August 31, 2005
Vote!
OK, I actually went and attempted to make a poll. My first, and it has somehow turned my site green but I have decided that this is a good thing.
Posted by: Elizabeth at
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I love Minneapolis. I think it's beautiful and charming and if you can stand the cold (I love the cold
) I would totally move there.
Posted by: kalisah at August 31, 2005 02:26 PM (C7RFb)
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I'd vote Denver, except it defeats your low cost of living goal. So I picked a different one.
They are all awesome places, though, and each one distinct. I envy you the scouting trips!
Posted by: Jennifer at August 31, 2005 02:50 PM (1X5Jq)
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Portland is my hometown, so I will admit that bias. It's a beautiful city where the ocean, the mountains, and the desert are just 1-2 hours away. The environment is priority, bike lanes are everywhere, public transportation is accessible, great restaurants are just around the corner, and just because a woman has short hair doesn't automatically mean she's a lesbian.
That said...I also know its limitations.
1. "I see white people" is a definite truth there.
2. A few years ago, the public schools had to close a month early because the asshole voters couldn't pass a property tax raise.
3. Portland has become a city of rich white couples with no children. Schools are less and less of a priority to the citizens at large, unless you live in the horrid suburbs.
Posted by: FemaleCSGradStudent at August 31, 2005 06:29 PM (VPke+)
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I guess we are missing the point of low-cost areas, since so many of us picked Paris : )
I haven't been to any of those areas, but I think I'd say Portland because its close to California and I love it. But doesn't it not snow much in Portland?
Posted by: halloweenlover at September 01, 2005 05:47 AM (cdEd4)
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I'm sure you're getting sick of these Move To The Twin Cities comments - but I have one last (maybe) thing to add - WE are totally diverse here - - really, really diverse! I promise!!!
Posted by: cursingmama at September 01, 2005 07:21 AM (PoQfr)
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Well I went with Paris but that's only because "Michele's house" wasn't on the poll.
Posted by: Michele at September 01, 2005 09:37 AM (FN5hT)
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The Map, She is a-pinned
OK, first of let me say to all Minnesotans that the Twin Cities do indeed rock. And not just because I am all about the snow (really, I am like a reverse lizard). Also, there's the throwing my hat in the air and twirling on a street corner thing - which I could do all day and night, you betcha.
And the "Midwest IT Corridor" (No! It's Real! Really real! Not like Sasquatch. Really! They said so in a magazine article that one time!) is anchored there (*cough* Seymour Cray *cough*).
So we're planning, so far, 3 scouting trips. One to the Pacific Northwest. One to Denver. And one up Wisconsin as far towards Minnesota as we get before the snow gets too bad and we have to kill the tauntauns to stay warm.
I was telling this to my friend this afternoon and she replied, in her best scary movie voice, "....I see white people."
She had a point. It's hard to imagine living in a place with little diversity. A place where good Thai can't be had at 2AM. A place without a big water, where you can skip rocks and watch the clouds reflected.
When CD asked me, would I be willing to move in order to have my dream of being a SAHM, and I said yes. I meant yes. I am excited to announce "Yes!" But that won't mean it will be easy.
I wrote a long email to a friend in Denver about our choices. I said that our long-term goals were crashing into our daily life. As long as we live here, I have to work. The cost of living is just too high - no matter how frugal we try to be.
So we search for a place with a thriving tech base, low cost of living. An amazing neighborhood. A house full of character. Where the landscape will feed our souls.
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Hey hey! What happened to New England! We don't smell bad, I promise.
Do you know that I haven't been to any of those places? Not a one. I am from San Francisco, though, and I love the weather, although there isn't that much snow.
If you really would consider Ma or one of the neighboring states, I am happy to chat with you about them. We did quite a bit of town searching while we were moving here. Good luck! This is very exciting!
Posted by: halloweenlover at August 31, 2005 09:52 AM (cdEd4)
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A little "I smell white people story" for you:
At my doctor's appointment on Monday, one of the nurses was African-American. Caleb asked me about the "chocolate lady". Shows you how white our little town is - my son had never seen a black person before!?!? I explained that God makes people in all different colors. He said, "so she's chocolate, I'm white, you're white, and Daddy's old!" Couldn't convince him that she had not actually covered herself in chocolate, but oh well.
Posted by: Cheryl at August 31, 2005 11:58 AM (xz8OC)
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Believe it or not, there are two Thai restaurants within three miles of my house. I don't know if they're open at 2am, though.
Boulder is very eclectic, so you might want to look somewhere close to there. There are lots of nice towns and planned communities within 15 miles of Boulder. We chose a small town, and I absolutely love the feeling of belonging to an actual town, as opposed to a cookie-cutter suburb. Most of the communities around here are pretty and quaint, and they all look new, although I'm sure that's not the case. Things seem to be very well-maintained here.
The white people thing is totally true. There are lots of Hispanics, but I've seen less than ten non-Caucasians in the month that we've lived here. There is a black female anchor on the news, though, so maybe they're not prejudiced?
Depending on when you're planning to move, you may be able to get in on the ground floor of a new community. There's one just north of Denver called Anthem Highlands that's going to be built by Pulte. You can often make quite a bit of money by being among the first to buy in a new community.
Good luck!
Posted by: notdonnareed at August 31, 2005 03:29 PM (RFcQ+)
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If you come to Madison, give me a call, seriously. I haven't learned all the restaurants yet but yes, there are Thai ones. Email me...it'd be wonderful to meet you and Bear at last. (:
Posted by: Anna at August 31, 2005 05:12 PM (FO7pv)
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Good luck! You are so friggin lucky. I'd love to move anywhere I wanted to.
Posted by: Lucinda at September 01, 2005 05:47 AM (OPvIN)
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Hey, hey, hey Minneapolis has PLENTY of big water!
Posted by: cc at September 01, 2005 06:55 AM (O2Ovh)
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Speaking on behalf of your male readers, you've earned our respect and undying loyalty with your tauntaun reference.
Posted by: Jason at September 01, 2005 10:56 AM (E4APS)
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August 30, 2005
A Pin, A Map, and A Dream
Updated: 8/30:
OK, here's what we're researching so far based on your recommendations:
*Colorado
*Upstate New York
*Wisconsin
*Twin Cities (although that seems FAR off the beaten path)
*New England
*Canada (Toronto, Vancouver or Ottawa - all contingent on them letting yet
another Yank in. Oh, and my company sponsoring me.)
* Oregon/Seattle - I know, different states, but probably the same scouting trip. Although CD wants it noted, for the record, that he is like a plant and needs a certain amount of sun. We have heard rumors that there is no sun in the Pacific NW of the US. This is probably a dastardly lie, right? Also, and not that anyone is counting, but I have more than 1 ex in the Seattle area.
Places on the 'probably not' list:
*RTP and NC as a whole (I have spent a LOT of time in RTP and not only can I attest to the beauty - I can attest to the heat, the traffic, the humidity and the GODAWFUL GREEN CRAP that falls from the sky every spring and sticks to everything like bird snot on crazy glue.)
* Montana (Although I LOVE Cheryl, I travelled to Butte once. Ever land in Butte? And then, you know, drive down the butte into Butte? In the snow? Ok, 'nuf said.)
*Georgia (Although, for the amount of time I have spent in the Atlanta airport they should charge me state income tax. Just too hot. And not just in August.)
*UK (I lived there in '94 and I LOVED it. I cried for 3 months after I got back to the states. But my company will not sponsor me there. And we can not afford to live there without a work visa. We can barely afford to live there WITH a work visa. Seriously, we would be squatting with my dear friends in the North, taking showers with that hand-held thing while sitting in the tub and wondering how we could afford the next pint of petrol. Or gin.)
Still taking suggestions. And now I am looking at neighborhoods....
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For about two years now, we've been aware that we have an opportunity to move. Anywhere.
