Once CD got home from work today, we piled into the van and went for a drive to meet with a realtor and take a tour of this house.

In case the link doesn't work, heres a picture:

Let me tell you what $400K won't buy you in Oak Park, IL. It won't buy you a driveway, a bathroom on the first floor, an eat-in kitchen, a working fireplace, central air conditioning, or square footage.

Oh, and the front rooms were bright orange.

I guess the best part of the whole tour was CD, walking with me and holding my hand. Knowing that he was finally trying to really understand who much it hurts my soul to live in this chaos and being open to solutions.

Another baby step to good.

Posted by: Elizabeth at 02:45 PM | Comments (16) | Add Comment
Post contains 147 words, total size 1 kb.

1 Little Miss Bright Side Says: This house appears to have good bones. Paint the downstairs, look into putting in a water closet yourself. . . It's been one of my fondest wishes to own my own home. Someday. I'll keep typing.

Posted by: Margi at June 29, 2005 03:28 PM (nwEQH)

2 I really wish I knew what to say, but I'm just not a big city kind of girl. I guess all I can say is, "don't click here." I bet that one has a bath downstairs.

Posted by: ieatcrayonz at June 29, 2005 03:32 PM (AMZDV)

3 Well, that link just bombed. Try this one: http://tinyurl.com/7a2cl

Posted by: ieatcrayonz at June 29, 2005 03:38 PM (AMZDV)

4 Prices up here are insane right now. Next door is a 1500 square foot home (exluding basement) with master bedroom, a tiny second bedroom, small loft, living room and galley kitchen with side eating area -- 1.5 baths with a two car detached garage. Lake frontage 80 x 250 deep. $600,000 INSANE! Just went on the market Memorial Day. Eight years ago, you could have bought it for about $190,000.

Posted by: Eyes for Lies at June 29, 2005 05:19 PM (QhI+Z)

5 Move to Missouri...it's cheap livin' here. But then again, my dining room is also orange...

Posted by: Cheryl at June 29, 2005 06:43 PM (1W+Ml)

6 That's what made me a devoted suburbanite. I'd rather live in the boonies and have a nice, new reasonably priced house than pay city prices for city quality. But $400k isn't that expensive for a major metro area. I live 30 miles from DC, and you can't even get a townhouse for $400k. These days, the condos start at $250, and the townhouses are closer to $500. It's crazy.

Posted by: notdonnareed at June 30, 2005 03:58 AM (82Da3)

7 LOVE the handholding! The hardwoods look nice too!

Posted by: Grace at June 30, 2005 04:00 AM (F9hhp)

8 Wow, that house is GORGEOUS! Buy it quick. Just make sure you get it tested for lead paint, since it was built prior to 1978.

Posted by: notdonnareed at June 30, 2005 04:17 AM (82Da3)

9 P.S. Of all the things you mentioned, the only one that would worry me is the lack of air conditioning. The garage in back actually looks nicer than one in front. In 18 months, I have never once used my main floor bathroom. Most people only use one eating area; we never use our formal dining room. And the fireplace, meh, you could maybe get it working later. I really think it's a lovely house, and from my perspective really well-priced. I'm so excited for you! Finding a new home is so much fun. (It's the financing part that really sucks.) Good luck! :-)

Posted by: notdonnareed at June 30, 2005 04:32 AM (82Da3)

10 I won't tell you what $400K will get you here in Mpls/StPaul, it's not nice. I do think its a wonderful looking house.

Posted by: CursingMama at June 30, 2005 08:06 AM (PoQfr)

11 I actually really like that house! Paint the downstairs a pretty tan and it is beautiful! And full of sunlight and very open and airy! The kitchen is really cheery and its a nice backyard. Did you like the rest of the house? It looks to be in good shape and those floors are beautiful.

Posted by: halloweenlover at June 30, 2005 09:22 AM (cdEd4)

12 Move to Louisiana. $400K would get you a very nice house with tons of extras!

Posted by: Melissa at June 30, 2005 10:12 AM (SGhcn)

13 We looked for a house in Oak Park a few years ago, and if my memory serves, this looks like a great house for the money in that suburb. The AC is a pain, but a few well-placed window units would work wonders. Is there a garage off the alley? I really like that kitchen.

Posted by: Ruth at June 30, 2005 04:32 PM (Ohrn2)

14 I think that's one great-looking house, Elizabeth. As Margi said, good bones. Does the stair up to the 2nd floor stack over the stair down to the basement? If not, there's often enough room under the stair for a small powder room. I much prefer neighborhoods that have garages off alleys rather than driveways from the street - makes for much safer sidewalks for kids. I was stunned by the price... and envious. Houses like that in my Seattle neighborhood (which is comparable historically and architecturally to Oak Park, though without all the Frank Lloyd Wright houses) sell for upwards of $800,000.

Posted by: Kimberly at June 30, 2005 06:15 PM (CXd4V)

15 I think that house is stunning. It has a lot of character, and yes-while it does look like a Buddhist went nuts with the orange paint, behind that are walls. Solid walls. Solid stable walls, with windows that won't link air and a backyard aching for children's toys. The rooms upstairs would look out over that garden, and could the the study with which to try to rebuild. Just my thoughts, for whatever they're worth.

