22, 2005 12:17 PM (JdYGN)
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"Ohhhhhh baby, can't do this to me bayyy-bayyeah, just gotta get out, just gotta get right out of here"
Merry Christmas to you and yours, Elizabeth!
Posted by: Stacy at December 23, 2005 02:11 AM (Z3i/r)
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Merry Christmas to all ya'll from all of us.
xoxo
M, M, R & Little M
Posted by: Margi at December 24, 2005 08:52 AM (nwEQH)
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happy christmas Elizabeth
Abs xxxx
Posted by: abs at December 24, 2005 10:26 AM (zQGP5)
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I miss your posts about corporate drama...maybe you could visit the ghost of corporate past and treat us to an old juicy corporate story.
Just kidding.
Happy holidays.
Posted by: lyn at December 24, 2005 12:48 PM (1DJTO)
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Hey, if a middle aged woman (meaning me, I dare not comment on your age LOL) cannot ROCK OUT to Queen in the privacy (near-privacy?) of her own vehicle, what good is this damned life then???
I say rock on, because we are the champions, my friend and we'll keep on fighting 'til the end. And (again, speaking for myself) fat bottomed girls - we make the rockin' world go 'round!!!
Posted by: JustLinda at December 26, 2005 03:35 PM (YDkPD)
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December 21, 2005
Zazzle & Citgo
OK. So we got a card in the mail from a family member on it the other day, and guess who was on the stamp? My beloved uncle, who passed away last May.
Now, Uncle Mike was WAY loved - but I had no idea he'd reached Elvis-like status. Turns out, that Zazzle, an online photo-stuff company, will allow you to make your own postage stamps - and they're legal!! (You probably know that I am recovering from a Shutterfly addiction - so this news ain't good for me!)
Also? Citgo Gas (which is run by the Venezualan Government) has made a deal to assist the people of New England with low-cost oil this winter and a lot of people are recommending that Americans support that decision with their wallets - by switching to Citgo. I know I will when possible.
A caveat - Venezuala President Chavez is doing this act of kindness partially to push a modern socialist agenda, as a counterpoint to President Bush and the American Government pushing a capitalist agenda around the world. If you're a staunch Republican, you may want to wear a disguise while pumping your gas.
Me? I'm all about the warm being brought to folks who can't afford it.
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Everything's gonna (not) be all right (Chrysalis)
I'm driving down the road after morning drop-off at Happy Montessori. I just started helping out one morning a week with carpool.
I share my new Wedensday duties with 2 moms. One is tall and glamourous and sweet. The other is from Europe, and talks about the relief work she used to do in places like Chad. I was the roundy nodding lady in between.
And then, I was driving home. To work. I was going to get the car washed, but I forgot to make the turn to the bank, and besides - I think I've spent my budget for the week anyway. I was going to stop at Walgreens and pick up the enlargements I had made for Christmas gifts, but I forgot my receipts with the claim numbers on them back home.
My new morning partners were talking about the gifts they had gotten for their kids' teachers. $60 Border gift certificates. I forgot to give Bear's teachers their gift - $20, to be shared between them. I feel terrible inside. I think I should have at least made it into a gift certificate or something. Cash seems so crude now.
Bear was very eager this morning to make sure that today was an "Elia Day" - that we would be picking her up on our way home in the afternoon. He likes being with Elia - she indulges him, and cuddles him, and tells him he's wonderful. He often grabs a cape when she's around, announcing that he's "Super Bear!" because that's how she make him feel - he jumps on the bed pretending to fly, he runs with his arms outspread - shouting to imaginary people below that they needn't worry, he's got the bad guys on the run.
I was driving home, and listening to music, the sun bright in my eyes as I turned.
I feel jumbled up inside. I think about how much Mega takes care of - our house and work phones are directly paid by them. So is our DSL and my cell phone. We'll lose the stock options, the 401K plan, the dental coverage. The good laptop is theirs.
And CD, his current salary won't take care of us.
I think about not being a Senior Manager at Mega any more. About how I am a small cog, but at least I have a place. About how my place will be gone.
Bear is 5 now, and likes me in the doses he gets me as a working mom. I tell him I am going to be home with him, and I get the quizzical look from him that says "Uh, and how is that different from now?"
I don't kow how this is going to work. I never did relief work in Africa. I have never made a craft with popsicle sticks. My cooking is good, sometimes, but my meal planning is poor. I struggle and most weeks fail to keep exactly to my budget. I say things like "Deliverable" and "Total Cost of Ownership" and "Risk Contingency" as though that is how normal people talk.
My marriage is shaky. The trust is slowly being rebuilt, but we fall backward all the time.
What the hell am I doing?
WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING?
We are going to lose the house. What am I going to do with my days? How will I survive without Elia? What if my marriage falls apart? I can't even remember the receipts for the ^%^$* enlargements!!!!!
This is a disaster.
I don't know what to do.
I'm scared.
Posted by: Elizabeth at
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1
Deep breath in...Deep breath out....
Repeat.
Posted by: suzanne at December 21, 2005 04:05 AM (GhfSh)
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"What the hell am I doing"....living life to the best of your ability. When my husband and I married 6 years ago, he was the CEO and founder of his own company, we were going to create the perfect blended family of children, we had a showpiece house...today...nothing. His company was bankrupt due to a hostile stock takeover and we were sued for millions which we now owe. His children left to go back to trailer trash mom...none have graduated high school and the youngest is a 17 year old unwed mother. My son is becoming "the" name at the school my father and I taught in (and had stellar reputations when we left) and spends more time in out of school suspensions that in school. The business we started in town to make it a better place for families and create something fun for the area has gone bankrupt and we are pariahs in the community I grew up in...constantly being harrassed in stores, the street....even church. All of our accounts are totally gone, retirement, college, savings...and we have even had to go to our parents to get money for food. Shut off notices and forclosures outnumber the Christmas cards in our mailbox...so this is MY Christmas holiday.
Am I scared...yes, am I tired mentally, spiritually and physically....yes. But each morning I wake up and say thank you for the things I do have, my family, my loving friends, and ask to achieve some small victory during the day. Even if that victory is stalling a payment for a few more weeks or receiving a compliment on my performances (I am a singer in a costumed madrigal group that performs during the holiday) or even saving 4 cents on a loaf of bread....I am happy that I have survived. I have learned how to be strong in my outward appearance no matter how crushed I am inside. I have learned to celebrate the tiniest things in order to give my self the hope to continue.
To you I give my blessings and this advice....you are capable of creating your own aura and ambiance (for lack of better terms)...so fill it with happiness and you will be able to get through anything!
Posted by: Janeye at December 21, 2005 04:53 AM (699j1)
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Cash is *always* welcome. :-)
I recommend a very hot bath, with the door locked, with a big glass of wine next to you.
Posted by: Nancy Toby at December 21, 2005 05:12 AM (hXUyH)
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Janeye is right, life is what you make it. One step at a time, one thing at a time, one day at a time. Trust your heart and your husband's, and move forward based on that.
It's ok to be scared. Goodness knows we've all been scared. The trick is knowing what you should be scared about and what you shouldn't.
In the meantime, that hot bath and glass of wine sounds like a good idea.
**HUGS**
Posted by: caltechgirl at December 21, 2005 05:53 AM (/vgMZ)
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I can really feel your fear. Know this: YOU WILL BE FINE. The domestic traits develop over time. I actually had to buy a cookbook that gives a menu and shopping list for each week. I'm still working on the craft area. I was an accountant so of course I have the creativity of a rock. I don't do so well in the Mommy social group either. They think I'm boring and I think they're boring, but I'm trying. My best financial advice: Worrying every minute of every day doesn't put any cash in your accounts. Pick one day a week to sit down and pay bills and plan. I do it first thing Monday morning, then try not to think about it again until next week. It's a hard adjustment for many months, but before you know it you'll realize life isn't so bad after all. When it becomes too much to handle, just smile and enjoy that beautiful Bear. Trust me, it works.
Posted by: MJH at December 21, 2005 06:03 AM (56Gpk)
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Don't forget their are angels among us....
Things have a way of turning out.
Posted by: Genuine at December 21, 2005 06:56 AM (qT8Wg)
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Mega was destroying you.
Look, a change in lifestyle is stressful. But I am here to tell you that even if you have to sell your house and get something smaller-or heaven forbid, rent ;-), even if you don't know what you are going to do when you get home, life is going to be better for you. If you decide you want/need to work, there are other jobs. If you need time to chill, you will chill.
One step at a time. You could NOT continue as you were.
Read that again. And again if you need to.
Your family needs you. YOU need you. Mega? That you don't need.
Meanwhile, you have a whole internet full of people cheering you on. Cool, huh?
Posted by: bunny at December 21, 2005 08:36 AM (qw/ck)
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Ok. First, breathe.
What Bear needs is you and CD. What CD needs is you and Bear. What you need is CD and Bear.
The rest is just stuff.If you all end up living somewhere else...the house is just a house. The stuff is just stuff. About 8 years ago, my husband and I were both working for a local bookstore, which went bankrupt. We had been living paycheck to paycheck and we very nearly ended up living with my parents. We sold off almost everything.
We got through it. We're ok. I spend a lot of time at www.DaveRamsey.com for budgeting advice. I've got his books, too. Things are still so tight...but we're making it and it's gotten so much better.
We're all stumbling along in this enterprise of life. What's important and irreplaceable are the relationships with family and friends.
Don't think about the negatives...concentrate on the positives. Change is scary but not bad. It will be ok. It will. It really, really will.
Paige
Posted by: paige at December 21, 2005 09:53 AM (Ppz79)
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I don't think your exit from Mega would have happened as it did were it not meant to be.
It's normal to be scared. I'm just as terrified about my conscious decision to stay *in* this rat race. There are no magic answers, but you will be fine. You have your family and your health - you are already blessed!
Posted by: Monica C. at December 21, 2005 12:08 PM (gkN3L)
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You are a strong, intelligent and passionate woman. You feel things intensely, and often see them in black/white terms. This makes for fascinating reading for those of us who read and enjoy your blog, but sometimes is probably not so easy to be the one actually living it.
