Bear is starting to struggle.

Yesterday during karate meet, the kids were evaluated for moving to the next belt color. Bear has been an orange belt so long that some little kids who hadn't even started karate when he got his orange belt are now a yellow belt, one rank higher than him.

That's because he hasn't been there for the last 3 evaluations. He missed one at the start of summer because it conflicted with an end of the year school event, he missed one in the midst of summer because we were in Cape Cod, and he missed the fall evaluation because he was so sick. They have 5 a year.

His orange belt is frayed, and covered with tape showing his accomplishments. He is eager to go on to yellow belt, and he's been told twice now he was ready to get it.

Then last night he and another boy walked through his moves. The other boy struggled to remember his, but Bear knew them all. However, he didn't know them with the correct hand. He turned 5 a couple of months ago, maybe he should know them, but without a dominant side this is going to happen slowly.

The other boy was given a slip that said he was ready to get his yellow belt. Bear was not. He ran over to me, with a wounded expression on his face. He knew he'd done well, that his forms had been strong. I had no words for him, just a hug.

The evaluators were two women instructors who seem fair and knowledgable, but I don't really know.

I stayed up last night, looking at the wall. This is a bit of an icy patch for my son, and I want to handle it right. I want to help him in any way I can as he struggles. I want to roar into that karate place like a dragon and breathe fire of outrage.

My son is an amazing person. The list of how talented and accomplished he is goes on for a big paragraph - I know because I just had to delete about 30 lines of run-on paragraph about all the great things he does and all the great ways he is.

CD and I have decided to go ahead and let the school do what they want to help him. We're out of our depths, with only our inner voices telling us that there's nothing wrong. That Bear is actually where he should be. But we seem to be in the minority, and this is too important.....

Posted by: Elizabeth at 02:15 AM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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1 My 5-year old son Brown has part of Bear's problems. Brown is a leftie. A somewhat ambidextrous leftie, but only somewhat. Eating, writing, hitting and throwing a ball, sword fighting with his siblings - all left-handed. Problem is, the rest of the world is mostly right handed and Brown wants to to everything the rest of the world does and he wants to do it how he's shown to do it - with his right hand. Which most times, doesn't work for him. He was reduced to big, watery, sad tears the other day because he couldn't write the number 2. Broke my heart. He couldn't understand how to do it with his left because everyone was showing with their right. And if he tries to do it with his right...utter failure. I'm trying to teach Brown to self-advocate. "Brown, *this* is the hand you use to write with. You need to tell your teachers that." I showed him how to write a 2 with *my* left hand. Joy! Maybe have a talk with the karate instructors? Explain that Bear is ambidextrous and that they need to be clearer to him which hand to use. Or is handedness important in karate? Can he pass the test still if he just uses what's correct for him?

Posted by: bev at December 02, 2005 03:20 AM (Tk9Rx)

2 Maybe you *should* have a chat with the karate instructors. Unless there's a compelling reason why his forms are "handed", I don't understand why Bear isn't advancing. After all, this is for his enjoyment, right? My Karate instructor was a lefty who taught all of us to do the forms as it was comfortable for us... As for the school, you must do what you think is right, including both taking their help and refusing it. Go with your gut and don;t be afraid to say "Stop!" if you think it's getting to be a bit much. Let's hope this weekend is another good one

Posted by: caltechgirl at December 02, 2005 05:54 AM (/vgMZ)

3 You're a great mom. No answers for you, but I think it's a wonderful lesson to learn that the things worth doing sometimes take a very long time and a lot of effort to master and achieve recognition for. Good luck to Bear.

Posted by: Nancy Toby at December 02, 2005 09:44 AM (bnpiQ)

4 I think your son sounds like a very neat little boy, and it's too bad that things aren't going perfectly for him right now. That school sounds pretty intense.... Hopefully he will understand that we can't all win all the time, and that he will get a yellow belt if he keeps trying. Sometimes that's a good lesson to learn, so he can be strong in situations where you and CD can't protect him. (I hope that didn't come off as judgmental - God knows I'm no expert on childrearing. But I didn't learn that lesson until I was in my late teens, and at that point asking my parents for help was out of the question, you know.) And, on another note, I'm left-dominant ambidextrous and was told to use my right hand. Thank God for word processors and badminton partners who understand why I switch hands every few seconds.

Posted by: madrigalia at December 02, 2005 01:07 PM (TBzUs)

5 I am actually surprised that, in this day and age, handedness or lack thereof is such an issue. I thought we'd figured out a generation or so ago that left-handedness or ambidextrousness was not, in fact, a liability and is simply a difference in the way some people learn/process information. If Bear can come through this understanding that he is just fine, I see it as an asset. I didn't discover untill I was an adult that I could draw with both hands... and had a distinct style of working with either hand. What if someone had noticed that as a child? Wouldn't it be neat to see what I could do with a fully-trained left hand? I think ALL kids should be given the opportunity to develop fine motor skills with BOTH hands, and then they can choose which is more comfortable for themselves. I mean, really, give ALL kids the option to use either hand. I guess that would make the educational process more complicated. What a shame. Handedness is important in karate only if that is the testing system that his teacher's use. They are probably testing his ability to follow directions, or remember what he has been taught. All good skills, mind you, but if he is performing the moves correctly, and if that is what they are stressing in their teaching, then, fair enough. There are martial arts systems that put less emphasis on the memorization of forms exactly as taught. There are pros and cons to each approach. Based on my experience with martial arts, if he has mastered the essence or intent of the move, that is far more important an achievement than specifically which side he is using. What is more important is that you know how to do the moves with power and grace, and that you can make your body achieve the goal you want it to. It matters not at all what side you use to achieve that goal.

Posted by: Laura at December 02, 2005 01:42 PM (FzMzF)

6 How tough. They don't tell you about all the agonizing you'll do in the baby books, do they? I think you're doing the right thing- Just look for ways to boost his confidence during this tought time. Concentrate on his strengths and maybe talk about the things that you and your husband have trouble with so that he'll know everyone has weaknesses... Just my two cents.

Posted by: Lucinda at December 07, 2005 10:10 AM (OPvIN)

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Friday! Friday you beautiful thing!!!!! And not a moment too soon!

If this week doesn't end soon, my brain will pop out my ear and go looking for a new host. And I'll be better off without it.

Which of the following do you think happened this week?

1) Had a milkman wake me up at 3:30AM after I fell asleep not 10 feet from the front door and scared myself so bad that I threw up...

2) Realized after tripping on my way out of the school that I had just cussed "Oh Shit" in front of about a half-dozen kids. (Softly, but still...)

3) Attended my son's practice meet sitting in the front row, in front of a mirrored wall, never realizing I was wearing khaki's that had a split seam and my pink underwear was showing for the world to see.

If you picked all 3, then ding ding ding! You're a winner!

(skulking back to bed, and praying for a do-over...)

Posted by: Elizabeth at 05:38 AM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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