Posted by: Helen at June 30, 2005 07:30 PM (6DKcA)

16 I have a friend in Oak Park, it's a beautiful area, but you're absolutely right on the expense.

Posted by: A.K. at July 09, 2005 01:47 PM (jWJMM)

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Well, I talked to Elia last night.

She was apologizing before I got my first sentence out; she knew she'd made some very poor decisions.

It was awful. Just emotionally yucky. There are hundreds and hundreds of people I have managed but for 4 years, she has been one of the foundation rocks of Bear's life.

We left things on a positive note with clear rules.

I am praying that she is able to work through this profound emotional confusion that being in love for the first time is having on her.

Posted by: Elizabeth at 03:47 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
Post contains 96 words, total size 1 kb.

OK, you know what? I have had a good long think and I've decided that it is perfectly ok to be pissed off.

In fact, I think that being pissed off in the moment is probably a much healthier way of life rather than stewing.

Elia is taking advantage of the situation and she's crossed the line.

I don't even KNOW this boyfriend - like his last name or driving record or if he's a frigging pedophile. So she shouldn't be putting my son in HIS car (without a carseat when I JUST told her that she is never never to do that) and then WALKING AWAY.

Good Heavens.

What am I, made of mashed potatoes?

So my standards are high. So what?! I'm the Mommy, I get to have the highest dang standards in the land if I want to - right?

Well, now I am good and steamed. Seriously. You could cook salmon on the mist that's rolling out my ears. I'm gonna go call Elia and lay done the law.

And then I am gonna do something else. Like go for a walk. Chase fireflies. Whatever.

I am woman.

Hear me roar!

I have to stop being such an inflexible git.

(Which is British for "Childish Pain the Ass")

Elia let Bear ride in her boyfriend's car today for a few blocks - without his carseat - and without her (but with his seatbelt) when it started to rain while they were at the park. (She walked home the other kids but wanted to make sure Bear stayed dry).

Bear's camp informed Elia when she picked Bear up that they were having a party tomorrow and we had to bring this that and the other thing of food.

My boss tried to force me to work during the only hour I had blocked off as unavailable tomorrow and even tried to get me to explain why I wouldn't make a last-minute meeting.

And all three of these things just made me mad.

It's summer, and lovely, and we have weeks and weeks of fun ahead. But I have turned brittle, and dry, and, yes, inflexible with my moods - things just seem to piss me off a little too easy. Since my health scare a couple of weeks ago, I am on edge.

Posted by: Elizabeth at 12:55 PM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
Post contains 390 words, total size 2 kb.

There are tapes in my head that I can not shut off. They become nightmares and I surrender my sleep to them.

The victims of the terrorists in Beslan.

The children unprotected from idiot busdriviers.

The AIDS orphans.

The children, hurt anywhere, anytime.

The echo of me falls to her knees, nauseaus, engraged, impotent.

So we're at a little boy's 5th birthday party on Saturday afternoon. Bear is romping with about 25 other little kids in this little gymnasium. Us parents are on the other side of the pony wall, watching teenagers corral our kids with bubbles and games of "Simon Says".

One mother, one of the many, many soically-sconscious-used-to-be-a-supermodel types that we know from Bear's school (no, I'm only a LITTLE freaked out by them) turns on the little stool and says to us standing-up ones (me, personally, afraid to break the little stools or look ridiculous like an elephant in a tutu balancing on a pin) and she says....

"Did you all here about those boys..."

"Oh," I interrupted, glancing at the children. "Let's not..."

"The ones who were missing..."

"Please, no," I interrupt again. There is nowhere to go in this storefront zoo. There is a strip of floor, 20 foot by 5 foot, and she's smack dab in the middle.

"I was watching CNN and they had it almost immediately..."

I walked as far away as I could but her voice still resonated. The teenaged kid-wranglers blasted some music in waves. Some demented version of musical chairs.

"The trunk closed automatically...."

Is that Freebird? A muzak version of Freebird? Oh, that's just wrong.

"And they couldn't get out..."

Oh, those parents. Please, no....

"Just baked. Hours, maybe days..."

She has to shut up now, right?

"Can you imagine...?"

Yes. God. Please. No.

No.

Posted by: Elizabeth at 05:22 PM | Comments (12) | Add Comment
Post contains 299 words, total size 2 kb.

Knowing that each day we prepare him more and more to head off into the world and find his own bliss, I try and grab the moments now. While he is young. And press them into my memories...

I lasted until 4:20PM today and then I couldn't stand it any more. I called my neighbor, who was watching Bear, and told her I was on my way to get my kid.

He met me at the door. Covered in the remnants of a day - paint splotches, popsicle juice, lunch stains, dirty knees.

He grinned.

I grinned back.

I touched his hair, his face, and then hugged him close.