You have focused on all of the many bad things at Mega (NOT without good reason) until the situation became untenable for you. Now that the departure is imminent, you are seeing it more clearly for the mixed bag that it was - many stressors and difficulties, but some securities provided as well, and you are realizing the cost of leaving (and the risks you now face) in addition to the benefits and freedom you'll now enjoy. I don't think you made the wrong decision - I think you will have many wonderful adventures up ahead. But I really encourage you to try to think less in extreme terms. The more you can stay somewhere between euphoria and despondency, the healthier and better off you & your family will be.
One thing I have thought of many times, but you have never addressed is this: Bear is in school now. Even if you are the ultimate SAHM, baking cookies, doing science experiments, being a domestic goddess, etc. etc. (and I'm not mocking - I did all those very things myself when my two were home - in fact I kept them home an extra year or two and taught them to read and the basics of early education myself) - even if you do all those things, and devote yourself to them,..the fact is that more and more of Bear's life is moving AWAY from you - into school, friends, activities (karate), etc. This is the natural progression. In fact I have often wondered if motherhood isn't a long string of tiny goodbyes all lined up in a row, from the moment they take your child out of your body where s/he has lived for 9 months. But anyway, this is the bittersweet and natural progression of 'growing up'. And so, this leaves the mom (even the SAHM extraordinaire) with free time and energy to devote to other things. You have always done the black/white thing, either crazy crushing 110% work commitment to the breaking point at Mega, or your dream of SAHM without anything else going on. It is quite possible (even probable) that you will be able to find some sort of part-time arrangement related to your skill set and your field. Now don't panic - you don't have to rush into anything or take anything that doesn't seem right to you, but MANY companies would LOVE someone of your strengths, skills and experience but could not afford (or their situation doesn't warrant) having you full time. IF you consult, or take on project management on a contractual or limited part time basis, you may be able to supplement the household income and thereby take some of the pressure off CD having to work 2 jobs (which I applaud his willingness to do, but you WILL NOT like it if he is never home - trust me on this one !!!) and ease some of the financial worries in your household overall.
What I think you need to be cautious of here is that you don't trade one set of anxieties and stressors (i.e.Mega) for another equally real set (CD never being there, being overworked and exhausted when he IS there, financial burdens, you being home all the time without the challenges and stimulation that you have become used to)
In summary (and I'm sorry this is so long), I think you are having totally normal butterflies about the transition. It would not be rational of you not to. The unknown lies ahead. I encourage you to embrace it, experience it for a little while, keep your options open, and then, if/when you feel ready, network a little bit, put some feelers out there, see what opportunities exist, and perhaps consider a lifestyle that isn't the coal-black of Mega or the blindingly pure white of the SAHM, but maybe something with a swirled or marbled pattern containing the best parts of both. Be creative, see it as your own special project. If anyone can do it, YOU CAN.
Congratulations on this wonderful new beginning,and GOOD LUCK!
Posted by: Amy at December 22, 2005 12:56 AM (XQOEH)
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Actually, it was you who paid the bills not Mega. And every day that you worked there, you collected dividends of knowledge that you are taking with you. For me, hunkering down and holding onto what I thought was my dream job (while I was being destroyed by staying there for so long) ate me alive through poor health, stress, worry, unhappiness and emotional overload. When I was in crisis, a very good friend grabbed a book and picked 3 pages out of the middle. "Look. This is your crisis right now. It's a fraction of your entire life and you have all of this (flipping the following pages) in front of you." Her point was to keep the situation in perspective: This is a single point of time in your entire life travels. You are highly skilled, so don't lose sight of that and don't give the credit to Mega. Let go of the beast that is destroying you and embrace the newness to come. It could be spectacular.
Posted by: Jill at December 22, 2005 01:59 AM (mPnaW)
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Funny, but I'm feeling your panic. In a manner of speaking.
You know, just because the birth of a baby is a HAPPY thing doesn't necessarily make it any less scary and stressful.
Change is good.
And even if it's not-so-much, it's the way of the world.
I send you love and hugs and if I had time to read them, I'm quite sure I'd echo every one of your previous commenters. You have the best commenters. ;o)
xoxo
Posted by: Margi at December 22, 2005 09:18 AM (nwEQH)
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I have learned to take the skiing approach to life. If you try to look out into the future, you'll scare yourself- It's way too steep. If you look right in front of you, it seems totally manageable. You ski without falling.
Take it one day at a time. That's all you can do. Things tend to work themselves out. Money comes from unexpected sources.
Merry Christmas, Elizabeth!
Posted by: Lucinda at December 26, 2005 06:47 AM (OPvIN)
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My last day of job from hell is Friday. My almost 6 months old and my eight year old will be my world. My husband will work and I will be Mommy. I have worked full time since I was 13. I have supported my children, my ex-husband, and myself. I have NEVER depended on ANYBODY to take care of me or mine. I feel your terror. I shake at night wondering how it will be done. But something my Mom said put it in place for me...She said "You have always been able to do what needed to be done. What makes you think that will change?" And she's right. When it needed doing I did it. I remember being scared after my first was born, I remember being scared when I found out I was pregnant again, I remember being scared when I graduated high school and when I started at Emory. But it turned out just fine, and you will too. Trust yourself, you made it this far.
Posted by: Cindy at December 27, 2005 09:35 AM (55vg2)
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December 20, 2005
I miss nylons
Once upon a time, a woman was naked without nylons.
These were dark terrible bad times. Because nylons are evil. Unless you play outdoor icehockey, in which case - rock on with your own bad self. But under everyday skirts, nylons - which do not have the "give" of lycra, cause the buildup of static to the extent that entire outfits are known to sponateously combust and are prone to bunching up and causing a tourniquet sensation whereby your toes go numb but you can't do a thing about it because adjusting one's self in public is a naughty thing to do...
Wait. What the heck was I talking about?
Oh, right. Nylons.
Yech.
Except, there was this brand called L'Eggs. And they nyons came in these FABULOUS plastic eggs. Sturdy, locked tight, and were the best thing to happen to the preschool crafts scene since popsicle sticks.
And Bear is about to have two weeks off from school to celebrate Christmakuhwanzaa and he's getting a little nervous. He doesn't remember what it is like to be with Mommy during the day.
I picked him up this afternoon from school, and from the moment the minivan door started to slide open, he was asking me about our plans for his school break. He wants a list. An outline, with bullets. A schedule, that includes outside activities and inside activities and snacks.
And he has been very clear about the kind of outside play ("Tag. Sledding. Maybe build a snowman, but we need new snow. The old snow is dirty.") and snacks ("We can make banana bread if Auntie Dee gives you the recipe because she makes it best, and fruit skewers, and shredded carrot from the salad bar at Whole Foods") but his biggest concern is inside time.
Oh, my budding control freak. They are so cute at this age, before they get their first Blackberry.
So far, the only ideas I have had that interest him consist of playing umpty-ump games of War and Go Fish and maybe starting an indoor herb garden. Which means we got about 200 hours left, people.
So this afternoon, I was telling him, we can do crafts! We can use the eggs that nylons come in and we make, uh... crafts! I'll get a book, about crafts! We'll do a project.
"Sound good, Bear?"
"Yeah, Mommy!!!" Came the shout from the back of the van. "Let's make exploding crafts with eggs!"
"Uh, ok... I can get a science experiment book. We can make like an egg volcano or something."
"Great!!!"
*pause*
"Mommy? What's nylons?"
(Countdown to staying home, let's start getting nervous now...)
Posted by: Elizabeth at
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I used to love those platic L'Eggs eggs.
The glory days, eh? When a bit of plastic rocked our worlds?
Posted by: Helen at December 20, 2005 08:34 PM (syBUn)
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Let me introduce you to: http://www.dltk-kids.com/
Crafts out the wazoo!
Posted by: Cheryl at December 21, 2005 02:31 AM (GSDPS)
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yeah...now they just come in cheap little cardboard boxes, so everything about hose pretty much sucks now.
Posted by: kalisah at December 21, 2005 05:25 AM (6pzhF)
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December 19, 2005
Goodbye, Mr. Spencer
I've been trying to get over my saddened surprise that John Spencer has died. But the truth is that I loved that man. Well, his acting , anyway.
His work in LA LAW and the WEST WING has brought me incredible, giddy pleasure over the years. I quote his character, Leo McGarry. And often. But no one could ever duplicate his delivery.
Leo "Seventeen across. Yes. Seventeen across is wrong. YouÂ’re spelling his name wrong. WhatÂ’s my name? My name doesnÂ’t matter. IÂ’m just an ordinary citizen who relies on the Times crossword for stimulation. And IÂ’m telling you, IÂ’ve met with the man twice, and IÂ’ve recommended a preemptive Exocet Missile attack against his airforce. So, I think I know how to-"
CJ "Leo!"
Leo [putting the phone down] "They hang up on me. Every time."
CJ "ThatÂ’s almost hard to believe."
He had me at 17 across.
My condolences to his longtime partner, friends, family, and fellow fans. As someone on a board said over the weekend - Goodbye, Mr. Spencer. Thank you for Leo McGarry.
Posted by: Elizabeth at
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Whaddya Think?
OK, so there are a few kinks to be worked out (namely, all pages except the main index) and some people (we're not naming names) HATE the new banner. ("It's ridiculous!") (ME, I like it. I like the little family of snow people. But I could change...)
I want to hear your opinions... every comment and thought means a great deal to me. So please, voice off.
Some have asked why the change... so here it is:
1) I need to try some advertising, and the recommended layout for making it as subtle as possible was a 3-column with a white background (so 1 column could be dedicatedto ads or whatnot)
2) I plan on sharing my attempts at writing a book, and wanted more column space to link to that venture, as well
3) I wanted a fresh start to go with my...uh fresh start
OK, NOW voice off. Please
(And if I haven't attacked your site with some long overdue de-lurking and commenting, I should be there soon) (Except Philip *grin*)
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i likey! Especially the snowman family. But then again, I seem to be partial to snowpeople on the blog
Also, I like that you can change everything just by switching out the banners and changing the bg color on the posts
Easy.
Posted by: caltechgirl at December 19, 2005 05:52 AM (/vgMZ)
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Oh man, that really hurts!
I like the whole new look. I like the banner. The text and background are easy to read. I might go with a slight addition of color to the sidebars/background, but that's just me. It looks really good as is.
