"Racism isn't born, folks, it's taught. I have a two-year-old son. You know what he hates? Naps! End of list."

- Denis Leary

"We are the rainbow people of God! We are unstoppable! Nobody can stop us on our march to victory! No one, no guns, nothing! Nothing will stop us, for we are moving to freedom! We are moving to freedom and nobody can stop us! For God is on our side!"

- The Most Rev. Desmond Tutu

Every year, I sit down with Bear and listen to the "I Have a Dream" speech by the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. This afternoon, as we watched it together, I couldn't help but start crying. Especially at the part when he said "...I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character."

"Isn't it exciting that Mr. Obama is being sworn is as President tomorrow?" I asked my son, sniffling, after the speech was over.

He didn't answer for a long moment. Then he nodded. "Mr. Obama has a good idea how to fix things. And that's why he was elected, right?"

"Right," I answered, even though my 8 year old was being rhetorical.

"I think Dr. King wanted for people to elect the good people for the jobs, no matter what they looked like. Sometimes, people ask me where I come from because I have orange hair and you and daddy don't. But I don't want you to have orange hair. I like your hair the way it is," my son informed me. "I don't want Mr. Obama to have orange hair, either. I want him to do good things for America. I think that was what Dr. King was saying."

"Oh," and maybe I was crying again.

"It's OK, Mommy," Bear patted my shoulder, after a while. "I get it."

"Yeah, Bear," I agreed. "I think you do."

Posted by: Elizabeth at 04:42 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
Post contains 340 words, total size 2 kb.

I wrote a post last summer for the Chicago Mom's Blog last year about shopping at Aldi's.

A couple of months ago, a Wall Street News reporter came looking to interview me because of it. Because writing about how to "make do" is all the rage, what with our impending (*shhhh*) recession. It's au current - trendy, even.

Me? Trendy? Ha!

As if I could be proud of this. The dire straights we face (as opposed to the dire straights we listen to while we vacuum).

This is the fear that keeps me up, tossing and turning and telling myself to dream of winning the lottery (although, interestingly, we don't play it). more...

Posted by: Elizabeth at 04:56 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
Post contains 737 words, total size 4 kb.

1 I've never been in the position to make a ton of money, nor has my husband. But we did make the decision that I would be a stay at home mom, and that has certainly brought its share of financial struggles. We shot at Aldi, too.

Posted by: Amanda at January 19, 2009 02:51 AM (tWSTF)

2 I've never been in the position to make a ton of money, nor has my husband. But we did make the decision that I would be a stay at home mom, and that has certainly brought its share of financial struggles. We shop at Aldi, too.

Posted by: Amanda at January 19, 2009 02:51 AM (tWSTF)

Hide Comments | Add Comment

Just before he turned 8, Bear started contact sparring in tournaments.

Martial Arts is all new to me - it's only through Bear's interest that I'm learning about it. And I just don't think I can explain what it was like that first time to watch some big massive Frankenchild come at my son with the intent to punch the living crap out of him.

CD grabbed my hand, I'm pretty sure to hold me back from ripping off the other kid's head and drop kicking it.

Has it gotten any better since? Oh, hell, No. more...

Posted by: Elizabeth at 03:05 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
Post contains 636 words, total size 3 kb.

The Corporate Mommy website is officially re-launched!

Opinions? Ideas? Tomatoes?

Yes, I did all the code myself. And boy, are my arms tired.

I wanted more white space, and like a dozen other things, but this is what I was able to do with my limited skills. I think it is a vast improvement, but then - I'm biased. I put more time into this than into labor, giving birth!

My big worry now is... will there be anything to read? I haven't written professionally since last August. Or personally, really. Writing is a muscle; and mine has been increasingly unused for a year due to... well... OK there's no good way to say 'Brain Infection'.

I've come up with an exercise regime to get my writing back into shape: I'm going to scribe 30 posts in the next 30 days. I don't know if this will all come back to me, or some, or none.

What would really, really, with sprinkles on top help is...feedback. Comments letting me know what YOU think.