We gathered up his stuff, treasures, extra clothes and trouped back to our house. My neighbor followed with his carseat, and as we were putting it back in the van, Bear announced he was tired.

I suggested he go in the house and rest in the air conditioning while I finished chatting with our neighbor.

A few minutes later, I followed.

In the doorway, his sandals.

On the couch, his hat.

On the table, his treasures.

In his bed, nearly zonked, Bear.

"Hi," I said softly, pulling up the sheet.

"Hi," he said with a yawn and drooping eyes.

"Why didn't you nap over at the neighbor's house?"

"It was fun there. But I like sleeping at home the best." he said.

"Hmm," I agreed.

"I missed you," he said, as he reached out and pulled my hand to his chest and closed his eyes. Then he fell into sleep.

And I melted. Quietly, so I wouldn't wake him.

Posted by: Elizabeth at 11:29 AM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
Post contains 280 words, total size 1 kb.

I had a dream last night (probably caused by this amazing picture over at the Blue Sloth) that my house was hit by lightning and burned down (also a little wishful thinking?!)...

Of course, CD and Bear and the furry beasties and even Big Fish and Little Fish got out safely.

But then I realized (in my dream) that I had to go back in and save....

My Hard Drive.

After all, it has all Bear's pictures on it - from birth to this ast weekend - on it. All my writing. All the letters and addressess....

What about you? What things would you save?

Posted by: Elizabeth at 05:41 AM | Comments (9) | Add Comment
Post contains 113 words, total size 1 kb.

1 Oh my word! That was awesome. I have the exact same fear, except mine also includes thieves and tornadoes. My co-workers house was hit by lightning last week and it fried his house wiring, big screen, computer, and HVAC. Bummer. Worth going back for: 1) Purse 2) Computer 3) Professionally done wedding album The rest can burn. BTW, you might consider burning all of those pictures to CD and then giving them to a relative, neighbor, bank for safe keeping. I know I sleep better at night having done so.

Posted by: ieatcrayonz at June 24, 2005 07:05 AM (FLJz9)

2 There are so many things I'd want to save, but the pictures in the bin in the basement would be my highest priority. I should scan them all and do what ieatcrayonz suggested....anybody got a few extra weeks they can spare?

Posted by: CursingMama at June 24, 2005 08:25 AM (PoQfr)

3 Ummm, yeah, thanks for that Elizabeth. You could have warned me. It's not like I'm just 3.5 hours from stepping on a plane and heading into storms (flying through Minneapolis then to Denver). Way to crush my confidence. ;-)

Posted by: B at June 24, 2005 09:47 AM (TQHLW)

4 We did peel off the pictures onto CD's. Which we keep... next to the computer. Duh.

Posted by: Elizabeth at June 24, 2005 11:33 AM (+OvEk)

5 Funny that the name of my blog covers what would be most important to me to save: our cats and my violin. (Most important after my husband, of course; I'm assuming he could get out on his own.)

Posted by: Kimberly at June 25, 2005 06:30 AM (Ba9x7)

6 I have to say, the plastic holder for all my official papers that I need due to various visas. My boy and the cats? I know they'd be right there with me, running out the door and checking we're all safe. Everything else can go. I would cry, but I have learnt that possessions are transitory anyway. They will all go away someday anyhow.

Posted by: Helen at June 26, 2005 09:12 AM (6DKcA)

7 1. My insurance papers/ passport/ certificates - all my other important papers are there in my file at work, as I requested. 2. Prints I have picked up from all the cities + places I have visited. I don't have any pictures, and only my prints stand testimony to many happy memories. 3. My Blackberry - because it contains all my important information in it. New commenter here. Enjoy your blog a lot.

Posted by: plumpernickel at June 26, 2005 07:54 PM (YAPpV)

8 I lived through this to know -- my pets! I didn't have a lick of time to save anything else. I left my purse, my shoes -- everything -- and I don't have any regrets because all of our furry friends made it out safe -- a true blessing!

Posted by: Eyes for Lies at June 27, 2005 06:08 AM (QhI+Z)

9 I would save my hard drive as well, for the exact same reason. I can rebuild scrapbooks, I can even download video clips, but they are all on p.c. Those things are my history, those things are not replaceable if lost. Assuming my boy, my dh, and my pets (enh, lately not even too worried about getting them out) are all out, the hard drive would be the next priority.

Posted by: Lissy at June 28, 2005 08:10 AM (QOJ70)

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Yesterday started the night before. We packed, and hemmed, and ironed, and organized. Collapsed into bed so late that when the alarm went of at 5:30AM, we resisted. But eventually we did pull ourselves up and into the day.

6:30AM We started for the car, although it took about 20 more minutes before we had finished running back into the house for "one more thing" and actually pulled out of the driveway.

7:00AM Bear dropped off at Elia's, we headed to Midway Airport for our flight to Boston.

8:00AM Midway security being the clusterfudge of all time, it took us over 45 minutes to get through the scan line. They were announcing our names over the loudspeaker as we scrambled to our gate.