Posted by: Philip at December 19, 2005 06:02 AM (vhWf1)
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I like the new banner. Looks quite fine, actually.
Posted by: RP at December 19, 2005 06:55 AM (LlPKh)
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I like it. I think it looks nice. I like the new banner, too.
Posted by: krisco at December 19, 2005 07:43 PM (xksTj)
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I LOVE banner, especially the snowmen. It is easy to read and it will be good for posting book excerpts. I like the choice of advertisers...worth browsing. I like the dotted line borders. I like the light blue background.
Nice!
Posted by: laura at December 19, 2005 11:23 PM (FzMzF)
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I love it. And I like the snow people!
Posted by: Cheryl at December 20, 2005 02:52 AM (GSDPS)
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I like the banner. And I like that you change it every so often. I like it when people change their banners every so often, probably because I don't know how and can't and feel banner envy.
I'm with the add color suggestion. That's the only thing I'd change.
Posted by: Lucinda at December 20, 2005 06:39 AM (OPvIN)
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I like the new banner - its certainly infinately better than anything I could come up with..thus the plainest stock banner available.
Posted by: cursingmama at December 20, 2005 06:49 AM (PoQfr)
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It's too "cute" for me. I liked the old one.
However, I really don't like change of any sort!
Posted by: Robin at December 20, 2005 08:27 AM (4iJ3P)
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I like it. I do. But I liked the old one better. However, I see your point about the ads not being so intrusive this way. And I always appreciate a blog with dark writing on light background, so I don't have to enlarge and all that stuff that makes me feel so old.
Posted by: Tammy at December 20, 2005 09:40 AM (M++hX)
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In general, I like the new look. It has clean lines, is easy to read, and doesn't look too busy even though there's a lot going on. The things I'd change, were I playing with the layout, have to do with picky things - alignments, font combinations and such. And this may sound strange, but I'd choose either more color or less.
Posted by: Kimberly at December 20, 2005 09:07 PM (CXd4V)
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December 16, 2005
De-lurking Friday
OK, time for me to keep my promise. Off I go to de-lurk on all your sites. Watch out.... here I come.
Elizabeth
Please, join me. Let's all de-lurk today. It's like skinny-dipping! (Only, with comments) C'mon.... everybody is doing it.....
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Me? Lurk? NEVAH! If I read you regularly, I comment.
I'm narcissistic like that.
Posted by: Margi at December 16, 2005 06:48 AM (nwEQH)
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I'm not a lurker - what I am is an rss reader type person who doesn't comment as often as she should.
Posted by: cursingmama at December 16, 2005 08:52 AM (PoQfr)
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Hello, its just me. Delurking.
It is SO true about the lion with the thorn in his paw.
I see lots of hope for the coming New Year.
Posted by: laura at December 16, 2005 12:59 PM (FzMzF)
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Delurking like I've never delurked before.
Posted by: Soccamom at December 17, 2005 02:25 AM (CuxC8)
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I'll believe it when I see it . . .
*grin*
Posted by: Philip at December 17, 2005 04:08 AM (vhWf1)
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Even though it's Saturday, does it still count? =)
Posted by: Hip Mama at December 17, 2005 12:49 PM (ncF9W)
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De-lurking ... even if it's a day late.
Posted by: Ruth at December 17, 2005 02:36 PM (ZkZtT)
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Okay, delurking two days late. Whatever. I've got two sick kids at home, I think I'm doing pretty well! : )
Posted by: Krisco at December 17, 2005 06:45 PM (xksTj)
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I'm late to the party - but then again, I'm
always late to the party these days...!
Posted by: Betsy at December 18, 2005 06:31 AM (chwcp)
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I'm now de-lurked and I like it!
Posted by: Michael Manning at December 18, 2005 04:42 PM (loiYA)
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I fess up, I'm a lurker...though usually it's because I have time to read, no time to comment.
Posted by: Nicole at December 19, 2005 04:15 AM (QUAb5)
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Not a lurker, just a lazy commenter. However, I am here obsessively three point two seconds after you update. Um, when is stalker delurking day? Apparently I need that one.
Posted by: Beth at December 19, 2005 06:33 AM (S0Cvy)
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Finding a Hero
This is turning into a very special holiday....
I think back to the early days of 'blogging'. Back when my site was one of those wedding websites that I would update each day with details and commentary that no one in the world could have cared about. I remember wanting to win a Way Cool Wedding award so bad.... and squealing when I did.
I was happy. Not the silly kind of happy that I'd been in my 20's, but there was a lightness in me. For a couple fo years there, I can remember thinking that there was something brightly surreal in my world... to be having all my dreams come true. Not perfect, no. Not without struggle. Not without tears.
But to meet someone that inspired my respect, and my love. To walk with him into a lifeof "us". To be hired as a full-time employee of a corporation, for the first time in my life. To have benefits and a 401K and life insurance and stuff. Paid vacation. Oh, paid vacation is so nice....
To see the two pink lines on the pregnancy test... to hang on to that baby so hard. To will him to survive inside me. To touch his face with my face, to look up through my tears at my husband. To know we were a family, now. In a way we'd never been before.
And then the bottom dropped out.
I have shared this struggle out loud, because keeping it to myself almost destroyed me. Carrying the weight of the world because an illness has rendered your partner dependant .... it's a walk I don't think I was strong enough to make. I have seen so many, many websites full of so much more grace, and patience than I have shown.
No. I haven't shown much dignity. I am ashamed to say it... but I got angry.
And everyone in a 100-mile radius got to feel the blowback.
I got angry, stayed angry, got counseling, and was still angry. Look, I'm the first one to praise better living through chemistry, okay? Drugs are beautiful. I'll put it on a t-shirt and wear it proudly. Are you listening, Tom Cruise? DRUGS ARE BEAUTIFUL.
They just didn't work for me.
It's like the old story about the lion with the thorn in his paw. He growls and snarls and treats everyone around him like crap.
And let's recall, shall we?
Did we heal the Lion with a double dose of Wellbutrin and some discussion about his feelings?
No, I think not.
We took the thorn out of his paw.
My thorn has been stuck in my paw for 5 years. It has been the burden of being the one left to do it all.
Luckily, for most of those years I had 3 amazing bosses in a row at Mega. Thank God, and I mean that with every drop of blood in my veins. These guys challenged me, supprted me, drew out my best, and affirmed that I was valuable. I worked from home, tons of flexibility, and still was able to make an important contribution.
Not that a good job made life bearable. Just a little less unbearable.
I can remember, in one my truly gone-nuts moments, screaming at CD that he had to be well already.
Because, you know, screaming has been scientifically proven to heal anything that ails ya.
I remember that and I just want to hide in a corner with my embarressment.
Then (insert ominous music here) last spring. When I entered the world of the Very Bad Boss. And this, this is where the line got drawn in Sharpie. This, this on top of already been physically and emotionally as burnt as my last batch of ginger snaps. This is where I went against a Sicilian when Death was on the line. This, this was where I got racked up like a goose in the roner of the night while I was blinded by the light....
Wait. I am babbling.
*ahem*
What I mean to say is this.... ding.
I got done.
Time to take the crazy life back to Target for an exchange.
Seriously....? I needed a hero.
Someone to hold me and tell me it is going to be all right. Someone to get on the line with me, and help carry the load. What I've needed was to not be sitting on the couch at 3 in the morning, rocking back and forth and wondering what I was going to have to fail at so I could at least get some of the other stuff done.
Because that's what I had been doing for years.
The paradigm was desperate for a shift.
I dreamed of doing science experiments with Bear in the afternoons and making chicken pot pie from scratch. Taking one of Dee's yoga classes. But most of all, of feeling not alone anymore.
I used to beg God, in my prayers. Please. Give me the strength because I don't have it..
In in my waking days, I wished for a hero.
Well. CD came home the other night and told me that he'd found a possible second job. And wrapped his arm around me. And told me we could handle this together. That we could handle anything together. That I should pick a date, and walk off the job. Done. And I looked at him like I haven't looked at him in years. And I saw something in his eyes, and realized it was a guy I haven't seen in a long, long time.
My husband.
I wasn't expecting it. I'm not sure I trust it. Did things get better, while I was busy complaing about them?
Was there a memo? Did I get the memo?
But no. There he is. And I think he means it. And I think it's real. And I think maybe, it's time to hold my arms open and have faith. Thats the only way we'll know for sure....
Forget the knight on the dang horse.
I think, maybe, there's something much better right here.
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Ya see? That's the thing about Life.
It *always* looks so much easier when someone ELSE is doing it. When it's your Life? Not so much.
But you know what, sweetness? You're doing it. And from here, I see love. Fling your arms wide with faith, baby!
All my love,
Posted by: Margi at December 16, 2005 07:10 AM (nwEQH)
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Wow, E., that's a wonderful thing, and I am so happy for you. You have been *there* and back, and you deserve a break.
You remember the whole thing about us being twins, right? Well, I've noticed changes in my house, too - but incremental ones. Changes in him *and* in myself (because I do realize that I fully lost myself in trying to be Super Everything - his part was that not only did he welcome that, he did even *less* ...). Anyway, I can only hope to get where you are now.
To be able to look in your husband's eyes and see a man ... and on top of that, one that you're *in love* with, is a true gift!
Posted by: Monica C. at December 16, 2005 08:06 AM (gkN3L)
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You are truly blessed. I envy you. I am literally tearing reading your story.
Posted by: jm at December 16, 2005 08:09 AM (Ianl7)
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That made me cry. I'm excited for you and all of the hope the future holds for all of you.
Posted by: rose at December 16, 2005 08:29 AM (M7kiy)
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*standing on my chair, cheering and waving my napkin around like it was the second line (New Orleans reference, ask me later if you don't get it)*
I'm so happy for you.
Posted by: RP at December 16, 2005 10:15 AM (LlPKh)
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Hooray! Things can only get better from here, honey! Hang in there!
Posted by: paige at December 16, 2005 12:40 PM (4kmwT)
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That was beautiful. I got tears in my eyes! Remember, a) there will still be ups and downs...I'm convinced every marriage has that cycle and b) this is the hard one for me...be patient...because if he's your Mr. Right (and CD surely is) then the up will come -- eventually! Bear is lucky to have two parents who try so hard...he'll learn a lot from your examples!