I telecommute, and my husband currently works for a company with locations uh... everywhere.
So even though we'll probably move to the quaint little Bedford Falls town just over the road from our current home in Pleasantville, we aren't.... sure.
Where would you move? If you were up for an adventure, and could go?
We want a good school system for Bear, but on the other hand I could homeschool. We want a place that is beautiful to feed our soul - water, hills, green. We need a somewhat nearby tech corridor. And we need snow and winter and really, as few 80+ days as possible.
Ideas? Anyone? Anyone? Beuller?
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You should check out a suburb or town near Denver. The cost of housing here is much cheaper than most major cities, and it's incredibly beautiful. They have two tech centers on either side of the city. We love it here. Also, the weather? Is fantastic. When we went to the park yesterday, it was 91 degrees, but the heat index was 78. I didn't even know that was possible. I've also lost about ten pounds since we moved here. There's just something about this place that makes you feel like eating healthy. And the people are uniformly nice. Even the repair people are clean and courteous. We seriously haven't encountered a rude or angry person in the month that we've been here. We plan to stay here forever.
Posted by: notdonnareed at August 29, 2005 05:08 AM (RFcQ+)
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Come on over to the Twin Cities! Very little traffic, you could live in a quaint suburb like Hopkins or the more pricey Edina is always lovely. Or you can live in NorthEast Minneapolis which is becoming a very nice neighborhood. You could live right on a lake and have only a 15 minute commute to downtown. School districts are AMAZING! and opportunities abound. Winters are very much like you experience now in CHI-town. Many huge companies are here, 3M, Medtronic, etc etc.
Beautiful homes for sale all over my neighborhood if your lookin.
Plus, you'd get the added bonus of living by me
Posted by: suzanne at August 29, 2005 05:23 AM (GhfSh)
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You should check out this area. We are wonderfully positioned between three cities -- all of which offer us something. We have low crime, a slow-pace of life, beauty -- and yet the city life is only a train-ride away (75 mins). Drive 30 miles and you find Fortune 500 companies. What more could you ask for?
I wouldn't go back even if someone offered me $1M in cash. No joke.
Posted by: Eyes for Lies at August 29, 2005 06:24 AM (QhI+Z)
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I was thinking about Oregon a while back. Also, I thought about Vermont or New Hampshire. Might be nice to be within striking distance of the ocean.
Posted by: RP at August 29, 2005 07:06 AM (LlPKh)
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I have to second what RP said-I love the Pacific Northwest, and a part of me thinks-should I ever return, something about the Northeast (Vermont, NH, Maine)appeals.
Posted by: Helen at August 29, 2005 08:50 AM (6/cg4)
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I live in the Twin Cities like Suzanne and would certainly say its a great place to live. If I was picking for myself ...I'd pick Duluth/Two Harbors/Grand Marais or anything along the north shore in a heart beat. The only reason we haven't done it is because the kids are so far along in school and we don't want to up root them. Once they're out of school...we're up there as fast as we can.
Posted by: cursingmama at August 29, 2005 09:39 AM (PoQfr)
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Naturally I think you should move up here. But since there would be no work (I imagine) for either of you, I would reccomend Calgary. It's gorgeous, and so near the mountains. You could live on the outskirts, and have the best of all worlds. Lots of snow. Wonderful schools. Great zoo. And of course, the health care system....
Posted by: Tammy/averagemom at August 29, 2005 09:44 AM (M++hX)
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We looked at Canada - Vancouver, Calgary, Ottawa. The problem is me - I am an American, and Canada is of the daft opinion that they have enough of us there, thank you. CD and Bear, in a heartbeat and I can tag along - as a dependant.
We're continuing to look Northward - CD's comfort level with raising a child in the USA is always a bit iffy. It's no slam, he loves America and has worked and paid taxes here and served this country in thanks any way he could. But he is a social and political liberal, and so you can imagine....
And I actually could happily live in the UK again or Canada. I think.
I'd miss my friends. And hamburgers withe blue cheese and mushrooms.
Posted by: Elizabeth at August 29, 2005 10:54 AM (UEEkh)
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Athens, Georgia
Cheap, beautiful, friendly, progressive, home of a major university and all its guest speakers/programs/etc., one hour from Atlanta, great schools, yummy restaurants, cool bars, awesome music scene, great small town feel, amazing history, quaint-yet-happening downtown--- PARADISE.
Posted by: Lucinda at August 29, 2005 11:44 AM (OPvIN)
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I must agree wtih notdonnareed about the Denver area. Husband and I were just commenting that our quality of life has increased tenfold since moving here from the Bay Area. There is zero humidity. It's a beautiful thing! We haven't encountered anyone rude yet either in our 8 weeks here. The school system scores very high in the South Metro area. The tech center is mere minutes away. The skies are blue and gorgeous and we absolutely love it here. We feel so lucky to have made such a good choice! At the very least you should check it out over a weekend. That's what we did and we were hooked immediately!
Posted by: jill at August 29, 2005 12:58 PM (mPnaW)
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Missoula, Montana baby. That's where it's at.
Posted by: Cheryl at August 29, 2005 01:35 PM (xz8OC)
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Seattle. I'm a native Californian (southern), went to college in Milwaukee. Our life changed dramatically when we moved here. House, baby, I went from working 60+ hours a week to working 20. No humidity. 40 minutes outside of downtown is almost like country. The traffic is worse than the weather. Join me.
Posted by: lisa at August 29, 2005 06:43 PM (V+qBp)
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We have hamburgers with bleu cheese here, baby. Or at least Angus does, I eat the tofu version.
And it's only a two hour flight to CD's home territory.
And there's loads of us with the flat vowels living here, and we aren't unpopular (you get a bit of ribbing now and then but only once did I get it in an unkind way, and he was a jerk anyway.)
Free health care (it's quite good, actually). Good schools. Fantastic shopping. And ain't nothing wrong with the almighty pouind, seeing as it's nearly a 2-1 in the US, which means when you visit home, it's like one giant 50% off sale year-round.
Hmmm....
Posted by: Helen at August 30, 2005 02:12 AM (R4iEo)
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Look at Wisconsin--Madison or Milwaukee area. Then Minnesota--outside the Twin Cities, or even Rochester. Finally, depending on how much you want to get away from it all, how about Michigan's Upper Pennisula (da U.P., as they say)? Homeschooling is easy in Wisconsin, and I believe also in Michigan and Minnesota. But, good school systems, including in the rural areas.
Posted by: cc at August 30, 2005 02:41 AM (O2Ovh)
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Here are a few links that I used to select our new area...hopefully you'll find them useful and fun!
http://www.findyourspot.com/
http://houseandhome.msn.com/pickaplace/comparecities.aspx
http://www.dickgilbert.com/downtowndenveraircam.htm
(I had to throw in that last link - it is the Denver cam so you can check out our beautiful weather!!) ;-)
Posted by: Jill at August 30, 2005 06:26 AM (mPnaW)
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Hmmm, I live in a suburb of Boston, and while my suburb is expensive there are TONS right outside of the 95 belt (which coincidentally is the second largest tech corridor outside of silicon valley) that are very reasonable.
I say Massachusetts! Plus, we are very very liberal. Here are the pluses- very liberal, very accepting, best schools in the nation (ranked #1), very safe (houses safest city in the country), and we are nice! Nice is good!
I am from California (San Francisco) and find the liberally goodness to be very welcoming and lovely, so if CD feels that way also, you might want to consider. Oh, and we have snow and lots of lovely nature. We do have very expensive areas but lots of beautiful areas that aren't so expensive. I am happy to talk more about it if you want!
Posted by: halloweenlover at August 30, 2005 06:51 AM (cdEd4)
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The UK - i agree with Helen
Ace schooling, free health care, if you stay long enough a crack at a european passport, what more could you want for Bear?!