[time change + 1 hour]

11:30AM It is a running joke in my family that I can't get a ride from Logan Airport. Today was no different. We caught the "Silver Line" - a bus that becomes a subway. We switched over to the red line to MIT (Kendall Square).

Met up with my mom and brother and we all grabbed a quick bite at the food court. It was easy just to chat, look through the most recent Bear pictures, and share a laugh and pretend that it was just another day.

But then it was time to head over to MIT's unique chapel for the service.

1:45PM The whole family gathered in an anteroom. The lovely obituaries mention 2 nephews and 1 niece. But families are more than common blood; marriages and children created 17 people who called this amazing man "Uncle Mike".

2PM We approached the chapel in pairs as a lone bagpiper stood in the dappled shade by the entrance and played the mourners in. It finally hit me why we were there.

Mike had attended MIT from undergraduate through doctorate and then returned to teach. The eulogists had pulled his school records going all the way back to the beginning. It was bittersweet to hear how he'd always been special, always been kind and smart, always been more interested in the questions than the answers.

Another of my uncles talked about Mike, the guy. The one who loved to laugh, who joined in on games of Rail Baron, loved crosswords and was always interested in the world.

Then my cell phone went off. It took 4 rings for me to silence it.

[insert several moments of embarressment here]

His co-workers talked about Mike's amazing teaching skills and genuine rapport and devotion to his students. One brought with him a book that contained the thousands of emails the school had received from all the people who'd heard of Mike's passing and had to reach out and tell someone how much Mike had meant to them.

Most of us count ourselves lucky if we have a pond of people whose lives we touch in any meaningful way.

Mike had a rushing, roaring river.

Mike was universally recognized for being an amazing teacher and advisor. He won the sardonic Big Screw Award, the prestigious Baker Award, and at one point he had won MIT's "Outstanding Faculty Member of the Year" for 10 years straight.

At the end of the memorial, it was announced that MIT was renaming that last award after Mike.

3PM We walked up 3 flights of stairs to the reception. A long dark-clad line of solemn faces past chattering students who watched us with curious eyes.

I pulled into a corner at one point to check my phone. It had been Elia. I quickly called back and discovered that there had been a misunderstanding about the child seat but Dee had taken care of it. As I was talking, I looked up and realized I was surrounded by a small crowd of family friends waiting express their sympathy.

We walked together into the large reception room. The food was amazing, but I couldn't taste it.

I put on what CD calls my "Chatty Cathy" persona - I was engaging and talkative and accessible.

I was miserable.

4:15PM With red eyes and wrenched hearts, a cousin, CD, & I grabbed a cab back to Logan. Windows down to the hot Boston sun, we looked out at the blue water and the brick apartment buildings as we rolled by.

5:30PM There's a Legal Seafood inside Boston's airport. As we sat down, my boss call my cell phone. I answered it long enough to tell him to go away.

Then the 3 of us ordered strong cocktails and ordered food and talked about how the rest of the family was doing. As if we were doing any better.

Well, after an hour or so, maybe we were.

[time change - 1 hour]

8:00PM We landed into the Chicago sunset. Last hugs and off to our car and home.

As we drove, CD talked about the tour Mike had given him and Bear of MIT last summer - before we knew Mike was sick. Before the end began.

They'd gone to Mike's classroom and office, had lunch in the cafeteria.

Mike told CD how there's an aisle at MIT called "the infinite corridor". In what has become a sort of ceremony ("MITHenge" [thanks, Kimberly!]), twice a year all the doors along the corridor are opened and people line the sides and then, just at the right moment, the sun will shine through from begining to end.

I would like to think that, somehow, from now on, whenever they throw open those doors, Mike's spirit will be there. Traveling the sunbeam along the rows of rapt students, teachers, and staff.

[I thought I'd done with tears, but I was wrong.]

We pulled into the driveway and Bear came racing from the backyard into my arms. As I held him tight, he whispered to me "Did you say goodbye to Uncle Mike?"

And I kissed him hard. "Not yet," I told him. "Not just yet."

Posted by: Elizabeth at 07:11 AM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
Post contains 968 words, total size 6 kb.

I was responding in the comments, but it got so dang long....

First of all, let me say thank you for commenting and sharing your opinions. It's been a long day, but after reading what you had to say I think that maybe I was old-fashioned, and maybe I am too quick to judge.

But either way, I'll stand by the decision I made today. I believe it is inappropriate for caregivers to a) not pay attention to the children in their care and b) model behavior ("resting" in a horizontal position on a couch with a man or telling my son that boyfriends/girlfriends sleep together) without talking it over with me.

For me, this is an issue of personal responsibility and professional boundaries. Elia and CD and I absolutely must have a conversation about what is OK and isn't in this new territory.

And we need to know her boyfriend a LOT better before Bear spends time with him in a situation where they may be alone.

But we didn't have time for that conversation between yesterday and today, which is why I had my friend check on her and Bear today. (I mentioned this to Elia; "Dee will be by a lot today, making sure you two are all right here on your own".)

I am happy that Elia is in love, for her sake. I am happy to see her happy.