Posted by: Kelly at December 16, 2005 02:31 PM (ECFPf)
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It sounds so freaking trite, but ... thanks for sharing that with us.
Posted by: Nancy Toby at December 16, 2005 03:00 PM (bnpiQ)
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Love your blog! Happy Holidays!
Heather...
Posted by: Heather at December 17, 2005 07:04 AM (uuwUk)
Posted by: kalisah at December 17, 2005 09:36 AM (C7RFb)
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I've been reading long enough to have joined you when things were really bad at Mega and to watch you seem to fall back in love with your husband. You two really pulled together when things got bad. When Bear got sick and work was unbearable. And it has been beautiful to read about. I hope your bond continues to grow.
Posted by: Lucinda at December 20, 2005 06:35 AM (OPvIN)
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Yes!! Way to go. I hope this is the beginning of a long and wonderful...something. Keep the faith, be strong, and all that. Like my friend Gillian says, "I've got my boobies crossed for you!"
Posted by: Tammy at December 20, 2005 09:38 AM (M++hX)
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It's funny how the can surprise you like that just when you need it. Yeah!!
Posted by: Jules at December 20, 2005 09:51 AM (urYq4)
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December 15, 2005
What a Bear believes
So, CD's from Iceland. Born and raised. And in Iceland, Christmas is celebrated not just with Santa but with the Jólasveinar (YO-la-sway-nar).
To sum up: for about 900 years two evil trolls - Gryla and her second husband Leppalúði, who live in a mountain cave - have been playing mean tricks on the folks of Iceland. About 500 years ago they had kids, lots and lots (some say around 60) little (like elves) and very strange male children. (Don't think Disney dwarves, these guys have a streak of scary in them).
Each year during mid-Advent (either 9 or 13 days before Christmas) Icelandic children the world over start putting their boot in their bedroom window. And each night, one of the strange and gnomish Jólasveinar will leave a small gift for the child (if he or she has been good) and play a trick on the adults of the house (like steal the ham or slam a door).
There is lot about this season that people celebrate. I've tried to focus on the generousity of St. Nicholas of Myra, the miracle of Chanukah, and the blessing of Jesus and his birth story .... and, the rest? Well, we've let Bear be exposed to it all - from Kwanzaa carols to the science behind the solstice.
Bear will go his own way, as always, and he has happily blended Santa and Rudolph and Jesus Christ and the Jólasveinar and Frosty the Snowman together with our practiced traditions like Advent supper and Christmas crackers (the kind that pop) and decorating the tree and lighting the sacred candles and the Christmas pagent into a his own, unique, mythology of the season.
All of which he firmly, and deeply, believes.
And from his faith in it all, CD and I are constantly reminded what the season truly means. Bear reflects to us the miracle of faith. Of believing in things that you can not prove. In things that make no sense. In things outside yourself. In goodness. In love. In elves. In Christmas.
Some grown-ups keep that lesson close to their hearts all the time. But CD and I - what with all the busy running around and ranting and being stressed and all - well, we misplaced our map back to Whoville along with the frigging checkbook some weeks ago....
This morning was the 3rd night of the Jólasveinar. At 4AM, CD heard Bear moving around and went into his room to check what was going on. He found Bear out of bed by the window, excitedly hugging the gift he'd found in the boot.
"A Transformer! Scattorshot!" he crowed. "The Jólasveinar knew I loved Transformers, Daddy! He knew it!"
CD told him that he had to leave it until morning and go back to bed. Reluctantly, Bear gave up the toy to his father and climbed back up into his bed. He slipped back under the covers, and CD kissed him good night.
While CD pulled the door closed, he saw Bear lean towards the window with the empty boot in it. He stood, watching, making sure Bear wasn't about to sneak back out of bed.
And Bear wasn't.
As CD watched, Bear whispered "Thank you" to the window where the Jólasveinar had been. Just in case he was still out there, just in case he could hear.
CD, who'd remembered that he'd forgotten to buy gifts the day before. CD who had grumbled and grunted and run out to the store... found himself misty-eyed outside his son's door....
And when he told me, later, I felt it, too. And we both remembered what we'd forgotten in all our worry about jobs and money and lawyers...
It's Christmas.
And he puzzled three hours, till his puzzler was sore.
Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before!
"Maybe Christmas," he thought, "doesn't come from a store.
"Maybe Christmas ... perhaps ... means a little bit more!"
And what happened then...?
Well ... in Who-ville they say
That the Grinch's small heart
Grew three sizes that day!
~ Dr. Suess (How the Grinch Stole Christmas)
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That sweet Bear of yours! Our kids really do show us the important things in life and keep us grounded...amazing little people!
Posted by: Grace at December 15, 2005 04:24 AM (L058b)
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Thank you SO much for this post. Friends of ours who don't do Santa and who's 4 year-old son relishes announcing such to his friends have unfortunately hardened my heart a bit this year. Your story and watching Caleb's childlike faith are reminders to me that there is still hope, love, and faith in the world.
Posted by: Cheryl at December 15, 2005 04:29 AM (GSDPS)
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Between you and Helen's Christmas Ghost stories, I will need to look into buying stock in Kleenex™.
Bless your family, for you know what's important.
xoxo
Posted by: Margi at December 15, 2005 07:12 AM (nwEQH)
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That was lovely. Just lovely. Very touching. I hope he can hold on to that for a long time.
Posted by: RP at December 15, 2005 09:02 AM (LlPKh)
5
And a child shall lead them.
Ain't it the truth. Beautiful story, Elizabeth. Just beautiful.
Posted by: Jennifer at December 15, 2005 02:19 PM (y4DOI)
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**sniff**
**sniff**
you make me wanna hug and kiss my boys. right now. quit my job and go and kiss my boys.
Posted by: The Diva at December 16, 2005 02:17 AM (hapBw)
7
Awww
And great new design! So upbeat! Love it
Posted by: Philip at December 16, 2005 04:56 AM (vhWf1)
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December 14, 2005
Tell me that you want the kind of thing that money just can't buy
2 point bonus if you can name the song that the title lyric is from - and no fair Googling.
We've been scrambling, in the few free moments we find, to figure out how we can lose my income and survive. We've counted up the months we can get by on our savings. But the long-term dilemma is clear - if we can't find a way to augment CD's salary, then we can not afford Happy Montessori and all their programs for Bear. In fact, we'll probably have to sell the house.
We know we're not the only family facing the holidays unsure of what comes next. I look over at CD and know that at least we have each other, we have Bear, we have the things money can't buy.
Tonight I am thinking about all the people in world for whom it never gets easier. And for those without the luxury of the choices we have.
Our home is full of prayers, sparkling like snow. Drifting upwards, into the sky. And carried on hope.
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1
Ok *throwing hands up* I didn't know until I googled it - but it did make me break into a big broad grin when I saw what came up. *hugs*
Posted by: Flikka at December 14, 2005 03:21 PM (puvdD)
2
"CBML"--I knew it without googling. I must be really old.
I think I am delurking for the first time here--as a survivor of several crappy corporate environments, I have been following your story with interest and sadness. Now I work for a human services nonprofit, and it's not perfect but better than what I left.
Happiness to you and yours.
Posted by: Jane at December 14, 2005 05:05 PM (81qRc)
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Money can't buy me love!!! I guessed without googling!!!
Posted by: JM at December 15, 2005 02:21 AM (Ianl7)
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I know this sounds crazy but have you ever considered trying a network marketing opportunity (like Avon, Mary Kay, Partylite, etc.) to supplement your HHI? When I misplaced my job (rather, quit in protest b/c Xhusband wouldn't agree to me staying home with baby), I worked one of those businesses 3 days a week. I found that MANY women out there who never thought they'd consider that type of thing are making decent (if not very good) money working their own biz.
Posted by: JM at December 15, 2005 04:41 AM (Ianl7)
5
Not trying to trivialize your worries, but please know that things have a way of working out. I went through a similar financial panic when I quit to stay home with son. We did accumulate some credit card debt, but we adapted, we're together and happy and we eat well. That's what's important. As for school, you are an intelligent woman. Your job is to educate him, either by yourself or by paying for the best you CAN afford, or better yet: both. Also, you may find that some of Bear's struggles disappear as he gets more time with Mom. Best of luck.
Posted by: MJH at December 15, 2005 05:50 AM (dFtX8)
6
Archiving seems to have gone wonky too. I can't get to some of the posts. :-(
But to the issues at hand - Who needs Montessori when the Queen of Bear's World is at home? Homeschool the lad. It's scary to start (Just ask Lovely Wife - she was terrified) but it's far easier than you think. It's also far more effective than brick school.
Posted by: Jim at December 15, 2005 08:26 AM (tyQ8y)
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Must be the era - I couldn't believe anyone wouldn't know what that line is from!! : )
Posted by: Krisco at December 17, 2005 06:53 PM (xksTj)
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Gosh, I hope you can make it happen, Elizabeth. You are so talented that I just feel like you can do something you love and still have plenty of time for Bear. I'm keeping my fingers crossed over here!
Posted by: Lucinda at December 20, 2005 06:30 AM (OPvIN)
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December 12, 2005
I Will Survive
There are changes coming. Soon. I will be dropping the semi-anonymous shroud.
I am not very good at being semi-anonymous, anyway.
Please be patient with me.
Tonight was difficult. I can not say more about what happened yet.
But I can repeat the great advice my lawyer gave me in prep for the meeting:
He said: "Elizabeth, many of the people on this planet live in societies where they know that anytime they step into court, the verdict has already been decided. They know that truth will not get in the way of it, either. Remember when you go into this meeting, that the decision has already been made. There is nothing you can say that will challenge it or alter its course. You're a fighter, you'll want to get in there and prove yourself. You can't, And it will only hurt you to try. Maintain your composure. Agree to nothing. Make no comments. Acknowledge you have heard them when they force a response. And do no more."
And so it went. My trusty mute button earning its pay. It felt like surrender at first, and, yeah, my outrage still simmers.
CD sat beside me, in the pretty office he built me, and rubbed my back. And afterwards, when I cried, held me close.
I will survive. That's all I know for sure right now.
P.S. - I think I have the comments working again. Fingers crossed. Amazing what I have learned to do in Notepad on my off hours....
Posted by: Elizabeth at
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1
*super big hug* Sounds, from my legal perspective, like you got some good advice, even if it was hard to do.