Because of the generosity of a wonderful person, I have some $25 Amazon gift certificates to give away.

ANY LEGITIMATE COMMENT IS ELIGIBLE (in other words? no spammers, 'bots, blood relatives, or 'this is a comment' comments). If you don't leave a valid email address with your comment, then you can't win on account that Amazon sends the gift certificate via email.

Be assured: I do not collect email addresses, sell them, use them, whatever. Also? Email addresses are garbled into the code of this blog so no one can scrape them (go ahead and "view page source" to see what I mean).

This is just a little splash of gratitude and fizz to thank you for your help.

Details: I'll be giving away one AMAZON gift card ($25) every Friday for the next month to a different commenter each week.

At the end of each of the next 4 weeks (a week being Friday to Thursday) - I'll pick a comment randomly (I'll post the results here). The giveaways will happen on: Jan 23, Jan 30, Feb 6, and Feb 13. The gift cards are virtual and will be immediately sent to the email address associated with the comment.

That's 25 big ol' smackeroos just for stopping by.

So, help a girl out - get some money for those "Lost" DVD's. It's that easy.

Ready?

Set?

Wait, wait... did I say thanks for your help? Because, really. THANKS.

GO!

(PS, I still have some link-cleaning and CSS edits to do but the website overhaul is mostly done. Please let me know if you find a broken link or something looks wonky. )

Posted by: Elizabeth at 09:03 AM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
Post contains 462 words, total size 3 kb.

1 "Now it's time to the fun/agonizing stuff" - I think you missed a word, or meant to replace 'to' with 'for' there. (Feel free to revoke the call for editing any time - my virtual red pen is a bit too hot to trot. ) And there's no need for giveaways, though if it makes things feel more Real and Official for you, go for it. Looking forward to seeing what comes in the coming days!

Posted by: Alice at January 16, 2009 02:14 PM (8Xs3q)

2 NO bribe needed. I'm so glad to see you back... however, not green, go blue! Or if that it too much, PURPLE!!! My Elizabeth would just love it and your mom would HATE it. Too much fun! Love you lots

Posted by: Cathy at January 16, 2009 02:47 PM (22e6i)

3 So glad you're back. No reward needed. I check your site regularly to see if there's anything new. Now there will be and I'm happy! And I think the writing will come more easily the more you do it - just have to get those joints limbered up again. WELCOME BACK!

Posted by: Amy at January 17, 2009 10:07 AM (I9LMv)

4 well, I am just glad you are going to be writing 30 posts in 30 days. Great for you, and so glad the wait is over.. I have missed you!!! I apologize in advance but could not possibly be of any help with the kind of feedback you are looking for, though. Every time I see you have posted is a thrill for me to read you and I love everything you write. I guess I love and respect you too much as a lovely person to even try to be an objective critic of the writing alone ... I feel too close and connected to you. Cannot be a judge, darling. Sorry, does that make any sense? I can try to explain better via email because I guess my English is getting rusty as well as I got away from the Corporate world myself!

Posted by: Sol at January 18, 2009 01:48 AM (5lTHx)

5 I just checked. I added you to my favorites on my birthday in 2005. Glad you will be posting more. I have been at home with my pre-teen daughter 6 months now. So I want to know..what do you see outside your house besides what Bear does? (No cheating from current events either) I got to go to 'town' with my family and visit the local college campus. I felt like some 85 year old aunt being taken for a ride. I was sooo glad to get out. What about you?

Posted by: christine at January 19, 2009 04:28 AM (qPWnh)

6 Found your blog by accident about a year ago. I have found your words and experiences comforting and since some of them paralleled some of my life experiences. It will be nice to see your thoughts expressed. I envy you and your ability to convey your thoughts and emotions through the written word. Please blog on. And as many have said no compensation is required.

Posted by: Sorcha at January 19, 2009 12:42 PM (rW1I2)

Hide Comments | Add Comment

"Did you here about the plane?"

"Yeah! Everyone survived. It's amazing."

Little voice from the back of the van: What plane?