It was mean-spirited of me to bemoan the fallout, and I feel bad about that.

But about being paranoid? As a parent, I think I will always fall on the side of paranoia - and apologize later, if needed.

It's like we say to Bear; "Safety First".

Posted by: Elizabeth at 03:19 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
Post contains 287 words, total size 2 kb.

After 4 years, the worst things I can say about my babysitter, Elia, are that she doesn't drive and she lets Bear have his way too much. Otherwise, she has been the light that makes the rest of my life possible.

Until now.

Now? Now that dang woman has fallen in looooooooove.

At thirty-something. That shy, sweet, pretty girl of ours is all manicured and fluffy hair and grinning like a cat at an all you can eat canary buffet.

Every once in a while, we let Bear spend the afternoon at her house. It is a duplex, with her brother and his family on the larger half. His two sons are about Bear's age and the three of them pound from room to room like a small herd of water buffalo.

Today, as I was dropping Bear off, Elia brought the gregarious man to meet me. He talked fast and actually tried interpreting her to me at one point, being helpful in a way that was not quite appropriate (Elia and I speak a form of our own Spanglish that does us quite well).

After I picked Bear up, he chattered on and on and in that monologue somewhere was the disturbing news that at one point, when he went back to Elia's side of the house, she was lying on the couch with her new boyfriend "Taking a nap".

"Boyfriends and girlfriends take naps together on a couch," Bear told me.

The rest of the afternoon, from what I understand, went smoothly and there were no more incidents.

But now there are bats in my stomach.

Big. Bats.

Flappity, flappity....

Meanwhile, CD and I are flying out tomorrow morning for my Uncle's memorial at M.I.T. We'll turn around and be back tomorrow night. But to be on the safe side, I've asked my firend Dee to stop by the house - a lot.

For more than 4 years, I've known in my gut that this woman would throw herself in front of a bus to save my son. But now, she's suddenly 13 with no boundaries or sense left in her head.

Flappity.

Flappity....

Posted by: Elizabeth at 04:23 PM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
Post contains 358 words, total size 2 kb.

Pleasantville is this|close to Chicago and the residents are an eclectic mix; you got yuppies rehabbing the big old homes with granite countertops, you got working class folks in the small rows of brick bungalows with perfect postage-stamp lawns, you got every color, religion, sexual orientation.

So I keep expecting the town employees to reflect that.

Not so much.

Thursday I picked up Bear from his summer camp. This is a morning program being held at one of the fabulous parks. The teacher, "Miss Lilly May", is a frenzied middle-aged woman with frizzy hair and a big smile.

She was (finally) instituting security by having parents sign their children in and out.

She watched closely as I carefully signed my name next my husband's (who'd dropped Bear off).

Her brow scrunched.

She pursed her lips.

"Are you signing on the right line, dear?"

I tapped Bear's name and dragged my finger to mine down the dotted line.

"You didn't sign clearly, did you? I can't read your name."

I touched it up to make it clearer and the furrows in her brow became downright trenches. She began fishing through the registration cards.

"I thought Bear's last name was 'Daddy'?"

"Yes, and mine is 'Corporate Mommy'," I replied.

"Which?"

"Both."

"With a hyphen, you mean?"

"No. Like Mary Tyler Moore or Dick Van Dyke. My name is Elizabeth Corporate Mommy."

"Oh," she heaved a sigh. "So you're divorced."

"I'm married to Bear's father," I said.

"Then who is the man who drops Bear off in the mornings?"

"Bear's father."

"And who is your husband?"

"Bear's father."

"Then your name is Elizabeth Daddy?"

"No."

We stared at each other for a long moment, and I could tell that she didn't much appreciate me cracking her cosmic egg. Now, if only I'd been wearing my recently bedazzled women's libber t-shirt, then she'd have had fair warning. But ah, no.

"I need you to sign your legal name. For security pruposes," she told me.

"For security purposes? Are the police reviewing this register?"

"In case of emergency, we need to know if the parents picked up the children. Could you sign it 'Elizabeth Daddy' for me here?" she tapped the register where I had already written my name onto the dotted line.

"No. My legal name, my only name, is Elizabeth Corporate Mommy. It is on that registration card," I said, indicating the white card in her hands.

"They didn't ask you for identification when you signed up?"

"No, but my identification is in the name Elizabeth Corporate Mommy."

She huffed at me, clearly peeved. "Once you married, you have a legal name change whether you use it or not," she informed me. "It's security issue."

"Me signing a fake name would be a security issue," I told her.

She sighed again, and put the cards down. "Well, I'll talk to the Camp Director and see what he wants to do about it," she informed me with a bit of a snarl.

"You do that," I agreed.

Yeah, you do that, Lady.

Posted by: Elizabeth at 07:03 AM | Comments (15) | Add Comment
Post contains 516 words, total size 3 kb.

1 My view: screw her, she doesn't get a vote. And she probably has the law wrong, too. I'd tell her to take a short walk, etc. But I'm not as nice as you. You'll probably get the same point across in a nicer way.