Posted by: RP at December 13, 2005 02:09 AM (LlPKh)
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I am so proud of you for engaging the mute button because I know that is the hardest thing for you to do, you who we nicknamed speed lips when you were five.
love and kisses
Auntie Marfa
Posted by: Auntie Marfa at December 13, 2005 06:24 AM (/qtT1)
3
I agree with RP. Sounds like you got some very good advice that's worth the GNP of Liechtenstein.
Good luck! and a big hug, too!
Posted by: caltechgirl at December 13, 2005 07:08 AM (/vgMZ)
4
Well, this is just one more step out into the big wide world. You are an inspiration, as usual!
Now you can become a famous writer. Go girl, go! Your last name is Zanzibar, isn't it? Elizabeth Alexia Zanzibar? Now that's a name for a Famous Author if I've ever heard one...
Posted by: Lucinda at December 13, 2005 07:38 AM (OPvIN)
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That is the same advice my husband was given going into his unemployment appeal. Tough but the right way to handle it. *hug*
Posted by: Jules at December 13, 2005 07:53 AM (urYq4)
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Hugs and prayers for you on during this (hopefully final) ordeal in the corporate world.
I am glad to hear CD was there for you. Focus on your family and yourself. This will be over soon.
Much love and strength for you, dear Elizabeth.
Posted by: Sol at December 13, 2005 08:12 AM (2qH2H)
7
There you are! I can finally "see" you!
Oh, sweetie. I can't find a good soothing sentiment to pass on but I do have nuttin' but hugs. God bless your darling hubby for being there for you. And I agree: GREAT advice from the lawyer type person.
This, too, shall pass.
Posted by: Margi at December 13, 2005 05:28 PM (nwEQH)
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We're behind you 100%! And...you will survive.
Posted by: Grace at December 14, 2005 03:50 AM (L058b)
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Pardon My Dust, Please
And you may ask yourself
How did I get here?
And you may ask yourself
Where is the Corporate Mommy I am used to?
And you may tell yourself
This is not my usual Mommy!
And you may tell yourself
This is not her beautiful site!
Well, on account of the lawyers wanting a retainer somewhat equal to the gross national product of Liechtenstein, I decided that I was going to have to make the most recent round of Corporate Mommy site edits all by myself.
Turns out, I am a moron.
Now that doesn't come as a shock to most folks but it does, in fact, come as a shock to me. I really thought I could create a new .CSS stylesheet for MT using uh... Notepad.
No, I'm not kidding.
GUI Editors? We don't need no stinkin' GUI Editors! (Actually, I didn't know there was such a thing).
So I spent a couple of nights skimming some CSS tutorials, declared myself an expert, launched notepad, and uh... pooched my site beyond all recognition.
But no worries. I have some Halls cough drops and a will of iron. Things should be fixed any moment now...
(and I'd love to hear your opinions but... the comments? Yeah, I broke that too.)
Posted by: Elizabeth at
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Someone was doing site edits for you? Sheesh. How do I get that job?!
Posted by: Lucinda at December 13, 2005 07:40 AM (OPvIN)
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Until your post I've never heard of a GUI editor. I had to google it. lol
Posted by: Jules at December 13, 2005 07:50 AM (urYq4)
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You just need to remember the ABCs of template work:
Always
Backup
(the)
Crap
Posted by: Jim at December 15, 2005 08:12 AM (tyQ8y)
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evrfohzgadlcfoujliffuqjdukxrzzvmyalryfjjmdifpjki
link http://pjirgp.pucgxyo.com
Posted by: fwjtp at December 30, 2005 06:02 AM (qQS/K)
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December 09, 2005
Naked
So. A girlfriend of mine was talking the other week about some kids that she knows and how they see their parents naked on a fairly regular basis (I guess the parents sleep in the nude and the kids are very casual about that and it shocked my friend). She told me about it in that "Can you believe those evil troll parents?!" tone of voice and vented about how it was inappropriate, and how some people just didn't know about setting up boundaries.
I gave her the stink eye. As best I could over the phone. Perhaps not that effective, but the thought was there.
"Bear sees me naked just about every day," I told her.
"He does not," she denied, a bit of the nasty in her voice.
"Okay, think about it. We got one bathroom in our house and it sits between the two bedrooms."
"Oh, like you don't close the door."
"Seriously. Every morning I take a shower, and I leave the door open because CD has already left for work so I need to be able to hear the Bear," I point out. "And sure as God made little green apples, the sound of my shower wakes him up with an urge to pee and in he comes. And you know that he's going to stick his face around the shower curtain to make sure it's me in there. No matter how many times I tell him not to do that."
"You need to make sure he knows that it is wrong to peep on you in the shower."
"Wrong?" If I knew how to verbally lift an eyebrow, just one, I so would have.
"Wrong. After a certain age it is wrong to be naked in front of your children, especially those of the opposite sex."
"Why?"
"Why what?"
"Why is it wrong?"
"Are you serious?"
"Yes. Explain it to me."
We were quiet for a long moment. "He isn't respecting your boundaries," she said.
"Yes, and that IS a problem. But not the naked. The naked is not the problem. Bear loves to be naked, he thinks his body is a miracle, and we're all for that. Bodies are miracles."
"By 5, though..."
"What? Are we talking sexuality or nudity? Because they are different topics. Someone tries to get sexual with my kid, and I'm taking a cleaver to them. But I think that the nudity level we have in the family is really quite healthy. We happen to be fairly modest people in a house full of windows so it's not like we're prancing about doing interpretive ballet in our birthday suits. Well, not CD and I - Bear would be naked all the time if let him but that's just not feasible."
"So you admit there are standards?"
"What is there to admit? I mean, naked because you're changing or bathing is very appropriate. Sleeping naked when it is 100 degrees out is more than healthy - it's a necessity. Naked because CD and I are being intimate? That's completely unacceptable. Do we flaunt our bodies? No. But I don't lock Bear out of my room in the mornings when I am getting dressed, either."
"And that's teaching him not to respect the privacy of his body or yours. You're desensitizing him to sexuality," she accused.
"Are you kidding me?"
"I'm serious, Elizabeth."
This has just been bugging me ever since. Does nakedness hurt children after a certain age? And if so, why?
Reminder....
It's "de-lurking Friday", so please let me know you were here and I'll do the same for you! Thanks.
Posted by: Elizabeth at
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1
Naah. You were right when you said there's a difference between nudity and sexuality. As long as Bear learns that there are "appropriate" times to be naked (like in the shower), then it really doesn't matter.
When he thinks it's inappropriate, he'll stop looking in the shower. Right now, he doesn't care that you're naked. All he cares right now is that Mommy's there. Most people don't give kids credit for these things. But soon enough he'll shut you out of the room while he's dressing and stop coming into the bathroom while you shower. On his own.
Why would nakedness hurt a kid anyway? It's not like they don't have their own naked moments. It's not like they don't need to know that boys and girls have different parts.
Your own gut should be your guide. If you and CD are happy with things as they are, who cares what anyone else says? You know what is going on with your kid, whether he's comfortable, and how he responds to what he sees better than anyone else. If it was a question of discipline, would you give your friend's opinion as much credence?
Posted by: caltechgirl at December 09, 2005 08:21 AM (/vgMZ)
Posted by: caltechgirl at December 09, 2005 08:21 AM (/vgMZ)
3
Helloo, here I am.
It's time to stop when HE is acting awkward about it. Or when you feel awkward about it. It will be completely clear at the time.
Posted by: Robin at December 09, 2005 08:29 AM (4iJ3P)
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I'm here but have no wisdom. Mia is always thrilled to see me naked because I am still her food source.
Posted by: Beth at December 09, 2005 08:37 AM (S0Cvy)
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Rants are good, caltechgirl. Rants are healthy. I rant to my plants all the time, and if they were real I am SURE they would thrive on it!
Posted by: Elizabeth at December 09, 2005 08:38 AM (Tk+uM)
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I'm with all the other posters. Nudity and sexuality are different and regardless of what she says, I think she's confusing/combining them. As for boundaries, it would be interesting to know if she A) has children and B) if yes, how long it has been since they were little. Because I have 2 under 6 and I have yet to come up with a reason that THEY accept as to why it isn't OK to walk in on Mommy whenever they feel like it.
Posted by: Cathy at December 09, 2005 08:44 AM (Oq01x)
7
Just saying hello per your request!
No kids so my opinion isn't tried and tested. However, I agree with the trust your gut advice. Bear will know when he feels wierd! And so will you.
Posted by: Carrie at December 09, 2005 09:08 AM (5xhLm)
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Whatever - you're friend has some other issue there I think.
We saw our parents naked all the time. Not in a "oh my god my parents are having sex" kinda way. More of a "mom's in the shower" kinda way.
Of course - I have been accused in my adulthood of being naked a little TOO much.
Whatever works for you and your family seems like the right way to be.
Posted by: suzanne at December 09, 2005 09:40 AM (GhfSh)
9
Hello!
My two cents: I think that rather than desensitizing him to sexuality, you are keeping the difference between sexuality and nudity clear.
There are cultures with psychologically healthy people who spend a lot more time naked than we do. There are cultures that don't get all bent out of shape by a body, and don't automatically think of sex if they see a body part.
As for privacy...clothes do not inherently guarantee privacy, and nakedness doesn't necessarily mean lack of privacy. Plus, I have the impression that parents of young children have pretty much given up on the notion of privacy for several years, wether they are wearing clothes or not! Kids just don't catch on the the concept of mommy and daddy needing privacy until they are a bit older than 5.
I think it is good that you do not shut the door, and that you are available to him if he needs something, especially times when you are the only adult in the house.
If nakedness is bad for children, don't take them to an Italian cathedral. Or to Paris, with all those naked statues. Oh my!
Posted by: laura at December 09, 2005 09:41 AM (FzMzF)
10
My child and future hypothetical children are more than welcome to peek behind the shower curtain before they use the potty, especially if it eases their fears that there is no boogey man in the shower waiting for the perfect moment to pounce on said potty peeping tom.
Now if mommy and daddy are in the shower together, then I can see it posing a bit more of a problem.
Happy Friday, E.