Seriously though, good luck with the decision making.
abs x
Posted by: abs at August 30, 2005 11:23 AM (9TKPM)
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We moved to North Carolina five years ago and I love it. Beaches of the Outerbanks to the east, Asheville and the mountains to the west, RTP smack center. It's gorgeous here, greener than any other CITY I've ever visited. And jobs are everywhere. The thing I love most, though, is the small town feel. It all depends on where in the Triangle you choose to hang your hat.
Posted by: Jennifer at August 30, 2005 12:38 PM (1X5Jq)
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NC is HELL in the Summer. NC is a love/hate relationship for me. I repeat do not come here. I have been here for 5 years from Upstate NY. I'm waiting for something to bottom out to return back to NY. I hate the heat. Riding solo isn't as great as it seems. I miss my family.
Write a list of what your looking for. I know I suffer from depression and would love to change everything about me if I could. Especially the fact I migrated to NC and have a decent job. I wish I would have stayed in NY. I miss the snow but not six months of it. 14-15 days a month I hate NC, the other half I love it. I hate the traffic in the metro city, the extensive congestion, the hight housing prices for a small lot of grass and a mini house. THen your neighbors are within reach from every room in the subdivision because they are so mini. Sorry to be a downer. Today, I HATE Nc.
Good LUck.
Another Jennifer
Posted by: another jennifer at August 30, 2005 01:24 PM (dz8iW)
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My vote is Twin Cities, Toronto and then Denver. Listen to your heart and it will tell you where to go.
Hugs!!
Posted by: azalea at August 30, 2005 02:51 PM (hRxUm)
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I'll join Lisa in recommending Seattle. It has the best combination of water/hills/green that I've seen, and is close to snow when you want it. Great neighborhoods, very kid-friendly.
Good luck figuring it all out.
Posted by: Kimberly at August 30, 2005 09:03 PM (CXd4V)
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Ah, I see you've already vetoed Canada, for very sensible reason, but if I had my choice, I'd move back to Vancouver because that's where I'm from and it's gorgeous and vibrant and wonderful and I regret leaving it every single day. You couldn't get in as a "skilled worker"?
Aside from British Columbia, my vote goes to Oregon or Washington State. The Pacific Northwest is fabulous.
What fun to even have the option of moving!
Posted by: christina at August 31, 2005 12:45 AM (BWWXy)
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I tried posting this the other day but it wouldn't let me: How about Madison? (; I'm enjoying it so far. It's got everything you want, not to mention ME. hehe!
Posted by: Anna at August 31, 2005 01:57 AM (DQlEk)
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I'm a Portland, OR resident and can offer you a wealth of information should you want it.
For starters, we have amazing Rogue River blue cheese and a plethora of mushrooms here. Not to mention Oregon Country beef, provided by a consortium of ranchers who commit to certain practices.
And while I'm shamelessly dangling assets, you can usually get all of those things at our own local fast food chain, Burgerville - along with real ice cream/real fruit seasonal milkshakes. (It's either blackberry or huckleberry on tap now...)
We've other redeeming qualities as well, promise!
Posted by: Betsy at August 31, 2005 03:09 AM (chwcp)
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All right, then, my second choice is Wisconsin, particularly the Milwaukee area. It's gorgeous and friendly and close to Door County, which is the coolest place in the world.
Although I hear winters there are a bitch. Could you have a beach vacation home?
Posted by: Lucinda at August 31, 2005 04:16 AM (OPvIN)
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The heat's not bad down here. Seriously, we seldom go above 80. The whole "Hotlanta" thing is just a myth to keep out undesirables.
What? No, my fingers are NOT crossed!
Oh, the other hand.
Okay, you caught me. But we do have air conditioning!
Posted by: Jim at August 31, 2005 05:15 AM (tyQ8y)
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If you're looking for housing info in the twin cities - try wwwdotedinarealtydotcom - I'd be more than happy to answer any questions. Why do you think it's far off the beaten path?
Posted by: cursingmama at August 31, 2005 05:21 AM (PoQfr)
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Yes, it's hot here in Carolina. But it's also the last bastion of the South for having four distinct seasons. The traffic is relative, all dependent on where you live. It takes my husband and I each about 10 minutes to get to work. I haven't driven on I-40 for six months, and I work in RTP.
Just sayin'. It's got a lot to offer.
Posted by: Jennifer at August 31, 2005 06:46 AM (jl9h0)
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Based on your criteria, I would agree with whomever suggested Colorado. Personally, I was with you until you said snow and winter ... not I!
There is a website that asks you to answer about 50 questions, and based on your answers comes up with a list of places that you might want to move to. Darn it - I can't think of the site - maybe go to Google and try to find it? It's a great site and could help you research not only certain states, but particular cities, as well!!
Posted by: Monica C. at August 31, 2005 06:57 AM (gkN3L)
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I've lived in Colorado Springs and Seattle-I loved them both. The winters could be pretty darn cold and snowy in Colorado, though (and I would suggest you remove the Twin Cities from that list if you aren't keen on cold. My Dad lived there for many years, and I am not big on places where the nose hair freezes. That is one of them.)
It's true Seattle has a lot of rain. It is also expensive. In its favor, it's one of the more liberal places I have ever lives, and I just loved it.
Posted by: Helen at August 31, 2005 07:20 AM (ID3Q+)
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I moved to NC from Miami in 2002. What a big mistake, NC is a sorry state, and I have been in Oklahoma for like 9 months. NC sucks big time on everything, people is rude, southern hospitality my @ss, the weather is sorry, the food stinks, the traffic is horrible, pine trees everywhere, everything is expensive, and I can go on forever. I'm just waiting in getting my divorce and I'm getting the hell out of here, hopefully DC or Atlanta.
Posted by: Gus at September 11, 2005 11:42 AM (M7kiy)
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Crossroads
We have been weighing our priorities. Bear has decided we need a second floor. Of course, he's also decreed that he only should use toothpaste on Sundays. Also? Naps on Tuesdays, but only if he's tired first and I make him a sippy cup of chocolate Instant Breakfast - heavy on the chocolate.
Furthermore, he feels any new house should have a bedroom for Nana and another one for his Auntie Dee - who he wants to marry when he grows up. Because Police Officers are real people when they aren't working and plus he's going to be an Archeologist Police Officer. And a daddy.
One of my former bosses here at Mega asked me today if I would follow him join his team at our offices in Australia for a couple of years. He would sponsor the visas for CD and I. He needs strong PM's, and he's offered this before - and I am sorely tempted. But it would mean going into an office every day. Oh. And being half a PLANET away from my family and friends. And that snow I like so much? Yeah, not so much.
I look around, and realize that my impotent anger at being stuck in a house that doesn't work is fading. I see the future as possibility now. It helps soothe some of the bruised parts of me.
I looked at CD last night and said "With the money we'll get from the sale of this house, we could just bum around the world with Bear."
"You mean a vacation? Or a month?"
I blinked and thought. "No, I mean, for a year."
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I can't recommend much in the way of Colorado neighborhoods (I still get lost in my OWN neighborhood), but you should check out some of the homebuilder websites. www-centexhomes-com www-pultehomes-com www-englehomes-com (You could check out Beazer, too, but I personally wouldn't recommend them.)
I did some looking on your behalf, and I was amazed at what you can get in the Denver metro area for under $400k: brand-new, 4 bedrooms, 2.5 bathrooms, full unfinished basement, gourmet kitchen...
Posted by: notdonnareed at August 30, 2005 05:16 PM (RFcQ+)
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August 26, 2005
I said it out loud
When we (and I mean me) were writing our vows, I included the promise that we would be partners in parenthood.
I said it out loud. And I meant it. But the truth is that I am the primary parent -I research the care options, I take care of the insurance and the appointments, I do most of the driving, I make the recommendations (and most of the decisions) about schooling and activties. I am the one who is permanently flexible to accomodate changes in schedule.