Posted by: RP at June 19, 2005 10:09 AM (X3Lfs)

2 What a riot! That reminds me of the time that the postman decided not to deliver my boyfriend (now my husband's) mail while we were living together, as we had different names and my kids, from my first marriage, had their dad's name. I guess three different last names in the household was too much for him to bear. It took us 2 weeks to realize he wasn't getting any mail!

Posted by: beautiful face at June 19, 2005 03:27 PM (z6Bhu)

3 I can so relate to this. I mean...I hyphenate so at least my last name is partially the same as my kids. But I can't believe HOW MANY companies out there don't have computer software systems that can handle hyphens. Update your software people! Revise your way of thinking of people's names! Oy!

Posted by: Grace at June 19, 2005 03:50 PM (2NuSo)

4 Oh lordy! LOL! Shall I show up and try to sign out Bear?

Posted by: Angela Giles Klocke at June 20, 2005 12:18 AM (i46zT)

5 This woman has honestly never heard of married people with different last names?! What if . . .what if . . . you and CD were never married . . .? Way to make her head explode!

Posted by: cc at June 20, 2005 04:57 AM (O2Ovh)

6 Love your web site, CM. This post is the reason so many people conclude that I should have changed my name to reflect my husband's - so 'it's easier'. To me, that misses the point. Why would I do this in order to make it easier for everyone else when times and customs change, and we all have the option to name ourselves whatever works for us?

Posted by: Cory at June 20, 2005 05:10 AM (/ji5H)

7 Grrrr. My office (w/in the federal government) just switched TO a computer system that can't cope with hyphenated names. From one that had no problem with them. I remember standing in the DMV once overhearing a conversation where a woman was pointing out to the clerk that she had entered the wrong name for her (e.g. Firstname HusbandsName). The clerk was very apologetic and said "I just assumed you were married."

Posted by: Elizabeth at June 20, 2005 05:28 AM (v+q53)

8 3 words on that woman.... sad. little. life. (amen) abs x

Posted by: abs at June 20, 2005 07:47 AM (YeSnc)

9 Oh man, are you serious? Did she really say that your name changes automatically whether you use it or not? Is she insane? My inlaws (whom I love, though they make me nutso) constantly send me cards to Mrs. husband's first and last name. Now, not only did I NOT change my last name, but guess what? I didn't change my first name either!!! Surprise surprise!

Posted by: halloweenlover at June 20, 2005 08:58 AM (cdEd4)

10 Hooo boy...that lady's head would probably explode if confronted with MY family. My husband and I (11 years married) have always used our separate names, plus our two pre-adoptive children (half-siblings) each have their own surname. So we have FOUR last names--Polish, Italian, Hispanic and Hispanic--within one family....fortunately, most people around here (New York area) are able to deal with it.

Posted by: Jane at June 20, 2005 04:21 PM (XKqaP)

11 Delurking to say that I love your blog, very honest and funny! I also did not change my name when I married. I had no problems when my husband and I lived out east, but moving back to the midwest it has been a huge headache. Apparently no one has heard of a woman not changing her name here, "I thought only celebrities do that". My favorite occurrence is when companies I do business with change my name to my husbands for me. Like maybe I have forgotten and put the wrong name down by mistake. My husband and I plan to start a family very soon and I am conflicted about what name to give our kids (your story is a perfect example!), how have other couples with two names decided?

Posted by: Delurking at June 21, 2005 03:52 AM (9qjUu)

12 when people bring it up with me, I just look them straight in the eye and say "I don't believe in changing your name when you get married." And when they say "Why not?" I say "WHY would I change it? It's my name." If they push me further, I tell them I think it's a stupid tradition and I refuse to conform just because some people say I should. I love the looks I get. But at least by saying I don't BELIEVE in it, I get less arguments. ;o) Jen

Posted by: Jen_Jake'smom at June 21, 2005 06:25 AM (2/T1v)

13 She definitely had the law wrong, speaking as someone who DID change their name and kept having to go back and do it because social security couldn't get it right. Guess you're damned if you do . . . I just can't believe that she's never encountered this before. Does she live under a rock?

Posted by: MLB at June 21, 2005 08:49 AM (w1fE2)

14 She apparently has more faith in the government to just automatically change people's names when they get married. They couldn't even get my surname right before I got married.

Posted by: Jazzy at June 24, 2005 08:29 AM (f1i5A)

15 See, day camp lady has it backwards- your birth name is always your legal name, unless you do a legal name change. And if your legal name change is the taking of a married name, your maiden name can still be used legally. I guess she's turning a color now, though, because that's what happens in Pleasantville when you have a new experience. I took my husband's name when I got married, but kept both my middle name and my maiden name as middle names. My Social Security card and my license just barely have enough space for my full legal name, and I get writer's cramp whenever we refinance our mortgage because I have to sign all four names.

Posted by: MamaKaren at June 28, 2005 01:54 AM (JijW0)

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Did anyone else know these two were even seeing each other?! I mean - WHAT A SHOCK! That wily Tommy, always keeping his little secrets, huh?