"The captain made a once-in-a-lifetime landing."

"I know - amazing, right?"

"And made sure everyone got off before he did..."

"There's a true gentleman for you..."

Voice from the back of the van: What captain?

"He was flying a plane that crashed."

"And he made a landing in the Hudson river, and everyone got saved."

"Then the ferry towed the plane and docked it."

"Are you kidding me?"

"True story."

Demanding voice from the back of the van: Why did it crash?

"I didn't hear."

"A bird hit it, I think. Uh, they said two birds."

"Seriously? Because here I am thinking, don't they make planes bird-proof? Hello! Hasn't anyone noticed? Birds live where planes go! How hard could this be? A screen in front of the engine... Maybe some barbed wire or something? This seems like a basic safety strategy."

"When I think of all the planes we've been on, never knowing that a seagull span us up and *poof* - it's all kinda flimsy, right?"

Demanding voice from the back of the van: A BIRD? What kind of bird? Are you telling me that you want me to go on a plane, BY MYSELF, to see Nana and a BIRD could make it crash from the sky?!? Just any old bird?!

"OK, not any old bird."

"It would probably have to be a big bird."

Outraged and loud voice from the back of the van: THEY KILLED BIG BIRD?!

"No, NO honey. A big bird - in size. Like a fat ol' duck."

"Or goose. Man, those things are evil."

"In this case, two of them, simultaneously."

"Two geese. Or two ducks. At the same time."

"Probably migrating."

"Or suicide pact. One of each, you know. And no one understands them"

"So they went out large, you know? Made a statement."

Hysterical voice from the back of the van: STOP TALKING ABOUT CRASHED PLANES, PLEASE!

"Sorry, honey. Of course we will."

"Sure."

(In a soft voice) "Interspecies dating, you know? It's still the hidden taboo of the avian world. And avion, for the matter."

"I know. Can you imagine? To down a jetliner into the Hudson, in winter, for love?"

"Kinda romantic."

"In a Romeo + Juliet kinda way. Only, you know, with beaks."

"And webbed feet."

Some random shouting kid in my car: I MEAN IT!

*pause*

"It's just no good. They'll never let us be together...."

"Hold me, Frank..."

Posted by: Elizabeth at 05:44 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
Post contains 430 words, total size 3 kb.

I have a bad case of ennui.

I'm fighting a cold, and have spent too many hours in front of the keyboard. The combination has made me sore, sneezy, and unwilling to battle the little crap life flings at me.

(Bear took full advantage of this and played Roller Coaster Tycoon for about 5 hours today - so much for practicing his handwriting every single school day of 2009, huh?)

Where's the path to getting out of this hole?

Posted by: Elizabeth at 02:26 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 87 words, total size 1 kb.

I woke up to an interesting mailbox.

The Case of the Novice Newspaper

First of all, my daily drop from my local newspaper informed me that the blizzard warning had been dropped. OK. That's gotta be good news - right?

Except: Horrible weather still predicted. Plus they spelled it 'Bizzard' - right there in the headline. Which made me briefly wonder if, as a cost-saving measure, they fired all the real reporters and hired eager high school kids instead. Then I slapped my head and realized - high school kids would actually know how to use the spell-checker.

I looked outside. The sun is blindingly bright over an inch of fresh snow. You're batting 0 for 2, Lee. (*Updated: They fixed it.) more...

Posted by: Elizabeth at 05:59 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 570 words, total size 4 kb.

I found this old picture while cleaning up my archives. Those jeans? Are paisley.

I'll give you a minute to wipe the milk out of your nose.

Almost as bad as the fact that I bought, and wore, and thought I was COOL in those terrifying pants is that I still had them in my closet in 1998.

I can remember, grudgingly, making more room for CD. He used a bureau. I hate bureaus. I like shelves and baskets. It seems all good on paper - but in reality, he's a clothes horse. The fashion encroached, and I had to make room.

And there I was, with paisley jeans in hand, thinking: I should save these. Styles always come around again.

Memo from Above: No, Virginia. Paisley jeans will not come back. Nor should they.