And I am so sick of it. I am so sick of being shot down and patronized. I want someone who suits up with their own opinions, who is as invested as a I am in the long-term, who is right there in the trenches with me.
You see CD and Bear together and you know that these two just adore each other. And then you see me, the pack mule following behind with kit, the kaboodle, the immunization chart, the babysitting schedule, the bag of holding, and the exhausted expression.
It is this just how it is?
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What a great description of the family dunamics.
Descibes my experience as well. On thw whole I think men are just not that into the "care" thing when it comes to the kids as we women are.
I have come to think that maybe those of us who are doers are victims of our own success. Men who are married to less capable women, unfairly (it seems to me), do do more.
During our formative years we learn to be (and learn to want to be) in charge, in control, independent. Which is as it should be.
But, it stinks that the "reward" of all that is to be called upon to do more - without any kudos whatsoever. Feels like we are being pubished for being good.
Hang in there - this too shall pass.
PS: As Bear gets older, you will see parts of you shine through and you will know that everything that you did and endured - did register.
PS2: Sometimes it feels as if we are raising our husbands to be the fathers we need tghem to be, along with raising our children. As Mothers, we have to do a better job of raising the next generation of fathers.
Posted by: Empathetic at August 26, 2005 05:21 AM (B1Sap)
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That was my experience with the boys' dad.
And as I said to my Darling Hubby when we were dating: "I'm just so
tired of having to be responsible for
it all."
He's quite different, my DH. I've a feeling I'd better be prepared to give up some of my authority.
And you see -- there's MY rub. I complain because I "have to do it all," but I think the reality was that I pushed everyone else aside subconsciously thinking that no one could do the job as well as I.
Hmm. That's definitely ponderable.
At this point and with this baby, however, I'm quite ready to relax and allow for help.
xoxo
Posted by: Margi at August 26, 2005 06:36 AM (nwEQH)
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"Is this the way it is?"
For you and CD, maybe. I don't think any of us can judge that from just reading your blog.
For all women and all men, no. There are men who are good at that stuff and women who are bad at it.
My husband is a SAHD and more involved than almost any father I know. But I still do a fair amount of that kind of stuff, not because T. can't or won't do it, but because I can, and it makes me feel like a good mommy to do it, and because if T. took charge of it, he wouldn't ask the exact questions that I do, and I'd still worry about it.
Posted by: Elizabeth at August 26, 2005 06:55 AM (v+q53)
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Maybe its that way for now because of CD's mental health issues. Maybe its that way for now because you follow the path of least resistance and let him get away with making you the adult, the responsible one. Maybe, of the two of you, you're just better at being the adult. Beats me. But here's the thing, I don't think it has to be this way. Stick with it, E, and I think you'll make it work. Why? Because I think you are that good. Really.
As for the first comment: "On thw (sic) whole I think men are just not that into the "care" thing when it comes to the kids as we women are." May I just note that I think that is an absolute, unmitigated load of shite? An overgeneralization almost not worth responding to?
Posted by: RP at August 26, 2005 07:12 AM (LlPKh)
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Um, you may want to skip my blog today. *tears at hair*
Posted by: Mindy at August 26, 2005 08:09 AM (KcpFu)
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I think we all have to stand up for ourselves in different ways. Brian spends more time playing with the kids and I spend more time doing chores. I could count on one hand the number of times he's cleaned our bathrooms. I need to insist more that he do more. Or, as you said, maybe it's just the way it always is and I'll never change him. *sigh*
Posted by: Kris at August 26, 2005 09:14 AM (Sj7jh)
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No. This is just NOT how it is. I know I'm lucky, I got a husband who is right beside me in everything. But I think too often women/mothers "settle" because we want the peaceful, happy scenario. We hate rocking the boat. Well, sometimes, it's gotta be rocked. You are not a pack mule. You are not enjoying this. It's time for a change.
Posted by: Tammy/averagemom at August 26, 2005 10:16 AM (M++hX)
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That's how it is in my house. My husband does carry some of the load, and will do anything I ask (just about), but it's almost like having a teenage son - he "helps" me parent, rather than being the lead parent or even a true co-parent. I will say it has gotten better, however. And part of that, as Margi alluded to in her comments, is because I stopped being such a control freak (well "stopped" is a bit extreme).
Once again, you are not alone!
Posted by: Monica C. at August 26, 2005 12:10 PM (gkN3L)
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I was going to leave a comment .... but I am to freaking angry. My husband and I just got into a huge fight about the same thing today...I do the one million things that need to get done around here...yet he nags and complains because I have not done number one million and one. I would go on but I feel some major swear words coming on! Where can I get me a wife? Sounds like a sweet deal!
Posted by: Rita at August 26, 2005 03:33 PM (bf2+S)
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That's how it is around here: I plan the days and everything else; he watches him but still asks questions like "what is he having for lunch?" But I have to say, I'm not overly bothered by it: I _like_ my decisions, and I like that my word is pretty much the bottom line for our son. Since I was the breadwinner for years before, and then during, and then after the pregnancy/birth, I feel like this is my reward.
I will say it gets to me when my husband just assumes that I'm "on duty", which is all the time: if we're all three together he feels that he can wander off and do his own thing and that I'll be there to take care of TLM; he doesn't have to watch him. This cheeses me a good deal. But I live with it in order to be in charge. If I weren't, there'd be a lot more fighting around here than there already is.
Posted by: Anna at August 26, 2005 03:43 PM (HE6Gk)
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Yes, that is just how it is because even if the daddy wants to have "more of a say" in the upbringingor the day to day activities it will always just be more of a say. Not ever less of a say.
That's just how it is.
Posted by: Soccamom at August 26, 2005 04:38 PM (CuxC8)
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No, that's not "how it is." But that's "how it's become" for you. You can fix it.
It'll take hard work on both your parts, but I think you should demand it.
Posted by: Philip at August 27, 2005 06:31 AM (qADWw)
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Yup, that's how it is. All my married friends say so--accept one, and they have 5 children, her hubby is not the norm. Otherwise, Mom rules and dad is just another kid.
Onward, forward....life goes on. Love your blog...great outlet for vents and other thoughts!
Posted by: lyn at August 27, 2005 05:04 PM (1DJTO)
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I would say sit down and talk about what your husband can do to help out, but sitting down and talking doesn't always work with men. However, I've found that screaming and crying and acting like you're about to have a nervous breakdown from the PRESSURE! THE PRESSURE! That works. Men hate women crying and will do whatever it takes to keep it from happening again.
Posted by: Lucinda at August 28, 2005 10:08 AM (OPvIN)
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For a lighter moment, get a copy of the CD "Momnipotent" by Nancy White, and listen to the track called "The Children's Entertainer".
I don't think it has to be that way. I think it usually is, for a variety of reasons, all very well expressed by others before me.
It isn't that way for me, but I'm in a second marriage. I was much less idealistic, much more realistic. We both had kids. Issues were discussed clearly, strategies developed, tried out, evaluated. Far fewer surprises. But not the same as a first marriage.
Posted by: Mary at August 28, 2005 01:07 PM (fsliW)
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If that's how it was around my house, it wouldn't be anything at all in short order. It's definitely not the way it should be.
I think we were married 8 years before we finally figured that out. The good news is we did. But then, we wanted to, I guess.