Tom and Katie Engaged! - Yahoo! News

Posted by: Elizabeth at 02:22 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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1 My two penny's worth; i am still not over the fact he left Nicole - how could he?! if i was famous she would be my best friend, obviously! How could Katie do it?! abs x

Posted by: abs at June 19, 2005 02:50 AM (K/AMl)

2 Oh my. You missed the Oprah episode. He's made a complete fool of himself the last few weeks - gushing profusely. It's really gross. Katie needs to run far, far away.

Posted by: lisa at June 19, 2005 04:53 AM (71Eg8)

3 I've seen it. People have been asking me if I think it is true --or a publicity stunt. : )

Posted by: Eyes for Lies at June 19, 2005 05:31 PM (QhI+Z)

4 Who?

Posted by: Angela Giles Klocke at June 20, 2005 12:19 AM (i46zT)

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Eagle-eyed Grace reports that Corporate Mommy is mention in the July 2005 Parenting Magazine on page 57. She says

you can find it under the heading "Creating an online journal" and yours is under the subheading "and check out..."

The blurb under your link is 'This Chicago mom writes provocative entries about balancing work and family."

Can anyone confirm this?!?!?!?!

UPDATE: Lilan Patri at Parenting Magazine provided the link. You can view Parenting's blogging article online here.

Posted by: Elizabeth at 05:44 AM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
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Plaid Jammies? check!
Fan blasting? check!
Cell phone OFF? check!
Logged out of all instant messengers? check!
Dunkin Donut's decaf? check! *wait, um, it's almost empty. dang.*
ACDC's "Back in Black" LOUD enough to shake my keyboard? check! I said CHECK!!

Will 1200 rows of data be audited and updated in preparation for review by executives in 45 minutes?

You bet yer sweet patootie.

Posted by: Elizabeth at 05:18 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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OK, it is Day 1 of the Rest of my Life. Here's the plan, taking a half-day and eliminated 20 items from my tickler list. Here's what's left:

P.S. Yes, the manicure and pedicure are important. Haven't had them in, uh...
P.P.S. And yes, I have already send most of the condolence notes. And I would appreciate it, terribly, if no one else would pass away for at least a year. K?
P.P.S. Yes, the VP thing is a medium deal. My boss is having 3 run-throughs. IF it goes well, my budget will finally be released and I can really start work.
P.P.P.S Yes, I am putting off the outfit decision for Uncle Mike's memorial until Kalisah gets back to me on the all important shoe decision.
P.P.P.P.S. After watching "Second Sight" on BBCA last night, oh yeah Clive Owen is SO totally my new celebrity boyfriend. I know Beth is pregnant and all, but hey - that doesn't mean she can't share!

Posted by: Elizabeth at 06:04 AM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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So the EKG's have indicated that the elephant I felt sitting on my chest on Friday was not a heart attack. It looks like it was just a very high spike in blood pressure combined with bad indigestion (yay for stomach aches!). I still have to undergo a cardiac stress test and some blood tests, but this is the doctor saying he really thinks my heart is all right.

We are going to change the way my blood pressure is being addressed. Instead of taking a big-prescription pill every night, I am going to be taking my own blood pressure several times during the course of the day and taking a more mild prescription to assist.

The reason for this is that my blood pressure is something called "labile" which I guess means spikes up and down in a very responsive way to outside influences. I guess my previous doctor responded by just prescribing the biggest dose to address the worst of the spikes - but that meant I'v actually had very low blood pressure in between. This group wants me to be much more involved - taking measures when my blood pressure rises to relax, go for a walk, stay hydrated.

To give you an idea, my BP went from 120/98 to 140/110 in about 15 minutes this afternoon. The difference was the first was taken when I arrived, the second was taken just after my EKG and before I had the results.

So environmental changes like adding more excersize, continuing a healthy diet, and managing my priorities (God/work/family/self) in a more reasonable manner would actually make a huge difference for me.

I feel like I've just had a HUGE wake-up call.

Posted by: Elizabeth at 12:17 PM | Comments (12) | Add Comment
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I knew there was a reason I liked this guy - tuirns out he's my gastric twin! As I was reading this post at Random Pensées, I realized wow! ... someone else who shares my tastes in food!

(Pun intended)

Do you know how AMAZING it is that someone else also thinks that summer is made for soft belly clam rolls, fresh corn, and tomato/onion/bleu cheese salad?

Do you know what a food MUTANT I thought I was?

PROOF:

"...Speaking of summer (note correct capitalization), may I say that I need more fried summer foods. Specifically, fried belly clams. Them's fine eating. Seriously, there are certain things I feel one has to eat in the summer time, when the living is easy, catfish jumping *whap*. Down boy, down. Back to my thought, things one has to eat during the summer include, but are not limited to: fried clams; lobster (I actually like mine broiled over boiled or steamed); steamers; raw clams; watermelon; ripe local tomatoes mixed with raw onion and blue cheese (my four year old loves this, go figure); an ear of corn picked no more than an hour before; berries and cream; grilled burgers (Jim's look good, I'll take two, Jim!); and, surely, a peach so gloriously ripe that the juice runs down your chin and stains your shirt."

