I'm just saying it now: this is a TMI post. Enter at your own risk. Last Friday was a strange day.

In the morning as I was getting dressed, I noticed that sometime during the night my boobs had swelled up like a cup size and a half. WAY too much boob for my bra. As in, no amount of adjusting, wiggling, or strap-loosening could get tab(s) A to fit into exhibit B.

The underwire pulled up, the cups flowethed over.

I tried every bra in my drawer. All 5 of them. Including the lacy one that isn't even supposed to worn under clothes.

I sat on the end of the bed, frustrated and weirded out.

You know, when you start sidling up to the 40-year mark, a woman's body starts to do some strange things. And even though I knew, I mean, I knew, that I probably wasn't pregnant and that this was one of those hey-look-out-for-40 things....

Well, I had to know.

So I bundled up Bear and off we went to the store. We snagged a Fire Truck cart and started going up and down the pharmacy aisles of the grocery store looking for pregnancy tests.

I found hair conditioner and some new tooth brushes. But I didn't find pregnancy tests. With a sigh, I approached the counter and asked a pharmacy clerk for assistance.

"Mike! MIKE!" she yelled to her manager. "I'm gonna go get this lady a pregnancy test!"

Oh, good. Now the whole store knew. Saved me the trouble of announcing on the loudspeaker.

I got a 3-tests in one box kind. So I don't have to go back for a while. (What? You don't keep these things on hand? Just in case?)

Came home, released my boobs from the agony of a too-small bra, let Bear go play with his new Bionicle toothbrush, and took the test.

Two agonizing minutes later, up came those lovely words "Not Pregnant".

Well, of course. I knew that.

I mean, I did. It's just, I wanted to be sure. And by the end of the weekend, I was really sure.

But, the boobs. There's absolutely no explanation. This has never happened to me before, and 4 days later they still haven't shrunk. I'm seeing the doctor tomorrow. And hopefully she can tell me if I have to hit Victoria's Secret on the way home and buy a whole new bra wardrobe.

Posted by: Elizabeth at 01:46 PM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
Post contains 414 words, total size 2 kb.

1 Check in hubby's sock drawer. The lamp you are looking for is brass and will be recently shined.

Posted by: Jim at January 24, 2005 10:37 PM (GCA5m)

2 My boobs have recently done the same thing. I've gone up a cup size in the last month. No explanation. Not pregnant. Very mysterious.

Posted by: Cheryl at January 25, 2005 02:18 AM (5zO3x)

3 Must be something in the water. Can y'all send some down to Atlanta?

Posted by: Jim at January 25, 2005 02:35 AM (tyQ8y)

4 welcome to my world. Grandma bras, and re-enforced straps. Unfortunately I've been stuck in my world since age 15. Victoria's Secret is having their annual sale right now! HURRY HURRY.

Posted by: Liz at January 25, 2005 03:19 AM (GhfSh)

5 Terrorist plot? Is this happening everywhere? (lunch date with my wife in three hours, I'll ask her too) Still laughing at Jim's answer (the lamp!)

Posted by: ben at January 25, 2005 03:40 AM (cMBPb)

6 You know, I have had that same problem. Mine started this past summer. Although with various of the womanly problems, I was sent in for an ultrasound. (they thought I had an ulcer or something) The Ultrasound doc came in there while the tech was still doing her thing, he says: "You know your pregnant?" I looked at him like had lost his damn mind. then said, "You know, in te history of all medically related jokes that one's not even funny. You know how far along I would have to be to be pregnant?" It had been nearly 9 months since I had even had sex. Turns out he had the wrong patient. YEah No duh! What's um DR. 7's schedule like?

Posted by: Sharroll at January 27, 2005 02:32 AM (2Fosg)

7 hey i have the swollen boob thing too---seems it's from an anxiety med--effexor, was on it for 4 months till my boobs grew---they are almost firm now, wow, mine were already a ddd, this is ridiculous

Posted by: erin at January 27, 2005 07:31 AM (4hPH0)

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