Posted by: ieatcrayonz at December 09, 2005 09:41 AM (FLJz9)
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If you are comfortable, and Bear is comfortable, it's all good. I am still naked in front of both my kids, but last week was my last "together" bath with my 3 year old daughter. Not that I think it's hurting her, but because I was feeling uncomfortable. She still sees me naked plenty, though. We stopped letting her see her Daddy a while ago, but not in a "It's a terrible, shameful secret" kind of way. I just wasn't comfortable with it.
Posted by: Tammy at December 09, 2005 10:03 AM (M++hX)
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I have 2 boys - 4 & 5 years old - and they still poke their heads in and talk to me when I'm in the shower, and have 4 million things to tell me while I'm dressing. It is much more important to them that they can communicate with me - they couldn't care less whether I'm dressed or not. They see both my husband and I naked and I don't see any problem with it. There's nothing sexual about it - they're just our bodies.
Posted by: Melanie at December 09, 2005 10:27 AM (YSnK2)
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I'm totally with you on this and all your other commenters! I think what you're doing (which is the same thing I do with Caleb) is much healthier than teaching him his body or yours or anyone's is something to be ashamed of.
Posted by: Cheryl at December 09, 2005 10:31 AM (GSDPS)
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First time checking out the site - I really like it. My daughter is one and nakedness is an issue I have been considering. I'm very comfortable with it but my husband is less ( I think because we have a daughter) It'll be interesting to see if my feelings change if I ever have a boy. However right now I'm trying to raise my daughter to be more comfortable with and knowledgable about her body then I was.
Posted by: Laura at December 09, 2005 10:47 AM (q3W5k)
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De-lurking for your Friday comment day...
Funny, I just took a shower with my 3 yr old boy this morning. For the lets do two-for-one-to-get-to-school-in-time type of shower. I think it's a healthy awareness of bodies.
I bet if you were in a different country it wouldn't even be a discussion anyone would have with you. I agree with Suzanne, I think your friend may have some hang-ups.
By the way, I really love your writing. Your stories (ie. your life) have moved me. Thanks.
Posted by: Amanda at December 09, 2005 11:10 AM (nsXpE)
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Delurking! Am completely on your side--and kids become more modest on their own when they feel it's necessary for them. . . and heaven knows, our repressed society (which seems to equate nudity with sexuality) hasn't seem to done our citizens any favors. . . hello, church scandals! hello, peeping toms! jeez. BTW, your writing is quite wonderful--you've moved me to tears in the cube zoo more than once.
Posted by: Deborah at December 09, 2005 11:18 AM (GOFVL)
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I don't know if it hurts them or not, but it makes me, personally, uncomfortable. Of course, my son is 17 now. LOL
I say, he's your kid, it's your life, what works for you is the right answer.
And I'm here everyday, in some form or fashion. Had no idea about the "de-lurking" day festivities. Til now, of course.
Posted by: Jennifer at December 09, 2005 11:39 AM (y4DOI)
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No advice, just stopping to say that I hope you have a good weekend.
Posted by: Angie at December 09, 2005 12:19 PM (PQx1b)
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When I was 15 or 16, I used to babysit two neighborhood kids. One, a boy, was 3 or 4 years old. His dad kept a stack of Playboy magazines in the bathroom, and little Kris used to talk about "titties" all of theim time. I think that's wrong. But what you're doing is normal and healthy and up to your judgement. That's my two cents. BTW, I lurk every day. ;-)
Posted by: jill at December 09, 2005 01:03 PM (mPnaW)
20
I think the delineation between "naked" and "sexuality" is a really vital one. There's a big difference.
My kids are 14, 11 and 5. We've not made a big deal about nakedness, being naked, etc. Of course, we live on a farm,with no close neighbors. Potty training was super easy (go water a tree!). I've found that the kids naturally gain some modesty about 7 or 8...they don't want us to help them bathe and they don't run into the bathroom or bedroom without knocking first. This, without any discussion or boundaries set down by us. The five year old still checks to see if I'm actually in the shower but he's learned to stay out of the bathroom if his older brother or sister are in there. He often comments about how annoying they are about this "since I'm just a little kid".
Posted by: paige at December 09, 2005 01:43 PM (Q5x66)
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I think you are a great mom and should do what feels right for you.
I really enjoy reading your blog. I've been lurking for over a month now. I feel for you on your job situation and hope it all works out the way you want it to. I think they've treated you horribly!
Posted by: Cindy at December 09, 2005 02:01 PM (f2SO7)
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Your house sounds about like mine in terms of nakedness. I have a 3 1/2 yr old girl and a 15 month old boy. They both like being naked, as do most of their friends. Husband and I are fairly casual about the whole nudity thing; I just don't think it's that big of a deal and in fact, I don't want the kids to have hang ups about it. I have known some adults who won't undress in front of their spouses, for instance. We did decide that my husband needs to put on a pair of shorts when he gets out of bed to deal with the 3 yr old in the middle of the night; I guess that's a concession to modesty we've made.
Like some of your other posters, I really believe that at a certain age the kids will impose the boundaries they need.
Good luck on Monday.
Posted by: Andrea at December 09, 2005 02:10 PM (z97hx)
23
It's strange, but I was just remembering when I was doing a church visit many years ago they were having a "mother's group" meeting while I was there and I remember the leader saying that exposing children to nudity throughout their lives and not instilling a strong sense of modesty would lead to precocious sexuality and possibly sexual promiscuity or addiction.
I wasn't a parent yet and was a visitor representing another faith ao I definitely felt I should keep my mouth shut. But I do remember their were both some kind of statistics and scripture referred to. I just don't remember what they were.My gut tells me that if we are healthy but as always, I second guess myself.
Posted by: Elizabeth at December 09, 2005 03:01 PM (Tk+uM)
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Nude is art, Naked is Naked and Naked in an erotic pose is well neither nude nor naked but only appropriate in the confines of consenting adults. I remember when Adelaide was little and living downstairs, about 5 years old and every time she came upstairs and Uncle Mike was in the shower she'd rush in there and watch him shower. The father of daughters that he was, he'd just ignore her. He did mention that she never did that when I was in the shower. I reminded him that she had my model at home.
love and kisses - Autie Marfa
Posted by: Auntie Marfa at December 09, 2005 03:12 PM (/qtT1)
25
I think that you're *helping* him get good distinctions between nudity and sex - they are so often conflated in the US that this is a hard thing for many people to get.
I think context-appropriate nudity is a great thing - there are a lot of reasons to be naked that aren't sexual, and those are fine to share with kids.
AndI hope you have a rocking weekend, hearty and hale.
Posted by: alice at December 09, 2005 05:45 PM (XcvoR)
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I agree with the previous commenters who've said that you're helping Bear develop an understanding of the difference between nudity and sex. It's an important distinction that's sadly lacking in much of our society.
Wishing you luck on Monday.
Posted by: Kimberly at December 09, 2005 09:12 PM (CXd4V)
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In Sweden, walking around nude is completely normal. In fact, in the summertime family and friends often meet up at some of the many lakes and seasides and engage in that old-fashioned practice of skinny-dipping. It's simply not seen as abnormal, not respecting boundaries, etc. It is the body and the body is natural.
If all parties are ok with that, then cool. Everybody's happy. I for one am terribly modest and don't really see myself walking around nude, but Angus did it around his kids and they didn't care. Your point was good-sexuality? Not to be exposed to. Nudity? Quelle problem?
It's about individuals. Your family is happy the way it is and, like you said, Bear is happy with himself, which is absolutely the best outcome.
Posted by: Helen at December 10, 2005 03:33 AM (eG5As)
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Great post! I think that if you feel you are doing something 'wrong' by being nude in front of your children then YOU shouldn't do it. But come on! Shouldn't we be teaching our kids that not all nudity is sexual? I love the relaxed 'naturalness' view of the body they have in Europe. I think too many people get hang ups about their bodies when they feel like their skin is something they have to hide away!
Posted by: Amber at December 10, 2005 05:09 AM (g+l7C)
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I think you got a couple of years before the nudity becomes inappropriate. You'll know when that is. Let the naysayers raise their own children to be prudes.
Posted by: madrigalia at December 10, 2005 02:07 PM (TBzUs)
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I think your approach to nakedness is very healthy; I wish my parents had been so open. Instead I thought nakedness was dirty. When it's time to relate nudity to sexuality, you'll know, but it would overwhelm Bear to add that knowledge now.
What does interest me is how Bear (doesn't) respects your boundaries. I assume he's at some sort of school for at least part of the day, and he must have boundaries there. I would start teaching him about the boundaries that you and CD expect, as well as the boundaries he has which you and CD will respect.
Posted by: BarbaraP at December 11, 2005 08:52 AM (6UbHo)
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My parents raised me like you are raising Bear. I think there is absolutely nothing wrong with it. Your friend is a prude!
Posted by: Eyes for Lies at December 12, 2005 04:07 AM (L67iN)
32
Hey Elizabeth! Delurking, even though it's now Tuesday. I stopped by to catch up this weekend and things had clearly gone awry with your site
Looks much better now.
Posted by: Kris at December 13, 2005 04:05 AM (zWi2B)
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I was here the other day and so wanted to comment on this issue- but I couldn't because you broke your comments! Glad you got 'em fixed.
My husband is not modest at all. As kids, his girls always felt comfortable talking with him if he was in the tub or if they were. I was always very modest growing up, so I was surprised and a little uncomfortable with the situation when I met him. I didn't know if it was really appropriate for them to see their dad in the tub. But like clockwork, my oldest stepdaughter turned 12 and suddenly the modesty clicked in. Now she wants privacy and wants it for everyone else. It occured very naturally. Recently, my younger stepdaughter turned 12 and the same exact thing happened. No pressure, no weirdness. And now they have a great disgust for their friends who freak out when a body part appears on the TV movie screen. "It's just bodies!" they say. "What is their problem?!" (Of course, we still make sure they're not seeing the bodies DOING anything together!)
Your child will let you know when nakedness becomes an issue. I couldn't believe I had worried over nothing.
Posted by: Lucinda at December 13, 2005 07:46 AM (OPvIN)
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Does your friend have children? I only ask because it is very hard to have children and not at least be "caught" by them. Like you said at 5 you're talking about nudity - not sexuality. It's about the individual families comfort level.