I was thinking about that as I've been working.

Schooling my son, figuring out how to crock pot a pot roast (because the oven's dying), and teaching myself about RSS and Digg and Slashdot and Tags vs. Keywords and meta crawling...

Paisley jeans. Will Technorati ever be like Paisley jeans? Will StumbleOn? When Kalisa and Helen and RP and Ben (both of them) and who-all-else and I all started blogging - 5 years ago, now - "social media consultant" was a made-up phrase for "spends too much time on the Internet".

I just organized 5 years' worth of mastheads. Watched as trends came and went, as my skill with photoshop matured...

For the first time in my life, my insatiable curiosity has become a little...sated. At least around the edges. My neck is sore. My brains is stuffed.

I need a good, stiff drink.

Posted by: Elizabeth at 03:33 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
Post contains 283 words, total size 2 kb.

Although far from done, I see a light at the end of the tunnel. And it's not a train.

Disturbingly, I was looking at a magazine article the other day and began imagining how it would be coded if I wanted to use the layout online.

Time to take a break. And cut back on the Dunkie's. Cuz, seriously.

Oh, and last night I saw "Zach and Miri make a porno". Can I just saw that I never, ever needed to see Jason Mewes naked? Now I need an itty bitty scrub brush for my eyeballs.

Posted by: Elizabeth at 10:25 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 100 words, total size 1 kb.

Helen has declared it "International Internet Reveal Your Horrid Teenage Years Picture Day".

It would be crazy to go along with this - and I wouldn't - but a) I happened to be organizing my backups and found some old (old, old) pictures of me that made me all nostalgic (although wondering why - the good ol' days weren't particularly good) and b) after seeing what she posted of herself, I couldn't help but have a bit of a laugh. A lot of a laugh. So, it's only fair.

Here's me, about 2 months before turning 13. It's the last time I'll be cute for at least a decade.

Want proof? more...

Posted by: Elizabeth at 11:00 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
Post contains 219 words, total size 2 kb.

1 Not even close, babe. Your teen years look happy, wholesome, and super-cute. Horrid has not touched you. Be glad.

Posted by: Helen at January 09, 2009 09:23 PM (aPO+r)

2 Definitely the girl next door that all the boys had crushes on.

Posted by: Angie at January 11, 2009 10:03 AM (x2XWI)

Hide Comments | Add Comment

Walking the tightrope. If you've visited lately (despite my radio silence) you have probably noticed that I'm editing live.

It's a long story why.

Don't I have a program in which to build this site before uploading? Why yes, yes I do. FIVE of them.

But Pixy, Dude amongst Dudes, hosts me on Movable Type 2.something. Pixy? Is faboo. I do not complain about MT 2.prehistoric. However, my site-building programs DO. They are ungrateful bitches, every last one of them. And reward my situation by confirming code that absolutely looks different (if it works at all) once uploaded.

So...armed with a text editor and sheer chocolate-fueled will, I have been weeble-wobbling a design. This front page is the prototype of the new site. It has not yet been propagated. Comments and archives are limping behind. But the core is here. The style sheets are lovely and simple. The layout is decided.

I would give a small kingdom (say, Lichtenstein) to be able to use American Typewriter (see Title Font on background) for my titles, Costa for my subtitles, and my all-time favorite, Optima, for my text. But it turns out that even in 2009, one can not have everything.

And I? Can have even less. Simply because I don't know what I am doing. It's my own dumb fault. While smarter folk were diving into the curvy deliciousness of CSS, HTML, and Java - I was sitting cross-legged with my massive SAN boxes while the EMC-rep crooned 'This Land is Your Land' to the data center.

So this is what I have so far. I thought it would take me 3 days to upload. It's taken me 3 weeks. And I'm not all the way there yet. But I've got my "Style for Dummies" book, a bagful of Hershey Kisses, and a half-full bottle of acetaminophen.

Yeah. Hit it.

Posted by: Elizabeth at 02:18 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
Post contains 311 words, total size 2 kb.