Posted by: Elizabeth at 01:59 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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It's extremely aggravating not to be healthy.

In any event, last week after a series of poor decisions on my part and bad, horrible news from the world, I had a little incident with my blood pressure.

Now I must make a series of good decisions in order to claim a healthier life.

I don't know why I keep messing up my priorities. I need to tape a sign over my desk - "Failure to plan on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine".

And stick to it.

Off to the doctor's.

Posted by: Elizabeth at 02:49 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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Blessed to know him, and have the joy of his company throughout my life. And saddened, beyond words, that he is gone from this world.

Uncle Mike's Obituary. (Link available upon request)

Posted by: Elizabeth at 02:57 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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Here is the email she sent me today:

Hi Elizabeth:

I came across your Ravings of a Corporate Mommy blog and found it very interesting. My name is Jamie and I work for RDF Media and ABC's Wife Swap and we are currently looking for interesting families to participate in our show.

If you're interested I have attached further information regarding our show. If it at all possible it would be great if you could direct me to any other families or blogs that may be interested in this great opportunity. Feel free to email me at jamiebmoore@gmail.com or Sandra Philippeaux at Sandra.Philippeaux@rdfusa.com.


Thanks!

If you're interested, feel free to contact Jamie! She says it is a GREAT OPPORTUNITY!

As for me?

Jamie,

Thank you for the email. I wish you great luck with the show but, personally, I'd rather stick a needle in my eye.

Wrmst rgds,
Elizabeth
aka Corporate Mommy

Posted by: Elizabeth at 07:21 PM | Comments (13) | Add Comment
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1 Need any help with that needle? Do you think she even read any of your posts? I'd guess not. That could be the only explanation for her lack of clueage.

Posted by: RP at June 10, 2005 01:35 AM (LlPKh)

2 Excellent reply. Although I consider my family somewhat normal/boring, I just know I'd get paired with space cadets. Needle, here I come!

Posted by: ieatcrayonz at June 10, 2005 02:01 AM (FLJz9)

3 "Clueage" That is SO my new favorite word!

Posted by: Elizabeth at June 10, 2005 02:09 AM (l673m)

4 OK, now I'm starting to get a little pissed off. Yours is the third blog on my blogroll that got an email from them. What am I? CHOPPED LIVER? Not that I would do it, but geez! They could at least ask me! Why won't they ask me? WHY?

Posted by: Michele at June 10, 2005 02:25 AM (SZcIi)

5 How interesting. I'm with ya -- I'd rather stick a needle in my eye, too!

Posted by: Eyes for Lies at June 10, 2005 05:27 AM (QhI+Z)

6 I've seen slightly different versions of this post all over the interweb today. Do you suppose they are targeting bloggers to drum up free publicity? What's up with *that*?

Posted by: Jennifer at June 10, 2005 05:44 AM (jl9h0)

7 Just one needle?

Posted by: CursingMama at June 10, 2005 08:14 AM (PoQfr)

8 If you did do it, they know where to go to get all the dirt on you! FORGET THAT!!!

Posted by: soapbox.SUPERSTAR at June 10, 2005 09:44 AM (d849V)

9 I got that email, too. I would NEVER do it, especially when Trading Spouses gives their families $50,000 and Wife Swap gives nothing. But even for $50K, it would be hard to bring myself to do it. I wouldn't want to do that to my kids, either!

Posted by: Kris at June 10, 2005 11:57 AM (y1UtH)

10 I replied with a simple No Thank You! Seems Jamie was making the rounds, eh?

Posted by: *AGK* at June 11, 2005 12:52 AM (7ntTO)

11 Hey! I didn't get one! (Not that I want one, just that I ALWAYS counted the sprinkles on the ice cream. Heh.) LOVE LOVE LOVE the new banner.

Posted by: Margi at June 11, 2005 07:44 AM (nwEQH)

12 Man, that Jamie really made the rounds. She hit my inbox too!

Posted by: Helene at June 14, 2005 02:54 PM (ooVgi)

13 dude, how the phuck are working moms supposed to do something like WifeSwap? That's so absurd. What, is the new mommy person supposed to do your JOB for 10 hours a day like you do, then deal with your kid? I would never do that to my child (hey, honey, some random person you've never seen in your life is going to be in charge of you for a week! have fun!). The whole point of the show is for people to laugh at/make fun of the moms and how they cope, plus how absurd the family dynamics are -- how does ANYONE sign up for that crap?!!! loved your response. you rock. Jen

Posted by: Jen_Jake'smom at June 15, 2005 03:38 AM (2/T1v)

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If you notice some silliness or silly puttiness around the site, it is because we just loaded Photoshop and such on the new system and I can't sleep and I'm have professionals overhaul the site so why the hell not screw with things and learn a bit?

Or not.

Posted by: Elizabeth at 07:04 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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