Posted by: Jules at December 13, 2005 07:48 AM (urYq4)
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I have to say that Americans are so prude about nudity. It's bizarre. My mom is German and I was never taught to feel shame about nudity. My boys both see me naked regularly, not because I want them to, but because they will come in when I'm showering (glass doors) or changing. I think it would be much worse if i made a big deal about it than casually asking them to please give me some privacy.
And my 4 yr old? LOVES being 'nekky'. He would run around all day sans clothing if permitted.
Posted by: A.K. at December 13, 2005 08:22 AM (fSoFs)
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afzvbvahdagwnchagujnffumulyjirojdhoywk
link http://eslzfjh.glnyrwt.com
Posted by: uegdam at December 22, 2005 03:19 AM (qQS/K)
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December 07, 2005
He held my hand
Every day, I drive the same way home after picking up Bear from Happy Montessori. Happy is about 20 minutes from our house, and along the way there is, like, a LOT of schools. And they all let out around 3PM and there is no path between Happy and home that isn't clogged with kids.
In the past 8 or 9 weeks, I've come to recognize some of them. The girls in the Barbie outfits. The punk kids smoking cigarettes and taking flak from the crossing guards. The loner ones, who I see day after day with their heads into the wind and no one by their side.
And there's this one boy.
My first impressions were of him walking alone. Back straight, no hat, hands in his pockets. He caught my eye the first time because I was stuck at the light so long that he passed me on foot easily through these two intersections by our house.
I realized over time that each day, he walks away from one of the public schools towards one of the parochial ones.
Handsome kid, maybe around 12 or 13 years old, somber face.
Then, one afternoon, I saw him standing on a corner, not walking. While we waited at the light, a girl in a parochial school uniform walked up to him. As she approached, they switched backpacks and then walked away from me.
Over the weeks, Bear and I saw that happen a couple more times. One day I said to myself, "I wonder why they switch backpacks..."
From the back seat, Bear said "He carries the bigger one, mommy."
I realized Bear was right.
So many afternoons, we'd pass him walking down towards that parochial school. And knew when he got there, he'd switch backpacks with his friend. And I decided I liked this boy, although I don't know him.
Last week, a cold day and traffic was snarled and slow. I watched the boy come from behind me and pass by on the sidewalk. I watched him get to the corner. I watched the girl approach and they exchanged backpacks.
And then they stood, looking at each other for a moment. He pulled off one of his gloves and held out his hand. I held my breath.
With a shy smile, she pulled off one of her mittens and took it. And the walked away, holding hands.
I exhaled deeply. Mistily.
...And suddenly it was the 1980's...
Early high school years. A warm house, a birthday party. And I, as ever, was an outsider. Sitting on the floor in a corner of the living room. A plate of uneaten food in my lap. Watching the clock on the wall until my mom came to get me.
One of the popular guys, John, was working the room. Talking, laughing. Somehow, despite my attempts to be invisible, he ended up in front of me.
"Come on," he teased, holding out his hand to help me up. "Join the party."
With a sigh, I reached out and stood up. Looking down at me, he smiled. He took my plate. And instead of letting my hand go, he entwined our fingers.
I stood, paralyzed, until he tugged me along with a quick grin.
For the next hour, we moved from room to room. Me standing quietly by his side, my hand inside his. I could feel everyone looking at us. I could feel their questions. Electricity and confusion running through me.
And when it was time to go, I gently pulled away and headed to the door. He followed. As I opened the door, I felt a hand on my back.
"Leaving?" John asked, making eye contact despite my sudden and abiding fascination with my feet.
I nodded.
He held out his arms, and I don't quite know how I ended up inside them. I just know that we went to a small school and most of the student body was in that house and it felt like every single one of them gasped when his lips found the curve between my lips and the dimple in my cheek.
"Good night," he said into my ear.
I nodded again, and tried to remember how to breathe.
He reached down and squeezed my hand and I somehow made it out the door. And into my mom's car. When we pulled into our driveway, I launched myself into the night. I remember running across the street and screaming at my friend's house. I remember shouting up to her bedroom window. I remember her face, as she stuck her head out and looked down to me as I waved my arm over my head.
"He held my hand! He held my hand!"
"Mommy?"
"Uh, what, honey?"
"Green means go."
I blinked and realized the light had changed. Down the side street, I could barely see the boy and his girl, their hands still clasped between them.
I pressed the gas, and we went home.
Posted by: Elizabeth at
04:50 AM
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1
What a great story. Thanks for sharing!!
Posted by: Eyes for Lies at December 07, 2005 05:14 AM (L67iN)
2
It was like: Magic!
Thank you, E. I needed that.
Posted by: Margi at December 07, 2005 06:12 AM (nwEQH)
3
OH.MY.GOD. I LOVE the way you write!
Posted by: Cathy at December 07, 2005 06:42 AM (Oq01x)
4
You made me cry.
Thank God for sweet boys.
Posted by: Robin at December 07, 2005 08:45 AM (4iJ3P)
5
That was wonderfully well-written. Don't we all have those moments? And isn't it so bittersweet to think of them now....? I'm sighing here.
Posted by: Lucinda at December 07, 2005 10:21 AM (OPvIN)
6
I have chills, really. That was so sweet.
Posted by: A.K. at December 07, 2005 01:07 PM (fSoFs)
7
What a great post. It's funny how little gestures can make you all gooey inside. I think I need to go find my hubby...
Posted by: HElene at December 07, 2005 01:39 PM (tv9YU)
8
Lovely, Elizabeth. I'm teary and smiling at the same time.
Posted by: Kimberly at December 07, 2005 02:17 PM (Vc80e)
9
Beautiful! Nothing like remembering your own "John" moment to put a smile on your face. Thanks for making me stop long enought to think back.
Posted by: Amber at December 08, 2005 08:02 PM (LcOhZ)
10
Chivalry is
not dead. Yay!
Posted by: Jared at December 09, 2005 02:33 AM (cdaxR)
11
That made me think about the first boy I held hands with...ho-hum....when life was simple.
Posted by: Grace at December 09, 2005 05:23 AM (L058b)
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December 06, 2005
Out of the mouth of a Bear
So I'm driving my son home from school. (
Yes. On my expired and non-suspended license.) And a few blocks from Happy Montessori is Posh High School, which lets out the same time as Bear's school.
In other words, I drive along and around hordes and huddles of high school kids every afternoon.
Today it's about 20 degrees outside (F). Bitter cold, blustery with knife-like winds, a dim grey sun, snow rolling in. I've got the heater blasting, Bear's chattering about his new reading class with the specialist and how they're doing 'really cool craft projects' and I'm ignoring my cell phone.
When next to me on the sidewalk I see a guy jogging by in sweatpants and a t-shirt.
Sweatpants. And a t-shirt.
In weather so cold that your spit freezes before it hits the ground.
Because, you know. When you're a teenager you actually get endowed with superpowers. Like imperviousness to cold and frostbite.
Oh, but he's cute. Floppy Hugh Grant auburn hair, wide shoulders, flirty grin. He runs up to a gaggle of pretty girls who are wearing what look like big versions of Barbie Winter Party outfits - adorable hats, coordinated mittens, sleek coats, thin jeans, high-heeled boots. Lots of pink and white, with long hair flowing down their backs.
Cute boy jogs into them, grinning. Then turns around and JOGS BACKWARDS into the intersection while chatting to them. In his t-shirt.
The girls giggle and toss their hair and tease him and point to his t-shirt and make concerned faces.
From the back seat, from Bear; "Hey! He isn't wearing his coat! And he didn't look both ways before crossing the street! That's not safety!!"
The guy continues to jog backwards, cars and other pedestrians stop to give him way, and finally he turns around and begins sprinting off with a jaunty wave to the girls.
I shake my head. I do NOT remember being this dumb. I do NOT remember being this blatantly dumb, anyway. Am I old or is this just one of those stunts that make you think a guy is a real piece of work and then 10 years later you realize that the same kid has grown up and gone to Fordham and now he's your boss?
I muttered to myself. Bad thoughts.
From the back seat; "What did you say, Mommy?"
Me; "Uh, I said, look - there goes the future President of the United States of America."
From the back seat; "I don't know, Mommy. I don't think you can be President if you don't watch where you're going."
And this is why, everyday, I thank my stars that I get to be Bear's mother.
Posted by: Elizabeth at
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1
He is so cute, and smart, I can hardly stand it.
I love the title!
Posted by: halloweenlover at December 06, 2005 11:00 AM (cdEd4)
2
He's a smart boy. Now somebody should tell "dubya".
Posted by: kenju at December 06, 2005 05:34 PM (+AT7Y)
3
If only the US electorate were as smart as Bear. Thanks for the laugh!
Posted by: Kimberly at December 06, 2005 06:13 PM (CXd4V)
4
yeah, let's have this conversation again when Bear's a teen and refusing to wear a coat...
My Kid hasn't worn a coat in 3 years. Course, we live in Memphis where it was 25 degrees (F) this morning while he waited for the schoolbus in a hooded sweatshirt. Still.
Posted by: kalisah at December 07, 2005 03:45 AM (6pzhF)
Posted by: Lucinda at December 07, 2005 10:15 AM (OPvIN)
6
Yes, the future president because... the group of dizzy girls admiring him are the future voters!!
Maybe Bear will be President one day!!
Posted by: Amber at December 08, 2005 07:53 PM (LcOhZ)
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The Saga, it continues...
Mr. Jesse White, Secretary of State, should be sent to a special kind of place for a week. One in which he is forced to suffer all the indignities and byzantine mechanations of his own system.
Just saying.
So, I have spent over 3 hours on the phone today. Two of those hours, and I kid you not, were spent on hold. The upshot is that I have to go downtown to the horse-head statue building again and get a certified letter from the traffic court there that they have no record of the accident and subsequent judgement.
I have spoken to 6 different people.
The first told me that I had to go get something called a half-sheet and special bad-driver's insurance, and keep that insurance for 3 years, and also pay $140 in fines.
The second told me to go away, there are no half-sheets for 19 year-old accidents and that I needed to file an affidavit for expungement.
The third said he knew nothing about expungements but it didn't sound right to him. He put me on hold to look up my record. I sat on hold for 28 minutes. 28 minutes, people. Afraid to hang up. But finally I had to.