Posted by: Jennifer at August 28, 2005 02:34 PM (1X5Jq)
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That's pretty much the way it is at my house, and I like it that way. In my opinion, things work better when one person is in charge. Don't get me wrong, I delegate plenty. My husband is responsible for breakfast every morning and the bath every night. On the weekends, he's responsible for the park and Chuck E. Cheese outings. Sometimes I go with, sometimes not. The only time it's ever bothered me to be the one in charge is when things weren't going well (couldn't find a good preschool, having trouble with potty training). Those were the times I resented my husband for not being more involved, but the truth was that I just wanted him to fix it so I wouldn't have to worry about it anymore. When things are going smoothly, I'm more than happy to be the one who chooses preschools, schedules doctor's appointments, buys clothes, etc. I feel very lucky that my husband takes such an active interest in parenting (and I guess it depends on your expectations). He visits the preschools with me, when he has time. He attends most doctors appointments, especially if shots are involved. He distracts little boy while I cut his hair. He takes the initiative to give manicures/pedicures when needed. He participates in discipline, so I don't have to be the bad guy. But I'd still describe his role as a deputy, rather than a co-manager, and that suits the control freak in me just fine. :-)
Posted by: notdonnareed at August 29, 2005 02:37 PM (RFcQ+)
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Nope - it's not just how it is. But, when you have your first kid together, my experience is that you kind of "tussle" over who gets to do take care of the baby. Many times the mommy wins out and the daddy eventually gives in. At some point, mommy realizes she can't do everthing, and has to get the daddy to pitch in again.
I don't recommend it, but I've unintentionally gone on strike a few times when I've had my fill of "childcare stuff". My hubby always notices, gets worried and steps up to the plate. Now that my kids are two and four, he knows he needs to step up and take care of stuff when I'm fed up. It gives me a much needed break when he does, plus it makes him feel useful. I believe he even enjoys it. He doesn't always do things the way I do them, but he's gotten good at anticipating my expectations and trying to meet them. But then, I've tried to stop critiquing him, too. So, our situation has become more of a team effort than a "me" effort. I try not to take it personally when he makes parenting recommendations. Relationships always evolve, and time is your friend. Ya gotta find a way to tell him so he'll listen, even if it entails going on strike to get your message across... I'm so not proud of going on strike, but I guess it was a subconscious cry for help when I reached my limit....
Posted by: northridgemom at August 30, 2005 07:49 PM (llpjA)
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Is that the way it is? Yes and no, I think every family is different and takes on the roles they need to to get through the day, the week, life... I quit working to be a SAHM, do I love it, not really, do I think it's the best choice for my family, absolutely. My husband works long hours, so even when I was still working PT after my first son was born, I had the bulk of child duty, and obviously do now. I make 90% of the decisions about the kids, I take them to all their appts, manage school, set playdates, take care of the bills, the house, etc... BUT, big but, my husband knows that when he's home he is here to help, and is great at giving me my much needed reprieves whether it be from the boys or house related things.
This was not a given from the getgo, we've had many discussions/arguements about this very subject.
Posted by: A.K. at August 31, 2005 07:16 AM (MuI3T)
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August 25, 2005
Get Over It
Warning: If you're tired of my complaining - you know, "I hate my job because I want to be home with kid" - then skip this post.
It has been a bad day. And I am hurting.
Not just because some freak cut me off in the parking lot (did she think she was in NEW YORK? There were a dozen other open parking spaces all around us, but no - she had to jump into the one I was heading into - racing around me with a squeal at like mach 10, causing me to thank my stars CD keeps the van and its brakes maintained regularly).
So. The day. The bad part. It started this morning, when CD was heading into work. He has a lot of flexibility with his schedule, so I shouldn't have been upset that he didn't leave until 10AM.
But it triggered a flashback to the dark times, you know? And all the fear and shaking crawled from my mind into my body. It was just after Bear was born, when CD's darkness began to expand into our lives. One of those first symptoms was a persistant tardiness. To try and help him fight the lethargy that would cause him to miss his train, I would drive CD into work each morning. Bear would cry the entire way because he had an unsual infant's motion sickness.
Ultimately, it did no good.
Flash forward to this morning, and CD is back at work. But I remain skittish and twice shy.
So even if we sold the house and moved somewhere with a cheaper cost of living, even if I belt-tightened, even if I home-schooled instead of the $900/month Montessori, even if I didn't have a babysitter or any other assistance. Even if all those things happened and we actually had enough dollars (which we wouldn't), it wouldn't be enough.
Because in my heart of hearts, I am not sure I could trust. I would be afraid that the darkness would return to claim CD. I am terrified that CD could sink again, and I would be desperately seeking a way to save our home and tend to our son.
So my deepest desire is out of reach. Which is probably why I'm told again and again to "get over it".
But I don't know how.
At this very moment, my son is at the park with his babysitter and I am in front of my computer, working. Is he warm? Safe? Is it going to start raining again? Does he have a raincoat? Is he being guided in fair play and good sportsmanship? Is Elia chatting with her boyfriend or is she watching? Is he tired for a nap yet?
He had McDonald's for lunch, because I had no time to deal with it. I was 15 minutes late for my therapist's appointment because I then had to rush back to the McDonald's and pick them up when they discovered that the PlayPlace was closed for repairs. I reluctantly dropped them off at her place, where her boyfriend's car was parked out front like a huge warning that she had other distractions. I wondered if I would hear more stories from Bear about how "boyfriends and girlfriends nap together" or if my conversation with Elia is still ringing in her ears.
Then my therapist told me he was prescribing me Ambien so I would get some sleep. No more Lexapro, maybe something else. He hunted through my family history for bipolar disorder.
$170 an hour, this guy. And we weren't even talking about issues.
I said to him "Look, I am not bipolar, and I don't want drugs. The problem here is in my life."
He told me that he needed me to be well-rested so I could deal with that very thing.
I said to him "Look, I keep being told to get over it. But what am I supposed to get over? My son is 4 years old, with one year left before he starts full-day school. I waited until I was in my mid-30's to have him because I believe with every drop of my blood that I should be a stay-at-home mom. I had my ducks in a row, and they were shot out of the water. And now, every single frigging day, I HAND MY SON OVER. Do you understand? Do you?"
He told me our time was up.
As I walked back to the car, to pick up Bear and Elia and drive them back to my house, to finish updating my project plans and prepare for more meetings, to make dinner, to drive Elia home again and my son to karate, I called CD. I told him to alert our bookkeeper to the check I'd written.
He yelled at me for not getting the insurance to cover it up front.
I tried not to cry all the way home.
Get Over It.
As if.
(End. Rant.) (Start. Chocolate.)
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1
Get over it?! Get over what? The desire to spend your days with your son? Get over wanting more from your life? Get over hoping your husband can pull his weight? What exactly are you supposed to be getting over? Who is giving you this advice?! No! Don't get over it! This is your life, not a cold bug!
Posted by: Tammy at August 25, 2005 09:29 AM (M++hX)
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Your husband probably yelled at you because he feels just as bad about the situation as you do but doesn't know how to express it. Men are funny like that.
Is it possible that your faith could help you through this? I know you're a spiritual person. It could be that you keeping your job really is the right thing for your family, and you just haven't figured out why yet.
My doctor had the same stupid bipolar discussion with me. It really irked me to waste all that time (at $$$/hour) to discuss an illness that I know I don't have. It's a hot-button issue in psychiatry these days, because if you are bipolar and they prescribe an SSRI and you become suicidal, you could sue the pants off them. It's all about the money. Theirs, not yours. ;-)
Have you considered working part-time, or taking that sabbatical that you were considering? Most companies will let you work part-time for a while, and at your level of seniority you might be eligible for a sabbatical soon. Both my company and my husband's company offered a three-month sabbatical after five years of executive-level service.
I know from personal experience how frustrating it is to not be able to spend your days the way you hoped and planned. (In my case, I desperately did NOT want to stay home with a child all day.) I also know how dwelling on that disappointment can ruin your health and relationships.
You may not be the full-time mother that you'd hoped, but you're obviously doing a great job. Bear is happy, healthy, smart, and creative. Isn't that what really matters in the long run?
Posted by: notdonnareed at August 25, 2005 09:54 AM (RFcQ+)
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Your time is up? And don't forget to make the check payable to cash, right?
I'm sorry, E. I wish I could do more than that.