I HATE CSS!
I HATE CODE!

Dammit, I'm a hardware chick. This stuff is hard....

P.S. Dear Martha, I know it looks like crap. It keeps looking fabulous and sparkly in my preview app. But not so much on the actual internet. Doesn't this sound a lot like my baking, too? I'm fixing it. As fast as Christmas/ Homeschooling/ Laundry/ Snow/ Dog allows. But don't stop with the lovely voicemails. I don't hear your voice nearly enough, and that's the truth. Love, me.

P.P.S. Just don't tell me you're still on Internet Explorer, OK? That stuff will rot your brains and let hackers into your system. Firefox, dearest. It rocks out and even knows a little nightmusic.

Posted by: Elizabeth at 07:34 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 119 words, total size 1 kb.

Chipping away at the stylesheets and the templates has gotten me close to my current idea for the New Layout - but not quite. And now the code is so cluttered that each tweak sets off a Butterfly Effect.

Ick.

For the next 3 days I will be blowing it all away and starting with clean code. The problem? My Apple-Indigenous coding software previews nothing like what it ends up looking on my screen. So this may be one giant leap for Elizabeth - and one bad, long, strange trip for her blog.

Stay tuned. Prayer is appreciated. Also? Chocolate.

Posted by: Elizabeth at 12:48 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 106 words, total size 1 kb.

I haven't wanted to say it out loud. To admit it. Because it feels like some kind of personal failure.

About a month ago, CD and I had a fight.

The worst knock-down drag-out say things you can never take back fight since I quit my job. A fight so harsh and biting that I began to realize how precarious my position is as a homemaker - as an unemployed former corporate semi-muckety-muck.

What if I have to walk out the door? I wondered. What if I have to pack up that little boy and myself and then...then... where would we go? How would we live? Oh Dear Lord, I am at his mercy!

As the argument raged on, storming over days like waves on waves, my panic climbing up the back of my throat with the icy fury. I don't think I've felt so utterly alone in years.

Maybe ever.

It's all been too much. Everything we've been going through these past months. For both of us. And we faltered and then fell. And CD did and said some stupid things that I am struggling hard to forgive. And a friend of mine stuck their nose in, and made it so much worse that my face should have exploded. And of course, I was a total witch about it all. I cried and I shouted and made a mess of any sense of grace I might have chosen.

We've slowly turned the corner, now. Like an 18-wheeler pulling a U-ey in the Target parking lot. Inching forward - carefully. I still have this faint headache and heartache. Things will take a while to heal up from this one.

Maybe Bear and I will take a small trip somewhere, shake loose a little of these aches that cling to me like lint on a sweater. I don't know.

You just never get "there". Wherever "there" is. I thought that our happiness inoculated us from this kind of a fight. I thought our survival of that long, painful trip to the edge of reason gave us some extra kind of flexibility and understanding. I thought, after all this time, that we'd finally found a gentle place in our relationship that precluded this kind of anger and odds.

I was so very, very wrong. And that? Just sucks more than I can say.

Posted by: Elizabeth at 05:37 PM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
Post contains 395 words, total size 2 kb.

1 Fighting with people we love is the worst because it can be so cruel. Cruel because you love each other and you know which buttons to push. If you didn't, it wouldn't hurt so much, you know? The important thing is that you both got back up in the cab of that semi and decided to make the U-turn, to steal your metaphor. It could have been so easy to let anger breed resentment and then emptiness. And maybe you know something now you didn't know before about who you are and who he is? For good or bad. You're not a failure for wanting to believe everything is good. Rose-colored glasses can really keep you going when everything else sucks. And you're not a failure for being wrong about that either. I figure it this way, if you're still working on it, there MUST be something good there to work on, right? or, you can ignore the busybody over here in the snowman PJs. Either way, she's sending you hugs.

