(As I slip back behind the keyboard)

Last Friday my soul was officially sucked out.

I signed up for Unemployment.

It took more trips to more government offices in one week than I have ever, in my life, done before. It was hours and hours over 4 days... waiting for my name or my number or my turn. It was bad fluorescent lighting, worn chairs, metal tables.

Funny how I have read so many descriptions of it and heard second-hand but I was still surprised as I walked along the thin-pile grey carpet at what I experienced.

In the meantime, I have quietly been trying to put my pieces back together.

Some sweet souls may suspect that I really, really miss having minions to boss around. After all, I was once teased as being the Evil Queen of the Empire. (As a joke. Really.) It's probably true. Let's face it, as minions go, Bear is a much better Emperor. ("Mommy! Make me a peanut butter and honey sandwich! With raisins! Uh... please!")

There's the added aspect that this is spring break from his school. I have been filling the hours with tons of activities - trips downtown to the museums, library, zoo and crafty things like starting the seeds for this summer's garden and painting home-made magnets.

It all sounds so good and yes, we have wind-flushed pink in our cheeks and we hold hands and Bear announces, as fill up his milk cup or fork over the extra 5 bucks for the additional exhibit at the museum that I am the best mommy he has ever had.

But in the shadows, don't tell....I feel utterly inadequate, all around. I catch my reflection in the mirror, in a window on the train. I look away, slightly repulsed. This is me?

I keep expecting CD to look me up and down and dial up the hotline for Wife Swap.

Did I mention that the house is a wreck?

The family calendar I publish each year is about 3 weeks past deadline. The dishes are piled up in the sink.

But the days are begining to pass a little easier. I think.

Merrily. Merrily.

Posted by: Elizabeth at 12:51 AM | Comments (9) | Add Comment
Post contains 366 words, total size 2 kb.

1 These are the best days of your life. Enjoy them. Bear is loving being with you and that's all that matters. Stay Strong. Jennifer

Posted by: another jennifer at March 28, 2006 01:15 PM (0i3eg)

2 It really sounds like you are doing great! You have your priorities in order, Bear #1 !

Posted by: osteff at March 28, 2006 01:33 PM (Ip3Mw)

3 ENJOY, ENJOY the opportunity to take those trips to the museums and libraries and do crafty stuff. Have a wonderful time with your little boy. I am sitting here wishing I could do the same.

Posted by: Jane at March 28, 2006 03:40 PM (81qRc)

4 what they said!

Posted by: caltechgirl at March 28, 2006 05:43 PM (jOkK0)

5 It's always hard to start a "new" job, and being a stay at home mom (without another in-home job) is a new job for you. I'm jealous!

Posted by: abogada at March 29, 2006 03:48 AM (NmdrC)

6 It's always hard to start a "new" job, and being a stay at home mom (without another in-home job) is a new job for you. I'm jealous! Enjoy.

Posted by: abogada at March 29, 2006 03:49 AM (NmdrC)

7 Changes is always hard, regardless of what we are changing. In time, routine sets in, clarity comes and a new direction gives way. Relax, try to enjoy and soon you'll be out on a new mission with purpose

Posted by: Eyes at March 29, 2006 04:23 AM (L67iN)

8 Admired ur guts...for taking that decision...to let go of the power seat and plush office...and to priotize bear over anything else...i am with bear on this...u r his best mom ever!

Posted by: IdHam at March 29, 2006 11:41 AM (vHKs/)

9 This is every "work at home mom's" guilty secret. When I began working from home, I had this idea that the house would be sparkly clean and organized, because I'd have all this extra time. Ha! The house is nowhere near organized and nowhere near as clean as I had imagined it would be. I simply found other ways to fill my time, namely taking care of a baby, carpooling, fixing meals and writing, writing, writing whenever I can spare a second. The dishes can wait. Rest a while, watch your "Charmed" episodes, then go for it!

Posted by: Lucinda at March 31, 2006 03:41 PM (OPvIN)

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