Posted by: RP at August 25, 2005 10:06 AM (LlPKh)
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Elizabeth - I'm so sorry for what you're going through. Hang in there. And keep writing - for me that helps so much.
I agree with Polichick that maybe this particular doctor isn't right for you. Also, is there a possibility of getting a new babysitter? Not being able to trust your sitter adds so much to the stress.
On the Ambien front - when I really have trouble falling asleep, it works wonders but I usually wake up a bit groggy and I don't necessarily feel well rested. In my totally non-expert opinion, I wonder how much that will really help you.
Posted by: Jessica at August 25, 2005 10:59 AM (Qy78d)
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Hello E,
I wanted to share my opinion. I've been in theraphy for almost 2 years. For a while I dropped out. The psych dr I had left the practice and the new one freaks me out. I do see a therapist with a social work degree, he's awsome. Very non-medical. I know people search their whole lives for a match in mental health.
I had to have something close to work, because I try so hard to squeeze it in every week to two.
My advice, if you want anymore, check around and see if there's someone else you can see. I know insurance can be tricky. Having a spouse dealing with darkness also dampen's the situation. I was told just yesterday, I have an avoidance disorder.
It's taken over 1 year to uncover this. I also looked it up online and I really fit all the fields for the problems. As for ambien, I'm hooked on it, I need it every night. The dr keeps giving it to me so I must needed it. I've lost the ability to fall asleep on my own. This has been going on for about 2 years, I've had health problems too. I wish I could go away for a while and Chill.
I also have a 4 year old and we are not attending school full time this year either. Daycare/preschool yes, real school no. So good luck with your healing.
Another Jennifer
Posted by: another jennifer at August 25, 2005 02:30 PM (dz8iW)
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With an hourly rate at $170, your therapist sounds more like a psychiatrist, and in my experience, they tend to focus more on the meds and spend very little time talking about the issues. I used to see both a psychiatrist for my meds (which truly helped) and a wonderful therapist who did nothing but discuss the issues and help me problem solve. I was also prescribed Ambien but didn't take it - I've heard too many stories about people getting addicted. So instead, I take an occassional glug of Nyquil and I sleep like a baby. I was as hopeless as you feel right now and I thought I would go mad trying to "figure out the solution." It will happen, don't give up your hope and belief. You are a Can-Do woman and you will find the right solution. I just know it.
Posted by: Jill at August 25, 2005 04:55 PM (mPnaW)
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Hi E,
I am an occasional lurker, but first-time commenter. ((((Hugs))))
I understand your problems and feel that people who tell you to "get over it" have no clue.
Take care of yourself. At the very least, know that you are not alone in feeling as you do, nor are you unjustified.
One word of advice - keep away from these fancy-shmancy prescription meds. I know someone who is now addicted to anti-depressants and sleep meds - it has changed her as a person. She has three little kids.
Take care of yourself.
Posted by: Empathetic at August 26, 2005 01:19 AM (B1Sap)
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E -
I've read your post 3 times through and all I can say is I'm so sorry that you're going through this and if I was an IRL friend I would be on your doorstep in microseconds to give you a Hug. But, hugs only go so far, and living life sometimes sucks every bit of will to live out of you, and there is no way to just get over it, and people who say that have never walked through the hell you've been through and my comment will never be enough to help you get through this. Please keep writing, even if its privately because it appears to be providing more therapy than Dr. Your Time Is Up.
Posted by: Cursingmama at August 26, 2005 03:52 AM (PoQfr)
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I am so sorry you are going through this. I don't know what to say except that you have every right to go have the feelings you have and no one should ever tell you to "get over it".
I hope everything works out for you. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.
Posted by: Crystal at August 26, 2005 04:29 AM (URWQV)
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You have already had some fabulous advice and i don't really feel qualified to add my opinion. I just wanted to offer you the closest thing to a ((((hug)))) that there can be via blog!
I havent been around in a while and i am so sorry that things are so tough on you at the moment.
Abs x
Posted by: abs at August 26, 2005 04:48 AM (Z5qG3)
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I'm sorry Elizabeth. This post struck a chord with me because I am waiting to have a child until I am 30 also, and I figure that my "ducks will all be in a row". I understand the desire to wait and not just jump in without thinking, and the thought that after all that waiting it wouldn't work out gave me the chills.
I'm trying to think of intermediate solutions between staying home full-time and working full-time too, but I figure that you don't really need assvice, you just need us to listen.
I hope hope hope that you can find a solution that works for all of you. Hugs.
Posted by: halloweenlover at August 26, 2005 05:44 AM (cdEd4)
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uugh, I'm sorry Elizabeth. I'm thinking of you. Yes, maybe time to find a new therapist. A good night's sleep is a priority, but I hear you on the drug thing.
Posted by: Kris at August 26, 2005 09:33 AM (Sj7jh)
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I'm really sorry, Elizabeth, and for me too, in advance: I'm afraid of this whole day happening to me in a few years if Casey can't get off his ass and find a job and instead forces me to go back to work. Although I think if that happens, it's Goodbye, Charlie.
Bleah. I wish I had something useful to say instead of just seeing my future in your words.
Posted by: Anna at August 26, 2005 03:48 PM (HE6Gk)
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August 24, 2005
This is not a test
So, we're back.
Now I actually have to do something about backing up my files. *sigh*
and Pixy Misa, who owns and administrates the "mu.nu" domain is proven, yet again, to be a superhero.
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August 22, 2005
I guess he's glad to be home
Me: Good Morning.
Bear: Good Morning! (Bounce! Bounce! Bounce!)
Me: Uh, what are you doing up so (glance at clock) freakishly early?
Bear: It's a BEAUTIFUL day, Mommy! I'm really excited! Can we start now?
Me: Uh, sure.
Bear: Yay!
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Welcome home! I've enjoyed your last few entries. I hope you find a way to make your dreams come true. If you truly believe you can have them, you will find a way. There is no doubt about it
Posted by: Eyes for Lies at August 22, 2005 03:26 AM (QhI+Z)
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Aaah, early morning parenthood - there's nothing like it!
I know you have the cover of that Parenting magazine on the site because of the reference to this blog in one of the articles . . . but every time I see the little boy on the cover, my mind automatically thinks that's Bear!
Posted by: Monica C. at August 22, 2005 08:43 AM (gkN3L)
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That's the way us breast men are in the mornings.
Er, sometimes. Till we get Old.
Posted by: ben at August 24, 2005 02:30 PM (9IFwp)
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August 21, 2005
He's a Breast Man
Me and the Bear are hanging out tonight. Other than a long trip to the town zero-depth water park, zippedee has gotten done today. CD's off at some work emergency.
Curled up on the couch, watching Power Rangers - but not an episode with the mass-murderer in it. And out of nowhere, he sticks his head up my t-shirt and rests his face between my breasts.
At some point, I'm going to wonder what triggered my almost-five-year-old to regress....
Me: Hey, what doing?
Bear: Nothing.
Me: Then why is your head up my shirt?
Bear: Because I like your breasties.
Me: That's nice, sweetie. But your head belongs somewhere else.
Bear: Where?
Me: Anywhere else (rearranging him).
Bear: I miss your milk.
Me: Hmmm?
Bear: When I was a baby, I drank milk from your breasts.
Me: Uh, yes. Yes, you did.
Bear: Why did I have to stop?
Me: You didn't have to, honey. It was just time, and you let me know you were excited to do other things.
Bear: Like what?
Me: Uh, walk?
Bear: Oh. OK. And help pick tomatoes?
Me: Uh, sure. You want to go do that now?
Bear: Yes!
*whew*
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I'm laughing because my five year old (girl) still has a thing for my boobs. Not that long ago she said "Mom, I'm thirsty." I said, "Go get yourself a glass of water." "No, I want milk . . . from your boobs." "Sorry, I'm fresh out."