I called back and sat in the "operators will be with you soon" queue for over an hour. Finally, after hangin up and trying again, I got a live body. The fourth told me that I needed to present myself in person at the Cook County 1st Circuit Court and make arrangements to pay the court fees and fines from 19 years ago (which I already did, once, 12 years ago) and then get a receipt which I would mail to Springfield with $70 in additional reinstatement fees plus the special bad-driver's insurance. For 1 year this time.
I called Cook County Circuit Court 6 times before someone answered the phone. I asked where I should go to pay these fees (that I paid 12 years ago already) so I could get my license back. They told me I was off my rocker and nothing over 7 years old is kept in the records much less scheduled for payment. They told me to call Jesse White's office back and get some clarification.
They gave me a phone number to call for Jesse White. (312) 793-5603.
It's disconnected.
I called the number I've been calling for over a year. I was hoping for someone nice and clear and intelligent. Not so much. The fifth person of the day had clearly had skipped her happy pill this morning. She told me that there was no way I'd had a legal driver's license in the last 19 years and that I'd played the system. I told them that they were wrong, and told them that I had paid the fees, the fines, had the special insurance, and gotten a letter of clearnace andmade myself completely legal. A dozen years ago. They told me I was lying. I hung up on that one.
And called back.
I got LeVonne. She was my sixth, and final, employee of Jesse White that I spoke to today. She re-iterated what Number 1 had told me about that half-sheet from Cook County saying that there was no longer any record of the accident or judgement. I made her repeat that - that I needed proof that there was nothing left. She agreed. I asked didn't her computer talk to their computer since all the computers worked for the same State? She said no, that the county and the state were different entities. I said okay, then.
She told me to get the half-sheet and mail it to Springfield with the additional $70 sincethe first $70 we paid was at a local facility and they had no record of that.
She also said that the record of my paying the fines and getting the special insurance was all in my file if someone had bothered to scroll down. Not that we're naming names, old #5 and #1.
Stay tuned....
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December 05, 2005
Mommy, You did your best...the saga of Me and Jesse White.
So. Last year, on my birthday, my driver's license was due to expire. Just before my birthday, I received a letter in the mail from a man named Jesse White. Jesse White, as you will discover, is the Secretary of State of Illinois and I was honored indeed that he took the time to send me a letter.
Until I read it.
Seems that Jesse White, Secretary of State, had -in light of 9/11- joined up the Illinois Driver's Information with that of the whole entire country. Joined it up, electronicified it, merged it, spindled it, mutilated it, and doshgarn it, just about sauteed it.
And when he was done, wouldn't you know it, but there's was an irregularity in my records and he was inviting me to fix it before I would be allowed to renew my driver's license.
Why thank you, Mr. Jesse White.
So CD and I trudged downtown to the Secretary of State's office in the building near the statue that looks like a horsehead. Picasso, I think. And we waited in about 10 different lines and were finally told that we should come back some other day because they didn't know me, had never heard of me, and I should call first.
So I went home, and started making phone calls and writing letters. For the next three months, I did this. My birthday came, and went. And I was driving on an expired licence that was not suspended but could not be renewed.
The first glimmer of help I had was a nice lady in Springfield. She informed me that this had to do with an accident I had. In 1986. I knew about the accident, it was my only accident. It happened in the snowy winter when I was 20 years old and an uncertain driver and I slid on a patch of ice and tagged a Pinto in my dad's powder-blue 1976 Chevy Impala.
My dad, as it turned out, had let the insurance on the Impala lapse.
And thus did I end up paying $500 in fees, fines, penalties and damages for a ding on a fender of a car older than I was. By the time I did so, I had given up driving altogether and stayed a walker and cabber for many years. But Illinois eventually gave me a letter of clearance and thus when I moved back to Boston and decided it was time I start driving again I was able to get a new license.
12 frigging years ago.
Seemingly, Mr. Jesse White is in need of money and has decided to conveniently forget this and wanted his $500. Again. With interest.
So I slogged and battled and whipped out my checkbook and to no avail. Each time I tried to get my new license, I was rejected.
Then it was last spring, and on a random day I called Springfield again. Tiredly, sadly asking the lady on the phone if there was any way in the world I could fix this thing. Since I was driving around on an expired and non-suspended license. And she said that it had nothing to do with that accident long ago, it was about a ticket I got in 1998 and never paid. (My bad.)
With a gleam in my eye I offered to throw money at the problem. She agreed that would be a fine solution and she would send me the paperwork so I could do so.
The paperwork never came.
So I called back and was told that I had to call the Cook County Courthouse to get the number of the case and THEN make an appointment to go to court and THEN pay the fines.
So I did that.
The people at the Cook County Courthouse told me that they would send me the paperwork and a courtdate.
The paperwork never came.
But I did get another letter from Mr. Jesse White. And while I was still honored that such a busy man as the Secretary of State would go out of his way to find the time to make my life a living hell for 9 months, I was no closer to a solution than I had been before. Just very, very clear that I was under no circumstances allowed to renew my license.
It was a fine summer, me and my expired and non-suspended license drove all the way to Boston and back with a nice side trip through upstate New York's grape country and when we got home, I even began driving Bear to and from school each day.
I admit it, I was begining to get frustrated. And maybe, perhaps, a little bitter. Maybe.
But here came my birthday. Again. The anniversary of Jesse White's first letter to me. And I thought, let's try. Again.
So I called Springfield.
Again.
And the nice lady on the phone looked up my number and hummed alot into my ear and then finally told me that it looked I had left to do was to pay the fine from the ticket from 1998. I did so. It took a week to process.
Then I called back last Friday and the same sweet lady told me I needed to pay a $70 reinstatement fee at any local DMV and once it had processed, I would be cleared to get my drvier's license renewed.
I called CD in whoops of joy and on his lunch hour he scampered over to the local DMV station and paid the $70 fee on my behalf. He brought home the precious receipt and this afternoon we all met up and headed over to get my driver's license. I even blew-dry my hair for the picture.
We filed in, and I presented my pile of documents to clerk #9. My passport, my old license, a utility bill with my current address, the sundry receipts, and a note from my mother saying that I was a really good driver.
She called up my record and shook her head and said "Hon, you gotta go with my supervisor around the corner here."
So I went around the corner to the blue section and he looked at his computer screen and grunted and gave me an angry look.
"You got an accident here, and you weren't insured," he said nastily, from high atop his stool.
"Yes," I agreed. "Yes, 20 years ago. But it is taken care of."
He shook his head. "No it isn't. There are 3 stops on this record. You're suspended."
I showed him my receipts, and explained about the lady in Springfield.
He shook his head again. "What I suggest is you call your lady in Springfield and see what you really need to do to take care of this. Because we can't help you here. You have to fix these things before you come in here wasting people's time."
I nodded and took back my piles of paper, my passport, my old license, and I made my way over to where CD and Bear were sitting in a pile on a beige plastic chair. There faces were wide with big smiles of support.
"Uh, it isn't fixed," I whispered. "The stuff is still in the computer as not fixed."
We walked out into the bitter cold, and jumped back into the mini-van. "I don't understand," CD huffed. "It was fine. I paid the reinstatement fee at the other station and they processed it while I waited. They said you were good to go."
I shrugged. And then collapsed into tears. CD awkwardly held me from the driver's seat while I cried out a year's worth of frustration and exhaustion.
And from the backseat, a little voice. "It's OK, Mommy. You did your best..."
If only that were good enough.
Jesse White, Secretary of State, you can go suck eggs. You and your entire office of dingbats. I am sick of you. I am sick of them. I am sick of this. I want no more fancy letters. I want to make no more non-toll-free phone calls to Springfield. I want my license, I want it now.
People who want to cause this much aggravation in my life had better dang well be related to me by blood or marriage. So unless you are intent on courting my mother, who is a fine woman and worthy of much better than yourself, I strongly suggest you get off your appointed ass and fix my record.
That is all.
Posted by: Elizabeth at
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1
I think it is time to call your local state representative. This is one of the things they are there for. Let THEM start making some calls on your behalf and things should start moving.
Posted by: bunny at December 05, 2005 03:23 PM (yEtos)
2
wow - I never would have thought of bunny's idea, but have to heartily second it. I was popping in to say that that sucks royally, and I wish I could do more for you than say that it sucks.
hmmm ... Jesse is a very western-sounding name - it makes me want to offer to get a posse together on your behalf. If you're so inclined, give a holler.
Posted by: Alice at December 05, 2005 04:38 PM (XcvoR)
3
If it makes you feel any better, I am registered to vote in 3 different states, under 2 names (maiden and married), and twice in the same city with those 2 names. And I was recently summoned to jury duty. In Juneau, Alaska. All of the phone calls, certified mail, and even attempts by my mother to right the wrong have so far been fruitless. Although I suppose, that with a lot of expense and traveling, those 2 extra votes I could get in might make some small iota of difference.
Posted by: Cheryl at December 05, 2005 04:54 PM (GSDPS)
4
I agree with Bunny. I would be writing letter and calling Jesse White's office directly. He is an elected official and with the past problems of this office I think he would be able to help with the situation. It would be a shame if bad publicity came out on this office. With the whole Ryan trial, Mr. White might want to clear up the incompetence in this office.
Posted by: Crystal at December 06, 2005 02:48 AM (0jYT/)
5
I don't know Jesse White - but he sure sounds like an ass. Have you tried going to the place where CD paid the reinstatement fee to see if you can renew there since their computers said you were good to go? In MN we can renew at any old place - so I'd probobly try them all.
Posted by: cursingmama at December 06, 2005 03:21 AM (PoQfr)
6
Oh, God. How incredibly awful. I thought I went through hell trying to replace a license I renewed on line and never received. I agree, start throwing fits at the offices of elected officials, get copies and certified mail receipts on everything you send anyone in connection with this, call the local TV investigative reporter/red tape cutter guy....
Posted by: Andrea at December 06, 2005 03:52 AM (z97hx)
Posted by: Monica C. at December 06, 2005 05:39 AM (gkN3L)
8
I just love Bear. I got a big goofy grin on my face when I read what he said to you.
When I cry in front of my 1 1/2 year old, she comes over, puts her arm around me and pats my head. And you know what? It always makes me feel better.
Posted by: Lucinda at December 07, 2005 10:14 AM (OPvIN)
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