Posted by: caltechgirl at December 10, 2008 07:32 PM (IfXtw)

2 It's so hard fighting with a spouse. I feel your pain and know how it aches inside. Lots of people don't even try to work through things and loose so much. I have always admired that you make decisions and stick by them. You definitely have a fire inside you. {{{hugs}}}

Posted by: Grace at December 11, 2008 01:45 AM (vB9Ys)

3 Thanks... I don't know if I have a fire inside of me or if it's just heartburn But I deeply appreciate the support. And definitely need to get me a pair of snowman jammies...

Posted by: Elizabeth at December 11, 2008 04:15 AM (DyeGv)

4 Oh, Elizabeth. That just sucks. It's always so hard when fighting, and especially so when you'd thought that you wouldn't have 'that fight' again. (Or 'that kind' of fight.) So many kudos to you for picking yourselves up and getting back in it - this stuff isn't easy, and unfortunately it's the hardest times when we need the most fortitude. I'll be thinking good thoughts for you, hoping that you make it back to solid ground soon.

Posted by: Alice at December 11, 2008 05:15 PM (8Xs3q)

5 {HUG} I am so, so sorry. Nothing rocks the ground beneath you like really bad spouse-fights. Well, there are things but spouse fights are right up there near the top of the list. I'm sending you good energy....warm fuzzy on a cold snowy night (have you looked out the window, its glorious!) Hope to see you soon! Blessed Christmas!

Posted by: Laura at December 16, 2008 01:52 PM (NhidO)

6 Late to the game (I'm late to everything these days), but just wanted to add my hope that things are better now. I hate feeling as though I've been alienated from the person I rely on the most. It's like walking on a ship deck during a typhoon. I like Bear's idea of just plowing ahead and doing some happy-feeling things, in hopes that the happiness will follow. Very wise, your boy.

Posted by: Ruth at December 16, 2008 03:52 PM (n3vJq)

Hide Comments | Add Comment

Sense of joy fills the air, And I daydream and I stare, Up at the tree and I see... Your star up there. And this is how I see you, In the snow on Christmas morning, Love and happiness surround you...
As you throw your arms up to the sky. I keep this moment...by and by.

- "Wintersong", Sarah McLachlan

I've been caught up in myself lately. I mean, in terms of Bear. He's an only child, and a homeschool kid at that. So if I'm not giving him my attention, well, then it's just him and the dog. And while she's cute - she's not much of a conversationalist.

Between Edward Scissorhands-ing my blog, finding a whole slew of CD's relatives on Facebook (hello, Iceland!), being all courageous with the bills, planning and executing a food budget that means everything is being made from scratch, writing/addressing Christmas cards, making lists - checking them twice, and generally tripping over the Christmas boxes to get anywhere... well, I'm sucking big eggs as a mom.

This morning, Bear crawled into bed with me (as you will) to catch some early(ish) morning one-on-one time. But one look at my expression and he had to ask me what's going on.

"The governor was arrested," I broke the news to my politico pre-teen.

"The bribing thing?" he asked, sounding disappointed but not surprised.

I nodded.

"Oh," he sighed, shaking his head. "That's not cool. It's Christmas. Who's going to sign the things he's supposed to sign so everything works all right? Is there a Vice Governor, I think?"

I nodded. "Lt. Governor Pat Quinn," I confirmed.

"So, that's good. But I guess it's not a good Christmas so far," he mused.

"For the governor, you mean? Or Illinois in general?"

"For the whole... everyone. Hardly anybody has their lights up. We don't even have a tree yet. It's like people are sad."

"Are you sad?" I asked.

"I guess," he sighed, reaching for my hand.

"But you were happy before. When Daddy got the new job, and I got better, and the new president was elected."

Bear gave me a long look and slowly nodded. "Mommy? Is bad mood contagious?"

"I think it is," I agreed.

"Is good mood contagious?"

"What do you think?"

"I think it is," he decided. "So maybe we could start it."

"How?"

"Put up some lights, maybe? And send cards to people. I don't know."

"All right," I agreed, feeling a little sparked by his enthusiasm. "Of course, we still have to start your new vocabulary list, and drop off the dry cleaning, and..."

"Hush," Bear laughed, finding the remote control. "How about you do some things, and I watch a cartoon, and then we do some good mood stuff?"