Posted by: Jessica at August 21, 2005 02:51 PM (OdHvr)
Posted by: Cheryl at August 21, 2005 02:59 PM (xz8OC)
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That's really sweet...I had to finally tell my six year old that he couldn't touch mine. He liked to softly "squish" them and said they reminded him of pillows...ugh.
Posted by: E at August 21, 2005 03:46 PM (Knn1n)
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I have no children... but any child under the age of four seems to like to bury their head in my chest. Specially those of the under 1 year old sort. At first I used to get kinda uncomfortable, but my friend's who are mom's would just laugh and say, "better you than me!"
Posted by: suzanne at August 21, 2005 05:18 PM (QerFx)
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LOL! Alison still refers to my boobs as "milks". In fact, to her, everyone's boobs - including Daddy's nipples - are "milks". I suppose it's a healthy association, although I have had to stop her from talking about my "milks" in public more than once!
Posted by: Jean at August 21, 2005 10:54 PM (cAiLl)
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oh my gosh... that is a riot. definately one to write in the baby book!
Posted by: nina at August 22, 2005 02:22 AM (46qhZ)
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I have visions of this conversation in my future.
Posted by: Anna at August 22, 2005 05:15 PM (9JgQF)
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It's not regression, just nostalgia... He's a sweetie.
Posted by: Mary at August 23, 2005 01:19 PM (fsliW)
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Girl Terror told me this morning I have nice boobies. Lately they seem to be a focus of hers. She couldn't understand why I told her to stop poking my nipples in the grocery store line-up. She said "But they are sticking out at me!"
Posted by: Tammy at August 24, 2005 04:28 PM (M++hX)
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Ha, wow. My elder has a breast fetish, but he's never been quite so verbal about it.
Posted by: A.K. at August 25, 2005 07:35 AM (MuI3T)
Posted by: Soccamom at August 26, 2005 04:40 PM (CuxC8)
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August 19, 2005
The Top Ten List
I haven't had time yet to make a filmstrip, so here is a handful of pictures "in the buff", so to speak. They were taken Wednesday afternoon during our unexpected and delightful discovery of Lake Erie State Park in the grape region of upstate New York.
Ready?
Top Ten Best Memories from the last 2 Weeks:
10. Bear's excitement at his and CD's capture of a dozen hermit crabs on the bay side of the Chatham beach.
9. The pale cream tan I almost have.
8. The announcement I made as I was finishing my last work call before we left - that my cell phone had broken I would be completely out of pocket for the next two weeks.
7. The realization as we drove home that I had actually left my job utterly behind.
6. The look on my mother's face when I left some Lobster go uneaten - because I was stuffingly, blissfully, FULL of seafood.
5. The feel of the granite beneath my fingertips when we finally found my grandmother's grave in the ancient Melrose cemetary.
4. The squeal and giggle of Bear as he and CD smashed into me full-speed during an early morning bumper boats outing.
3. CD and Bear hugging me when I had a small breakdown about how I looked in a bathing suit. And CD whispering in my ear "You're the most beautiful woman in the world to the two of us..."
2. Watching CD teach Bear how to skip rocks during an unexpected sunny afternoon at Lake Erie State Park.
1. My son, with water wings firmly on his arms, pushing off from the steps and swimming for the first time in his life - the length of a pool, several times!
And the nicest things about being home? Finding RED tomatoes in the garden, our comfy mattress and sheets to sleep on, high-speed internet (oh, how I love thee... Realtor.Com!), reconnecting with my blog, the blogworld, and my friends, and Not living out of a suitcase!
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Posted by: Stacy at August 19, 2005 04:17 PM (r61bw)
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Sounds like you had a fantastic time. I'm glad you were able to get away to be with the two men in your life. Priceless!
Posted by: Grace at August 19, 2005 05:01 PM (F9hhp)
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Hey, I "tan" in that pale shade of cream too!
Sounds like an excellent couple of weeks. Glad to hear you made some fond memories. Also glad you're back!
Posted by: Kris at August 20, 2005 06:52 AM (Sj7jh)
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Welcome home! It sounds as if you had a wonderful break.
Posted by: Soccamom at August 20, 2005 09:03 AM (CuxC8)
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Sounds like a wonderful vacation....When I turned my computer off at work on Friday, that was the last time I will see it until Aug 29! Mine is just starting!
Posted by: E at August 20, 2005 04:13 PM (Knn1n)
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Way to go Bear! Swimming all by himself!
Posted by: Philip at August 21, 2005 07:47 AM (vhWf1)
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August 18, 2005
Blink Blink Yawn... are we there yet?
In a development that stunned the long-distance travelling world, it took us 31 hours to get home. This is a new family record, people! The longest we've ever taken to drive the 1120 miles previously is 27 hours.
That kind of meandering takes talent and focus.
Oh. Stars. Now I have to unpack.
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I am so glad that you had a chance to relax, unwind and spend time with the little people in your world but gosh darn it, I am glad you are back!!!!!
oh, did I mention I hope you had fun.....
Posted by: The Diva at August 18, 2005 04:47 AM (qtFrc)
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Welcome home! Congratulations on achieving a new personal best!
Posted by: RP at August 18, 2005 07:08 AM (LlPKh)
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Welcome home! Hope you packed stories to tell! Unpack them first, mkay?
Posted by: Jennifer at August 18, 2005 07:38 AM (jl9h0)
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Welcome home! You realize you managed to average less than 40 mph - -must've gotten great gas milage.
Posted by: cursingmama at August 18, 2005 09:38 AM (PoQfr)
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well I'm just glad you're back. I was starting to get really worried about you.
Posted by: kalisah at August 19, 2005 03:17 AM (TYrzJ)
6
Welcome home! I hope the vacation was fun and very very relaxing!!!
Posted by: halloweenlover at August 19, 2005 03:30 AM (cdEd4)
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August 09, 2005
On The Road Again
We left Thursday.
Since then, we have: driven 1260 miles, go-karted, slept in a smelly Days Inn in Erie, Pennsylvania, bumper boated, found the rental house on Cape Cod, been to the beach, eaten seafood, bounced on a trampoline, hunted for shells, caught hermit crabs, patted a skunk at the zoo, slathered aloe vera on the sunburn, shopped at quaint stores, listened to a free big band concert in a methodist church, sampled several ice cream stores, cleaned the sand out of the van, and ridden a pony. OK, I did not personally ride a pony. But Bear did, and I have pictures to prove it.
We've got another 4 days of this happiness.
So I'm typing this from the wifi-enabled Brooks Free Library in Harwichport, Massachusetts. I'm the one in the lime green halter top and jean skirt in the fiction section, between Len Deighton and John Irving. Please, I beg you...bring coffee. And a flask of liquor.
Hurry.
Posted by: Elizabeth at
06:57 AM
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Posted by: nina at August 10, 2005 01:45 AM (46qhZ)
2
What, all the fun is making you tired?! I can't imagine! Actually, I got tired just reading your post. Go nap in the sun. Oh wait, you're a pale one, aren't you? Go nap in the shade of a big tree, near the sun.
Posted by: Tammy/averagemom at August 10, 2005 09:16 AM (aFeo0)
3
Sending liquor filled thoughts your way!
Posted by: Melissa at August 10, 2005 10:49 AM (SGhcn)
Posted by: A.K. at August 11, 2005 08:49 AM (CSaRa)
Posted by: Philip at August 12, 2005 11:04 AM (vhWf1)
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Ahh!!! I was wondering how your vacation was going. I was thinking good thoughts in your direction today as I was puttering in the garden. I look forward to seeing you when you get back!
Posted by: laura at August 14, 2005 04:02 PM (3cOz+)
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August 03, 2005
Not so fast, said the doctor...
At my doctor's appointment today, I mentioned that my hands had started hurting - especially at night - once in a while since I went on these beta blockers.
She looked down at my hands, with the dusky fingertips, and back up at me.
"It just isn't going to be easy for you..." she said with a sigh, as she changed my prescription.
It's called Raynaud's Phenomenon, a syndrome probably triggered by my Lupus.
I asked about the treatment. She said that when I woke up with these stinging pains, I should put my hands in warm water until the sensation passed.
"Well, OK," I told her. "But you understand that it's no win if my fingers stop hurting but I wet the bed."
"Absolutely," she agreed. "On the other hand, I hear they're making Depends in coordinating colors now."
Posted by: Elizabeth at
11:44 AM
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1
Thank goodness for small favors, right? At least your doctor is funny!
Hope you feel better soon.
Posted by: halloweenlover at August 03, 2005 01:16 PM (cdEd4)
2
coordinating colors. HA..
Posted by: nina at August 03, 2005 02:49 PM (12xS9)
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I'm starting to become weary of doctors that tend to push certain drugs because of the, um, compensation involved.
So they're pushing the Depends brand now, huh? Will it never end?
Posted by: ieatcrayonz at August 03, 2005 03:56 PM (AMZDV)
4
Ah yes...I have of the Raynaud's also. It gets worse in winter, or if you're chilly. It's not much fun-my fingers turn a bit purply, too, but I always like to tell people I've just been fingerprinted. Shuts them up.
Sorry, sweetie.
Posted by: Helen at August 04, 2005 04:21 AM (ATx6T)
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Well, isn't your doctor just the little ray of sunshine!! There's always a silver lining, no? No?
Posted by: Mary at August 04, 2005 08:14 AM (foCCg)
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All is not lost as long as you keep your sense of humor!
Posted by: Donna at August 04, 2005 08:58 AM (SljTW)
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What's that saying about having to kiss a lot of frogs? I think it holds true in this realm, too. The important thing is to keep trying. And keep working at it. You and your funny little doctor friend will get it right, sooner than later.
Posted by: Jennifer at August 04, 2005 11:01 AM (ydXhk)
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Love that you can laugh -- and make me do the same. (((HUGS)))
Posted by: *AGK* at August 08, 2005 02:09 AM (DWjrj)
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Your doctor sounds hilarious at least. I hate that you are having so many problems finding the right medicine for you. But I have a feeling that you have the right doctor to help you find what you need.
Posted by: Melissa at August 08, 2005 07:19 AM (SGhcn)
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August 02, 2005
Countdown
In 3 days, we will be on the road for our annual pilgrimage to the East Coast.
Away from my crazy manager (who got in an argument with me today about my use of the phrase "work package"). Away from the politics of my current assignment. Away from this old house and its clutter and chaos and half-finished projects. Away from living and working and sleeping in the same 100 square feet.
I will make sand castles at the beach and ignore my vericose veins and chubby legs (and hope everyone else does, too). I will slather Bear and I in sunscreen and splash in the waves. I will hold my husband's hand as we walk.
It is time again to pack up the van and drive 950 miles to where I come from.
Posted by: Elizabeth at
06:19 AM
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1
Getting away? Yeah! So happy you're able to get free from all your obligations and focus on yourself and Bear. Priceless!
Posted by: Grace at August 02, 2005 09:42 AM (F9hhp)
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oooo...playin in the sand! what part of the east coast? I'm in NH {and a hop skip and a jump from the seashore ;-)}
Posted by: nina at August 02, 2005 02:40 PM (uK63p)
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Ooh. Beaches. I loooooove beaches.
Have fun, relax, rejuvenate.
And have safe travels! :-)
Posted by: Jim at August 02, 2005 11:06 PM (oqu5j)
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I hope you have an awesome trip full of relaxation and long walks and huge sandcastles
Posted by: Philip at August 03, 2005 03:53 PM (R3FWx)
5
I'm wishing you sunshine, low humidity, and a lovely time with your two guys and your family.
Posted by: Kimberly at August 04, 2005 05:25 PM (CXd4V)
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August 01, 2005
Tom Cruise Is Wrong
Well, I've been off the LexaPro for several days and I have one thing to say: Tom Cruise has his head firmly wedged up his heinie. I'd send him a can opener to help him with that, but with all these international mailing security concerns it just wouldn't do. So here's my advice:
Katie! Grab the Crisco! Your boy needs some lube and a whole lotta help!
Let me take you back, back to last night at 1:10AM. I'd been in bed for a couple of hours, trying to sleep. After a bathroom visit, I notice as I peek from the hallway that my son is still in the same position as when he fell asleep.
10 minutes later, from my side of the bed....
Me: Pssst, CD? Honey?
CD: Mrhmf?
Me: Can you go check on Bear?
CD: Mrhurdihrumf?
Me: He's still in the same position as when he fell asleep.... (voice trails off with the following thought deeply embedded in the silence: "... and he usually flops like a fish in his sleep ending upside down and backwards by now so obviously something DRASTIC has happened and I am too terrified to go check for myself...")
[pause for the whir of the air conditioner]
CD: Hrm, OK.
A few seconds later.... he stumbles back into bed.
CD: He's fine, honey.
Me: And you checked...
CD: He's breathing, he's sleeping, he's fine.
And then? Then I was relieved enough that I could get up myself and check. I sat in my son's room, watching his chubby hands and toes stretch as he snored softly. I thought about moving him from this house he loves so much, with these wonderful neighbors. I thought about how sad it would make him. I thought about the fleeting nature of childhood and how the mistakes we make as parents echo through a lifetime. I thought about all the evilmongers who would harm my child if they could.
I got myself into such a tizzy that it took me over an hour to get back to sleep.
So what have we learned? That my current levels of anxiety had mutated me into Shirley MacLaine in "Terms of Endearment". I am Aurora, crazy lady from Chicago. It took a few years of advanced stress squishing me like a bug, but it's official - I've passed some kind of threshold into a bad, strange, spinning place.
I am calling Dr. Wonderful. I'm gonna tell him that Tom Cruise is Wrong, that just because Lexapro didn't work that I am not giving up. I need a new drug, and a kind voice.
And I need it now.
Posted by: Elizabeth at
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1
*pulls out cherry lollipop, unwraps holds up* How about a lollipop?
Posted by: Genuine at August 01, 2005 04:27 AM (9u+/E)
2
Obviously I'm not a doctor, but I DO know a bit about the happy pills. I highly recommend Celexa. Very few side effects, easy to go on, easy to come off. It seems to do the trick for me. Of course, I don't know what all you are dealing with, but I wish you luck, and get back to that doctor!!!
If we ever get a hold of Tom, it's not going to be so we can hug him. I've got words to share with that boy...
Posted by: Tammy/averagemom at August 01, 2005 06:06 AM (aFeo0)
3
Judging from what I've seen of Tom lately he's either hopped up on something or desprately needs a little something to come back to earth himself. Oh poor Katie - Run!
Posted by: CursingMama at August 01, 2005 06:32 AM (PoQfr)
4
You WILL find something that helps. Just keep trying. I'll be thinking about you!
Posted by: Melissa at August 01, 2005 06:49 AM (SGhcn)
5
Hon, if you go thru a couple of antidepressants and they make you superanxious you may not have simple depression.Email me if you wanna discuss further.
I am on Lamictal and it works great...
Posted by: Konolia at August 01, 2005 09:53 AM (5qKGR)
6
from mom to mom... there have been many times I've worried myself silly over one of the 3 rugrats thinking about the growth of childhood things. i get to thinking if my actions are going to send them to therapy (and consequently send there therapist to Fiji Islands).
In the end do what you need to get to some place your comfortable!
Posted by: nina at August 01, 2005 03:35 PM (uK63p)
7
You're not the only parent who's freaked out at night over something that later seems silly. When my kids have any kind of fever it seems like I get up every 15 minutes or so to check on them.
Posted by: ~Easy at August 02, 2005 01:19 AM (UQp2v)
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