"I can get behind that," I agreed, slipping out of bed to make myself some coffee.

"Hey, Mommy?" he called, just as I was walking away.

"Yeah, hun?"

"Everything's gonna be all right, right?"

I thought a minute. Years slipping before my eyes. His faith in my answer weighing the words. "Yes, it is," I vowed. "It's going to be all right, soon enough."

"OK," he smiled.

And for a moment, we believed.

Posted by: Elizabeth at 05:22 AM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
Post contains 537 words, total size 3 kb.

Through the years, the one thing that I've learned to cook well is soup. I started about 15 years ago, when I had a taste of home-made squash soup (albeit made in the home of a chef). It was a revelation.

A year later, a woman named Brenda invited me over to her house for Borscht. I hated beets. Or so I thought.

By now, I can make about a dozen different soups well. My tomato-basil was my favorite last summer. I made ham-baked potato for CD earlier this week. And last night, feeling kinda blue, I simmered up some french onion with the last of that nice tawny port I had.

If pressed, I can served it with the bread and broiled cheese on top but I tend to eat it naked in a mug, steaming, with a roll for dipping and some cheese and apple wedges on the side.

I'm just my family's cook and too often I get dinner wrong. Clearly? I'm not a chef. I've never trained. Not even in my own childhood. No one made soup a part of their repertoire. My dad worked at Campbells for some years, so our soups came from a can with a red and white label.

But making soup is more than a sort of hidden, and probably somewhat useless, talent. It never fails to lift me from ennui, or sadness. And it makes me feel connected to the millions of pots of soups that have nourished and do sustain so many homes, hearths, and bellies for millenni. The different flavors, the different cultures, the different recipes handed down on index cards that grow grubby from use.

I guess there's something about making soup - the chopping, and stirring, the steam and scents - that heals my soul.

Posted by: Elizabeth at 04:30 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
Post contains 301 words, total size 2 kb.

If you hadn't noticed, I'm STILL re-coding the site.

First of all, it needed an overhaul. The CSS was so full of abandoned style choices that every time I tried to update something, I would trip over it all and it would become a mess. Just total freaking chaos.

Second of all, it needed to be organized. My archives are a mess. My categories less than helpful. And nothing was easy to navigate.

Third of all, I want rounded corners. I can't explain it, I just do. And that has meant figuring out CSS and Movable Type once and for all. Which? Ain't easy. Especially for a woman who sometimes wears her bras inside out.

And finally?

Well, we're getting to that.

Just, please, I beg you. Don't give up on me yet.

Posted by: Elizabeth at 03:28 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
Post contains 137 words, total size 1 kb.

I'm not whining.

Just reeling.

The fallout from last summer continues to pile up.

While everyone (mostly) was supportive of me while I was "out of it", I continue to burn in real time from the after-effects.

From renegotiating debts (because I don't have the freelance money anymore) to making amends to people who feel betrayed that I missed out on some months of their lives.

I don't know what to do. I don't know how to make it better. Some days I wake up and it's like reporting to an ongoing siege - looking at bills that got ignored and are now rimmed in red; leaving messages for people who don't call back; trying not to hyperventilate about making the COBRA payment (almost $1500/month).

If anyone has any advice, I'm listening. Because there is a part of me that is growing bitter and I hate it. I hate that there's snow on the ground and holiday cards to address and all I feel like doing is throwing my head back and screaming.

Posted by: Elizabeth at 04:30 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
Post contains 181 words, total size 1 kb.

This is a test post for the new layout

Posted by: Elizabeth at 05:28 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
Post contains 13 words, total size 1 kb.

From the Associate Press, my favorite line of the morning:

"What an inspiration. He is the first truly global U.S. president the world has ever had," said Pracha Kanjananont, a 29-year-old Thai sitting at a Starbuck's in Bangkok. "He had an Asian childhood, African parentage and has a Middle Eastern name. He is a truly global president."

Posted by: Elizabeth at 02:47 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
Post contains 63 words, total size 1 kb.